figuring

“you look like the sort of person sad enough to have a tumblr” “um thanks. and yeah”

[noodlearg]

happy international women’s day!!!

[mummer]

it’s crazy how when you’re 11 you think wow nationalism is the root of all evil and war is despicable and religion is the opiate of the masses and misogyny is everywhere and climate change is our most dire threat. and you start to grow up and you think well surely it will become more nuanced to me, surely there must be a reason adults arent breaking down wailing in the streets due to the cruelty of this world. and then you become an adult and you think wow nationalism is the root of all evil and war is despicable and religion is the opiate of the masses and misogyny is everywhere and climate change is our most dire threat

[jimmysea]

HEATED RIVALRY | 1.06

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[freakoutgirl]

imagine you have a coworker at the old spaghetti factory and then a year later they're a torchbearer at the olympics

[unhinged-kitten-deactivated2023]

i’m “house phone” years old

[ohifonlyx33]

i'm "computer room" years old

[asmeesh]

1$ flea market score. Tiny glass 1960s perfume bottles. I love them.

[shit-show-no-go]

Can you swap their heads ?

[asmeesh]

omg you can

[asmeesh]

Their meeting was foretold in the ancient texts

[theinvisiblespoon]

[purpleisdebeste]

I’m sorry Orpheus i was too harsh on you…

[purpleisdebeste]

i was in the physics lab today and we were working with lasers, so the Lab Freaks (legal name) were being very careful to stress that we Do Not Turn Around or Look Behind Us because we’ll get extremely blinded by the power of high strength lasers

and i’m not gonna lie it was actually extremely hard to resist turning around. i misjudged orpheus it turns out this isnt extremely easy actually

[purpleisdebeste]

okay i’ll be honest i 100% looked back at the lasers. actually multiple separate lasers multiple different times. they were pretty

and i didnt get blinded. so clearly lab safety isnt real and you should always risk it cus taking risks is awesome #gambling

but uh. my ass is NOT making it out of the underworld 🔥🔥🔥

[overnightshipping]

[animentality]

[etrianodysseyobsession-hd-deact]

How’s it feel to be the funniest person on tumblr?

[coolsaddad-blog]

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

[feels-for-the-fictional]

I have been waiting for this post all my life.

[marzipanandminutiae]

They are indeed purple, But one thing you’ve missed: The concept of “purple” Didn’t always exist.

Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his “wine-dark sea.”

A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold.

So roses are red. Violets once were called blue. I’m hugely pedantic But what else is new?

[ineptshieldmaid]

My friend you’re not wrong About Homer’s wine-ey sea! Colours are a matter Of cultural contingency;

Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You’ve given short shrift.

The concept of purple, My friends, is old And refers to a pigment once precious as gold.

By crushing up molluscs From the wine-dark sea You make a dye: Imperial decree

Meant that in Rome, to wear purpura was a privilege reserved

For only the emperor!

The word ‘purple’, for clothes so fancy, Entered English By the ninth century

.

Why then are voilets Not purple in song? The dye from this mollusc, known for so long

Is almost magenta; More red than blue. The concept of purple is old, and yet new.

The dye is red, So this might be true: Roses are purple And violets are blue

.

[squeeful]

While this song makes me merry, Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too.

But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face: Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

[last-flight-of-dickarus]

Hirple - To limp or walk awkwardly

Cirple - An old Scots word for the hindquarters of a horse

[nobodybetterhavethisoneoriswear]

“Roses are red, violets are purple,

My boner for you has caused me to hirple.”

…

My, how romantic!

[wouldthatcreationhadformedmeman]

DYING. I AM DYING.

[creepish]

daylight doesn’t need any saving. i do

[memewhore]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

apparently this is a thing in Japan too, and it gets translated as “Mundane Halloween.” There are so photos online and they’re all so good?????

“Person going to work on a windy day"

“Woman who’s having her bang cut but the hairdresser is nowhere to be found"

"Zookeeper in charge of the pandas"

[rainbowismymiddlename]

Here are two more:

"Not pregnant lady when someone yield seat to her on subway"

And my favorite

"Person on thermal infrared camera"

Might share more tomorrow.

[rainbowismymiddlename]

Influencers taking selfies at a gym

Starbucks barista working her ass off on Halloween but gotta keep up that smile

Person who sits on wet paint

Person who's still loading

Boyfriend carrying girlfriend's shopping bags

[lightweightkate]

I love these so much

[rylandsgrace]

Mean Girls (2004) dir. Mark Waters

[bambicest]

[riverlarking]

😐👍😐👍😐👍

[wifehaver103947]

imagine cloth mother and wire mother in family court competing for custody of the baby monkey

[clothmotherofficial]

I Have Softness For You

[officialwiremother]

i have milk for you

[babymonkeyofficial]

Stop.

[kingsolomonofficial]

Cut the baby monkey in half

[charlesoberonn]

Which path should he choose?

The path of the warrior, the path of the scholar, or the path of the artist?

[moonimbued]

he should wander away and have a picnic while he thinks about what path to choose

[charlesoberonn]

Great idea! But where should he have the picnic?

Under the tree, or under the old fort?

[acatdisguisedasahuman]

By the sea, so he can enjoy the sound of the waves

[charlesoberonn]

A lovely choice!

Should he build a sandcastle to pass the time? Or perhaps go fishing?

[cynicallyaestetic]

Perhaps he could collect shells he finds interesting

[charlesoberonn]

Sounds fun!

Which shell should he pick up?

[anjing-jam]

This one

[charlesoberonn]

That's not a shell, it's a tiny earpiece.

Should he listen to music? Or to the mysterious pre-recorded message?

[sar-kalu]

He should give it back to the crab in the largest shell, they thought they had lost their wave-pod and are grateful he found it!

[charlesoberonn]

The crab wants to give a gift in return.

Should he accept the gift of power, or the gift of knowledge?

[sunw00d]

the gift of friendship :)

[charlesoberonn]

Friendship acquired!

Should they celebrate with pizza or ice cream?

[valentineish]

The crab friend cannot eat either of those! Let's split a nice seaweed salad instead. :)

[charlesoberonn]

So many options!

Should they get tossed salad, wiggly salad, or spiky salad?

[frescopino]

Seasar salad

[charlesoberonn]

Nothing beats getting it straight from the source

Should they use scissors or claws to cut the seaweed?

[somethingmissingthiswaycomes]

What about that sword in the first panel?

[charlesoberonn]

The circle is complete.

Through choices, friendship, and salad, he found his way to the path of the warrior. But he won't walk it alone.

Their path is just beginning, but this story is over.

Thank you to everyone who participated!

[haltraveler]

This is somehow both the epitome and antithesis of "yes, and" and it FASCINATES me

[charlesoberonn]

"No, and"