moved!

moved to @jmesptter

[jmesptters]

moving!

you can now find me @jmesptter because this blog is terribly disorganised *shudders*

tagging my followers so they don’t miss this:

@elvendoork @spreadkindnessaroundlikeconfetti @snufflesmajor @lilychosejames @thorvinn @smiley-jily @kendrastarkiller @chaseyorkkes @thatgothfreak @milandarling

@red-haired-gal @serenesienacat @the-black-flucking-unicorn @imsecretlydracomalfoy @starlit-sinatra @ashinypenguin @blitheringmcgonagall @frustratedpoet1979 @majesticprongs​ @theoneandonlysatanofficial 

@sunaprincess7 @looonalovegood @charlestoning @gaelarchitecturespace @thechildofartemis @arianrhode @thelaziestgeek @saltellare @rivers-in-reverse 

@unorganizedwritingthoughts @sincerestaffect @onlyoneformeisme @squirtles-kitty @stjarna-alskar @thehipstersclub @maricela6278 @shayisthebagel @duskypetals @likeshootingstars 

@midaswhale20 @marauders-lily-life-harrypotter @sitienessuficientecoraje @literalbandtrash7234 @babsthegingerqueen @bialalrose96 @hope-love-stardust @icklewolfiekins @petalsandfishes @elanev91 

@imabirdurabirdwereallbirds-blog @artemisial @my-kpop-beanz @snuffles-groovy-doghouse @manyobsessionsmuchwow @siriusly-obsessed-with-scarhead @harveysbagel @fallingoffbarts  @enigma-inf​

...and more to come 

[meridiangrimm]

I want to read a story about a wizard whose only spell is “fix this”, but the specially-crafted magic takes their intent into account.  "Fix this" can mean repairing the wheel on the adventurers’ cart or healing a broken arm or “fixing” a lock so that it’s in what the wizard considers the “correct” (unlocked) position.  Imagine the other mages getting increasingly frustrated as the wizard stubbornly refuses to learn any other spells.

[meridiangrimm]

Wizard: *points at a canyon* Fix this

Other casters: That’s not really how spells -

Wizard: Oh look, one of our blankets is now a magic carpet.  Guess we don’t need a bridge.

Casters: How -

[meridiangrimm]

Wizard: *points at logs that won’t catch fire* Fix this

Other casters: There’s been too much rain, it won’t -

Wizard:  I fixed it so that it’s in the same state it was yesterday.  Someone here knows how to start a fire, right?

Casters: What -

[meridiangrimm]

Wizard: *points at charging dragon*: Fix this

Other casters: THAT’S NOT HOW MAGIC WORKS YOU IDIOT WE’RE GOING TO DIE

Dragon: *coughs* Did you just… cure my intestinal problems?  I’ve been trying to stop breathing fire for weeks, but it just kept spilling out, and every time I tried to ask for help, I burned everything down.  I won’t forget this kindness.

Casters: *ripping their hair out* H O W

[scrap-patch]

I’m dying 😂👌

[sirussly]

Small World

(( OOC: This is our late contribution to the HP RP Pair up! Script written together with @theonewholivedahundredlives, who plays Petunia. ))

It is Summer of 1977, and Lily and Petunia sit in a quiet muggle cafe, somewhere in South-West London.

Lily: It’s the summer holidays, and we haven’t seen each other in a while.

Keep reading

[demidorks]

Empty cups + John Mulaney quotes:

MAGNUS

SAMIRAH

HEARTHSTONE

BLITZEN

ALEX

MALLORY

T.J.

HALFBORN

[captainevilpants]

James: Hey Kingsley, have you seen Sirius?

Kingsley: I thought you were Sirius.

James: …

Kingsley: *points to Sirius* Er, one of you is over there.

[mischiefhasbeenmanaged]

My future grandchild: Grandma what are you doing on the computer?

Me: * still blogging about the marauders era*

Just looking up the bingo schedule for next week hunny

[hogwartshousefriends]

“Gotta get me one of those black bath bombs so I can dramatically emerge from the water like I’m rising from the pits of hell. You know, self care.”

-Slytherin

[magic-chapters-blog]

“Gotta get me one of those red bath bombs so I can heroically stand up, clutching an imaginary wound, like I’ve just fought a bloody battle and saved an entire city. Makes me feel good about myself.” -Gryffindor

[hogwartshousefriends]

“Gotta get me one of those dark blue bath bombs filled with golden sparkles so I can slowly peer out from the starry sky from which I was born. Because if I don’t do it who else will?”

-Ravenclaw

[cool-dad-deactivated20240526-de]

“I like bubble baths!”

-Hufflepuff

[afewofmyfavoritethingsblr]

“Does anyone have a good repairing spell? I may have misunderstood what a bathbomb is.”

-Seamus Finnigan

“Dammit not again”

-Dean Thomas

[hogwartshousefriends]

A golden addition to this post.

[just-shower-thoughts]

People don’t have a strong intuitive sense of how much bigger 1 billion is than 1 million. 1 million seconds is about 11 days. 1 billion seconds is about 31.5 years.

[coolsaddad-blog]

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

[feels-for-the-fictional]

I have been waiting for this post all my life.

[marzipanandminutiae]

They are indeed purple, But one thing you’ve missed: The concept of “purple” Didn’t always exist.

Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his “wine-dark sea.”

A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold.

So roses are red. Violets once were called blue. I’m hugely pedantic But what else is new?

[ineptshieldmaid]

My friend you’re not wrong About Homer’s wine-ey sea! Colours are a matter Of cultural contingency;

Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You’ve given short shrift.

The concept of purple, My friends, is old And refers to a pigment once precious as gold.

By crushing up molluscs From the wine-dark sea You make a dye: Imperial decree

Meant that in Rome, to wear purpura was a privilege reserved

For only the emperor!

The word ‘purple’, for clothes so fancy, Entered English By the ninth century

.

Why then are voilets Not purple in song? The dye from this mollusc, known for so long

Is almost magenta; More red than blue. The concept of purple is old, and yet new.

The dye is red, So this might be true: Roses are purple And violets are blue

.

[squeeful]

While this song makes me merry, Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too.

But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face: Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

[last-flight-of-dickarus]

Hirple - To limp or walk awkwardly

Cirple - An old Scots word for the hindquarters of a horse

[nobodybetterhavethisoneoriswear]

“Roses are red, violets are purple,

My boner for you has caused me to hirple.”

…

My, how romantic!

[wouldthatcreationhadformedmeman]

DYING. I AM DYING.

[lordvaldez]

Chiron: I’m not a father, I don’t even have any children.

Percy: *passes him* ‘Sup, Dad?

Chiron: Oh, hey.

Annabeth: Dad, is it okay if me and Piper see the new Star Wars tonight?

Chiron: Yeah, just be home by 10.

Chiron:

Chiron: Okay, listen.

[wewereinfinitelywolfstar]

Guy at bar: *to Remus, about Sirius* is this guy bothering you?

Remus: yes, but he’s my husband, so I signed up for this.

[believeinprongs-blog]

i’m just sitting here dying of laughter thinking about McGonagall looking over Harry in first year like yeah the kid gets into some dangerous shenanigans but it always seems to be for a greater purpose and his heart’s in the right place and he’s so sweet and quiet usually, clearly he takes after his mother Lily thank goodness this is good this boy is good 

and then dead ass one year later kid shows up to school crashing into a tree with his bestie in a flying car instead of just owling the damn school that they’d missed the train and she’s just like DING DONG I WAS WRONG

[hermdoggydog]

First Year: “I hope he’s like Lily” Second Year: “Sweet fuck he’s James.”

[elleeverhart-deactivated2024082]

aal;skdjfa;lskdjf

[c3rvida3]

Oh, I forgot to tell you guys that this lady came in two minutes before closing with a two inch high stack of coupons and two full carts. It took me twenty minutes to ring everything up, and she only ended up paying around five bucks for all of it, and then she gave me three things of paper towels and a box of Frosted Flakes for no discernable reason other than that they were free and she kept me late.

That should be the new rule. If you inconvenience me, I get to have some of your groceries.

[c3rvida3]

There was also a woman behind her with WIC checks who looked very stressed about the whole ordeal, so this lady was like, “I can get you ten boxes of cereal for free. Come with me,” and proceeded to do exactly that with her baffling and powerful coupon game. I think this lady was an angel.

[fanonical]

like what was molly’s thought process when she added ‘mortal peril’ to the clock of where all the weasleys were

[whyisthisfrenchguymasturbating]

she knew her sons were dumb bastards

[idkmaybenotthatcool]

Afterlife James: Okay. Point taken. First that stupid motorbike. Now this stupid hippogriff. You’re awesome, you’re cool. If Azkaban didn’t ruined your punk rock, nothing else will. I hope you fall from this chicken and break your neck.

Afterlife Lily: You’re envy.

Afterlife James: I can’t understand how you are not? Look at him. That arse just broke out of Azkaban and his hair is still blowing in the wind. What is wrong with him?

Afterlife Lily: When will you stop fangirling over him?

[lordvaldez]

Jason: This is my ex-girlfriend Piper

Piper: You gotta stop introducing me like that

Piper: I’m his wife

[iil-nonbinary-baby-bitch]

WHY ARE NONE OF YOU FUCKERS FLIPPING SHIT?!?

NASA HAS DECLARED PLUTO A PLANET AGAIN

[lamafeeling]

IT HAS MOONS!!!!! IT HAS MOONS!!!!!!!

[toastedgrandpa-deactivated20180]

WHAT. WHAT! PLUTO YOU FUCKING DID IT!

[artigosaurus]

VIVA LA PLUTO, YOU DID IT!!!

[vegalocity]

here’s a source, National geographic y’all

[kalgayming]

VIVA LA PLUTO YASSS

[lessthanthree-bug-deactivated20]

VIVA LA PLUTO WE KNEW YOU COULD DO IT YOU FUCKING SUPERB SMOL PLANET YOU!!!!!

[uselesslyroxy]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2018/05/07/yes-pluto-is-a-planet/

another source because the nat geo one seemed confusing, you go pluto! get em!

[archerestarcher]

WELL DONE PLUTO!!! :D

[theshitpostcalligrapher]