my fam

My faverite tid bits! Maddy She/Her ace 23

[byjove]

I can’t remember if I told you guys this but my grandpa paid a guy to put up a rock retaining wall in the backyard when my grandparents moved into their house in 1966. They live at the bottom of a mountain. The wall finally collapsed this year and my grandfather with dementia was PISSED OFFFFFF and he wanted so badly to call the guy who did it and chew him out for doing a bad job. My grandma is trying to explain that the wall lasted 60 years and the guy who did the work is probably dead and it TURNS OUT HE IS STILL ALIVE. Now we’re worried grandpa is going to get through to him (small town) and we’re going to see two 85 year old men come to blows over a rock wall that has been there since the mid-60s. My grandpa is a scrapper, he’s been to jail over a bar fight, the possibility that he WOULD fight this guy is high.

To top it off? The stone mason is the only person in town with one arm so grandpa would definitely recognize him if he saw him. If that is your grandpa, please protect him from my grandpa.

[nealashitposts]

So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

[nealashitposts]

I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.

[hyperrbolic-orange]

"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."

"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."

"My god... everything's coming up Jason."

[dancinbutterfly]

Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual

[scissorsaint]

Yaaaawn! Call me when they're covered in blood and having gay sex

[i-scream-but-the-void-rejects-it]

The bloodymary fandom is gonna love this one

[tiredadventurer]

[beggars-opera]

Everyone in this family is hilarious no notes

[ruffboi-mags]

#OH. JOE HILL IS A REAL DUDE. #I did think Mr. nashville tenesee was doing a funny lol

I am cracking up so hard bc it lowkey implies Mr. Joe Hills (coming at you like he always does from Nashville, Tennessee) might not be a real dude.

[my-dailydreams]

[datasoong47]

[linguisticparadox]

[r5h]

Relevant XKCD: https://xkcd.com/2609/

[bralsra-deactivated20250108]

theres ALWAYS a relevant XKCD for everything huh

[partywithponies]

Women can write m/m. Men can write f/f. Asexuals can write filthy smut. Lesbians and gay men can write m/f. It's all arbitrary anyway. Who give a shit.

[partywithponies]

"Oh but they don't have an experience of-" I don't have any experience committing or solving murders either but that's still mostly what I read and write about.

[rmhashauthor]

I've never banged an alien but here we are.

[partywithponies]

You've never banged an alien yet! There's always time!

[smoothjazzdigit]

Have you guys seen that clip

Go off Kermit

[juliathefacesofevil]

we're just normal men

[oddjoblin]

Why the heck is this dude trying to confirm if the frog puppet is hetrosexual???

[karnalesbian]

assessing the situation before he shoots his shot

[defilerwyrm]

Happy Pride to Kermit the Frog, questioning king

[ominous-signs]

Found this randomly on a walk. I didn't see any sharp blades or anything anywhere so I'm???

[ominous-signs]

[graves-yard]

I WAS gonna do something for the iron lung release day but SOMEONE. Had to release it two days early.

Anyway happy iron lung digital release day <3 blood moon <3

[graves-yard]

Gay friend enabled me to make it bloodymary

[rockinrobin124]

I love the concept of the Eridians viewing Grace as this weird soft savior and keeping him in the same biodome as Simon who is just this weird blood soaked man they found in the middle of nowhere.

They're the equivalent of like a dog who saved their family in a fire and some random stray they found in the rain one night to me

[kilncreatures]

teacup goose horse small size suitable for apartment living

[elodieunderglass]

Herd! Flock!

Thank you to everyone who blessed me by thinking of me and sending me this 🤍

[punkitt-is-here]

Hello person having transgender thoughts but convinced they aren't trans because they don't have the requisite amount of dysphoria they think they need

Hi I transitioned without even thinking I had dysphoria. Like later in hindsight I can go "oh that's probably what it was" but for the first year of my transition I was straight up like "I like being a guy but I like being a girl WAY more" and you can do that!! There is no prerequisite amount of suffering needed to make yourself happier.

[punkitt-is-here]

Gonna include these tags cuz they're good

[werewolf-transgenderism]

only 62 more frogs until we hit 8,000 species described. the moment we've all been waiting for

[werewolf-transgenderism]

there are an average of about 150 new amphibian species described per year so I remain hopeful that 2026 will be the year of 8,000 frogs

[werewolf-transgenderism]

I do love that somebody tagged tumblr's own frog scientist on this post. chop chop dr scherz, we've got 62 more frogs to discover and you're the only frog scientist any of us knows

[werewolf-transgenderism]

GUYS amphibian species of the world is still at 7,994 species of frog BUT amphibiaweb is at 8,008 species of frog, and do you know who is a co-author on the 8,000th species of frog there???? TUMBLR'S OWN FROG SCIENTIST DR SCHERZ

[markscherz]

[calvinandhobbescomic]

[justadreaminghufflepuff]

This comic is genuinely how I remember which is which.

[catchyvideos]