the light is sweet.

sarcastic chick. determined tough girl. daughter of God.

[beautifulbeast4]

hopeful

ABOUT YOU.

Dear Stranger,

I met you for the first time at a friend’s birthday party the other day.

We talked as if we had been old pals – casually making fun of mutual friends, laughing about the past and being excited about events coming up in the near future.

Your laugh made me laugh, your attitude blended well with mine, and your sarcastic quips were right up my alley. You were my kind of people.

And yet as the night wore on, I could see that you weren’t okay.

Your laughs sounded empty, your attitude was a shield and your sarcasm was your armour. You were in pain. Maybe others couldn’t see it, but I could. I felt your pain and there was nothing I wanted more than to hug you.

I know you just broke up with your fiancée and I can’t imagine how much that had to hurt. I have no idea what you’re going through but I do know what it’s like to want to numb the pain. I know how much you want to forget. I’m sure you have a lot of questions. But you won’t find the answers at the bottom of a bottle. I have no doubt that right now, you’re lonely, you’re hurting, you’re lost.

& I want to tell you that “it gets better.” That “the pain will slowly fade,” “the loneliness will be filled with friends,” that “the confusion will find some answers.” – but I know it’s not what you want to hear right now.

So I won’t say any of it.

Rather, I just want to listen. I want you to rant to me, to swear at the circumstances, to talk about your pain, to break something. I want you to deal with your feelings and to face them head on. I know you want to be “strong” and to keep up your walls – there’s nothing more tempting that to pretend like everything’s okay when it’s not – but I also know that in the past, that’s only ever hurt me, rather than helped. I want you to talk to me. And I know it’s a lot to ask from someone I just met, but at least talk to someone. A friend. I know you have a lot of them – you just need to let them help you grieve.

But in the meantime, I want you to know that though we’re practically strangers, I’m here for you. Though we just met, I’ve been praying for you for a long time. Though you don’t really know me, I care for you.

I hope that one day you find healing and that God can mend your broken heart. I hope that we can be friends and that I might even call you brother. I hope you can see that I want to be here for you, if you’ll let me. And I hope that above all, you find Love again.

But till then, I guess I can only wait. Wait & pray.

Until we meet again, A (hopeful) friend.

[beautifulbeast4]

chase the sun

ABOUT LIFE.

Our primate relatives have it all figured out! Spending so much time with the marmosets at the zoo, I realized something: they love the sun. And it’s not just my monkeys - I’ve seen lemurs, birds and various other species sunbathing at every chance they get, no matter how brief the moment. And rightly so!

I mean, there really is something magical about it, isn’t there? I once blogged about falling in love with the African sun but every once in a while I get a glimpse of that same magic here.

The sun.

It has this ability to wash over you and make everything better. You can literally bathe in it and somehow it can make you forget your worries. I could be having the worst day, with every thing not going the way I planned, but just a little ray of sun can shine some light (pun intended!) on how much better life is when I’m not focusing on my problems. Delayed trains shrink in the distance. Spilled drinks appear to evaporate more quickly. Passers-by “good morning’s” seem less ominous. And chronic pain somehow hurts just a little less.

It's both comforting and slightly frightening knowing that there's something out there that keeps us alive. It's scary to know that without it, we wouldn't be able to survive and yet I'm reassured by the fact that we can still have access to it. Sure it's not always visible, but you know it's always there. Keeping watch over us, keeping us warm, facilitating growth and giving us life!

Not only that, but sunlight has psychological benefits too! I believe on some level we all suffer from a bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder. It’s just so easy to feel depressed when there’s no sun, the days are shorter and the nights are long. But in the sun, you feel so much happier and more optimistic. Studies have shown that getting a little sunlight can boost your mood, reduce anxiety and depression, and even improve your memory! And who wouldn’t want that?

As I watch these little monkeys scramble for every elusive ray of light that manages to pierce through a dense canopy of leaves, I’m reminded of how much time we actually spend in the dark. Living in England has definitely shown me how precious and rare sunlight can be - and our primate relatives have figured that out. That’s why whenever there’s even the slightest chance of an iota of warmth, it’s a race to catch it.

So I’m thinking maybe we should be a little more like them. They know that no matter how long the sun lasts, we’re bound to be thrown into chilly shadows soon enough. So why waste our time sitting around?

Bad days are a guarantee. Stressful nights are sure to come. Dark moments are looming just around the corner. But until then, why not chase the sun?

[beautifulbeast4]

the God of angel armies

ABOUT LIFE.

I recently read The Snow Queen for the first time and for those of you that have never read it, it starts off with a story about a mischievous goblin. This goblin had created a mirror in which all beautiful things shrunk out of sight and all ugly things became magnified. And while flying over the town getting people to look into the mirror and causing chaos, it shattered into a thousand splinters, some even landing in people’s eyes, changing how they viewed the world.

Now, on my walks to the zoo, I often have a lot of time to think. This morning, I thought about weaknesses and how, as humans, we have so many! Some people struggle with insecurity, some with laziness, some with lust, while others struggle with selfishness, gluttony, arrogance - the list goes on. And as I was thinking about all this, a song popped into my head, the chorus of which goes like this:

I know who goes before me I know who stands behind The God of angel armies Is always by my side.

And that chorus just looped in my mind. What did it have to do with weaknesses though?

Then an image came to mind: What if - and bear with me here - What if all our weaknesses were like demons that were constantly attacking us? So Laziness would be a demon, a large ghostly creature that lay on you, preventing you from getting up an fulfilling your duties? And Insecurity was a little pixie-like creature that sat on your shoulder all day long telling you that you weren’t “pretty” enough or “smart” enough or “good” enough? And what if Lust was just a shapeless cloud creature that could change into all your wildest fantasies?

Thinking of my own weaknesses, I came to the conclusion that though I struggle with many things, my biggest one would have to be Pride, and what does this pride demon look like? I imagine it’s something akin to the goblin’s twisted mirror; a glass shard in my eye that distorts not only the world around me, but how I see myself - magnifying my selfish self and shrinking all the things in life that humble me. It makes me think that I don’t need anyone, that I can do things on my own, that I’m strong enough to fight sin by myself, that the solution to all problems is, effectively, me.

So what if all our weaknesses were demons that haunted us when we were alone, and followed us around every second of the day and we were always having to fend them off if we were going to get anything done in our lives that was of any use or make a real contribution to the world? Constantly having to fight these demons would be exhausting, and to be honest, we can’t do it alone! That’s probably why many of us are so tired ALL THE TIME. So how are we to fight these demons if they’re always attacking us?

The song looped again in my mind.

We don’t have to fight alone! I serve a God who loves me and fights for me! I am the child of a Father who leads me through my battles! I march knowing I am guarded by the ultimate Protector! I ride into war under a general who commands armies of angels!

And what a reassurance that is! To know that I can’t do it alone, yet have the knowledge that I possess the help of angel armies is a comfort. But it’s also something that is easily forgotten - especially when we close our eyes and put a limit on what God is capable of. It’s easier to feel hopeless and defeated when you are continuously being attacked and beaten down. It’s easier to feel alone when you suffer, thinking that no one cares for you or will bother to help you. But if you are a Child of the Almighty God, you have nothing to fear - for the One who fights for you is much greater than anything you will face. I’m reminded of the servant of Elisha who woke up to find his camp surrounded by enemy troops. When he asked Elisha what they were going to do, he responded “Don’t be afraid. Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Given that there were only the 2 of them, it seemed a strange response. But when Elisha prayed for his servant’s eyes to be opened, this man saw that the hills were full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. (2 Kings 6:8-22)

So sometimes it’s easier to despair, to feel hopeless, to give up or give in. But I pray that our eyes would be opened to the angels that surround us, who help us fight our enemies, and who bow down to the ultimate King - the One we can call Father - the God of angel armies.

[beautifulbeast4]

a source of the divine

ABOUT YOU.

Dear friend,

It’s been an absolute joy and pleasure getting to know you over the last year. There’s something about you that just makes me glad to be alive. You’re a radiant person filled with so much life that life is just contagious when I’m around you! Your smile and laugh and heart and eyes and ideas and simplicity are all made of light and it’s impossible not to feel less burdened around you.

You are one of the most genuine people I know and you may not realize, but you’ve challenged me to give more abundantly and less selfishly. You’ve shown me what it means to love without borders and to be patient and forgiving. Your kindness is inspiring.

Our friendship has taught me many things, not the least of which was how urgent the gospel really is. Your presence in my life has challenged me to grow spiritually, urged me to step out of my comfort zone (on more occasions than one), pushed me to share my faith, given me boldness in the Truth, & forced me to evaluate my own convictions. More and more, I’ve given more thought on what it means to live a Kingdom-focused life and having you as a friend has reminded me of what my priorities should be.

I believe God placed you in my life so I may show you what a Christ-centred life should look like. And I’m sure I wasn’t always the best example of that at times, but I hope that my actions, small as they may have been, did demonstrate my love for you - and ultimately God’s love for you. I hope you were blessed by my presence in your life, not because I improved it, but because through me, you were able to get a glimpse of a life you could have as a child of God. It isn’t always easy, but it is a life that is worthwhile and fulfilling.

And all during our time together, know that I have been praying for you ceaselessly! I want you to have the same joy that I know through Jesus Christ! I want you to have the same freedom I have through His death and resurrection! I want you to be part of the same community as I am as a citizen of heaven! & I want you to know the same love that I know from the Author of creation.

So today, when I saw you pick up a bible and follow along during scripture reading - I rejoiced for you held in your hands the Word of God. When I saw you lean in a little closer during the sermon as if you might somehow miss the words as they fell - my heart leapt for joy for the words you caught were proclaimed in Truth. When I heard you sing “Hosanna” in praise to the King - I smiled knowing you were worshiping your Creator. When you told me you planned to continue going to church in the future - I praised the Lord for He works where I cannot. & When I said goodbye to you for the last time - I parted peacefully knowing that our time spent together was not in vain and that my God, OUR God, is a sovereign God.

So I want you to know that you have helped me grow. You have challenged me to be bold in the gospel. You have shown me that the fruit of God’s work is not always visibly obvious, but ever-present. You have been a friend when I had none. You have encouraged me to be more Christ-minded. & You have been a reminder of life’s unexpected, yet delightful, blessings. I hope you continue to seek out the extraordinary in life and remember that there is a source of the divine. You just have to look in the right direction.

Love forever, Your friend.

[beautifulbeast4]

stop

ABOUT YOU.

Dear friend,

Your heart is broken. And I’m afraid I have to tell you: you don’t know what real love is. You’ve been stuck in this predicament for so long that you’ve given up on even attempting to search for the love and care that you were meant to have. Instead, you submit yourself daily to a tainted and abusive imitation of love that’s constantly hurled your way - I refuse to picture it any differently - because you’ve felt trapped for so long you don’t know any different. It’s literally thrown at your chest and chucked at your head and tossed in your general direction that sometimes it doesn’t even feel like it’s directed at you. This acceptance you’re trying to attain from your lover won’t make you feel any better about yourself because the issue is that you’re trying to define who you are through the eyes of someone who doesn’t truly know you or love you.

You let yourself be controlled by feelings of jealousy, insecurities, fear, anxiety, and helplessness. So you let him win. You let him yell at you for your mistakes. You let him make you feel guilty for doing anything without his permission. You let him control the amount of joy you are allowed to feel. You let him manipulate you for his benefit. He controls you.

But I want to tell you this:

STOP!

Stop letting him dictate who you are. Stop giving yourself to someone who is not worthy to breathe the same air as you. Stop lying to yourself, thinking this is what you deserve. Stop submitting to a master who does not see your worth. Stop boxing yourself into versions of who you think will please him. Stop searching for love in someone who does not know what love is. STOP.

The reason you are miserable all the time is because what you seek cannot be found in the places you search. I know who your true love is, and I can tell you - if only you’ll listen! The love that you desperately desire is not in the abuse that you receive, but can only be found in blood. The blood that ran through the veins of a baby who was born a King. The blood that flowed in the body of a Messiah that made people fishers of men. The blood that pumped through the heart of a performer of miracles. The blood that dripped off the man who died in your place. The blood that coursed through the Son of God who conquered death. THAT is the only place you will find what you are looking for, and HE is the only One who can fill the cracks in your heart.

I know for a fact that no matter how long or hard you keep searching, you will never be fulfilled until you accept the love of a God who is love. You will never be satisfied with a life that has never tasted the Living Water. You will never find everlasting joy until you encounter your Creator who made you in His image. And you will never be at peace until you understand the cost that has been paid for your life and how much it is truly worth in the eyes of the Saviour.

I want you to know that I will not give up on you. I will not stop praying for you, I will not stop fighting for you, and I will not stop pouring out the love on you that your Father wishes to bless you with. You are loved by someone whose approval means far more than any mere human and I hope that one day you will experience that love and be overwhelmed by it. I hope that you allow it to heal all your bruises and mend all your hurts. I hope that it moves you to your knees and that you will have no choice but to surrender to it. I hope that it will be blinding and will penetrate all the dark corners of your soul and mind that you will feel so bare and unworthy before the Almighty Creator - and yet still know that HE LOVES YOU.

I hope that one day you will love him back.

He is calling you. Run to Him. Run into his arms. And never look back.

Someone who loves you, Your friend.

[beautifulbeast4]

do you hear what i hear

ABOUT ME.

I currently live in a building right next to a construction site where they are building a 22-storey structure. Whenever I tell people this is where I live, I always get the inevitable pity “aww” and a “that must suck, with all the loud noises.” But here’s the thing, I kind of love it.  And I’m not being sarcastic. I love the racket early in the morning, I love the monotonous drill of jackhammers, I love the pounding and crashing and motoring and drilling. Sure, they start at 6:30 AM but there’s something about waking up to the sounds of productivity that doesn’t seem to bother me.

I can tell you this, though. I’d much rather wake up to construction noises, than to be unable to fall asleep because of the sounds of drunken youths. When people ask me the worst thing about living here, expecting me to complain about the ongoing construction, I immediately respond with the constant inability to fall asleep due to the raucousness of young frivolity. Not only do I have to bear the sounds of screaming and heavy footsteps and hair-raising laughter to the tune of a pounding bass line at all hours of the night, but I must endure this every night of the week (except for maybe Sundays). Teens here really don’t have an off button. The beat does, indeed, go on.

So does living next to a construction site bother me? Not in the least. Maybe it’s because those sounds indicate the event that something is being built. With every clang and boom, bang and vroom, I can be sure that something is being made. Whether it will be a new apartment building or a work office, people will benefit by its establishment. But when I hear the squeals of inebriated youths, I can’t help but think that things are being destroyed: barriers between people, the ability to practice self-control, the consciousness that people other than yourself might exist, the morality of good and bad, the list goes on. Not to mention, that actual buildings are being destroyed. I mean, the floor I live on is constantly falling apart - there are holes in the walls, parts of the ceilings are coming down, and you’re always hearing about the occasional flat flood. So, forgive me if the rowdiness that keeps me awake into the wee hours of the morning doesn’t exactly bring me an overwhelming sense of joy. Even through my closed windows and shared walls, I can smell the booze and bad decisions.

But hey, what can you do, right?

Maybe the whole point of this is that sometimes the things that sound the most fun aren’t always all they crack up to be, while the things that may sound tedious, challenging and at times annoying, may turn out to be better for you in the long run. And though it may by long and arduous in the moment, I’m always willing to work hard for a chance to make the world a better place, help others, and maybe even improve myself in the process.

[beautifulbeast4]

not my own

ABOUT ME.

I’ve always been good with money. I’m fairly decent at budgeting my costs, saving my earnings and limiting my spending. Sure, I’ll buy something here and there, but honestly, I don’t really spend that much. Now, I’m not saying this to brag or boast about my exceptional self-control, but to illustrate something I’ve been learning.

Until recently, I never used to spend a lot because I’d always had something to save for - travel expenses, tuition fees, a future marriage, etc. - and frankly, I am a little bit cheap too. And now that I live on my own, it seems logical that I should be saving even more and spending so much less.

But in fact, I find myself spending more than I did before. Here’s the thing though, I’m not spending so much on myself as I am on others. And here’s why:

I’m learning, more and more, that everything I “own” in this life, is not really mine.

My body is not my own. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies. (1 Cor. 6:19-20) My earthly possessions are not my own. The earth is the Lord’s and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it. (Ps. 24:1) For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. (1 Tim. 6:7) My life is not my own. I have been crucified with Christ and no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Gal. 2:20)

And with that knowledge, how can I not use the things I have been given to bless others and glorify God? Jesus has shed his blood for me, has borne my sin, and has taken on the punishment that I deserved all because he loved me before I even knew Him. While I was still unworthy. And I have been freed from the chains that shackled me to sin and now serve a new Master: I am a slave to righteousness. And it is my duty to live a life worthy of that gospel.

So how should I live “my” life? In servitude of the One who gave HIS life that I may live. So now, I don’t worry so much about saving money, or spending less, or being picky about what I buy because I could save a few dollars here and there. Instead, I freely spend it (knowing that everything I own belongs to God) trying to bless others with it - hoping that through my actions, they may come to see a glimpse of Christ’s love, poured out through me.

And the reality is, there will ALWAYS be something in the future that you need to save for. There will ALWAYS be something more “important” your money could go toward. There will ALWAYS be a reason not to spend money. But when you realize that nothing you “own” is yours, and that it’s all just a blessing you’ve been given with which to bless others, your perspective changes for the better.

Because what if the next meal I ate was my last? Or what if I don’t see that car coming? Or what if my cold turned out to be something more serious? I don’t know how much time I have left in this life - none of us do! - and if I meet my Maker tomorrow, and he asks me,

“Child, how have you spent the time and gifts I have blessed you with on earth?”

What will my response be?

Will I be able to say that I spent my blessings in a manner that testified to the awesome glory of my Creator? OR Will I say that I selfishly saved up all He gave me for a future I never really had?

[beautifulbeast4]

just another day

ABOUT LIFE.

It’s the dreaded V-day. But honestly, I don’t see the big deal about it.

I used to feel quite strongly about it - in a way that despised the commercialism of the holiday - but chalk it up to my being “single” all these years, or not having someone to buy me flowers and chocolate (*gag*), or to my being “bitter” about feeling like nobody would ever love me, I’m not sure any of those was the reason.

In fact, to me, it was just another day. Nothing special. Nothing really significant. Just the fourteenth day of the second month of the year.

And today was no different.

Despite having a boyfriend (who, granted, is over 5500km away) and friends and family, I spent today alone: I went to church in the morning, I did some grocery shopping, I worked out, I watched some TV, I went to a restaurant and had dinner with myself and a book, I made some hot chocolate, and I enjoyed my time in solitude. I spent the entire day alone, but not once did I feel lonely.

And here’s why: because I spent it with God. (So I guess I wasn’t entirely alone...)

But my point is, there’s a huge difference between being alone and being lonely.

Being lonely is a result of your need to be satisfied by the people around you. And there lies the problem: because you seek contentment from people (who are inherently fallible), you leave them with the power to determine your joy - or lack thereof. Which is why it’s often the case that many people feel lonely despite being surrounded by loads of people. Loneliness stems from a desire for others to fill a void in you that can’t be filled by them. Placing your joy in people will only end up in disappointment, because everybody’s human, and nobody’s perfect. And so you end up feeling alone.

But being alone is not always a bad thing - in fact, I encourage people to do with more often. I really don’t think we spend enough time alone - and I suppose people avoid it because they fear being left with nothing but the thoughts that run through their minds - but I think that’s why it’s so important to do so! We all need time to sort our thoughts out, to surrender our anxieties to God, to take a moment and look at the world around us, to take in our surroundings - all without the influence of others around you. We need to learn to be content with ourselves and find joy in our circumstances, no matter what they are. But more importantly, we need to know that our joy can only be made complete in HIM.

And I know Valentine’s Day is about love - as card shops so subtly try to shove down our throats - but why are we made to believe that displaying love and affection is only required on THIS day? February 14th? If love is so important, shouldn’t we be working to demonstrate it to our loved ones EVERY SINGLE DAY?

And this why I fail to see the importance of this specific day. When St. Valentine was martyred because he chose to marry people in the Christian church against Emperor Claudius’s ruling, I doubt he thought that it would be nice if people only celebrated love once a year by buying flowers and chocolates. I wonder what he’d think if he saw that his martyring resulted in candy hearts and cheesy hallmark cards.

So I encourage all those despairing on this day: this day is not about whether you have someone to spend it with or not. It is about LOVE. Whether that means loving a spouse, a girlfriend/boyfriend, your family, your friends, or just yourself - we will never be satisfied if we seek our love from others. We have to realize that God is the one who has demonstrated what it truly means to love, and only from his example can we set out to love one another.

And though this day may hold historical significance, the concept it represents should not be confined to a single day out of 365 (or 366, in this year’s case). Because when it comes to displaying love, February 14th should really be just another day.

[beautifulbeast4]

clay people

ABOUT ME.

So I’m not perfect... And you know what?

Neither are you.

Nobody is. Nobody can be. So why are you trying to be something you can’t? Why are you expecting me to be something I can’t?

That doesn’t mean that I’m not trying, though.

But here’s the difference between you and me: I’m not trying to be perfect. I’m just trying to be...

better. improved. the version of myself I’ve been called to.

By who?

BY GOD.

I’ve been made new (Eph. 4:23-24). My life is hidden with Christ (Col. 3:3). He has called me to live a holy life (1 Thes. 4:7). And I am continuously being sanctified (Eph. 2:10)

He is the potter and I am being molded into the person He wants me to be. I am being shaped by Him.

But it isn’t always easy.

I am constantly being broken and mended. I am always feeling the pressures of being kneaded into structure. I am twisted and cut and trimmed and molded.

And one day, I will have to enter the fire and face the burning flame. And when I come out, I will forever be forged. But I know that it will be okay Because I have allowed myself to be shaped by my Creator In His image By His hands.

But until then, I’m just:

a work in progress

[beautifulbeast4]

the uphill ice cream struggle

ABOUT LIFE.

A few months ago, I found my current food soulmate in a biscuit-loving-nacho-eating-burger-devouring Irish girl I met on the moors of England. What started out with a simple train ride to the zoo that turned out to be an hour longer than expected (thank you, British railways!), became a friendship founded on our passion for animal behaviours and discovering all the food that life has to offer. So needless to say, on one of our trips to the zoo, passing by the ice cream stand left us no choice but to (more than willingly) cave in to one of life’s great creamy delights.

After having just finished lunch.

On our way to visit the meerkats.

In the middle of winter.

And as we both satisfyingly enjoyed our honeycomb and mint chip cones, we made our way to the meerkat enclosure. Only to find that we’d have to climb a fairly steep hill in order to get there. So with full stomachs, ice cream cones in hand, and that ever-growing feeling of regret, we started the trek. Granted, the hill was probably not that steep and the distance not that far, but in our current states, the struggle was real.

That was the beginning of my road to fatness. Okay, not fatness, but I’ve definitely spiraled out of fitness and into a swirling vortex of cakes, cookies, and constant shame.

Now, I don’t want to disregard the joys of eating and enjoying the plethora of different foods that life has to offer (especially when one is travelling exploring different cities/countries/the world!) - because no one appreciates a good meal more than I - but there is also merit to remembering that though eating is a fantastic thing, there must also be a balance.

“Everything in moderation” has a lot of value when taken literally. Many people think that the only way you can lose weight or get fit is to completely avoid all foods bad for you and become consumed with salads and exercise. And while that may be efficient for some, a more well-rounded approach to life would be that of everything in moderation.

Cake is cool - when it’s also paired with a little cardio. Pizza is perfect - when you’ve done some plyo. Waffles are wonderful - if you lift some weights. Alcohol is amazing - when followed by an ab workout.

The thing is, you don’t need to diet to attain your goal (in fact, it’s counterproductive to do so), but you should learn to develop a healthy diet. Create small attainable checkpoint goals on your way to your final endpoint; small things that will help you succeed. Start by cutting snacking out of your routine, or replace drinking juice with water. Then change one of your daily meals to a salad or reduce the amount of calories you intake at every meal. Slowly incorporate exercise into your weekly routine and gradually increase the intensity of your decisions as you become more dedicated to your lifestyle. It’s all about making the little changes that will help you reach your ultimate goal.

I’ve seen so many people determined to try the quick fix solutions to weight-loss or muscle-gain - but the bigger picture they miss out on is that a healthy lifestyle is not about how quick you can get that beach body. It’s a daily decision to treat your body well, to respect what you put into it, and to give it the exercise it needs. It will not be something you accomplish in weeks, or even months, but it will take a lifetime of discipline, dedication and determination.

Getting (and staying) fit is a work of your body, but more importantly, your mind. Above any goal you may have, it’s most important to remember to love and care for the body you have. That should be the motivation behind all your goals. You want to lose weight because you care about your health. You want to get fit because you care about your body. You need to train your mind to not only be disciplined in getting fit, but in developing a love for your body that drives you to care for it in new ways.

And as this new year begins, and everyone around you is making fitness goals they are bound to give up on soon enough, know that you don’t have to be one of those people. You can commit to whatever resolution you’ve set for yourself! And there will be people who will support you all along the way. Because we’ve all been there before.

It won’t be always easy, BUT YOU CAN DO IT!

Because, what is life really, if not just a giant uphill ice cream struggle?

[beautifulbeast4]

my glowing ember

ABOUT ME.

I used to think that being vulnerable was a good way to get hurt. And I guess I still think that now. Not that it’s untrue. It is, in fact, very true. Being completely honest and transparent with someone gives them power over you - it gives them the power to manipulate you, to control you, to hurt you. Opening up to people has always been something I struggled with because every time I did it, I ended up hurt. People tend to take the iota of light you shine on them and crush it. Stepping on it like it was an ember that could burst into flame at any second. And in a way it is. All our burning embers have the potential to be ignited. But whenever people dare to show who they truly are, their light often gets snuffed out.

Being vulnerable leaves you open to the world. To the ravage winds of judgment. To the torrential downpours of inferiority.

And although it’s a good way to get hurt, it’s also a good way to find the people that truly love you. When I started dating my boyfriend, he was so open with his feelings, so free to speak of them, to share his emotions. He loved me recklessly.

But I was scared. Terrified.

I was afraid to let him in. Afraid that if he knew who I really was, he’d turn back, running. Afraid that if I showed any sign of emotion, he’d run away screaming. I had spent all my life building up walls, telling myself that I was protecting others from seeing who I truly was, and protecting myself from the pain that others could possibly cause me - but in all that wall-building, I had unknowingly somehow erected barriers within myself. I had put up walls between who I was and who I wanted people to think I was. I had distanced myself from the person I wanted to be and retreated into my own microcosm of being. I was buried so deep under so many layers of lies I had conceived about myself that it was hard to believe my ember was still burning at all.

Yet he saw my faint glow. And dared to brush away the dirt.

I knew that I had been blessed with someone so generous that he would walk into a fortress of barricades and STILL see that tiny light. I knew that I did not deserve him in the least and that he deserved better. And I knew that if I didn’t try to make an effort to open up, I would lose him forever.

So I did.

And it was a slow and arduous process. Tearing down the walls I had built, and learning to not immediately hide myself behind my maze of barriers is something I am continuing to learn each and every day. It is a constant decision I make to show him that I trust him completely and am willingly giving him this power over me, knowing he would never hurt me. Learning to let him see my faults and weaknesses has allowed me to see that he is strong where I fail and will pick me up when I fall. It has only taught us to build each other up, instead of walls that divide us, and continues to teach us how to love each other even more.

And although vulnerability was a huge risk, it was one that showed me that the ember within me was not without hope. It still burned faintly amongst the falling ruins. And it’s getting stronger each day I learn to trust deeply, live freely, and love boundlessly.

[beautifulbeast4]

if it’s not one thing, it’s another

ABOUT ME.

I have a confession to make. It’s a rather big one. Are you all ready for this? Okay.

*deep breath*

Here we go.

“I...am...a sinner.”

Newsflash, eh? But wait, isn’t everyone? Yes. We are all sinners.

The bad news? We were born with sin and enter the world already separated from God. It’s not about the things we’ve done in the past or the people we’ve wronged before or the mistakes we’re going to make in the future. It’s about original sin entering the world, when Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, and being passed down through generations to affect our relationship with our Creator. Even today.

But the good news? There is hope. And it’s not through anything we do - not through our good works or kind deeds, our loving nature, how much money we donate, how many hours we volunteer, all the things we sacrifice - because no matter how much we think we can earn our salvation, the bottom line is, and listen closely, we can’t. NOTHING WE CAN DO OR WILL DO WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH. The price for sin is death and the cost of our sinful nature is our blood. Pretty sucky situation, isn’t it? But remember how I said there is hope? Well, I wasn’t lying. There is. Hope in Jesus Christ. Because He, being God, came down to earth to be fully God and fully man, to pay the ultimate price for our sins. He came knowing that his purpose was to redeem us for OUR sins, to die for OUR iniquities, to sacrifice himself for OUR wrongdoings. Why? Why would anyone (let alone a God far above us all) do something like that for people as sinful as we?

Because LOVE.

Not only that he loved us but because He is love. He demonstrated love for us in that while we were still sinners, He died for us (Rom 5:8). He gave us the gift of eternal life (Rom 6:23), allowing us to be cleansed through his body and blood, shed for us. He died on that cross for the very people that put him up there - for you and me. And I can say that I didn’t crucify him, that I wasn’t there, that it was the Romans who wrongly did it - but every time I knowingly sin against God, every time I ignore that voice in my head telling me that what I’m doing is wrong, every time I do something that isn’t right, but feels good, it’s another hammer, beating that nail further into Jesus’s wrist. It’s another sword that pierces his side. It’s another cruel mockery spit at his face. As he dies for OUR sin. As his laboured breathing becomes shallower and more ragged. As the blood drips down his face, his hands, his feet, and falls to the ground; our dirtiness mingled with the dirt. As he looks at us with only love in his eyes, and asks the Father for forgiveness on OUR behalf.

“Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

We have been redeemed through his death and resurrection and we have been offered freedom from sin if we choose to accept his gift. It comes at no cost - except that which Christ has already paid - and is not dependent on how good we can be. We’ve done nothing to earn it and we can do nothing to repay him. We simply need to receive his forgiveness and allow ourselves to be sanctified through Him.

But listen closely, the road is not easy. On the one hand, it is as simple as receiving a gift and being assured that we have been saved. But there is more. Our reception of this gift is not hinged on any good that we may do, BUT that’s not to say that we shouldn’t be transformed by the grace we’ve been given. Knowing that we’ve been freed should change our hearts. We must allow it to transform our minds and to change us into the people God has called us to be. We should no longer be living in our old ways because of this knowledge we now have. There should be a change. And that’s not to say that we’ll be sinless (because we won’t!) but that we should sin less. Because of this saving truth, we will want to please God, we will strive toward righteousness and we will fight to walk in holiness.

“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope - the appearing of the glory of our great God and Saviour, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.” (Titus 2:11-14)

And yes, we will fail. Again and again. And again.

BUT, we rest knowing that Christ is continuing to sanctify us, constantly transforming us, ceaselessly reaching out to us, and tirelessly calling us back to him.

That, friends, is the good news.

[beautifulbeast4]

flawless

ABOUT LIFE.

Purity is underrated. HIGHLY underrated. In fact, the disregard that people have about an attitude of purity reminds me of how lost this world can be at times.

I think the one of the main causes for this behaviour is a failure to understand how deep the definition of purity really is. Purity is determined not only by your external qualities, but also by the internal. And like the clarity of a gemstone, we too have to analyze the characteristics that make us pure - or impure.

Diamond clarity is often categorized according to the quantity and quality of the internal characteristics (called inclusions) and external defects (called blemishes) that the stone contains, ranging on a scale of Included (obvious inclusions clearly visible to a trained eye under 10x magnification) to Flawless (no inclusions or blemishes visible under 10x magnification), with 4 intermediary categories. And the clarity of a diamond is graded under the consideration of 5 factors: Size, Number, Position, Nature, and Colour/Relief.

But like diamonds, we can also use the same factors to evaluate our purity.

SIZE: the larger the characteristic, the more visible it is, and thus, the less clear the diamond is How big are the “characteristics” in our own lives? Are they huge issues that we struggle with, that are constantly in the forefront of our minds? Or are they small actions that we do that we sometimes disregard “because they’re not a big deal.” No matter how big or small the impurity is, whether we are outright murdering people, or telling white lies, or judging people’s outfits, or making racial comments, any “characteristic” that doesn’t edify ourselves, others or God will affect our purity.

NUMBER: not the actual number of characteristics; but the more readily they can be seen on the diamond, the lower the clarity grade How obvious are the “characteristics” we possess? Does it really matter whether others can see them or not? Is it about how readily we make them known to others or about how good we are at hiding them? This one is a bit tricky because even though we are all impure, it’s not about trying to hide our faults and make them less visible, but about attempting to change and reducing the number of our impurities. And this is not to say that we should put up a false facade of self-righteousness, but that we should strive to decrease our urges to be impure and to replace them with an attitude of virtue.

POSITION: where the inclusion is positioned is crucial to the clarity of the diamond; an inclusion in a certain place can make the defect either more or less visible Blemishes on a diamond are clearly visible on the surface. But internal inclusions can be anywhere within the diamond. Inclusions close to the surface are the most visible, but inclusions near the pavilion facets (close to the bottom of the stone) will reflect multiple times around the stone, giving these inclusions the name, “reflectors.” We’ve all got blemishes and we’re all bruised and scratched from our pasts and the habits we’ve developed. But we’ve also all got our internal inclusions. For some of us, these inclusions are just under the the surface of our external skin. We are willing to admit to these struggles and they are things that many others deal with too. For others the internal inclusions are hidden deep within us and are hard to see from the surface, but from certain angles, they will be clearly visible. But the worst and most penetrating inclusions are the “reflectors.” These impurities not only exist in our selves and are hidden within us, but they reflect into many other aspects of our lives. When we don’t deal with them, we allow them to permeate other parts of our lives, multiplying the degree of our impurity and affecting our overall clarity.

NATURE: whether the characteristic is internal or external defines the nature of the diamond and affects overall clarity classification Like the position of a characteristic, its nature can be either superficial (limited to the surface) or internal (extending into the stone). Once again, we all have external “characteristics” that prevent us from attaining the Flawless category, but it’s the nature of internal inclusions that can pose the greatest risk. Depending on the location and position, the inclusion may cause a break in the structure of the diamond if allowed to penetrate deeper and is not treated. Likewise, the nature of our impurities can cause internal distress or can manifest itself into our personalities, tainting who we are as people. Whether we’re dealing with refusal to forgive someone, idolizing something/someone, lust, bitterness or pride, the extent to which we let these inclusions pollute us determines how we treat others, how we treat ourselves and how we live our lives. However, when our inclusions are mended, we can work on improving our own purity, but if left untreated, they can end up breaking us.

COLOUR/RELIEF: characteristics are said to have “relief” when they contrast with the surrounding diamond; the degree of discolouration affects the clarity of the stone Like a discoloured characteristic is visible in a diamond, tainting its otherwise clear countenance, the “characteristics” that we have in own lives will become visible the more we let them fester. Diamond inclusions can be made clean through laser drilling and acid washing and this treatment is considered permanent. In the same way, our impurities can be cleansed through the blood of Christ. If we allow Him, He can purify us since He has already overcome and paid the price for our sins. And like diamond fractures can be filled to restore the clarity of the stone, our impurities can be filled with the Holy Spirit.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that purity is defined by not only the things we can see externally, but also the things we harbour internally. It encompasses the actions we do and the words we say, but also the thoughts that run through our minds. We should strive to be pure in every single aspect of our lives, working on the surface impurities as well as the deep-seeded ones we sometimes refuse to accept. We are all different levels of Included, but the good news is that as long as we work toward an attitude of purity, allowing God to sanctify us through and through, he understands we have faults and has already paid the price for our impurity.

He can make us Flawless.

[beautifulbeast4]

fragile

ABOUT LIFE.

I recently heard about a friend’s death in the past couple days. People had posted on his Facebook wall a couple pictures with him and many of the captions read “R.I.P.” Thinking it was all some sort of sick prank or twisted joke, I skimmed through the posts and continued scrolling through Facebook. The next day, the posts on his wall continued and the more I read, the more shocked I became. And as I sat in a restaurant eating dinner with my family, I couldn’t stop shaking.

What was happening? What are people talking about? Please tell me this isn’t true. Please, please, pleaaassseeeee be some sort of cruel joke.

I messaged a mutual friend who had known us both for a while and asked him if he knew what had happened. And his next words shook me to my very core:

“I heard he committed suicide.”

I nearly dropped my phone, I was shaking so much. My body trembled with the news, my brain blanked trying to process this information, my heart stopped at this revelation - all the while, I hoped and prayed this wasn’t true. But the more we talked, the more I came to see that this was news I was trying to process...and very poorly at that. I was in shock.

We talked about our memories of him - how he had always been laughing, how he was always so great to be around, his love for travelling, his nicknames for people, his work ethic, the relationships he had with people - and with each memory, I reflected on what I knew about him. We had worked together for over 3 years and during that time, I had come to know him as a man who was curious about the world. He loved to learn and longed to discover. He was determined in his decisions and passionate about the things he loved. He was tolerant of different beliefs and interested in learning about people’s pasts. I enjoyed every minute I spent with him and the breaks we had together were passed either updating each other on life, joking around, or just sitting across from one another reading in silence. He was the only young person I knew that read the newspaper.

And as I continued to talk to this mutual friend of ours, he asked me why it was he felt so sad.

WHY? It was a good question. Why did we feel so sad?

Was it because he was struggling and didn’t tell anyone about it? Was it because no one could have told from the way he acted how he really felt underneath it all? Was it because “everything seemed fine the last time we talked to him”? But the more I thought about it, the more I came to the understanding that maybe the reason we were all taking it so hard was because we realized our own failure to see the pain under all his masks. We arrived at the truth that we were all inadequate as friends who claimed to care about him, and we were all disappointed in ourselves and the helplessness we felt. And that was why we all felt the way we did. Would we have done anything differently if we had known? Would it have changed anything even if we did?

And yet, no matter what would or could have been, one thing remains constant: Life is fragile. And my friend’s sudden death was a brutal reminder of that pain-staking truth. It was a shocking revelation in how fleeting the moments we have with each other really are and how bitterly brief our time on earth truly is.

I still don’t know all the details of the situation, what happened or why he did it. Discussing it with another mutual friend, she told me that knowing why he did it wouldn’t make a difference because we can’t change what’s already happened - but I don’t entirely agree. Knowing why he decided to end his life not only helps me to understand his actions better, but it also helps me be more aware of the symptoms that I may have missed in our interactions. If he was depressed, maybe there may have been some indications in his speech or actions. If he felt like nobody would have missed him if he were gone, then maybe I could have assured him that he was well loved and had an impact on so many people. If he didn’t believe he had any worth or anything to contribute to society, then maybe his loved ones could have confirmed his value in their lives and more importantly as a human being. But whatever the reason, having been suicidal myself long ago, I know that the only thing to make someone jump off that proverbial ledge is not the desire to fall, but the overpowering fear that whatever you are jumping from is even more unbearable than the fear of falling. And it must be something truly insufferable for someone to take that leap.

So for anyone out there who feels this way, this is a message for you: You are loved! Someone, somewhere, no matter how you feel right now, loves you! And even if it doesn’t feel like anyone in your life cares at the moment, it may be cliche, but JESUS DOES. He has called us his own and is there to carry your burden for you. If you’ll only allow him. You would be missed! Think of all the people who you have impacted in your life - the people you buy your daily coffee from, the person at school you always smile at on the bus, your teachers/professors, your family that is concerned about you, the people you work with, everyone you’ve talked to in the past week - they would all notice if you weren’t a part of their lives anymore, and they would indeed miss your presence. It will get better! It may not seem like it now, but hang in there! Please persevere through the pain to see that you will meet someone who makes you smile, you will discover something that sheds on you a little light, you will find a place that brings you peace, and you will learn new ways to help you cope. Endure the sorrow because joy will come in the morning. Talk to someone! You don’t have to suffer alone. There are others who have gone through the same thing and have overcome. There are those who are willing to walk along with you through this. And there are just those who are willing to listen to your pain and be a friend for you. Please reach out to them, share what you are going through and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your openness could save a life.

And this ordeal, though tragic in nature, was a stark reminder to treasure not only the people I have in my life, but also the little time I may have left on this earth. To use my words and time intentionally and to value all the opportunities I’ve been blessed with.

Life is fragile. Life is fleeting. Life is precious.

[beautifulbeast4]

even the rocks cry out

ABOUT ME.

I think that as a worship leader and/or member, I often forget what it truly means to worship. Too many times have I gotten too caught up in the technicalities and production of the musical aspect of worshiping that I have completely lost sight of the essence of what it means to praise God for who He truly is. When I become too concerned with what songs I should pick, or whether the set flows musically or not, or whether the key is in everybody’s range, or whether the PowerPoint has typos in it – all this distracts from why we worship. Yes, choosing the right songs are important .Yes, picking a key that is accessible is significant. Yes, making sure there are not too many things that could distract a congregation is crucial. BUT it’s also important to remember that worship sets are not about the congregation. It’s not about ourselves. It’s not even about the church. It’s about – and ONLY about – God.

When we fail to remember that God is our audience, “worship” becomes a performance.

When we forget that it is indeed the Spirit that leads us, “worship” becomes fuel to our egos.

When we believe that we are the ones transforming hearts through our music, “worship” becomes opportunities in which Satan can tempt and use us.

When we think that worship is only 15 to 20 minutes of singing once a week on Sundays, “worship” becomes something we do and not something we live.

Music can be a part of worship, but ultimately, worship is the way we live. It does not end when the song ends; it does not end when we step off the stage; it does not even end when we walk out of the church. Worship should be evident in the way we act, talk, think, do, sing, care, and love. It should saturate every part of our lives and everything we do should be an act of worship to the only God that deserves our fullest praise.

Reading 1 Chronicles 16:7-36 was a good reminder of what worship should and must look like. Our God is so mighty that it is not even only we that worship – but ALL OF CREATION.

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; Let them say among the nations, “The Lord reigns!” Let the sea resound, and all that it in it; Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them! Let the trees of the forest sing, Let them sing for joy before the Lord, For he comes to judge the earth. (1 Chr 16: 31-33)

That is worship at its purest.

And if even the rocks cry out and recognize the greatness of our God, why can’t we?

[beautifulbeast4]

books & covers

ABOUT LIFE.

I was making a smoothie the other day and was looking for a mug in which to pour my deliciously delicious avocado-banana goodness. Now, I have a couple mason jars that I use for cold drinks and since I’d made a good amount of creamy deliciousness, I was obviously looking for the bigger one. One of them is a larger double-insulated plastic cup while the other one is smaller and made of glass. I grabbed the larger plastic one, ready to pour in my smoothie when I decided to test my assumption. Filling the “smaller” glass one with water to the brim and pouring it into the “larger” plastic one, I was surprised to find that a good ounce of water overflowed out of (what I’d always judged to be) the larger mug and onto the floor. So there I was: with a wet floor and my biased assumptions. And as I stood there holding my bigger-than-it-seems mug, I was reminded once again of how many times I judge things (and people) before I get all the facts.

Growing up, we’re always told not to “judge a book by its cover” over and over and over again, but no matter how many times it’s been said, it’s also just as many times been done. We judge people by their appearances, we judge foods by their smells, and sometimes we literally judge books by their covers! We are always making snap judgments about things but it’s not necessarily always a bad thing. Research has shown that within the first few seconds of meeting someone new, your brain has already undergone various processes and made several calculations and predictions of how you and the other person will act and react. Our minds are programmed to process information at an amazing rate (and outside our awareness!) so as to increase the efficiency of our consciousness. If we had to always consciously think about all the decisions we had to make about everything little thing, it would be a wonder our minds processed anything at all! So our brains function to help us function. And most of the time, our snap judgments about things (and people) are surprisingly correct, BUT NOT ALWAYS. And it’s in these moments that we are warned “not to be quick to judge.”

What someone may say or do in a brief interaction is NOT who they are. It may give you a glimpse into their personality or a tiny peek into their soul, but it does not tell you who they are as a person. We will come across an infinite amount of people in our lives and learn endless things about them, yet we will NEVER know any of them fully. Even your closest friends, no matter how much you know about them or how long you’ve known them for, still have things they do not tell you. It is impossible to know anyone completely. And that’s okay. What’s NOT okay is assuming that you know someone’s complete story from a moment spent with them and subsequently assuming that they act like this all the time in all situations. You don’t know where they came from. You don’t know what they’ve been through. You don’t know who’s hurt them in the past. You don’t know what they’ve been addicted to. You don’t know what they do when nobody’s looking. You don’t know how they treat animals. You don’t know how they interact with their grandma. You don’t know when they cry. You don’t know why they love.

YOU. DON’T. KNOW.

So let’s stop pretending that we know everyone and everything. Let’s learn to forgive people for their faults and see them as humans that make mistakes. Let’s try to treat people the way we want to be treated. Let’s give people the benefit of the doubt.

Because you don’t know and I don’t know what a person’s past may look like. But what we can know is how we will treat them in that moment: will it be out of preconceptions and biases OR will we approach people without prejudice and get to know them for who they are, rather than what we think?

[beautifulbeast4]

A to Z bookish survey

ABOUT ME.

Author You’ve Read The Most Books From

Melody Carlson. As a teenager, her series, “Diary of a Teenage Girl” had a huge impact on who I wanted to be and what living a Godly life really meant in the context of my own life.

Best Sequel Ever

Hmm, this is a tricky one. There aren’t many sequels themselves that have stood out to me (probably because I mostly think of books as a series in general). But If I had to pick, I would have to go with Inkspell or Inkdeath (by Cornelia Funke). It takes a certain appreciation to be able to get through these books, but if you can, they’re well worth the read.

Currently Reading

Great Expectations (by Charles Dickens). A bit of a struggle to get through, but I’m making progress.

Drink of Choice While Reading

Coffee or tea. Obviously.

E-Reader or Physical Books

Physical books. This should not even be a question.

Fictional Character You Would Have Dated In High School

Even though I didn’t read the Hunger Games trilogy (by Suzanne Collins) until I was done high school, having read it now, I definitely would have loved to date someone like Peeta Mellark. A humble, introverted, love-afflicted teenager who wanted nothing more than to save the girl he loved, and who was willing to die for her if it meant that he would have just a minute more to show her how much he cared - I’d date that.

Glad You Gave This Book A Chance

Dune (by Frank Herbert). I am not a huge fan of sci-fi books but having nothing to read and a couple of books my cousin had given me just sitting on my shelf, I picked up Dune and hoped for the best. Not only was I blown away by the quality of the writing, but I was hooked on the mystery of the story, the complexity of the characters and the development of the plots as I journeyed through the desert planet known as Dune.

Hidden Gem Book

The Silence of Bonaventure Arrow (by Rita Leganski). This was a complete surprise. Yet another book I had been given from a family friend, I’d never heard of it and was just looking for something to read - boy, was I surprised. The author of this mysterious book had woven together the realms of magic and reality, spinning words into beautiful images and showing that silence itself can possess an eloquent and curious nature.

Important Moments of Your Reading Life

There are many significant moments that have changed who I am as a reader. Here are some:

Prince Caspian (by. C.S. Lewis). As a child I tried to read this book 3 times before I actually got through it. It arrested my progression through the Chronicles of Narnia series for a while, but once I got through it, I wondered why I struggled in the first place! It is now one of my favourites of the series!

The Book Thief (by Markus Zusak) & The Kite Runner (by Khaled Hosseini). I recently read these earlier this year and was baffled at how much I love both of them! How had I never read these books until now!? Not only were they tragically beautiful, but they were perfectly written. They have now become the standard to which I compare most books.

Pride & Prejudice (by Jane Austen). This and subsequent Jane Austen books opened my eyes to the idea that romance did not always consist of raging hormones and high school dramas. I learned that falling in love could mean many different things and that sometimes, we don’t know nearly as much as we think we do when it comes to ourselves.

Just Finished

The Road (by Cormac McCarthy). Wonderfully written and saturated with an aura of perpetual mystery, I wouldn’t recommend this book for anyone looking for a “light” read. Despite the simplicity of the plot and the constant expectation that something is about to happen, this was truly an emotionally exhausting journey - but altogether, a great book.

Kinds of Books You Won’t Read

Romance/erotica novels. I tried, and I just can’t.

Longest Book You’ve Read

Most likely A Storm of Swords (by George R. R. Martin) from the “A Song of Ice and Fire” series. 1128 pages.

Major Book Hangover Because Of

The Inheritance Series (by Christopher Paolini). I remember not being able to pick up another book for weeks because I was going through some major withdrawal after finishing the last book of this series. I was definitely emotionally unstable for a while.

Number of Bookcases You Own

Just one. But it contains over 5 shelves packed with books.

One Book That You Have Read Multiple Times

Stargirl (by Jerry Spinelli). A critical book during a time in my childhood that taught me the value of non-conformity and showed me that boldness and beauty stems not from the way people perceive you, but from the courage you have in yourself - to stand out and to be unique.

Preferred Place to Read

Outside in the shade of a sturdy tree.

Quote From A Book That Inspires You/Gives You Feels

“He is not a tame lion.” - The Chronicles of Narnia (by C.S. Lewis)

I picked this quote because in nearly every stage of my life, the Chronicles of Narnia series has been so crucial in my growth, not only mentally and emotionally, but also spiritually. And this quote resonates with me - it reminds me of the magnificence of Aslan (symbolic of Jesus) and his mighty power; yet simultaneously the concept that you cannot try to control God. He is sovereign, yes, but when we try to box and compartmentalize him, we may be surprised at the outcome.

Reading Regret

Twilight (by Stephanie Meyer). I’m embarrassed to say that I have, indeed, read the whole series - BUT HEY, at least it’s not Fifty Shades of Gray (by E. L. James), right?

Series You Started and Need to Finish

Dune (by Frank Herbert). Although I did love the first 2 books, I must say that the 3rd book was quite a bit harder to get through. It (and the subsequent 3 books) remain unfinished.

Three Of Your All-Time Favorite Books

The Chronicles of Narnia (by C.S. Lewis)

Jane Eyre (by Charlotte Bronte)

The Picture of Dorian Gray (by Oscar Wilde)

Unapologetic Fangirl For

Anything fiction, honestly.

Very Excited For This Release More Than Any Other 

The Winds of Winter (by George R. R. Martin). Seriously, he needs to finish this book (and the rest of the series!). Like, STAT.

Worst Bookish Habit

Being anal about my books, I’m not sure I have a “bad” bookish habit. But if I must say something, I would say I sometimes prefer the company of books than that of fellow humans.

X Marks The Spot (Start On Your Bookshelf And Count to the 27th Book)

Water for Elephants (by Sara Gruen).

Your Latest Book Purchase

The Goldfinch (by Donna Tartt). Can’t wait to read it!

ZZZ-Snatcher (last book that kept you up WAY late)

The last book I remember staying up to read was probably Paper Towns (by John Green). Altogether a great YA fiction read, and though not my favourite of his novels, it does stress on the importance of learning to imagine others complexly and as nothing more than human.