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What to do if you find yourself homless- written by someone who has actually been homeless

Most important: Spend the money you have on a motel. Churches probably will not actually help and shelters can be dangerous or turn you away. At a motel you have free breakfast, access to running water, and a lockable place to sleep. Do not waste money on a gym membership like the popular version of this post says to do, YMCA memberships are like $40.

2. Contact family and friends. Now is not the time to worry about being a burden. Your survival and safety comes first and that is all that matters, anyone worth having in your life will agree.

3. Start a gofundme. Even if someone can’t offer you a place to stay, they might be willing to toss out $5 so you can eat today.

4. Libraries have free wifi. Apply to any and all jobs you can think of if you aren’t already working.

5. Any home is a good home. Even if it’s a dingy apartment in a bad neighborhood. If its cheap and you can afford it, snatch it up.

6. Pancake mix and peanut butter are filling, cheap, and last a long time.

PLEASE SHARE THE FUCK OUT OF THIS

knaveofmogadore

Addendums:

1) Long stay hotels are NOT cheap when you add it up, but they can work for a week or so.

2) It is imperative you find someone willing to let you use their address for local job applications and security screenings. It needs to be someone willing to let you check the mail/give your mail to you who lives in the area you’re trying to find work in.

3) You have a higher chance of accessing emergency social services if you’re actually sleeping outside in an area where they can reach you. It’s fucked up, but if you’re going that route your situation needs to look as dire as possible.

simpforsix

a tip i got from a woman who works with the homeless: if you have to pick between spending money on food or on shelter, pick shelter and go to the food bank. it’s easier to get food from the food bank than to get free shelter, and shelter gives you more opportunities.

also, check out any clothing depots in your area. we have one connected to our food bank. they can help you with clothes for a job interview, work boots, etc.

libraries also have so much to offer! like op mentioned they have free wifi (and won’t kick you out like businesses), but you can also ask librarians about services they offer such as seminars or any technology you can borrow. they’re also a good safe place to hang out during the day to get out of the heat/cold.

find out about cool off/warm up places in your area. you can usually find these by looking up local harm reduction agencies. harm reduction agencies do a lot of essential work, and the people there will be able to help you. harm reduction encompasses more than just drug use, and those organizations have experience working with the homeless.

chiimeramanticore

it's got solitaire btw. if you even care

chiimeramanticore

oh my god it's got smallitaire

#I used to play iPod nano solitaire all the time #simpler times

chrisbrecheenwritingaboutwriting

Bank of Sapphire Cold?

#a train station of opal and sun #I’m kind of into it

ur-daily-inspiration

annabelle--cane

I’ve seen the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where hamlet has no idea he’s being spied on and just goes off on ophelia because he’s hangry. I’ve seen the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where hamlet knows he’s being watched from the start and the whole thing’s an act. I’ve seen the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where hamlet figures out he’s being watched half way through and gets super mad at ophelia for betraying him. now I want to see the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where ophelia covertly nods at where polonius and claudius are hiding, hamlet gets the idea, and they’re both in on the performance the whole time. I want classically trained shakespearean actors to give us their best best show of bad acting. I want ophelia to mouth some of the most cutting lines to hamlet before he says them. I want hamlet to frown exaggeratedly at her and for her to take this as a cue to start crying. I want hamlet to go grab her by the wrist, her to wince, and him to automatically loosen his grip. I want them to stage hamlet dragging her around by the ear using classic stage-fight techniques. I want them to be aggressively in cahoots with one another because they know each of their bastard father-figures are watching.

I want this for the lols of seeing them trying to fake-fight on the spot, to give ophelia more to do than just be the victim, and so it never crosses ophelia’s mind that hamlet’s actually losing it a little bit.

that is, until she hears how her father died.

animatedamerican

Oh my GOD.

…

OPHELIA [talking just a bit too loudly and clearly] Good my lord, How does your honour for this many a day?

HAMLET [distracted, not quite getting it yet] I humbly thank you; well, well, well.

OPHELIA [even louder, pointedly so] My lord, I have remembrances of yours, That I have longed long to re-deliver; I pray you, now receive them.

HAMLET [caught off guard and genuinely perplexed] No, not I; I never gave you aught.

OPHELIA [exasperated silent sigh, meaningful stare] My honour’d lord, you know right well you did; And, with them, words of so sweet breath composed As made the things more rich: their perfume lost, Take these again; for to the noble mind Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. [in an undertone, gesturing with her head to where her father and his uncle are hiding:] There, my lord.

HAMLET [after a second or two of silent realization, loud and theatrical] Ha, ha! are you honest?

OPHELIA [exaggeratedly startled] My lord?

… and so on.

aprilslady

You’re a genius

janeeyreofmanderley

They actually did something like this in York a few years back! Hamlet entered the stage and Ophelia jerked her head in the direction of the eavesdroppers , Hamlet mouthing a question and she nodded. Then they started talking putting on a performance for the spurs- BUT Hamlet pushing too far. He gets agitated, yells his insults and really does hurt her feelings but only notices he’s gone too far when she rushes away- which in a way made it even worse cause it was obvious she could not tell anymore when he was performing or being genuine- and it showed how deeply shaken their respect and trust in each other was by the events happening around them after all.

they both were being robbed of their agency, becoming playballs of sth bigger than themselves DESPITE everything they try to do avoid exactly that.

dukeofstratford

This is exactly the kind of dramaturgical possibility that I love.

And how DARE y'all shatter my heart into a million pieces like that.

licenseddoctor

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

your-werewolf-boyfriend

Listen to me

Listen very closely

The above is exactly why half of my friends come to me, and cry they're suffering, and I get to bestow my job hunting knowledge on them. I love this shit, it's a game.

For credentials my fastest job hunting time has been 1 week. I searched for 1 week, got an interview, and was hired within a week. My slowest was 1 month, while out of work, while telling ALL my interviewers that I quit my work without notice (I was testing my interviewers to see how shocked they'd get when I'd tell them why, anyone who wasn't shocked I would tell them at the end that I will keep them in mind (not)). My entire average is 2-3 weeks.

Firstly, what you're gunna do is pick a job sector. You're gunna pick a few of these by the end, but for now pick one. Maybe you wanna do bookkeeping, maybe you wanna do something in doggy daycare. Maybe you're a sous chef. Idk! Figure out what abouts you want first. Do not apply to anything yet. You're gunna look at the job description, I've picked out a few for bookkeepers below.

Now what you're gunna do is you're gunna look for "buzz words", or rather words that are gunna appear commonly and indicate the tone for that job. I've highlighted some, but not all in my examples below

Just look at that snout at how similar those descriptions are!

Now that you've got your buzzwords, you're gunna slap those babies into your resume! You see, since your resume is usually read by a computer first, you're gunna trick the computer into giving it to a person. Really what the computer is scanning for is how similar your resume is to the job description. Remember your bullet points, and to keep it short, try to only have 3 to 5 bullet points per job:

- Processed over 500 invoices a day in an efficient and accurate manner

- Curated reports for management review by utilizing available data

- Monitored and recorded over 100 submissions each day increasing accuracy by 50%

These are some great, made up examples I pulled from those buzz words. You might notice I added some numbers into there. That's something you'll wanna try and note for yourself, how much of something you can do, how accurate, how much efficiency you increased, these look GREAT when your resume gets past the computer and is moved in front of a real person.

Now you have your sector-based resume with lots of buzzwords. This is great! Now for the easy part. You're gunna channel your inner "IDGAF" And you're gunna send that to every listing you like on indeed. Filter for "Apply on Indeed" and spam that shit. Sometimes you gotta answer a few extra questions, but if they give me more than 5 quick questions I trash the submission and move on.

Don't waste your time jumping through hoops, streamline it for yourself and use the same methods companies are using. Push MASSIVE amounts of average quality resumes out. The more opportunities taken = the greater the chance of success. For every opportunity taken you've now pitched a chance of success, for every resume you cannot submit because you're piddling around on their stupid website or answering 50 interview questions online, you send out a 0% chance of success.

So go, try this, and see how it works for you.

Some additional things to consider:

- Add random shit in your resume, I added my "Board Game Club" (BDSM group) into my resume for hobbies and discussed how I got my start using sparklines there

- Never underestimate the flair of a little Clipart fleur-de-lis or something on your resume. Never put colored Clipart, but a little floral or swirl design located somewhere nice makes it stand out

- if you don't have a degree that doesn't mean they won't pick you, twice now I've come to a job without a bachelors and being honest that I was only getting an associates before I think of my next steps

- Embellish, do not lie. Jargoning your job description to make it sound cool and professional is GREAT. Do not give me a resume saying you can use CNC machinery when you've only used a 3D printer. Just tell me you know how to program and manage a 3d printer and want to learn CNC machinery.

- Keep. Your. Resume. To. Two. Or. Less. Pages. You don't need EVERY job, only the relevant ones, if your interviewer asks about the gap, tell them what job you had during that time (or if you wanna lie say you were taking college courses and were on a break, you dont need a degree to say you took courses) and that you only wanted to showcase the most relevant ones

- I'm serious on that last one I'll eat your fucking resume

sweaterkittensahoy

HERE'S HOW TO WRITE A COVER LETTER FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS DONE IT PROFESSIONALY:

Look at the job description.

Identify what they want examples of like "ability to multitask" or "can work across teams to achieve success" or "can work on a budget".

Pick three.

Write this:

IF YOU CAN FIND THE NAME OF A HIRING PERSON: Dear [Name]

IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE NAME OF A HIRING PERSON: Fuck the usual salutation and just roll directly into "I was very excited when I saw this job application. I feel I am a great fit for this role."

Now, look at the three things you chose from their list of what they want. Write a paragraph like this.

I am an adept multitakser who routinely handles several projects/deadlines/needs (whatever). In my current position I [multitask example]. In my previous work, I [second example].

SECOND PARAGRAPH SAME AS THE FIRST DIFFERENT THING THEY WANT BUT NOT ANY WORSE:

In my current position, I work with multiple teams daily, including [name any team you have waved hello to in the hall] and through my work we have [list an accomplishment that required multiple teams].

THIRD PARAGRAPH HERE WE GO AGAIN:

Staying in budget is something I am very familiar with. When I worked on [team], my contributions [list] not only brought the project in on time but under budget by [number]. I have also brought in other projects under budget [examples].

AND NOW THE FINALE:

Thank you for your time in reviewing my cover letter and resume. I look forward to discussing my qualifications and interest in the role with you at length. I can reached at [phone number] and [email].

Sincerely,

[NAME]

And remember, any question that is looking for a negative story ("Tell me about a time you had a conflict with a co-worker") should ALWAYS be presented by you as "I do have a story for that, and I'm pleased with how I handled it." and then you focus on the all the positives in that situation. So, state what the problem was, and then how you fixed it, and then how fixing it improved your working experience. For example:

"Well, I worked with a man named Bob, and he never answered any emails he got after 3:00 PM, so if I had a question after 3, I'd start a draft email and just add to it if i had further questions. And then I'd schedule it to send at the top of his workday. He started earlier than me, and I'd usually come in to a reply from him with the answers I needed when I first sat down for the day. I actually had another co-worker who was having trouble getting Bob to answer questions, and I said, "Oh, are you sending them after 3?" and when she said yes, I shared my own process so it was easier for her to get information, too."

You see how you acknowledge there was an issue but put most of the focus in your answer on the fix? That's the sort of answer they're looking for. The "tell us about something bad at work" questions are about weeding out people who will take any moment to go into a full-on complaint about anything. Any questions that SOUND negative are about wanting to hear your POSTIVIE ability to manage conflict and difficulties.

maudiemoods

If life is a never ending loop of dirty dishes and laundry then that means life is a never ending loop of home cooked meals and comfy clean clothes

fireflaked

would zuko give the blue spirit a full pardon after the war is over or do you think he would mess with everyone and raise the bounty even higher

janetfraisersmassivestrap

sacred-portal

gravityjunior

dragon-in-a-fez

a few days ago I started my college class with "goldfish have long memories, Einstein never failed math in school, and the brain does not stop developing at 25, these are all things people just repeated until they sounded true, so let's talk about media literacy" and I could tell I had broken every brain in the room

posts-i-think-about-at-midnight

The repost added to this plays rent free in my brain whenever I think I know something and then learn it’s false or a myth. Genuinely

headspace-hotel

horreurscopes

should i eat first or shower first *has phone in couch time for another 3 hours due to choice procrastination, a behavioral phenomenon observed in pigeons and rats as well*

spookykobold

i' m something of a pigeons and rats myself

dankmemeuniversity

nitocrisss

dont get me wrong this is #mood but just try eating a piece of bread with salt. please, seriously. ok? at least a tiny bit. salt helps with nausea, bread calms the stomach acid. if you really can’t face eating anything, just lick some salt like a damn elk, then wait and see if you can manage the bread. make some broth if you’re into that kind of thing. no spices, yes salt. if you’re feeling too weak and shaky to do much, just have a cup of tea with sugar (energy) and lemon (again, good against nausea). nibble on the lemon first, it will feel good, but don’t overdo - citric acid on an empty stomach is a majorly bad idea. take care of yourself, you’re the only you we’ve got

owlinadayswork

“You’re the only you we’ve got”

askfordoodles

“just lick some salt like a damn elk” is the new “touch grass”

majorgenerally

Pretzels and crackers are bread with salt. Try those if you have any

paper-mario-wiki

there should be a tax that youtubers pay where 1.5% of all of their revenue goes back to Kevin Macleod for basically supplying YouTube with it’s own soundtrack.

fooliofailure

who is this man and what music did he make???

paper-mario-wiki

if you hear a royalty free song on youtube, there’s approximately an 80% chance Kevin Macleod wrote it.

here’s some you’ve almost definitely heard:

paper-mario-wiki

for those wondering, yes, he also made THE generic royalty free song that was EVERYWHERE in 2014.

shinosarna

He has a Patreon!

And he doesn’t even make a 1000$ per month!

also, his site incompetech.com also has graph paper generators, if you’re in need of that. It has any kind of graph paper - INCLUDING hex paper, you tabletop gamers out there! (or knitting paper if you’re into that)

funnycomputer

HOHOHOHO?

tinaalsgirl

Y'all, I’ve been a fan of Kevin MacLeod for YEARS. I can identify his music within two seconds. He’s a fucking genius and he deserves all the love and credit and money people can give.

starhalation

He scored invader zim AND xiaolin showdown

haridraws

Drawing some lanterns~ hope you can find some light in the dark

i-am-a-fish

everyone who reads this post will get some big spicy joy within 24 large minutes (hours)

darknesshaspurplehair

Ok y'all but like I’m not even kidding about this I read this post yesterday and today I got an email from the peeps at hamilton and I won the lotto gor $10 tickets and I would like to give all my thanks to the internet’s favorite fish, Goldie Gurston, for making this possible because I totally believe they did this with their amazing gay powers

thuriweaver

So I know this is likely a coincidence…but I reblogged this and just now discovered I’ve been given a $150 amazon gift card as a bonus at work. So thank you, fish!

rosetherandomreblogger

I want big spicy joy…

dragonsbanelegacy

Grant us the big spicy joy please

starbucks-strider-deactivated20

plz

loser-freak-beheader

The Deaf West Spring Awakening version of Totally Fucked is one of the best things to happen in musical theatre and you can’t change my mind

cutepetsuwu

Dog wearing a stitch costume from Lilo and Stitch

kurosmind

There’s one (1) think in Disney’s Mulan that irks me. The jaw line. Mulan’s jaw line is drawn differently when she’s acting as Ping. No kidding: this is her “regular, Fa Mulan” face. In this version her jaw is even highlighted by the makeup. Look how round is it.

and this is her Ping jaw. Square. Totally square.

WHY????? Isn’t consistency in the character base shapes like, an important thing??

Not to mention how she immediately regains her long lashes as soon as she is exposed. With her round jaw obviously.

?????

eorzean-cabbage

That feel when you’re Asian and your father with a bad leg was about to be sent off to surely die in a war for your great empire so you squared up both metaphorically and physically.

bemusedlybespectacled

it’s on the fricking vhs cover

this has bothered me since 1999

smaug-official

Why do you have to come for Mulan like this

ithotyouknew2-deactivated201710

It’s called contour sweetie

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