Hi.

Colour My Life With The Chaos Of Trouble. ♥ Hi, I'm Mai.

[maiqueencesstales]

2.1.8 Additional Resources

The Writing Process as Discovery, Bob Tierney: This piece demonstrates how looking closely can improve writing. The link is a PDF. Biography of Louis Agassiz: Use this link to learn more about the life of Agassiz and his contributions to science. Louis Agassiz: Creator of American Science, Christoph Irmscher: Christoph Irmscher describes Agassiz's impact on American science, investigating not only his positive achievements but also the dark history of scientific racism. Read pages 122-123 and pages 154-156 for the information most relevant to this course. History of Evolutionary Thought: This interactive website provides more information about the scientists that developed the theory of evolution, beginning with Aristotle and tracing evolutionary study to the twentieth century. Timeline of Evolutionary Thought: Despite his opposition to Darwin's theory of evolution, Louis Agassiz remains an important figure in the history of evolution. Case Study Method: This reading details the case study method used by the Harvard Business School, where students probe issues and compare alternatives, suggesting a solution or course of action after studying the case with only minimal direction from the professor. You can see how this relates to Samuels Scudder's learning experience under the guidance of Agassiz. Contributions to the Natural History of the Acalephae of North America, Part I: On the Naked-Eyed Medusae of the Shores of Massachusetts, Louis Agassiz: Agassiz produced much scolarship on the natural world, including this report on the Naked-Eyed Medusae of Massachusetts. This is a portal for discovering the work of an artist who worked closely with Agassiz for many years: Jacques Burkhardt Collection, Ernst Mayr Library Explore images selected from the more than 3,500 daugeurreotypes in Harvard’s collections. In celebration of the 150th anniversary of Harvard's Museum of Comparative Zoology, Dr. James Hanken, Director of the MCZ, explored the history of this institution, what it tells us about the changing role of university-based natural history museums, and what museums must do to survive in the 21st century. Find Dr. Hankey's work here.

[maiqueencesstales]

Look at your WALLS!

Module 2: Translating History through Tangible Things Section 2.1: Look Closely - Agassiz's Fish 2.1.6 Discussion Exercise: Close Looking Practice

Once you are finished, share what you learned about your tangible thing in a 200-300 word response. Be sure to answer the following questions in your response: • What was the tangible thing you chose to analyze? • What general laws, theories, or ideas were you able to identify in relation to your object? • How did your understanding of your object change as you interacted with it? • What were the most surprising or interesting discoveries you were able to make? • What weren't you able to discover through close looking alone? After you have posted, be sure to read and reply to responses from at least two of your peers.

It’s probably been about six weeks since I last tilted my head up to see the bright sun beaming down from the blue sky. As I felt its scorching heat against my skin, I was very eager to whinge about the thought of having to live through another summer— that one dreadful season that I’m least excited about every year. Nowadays, when I wake up early in the morning, I’m reminded of that memory from my recent past as I see the sunlight streaming into my room from my window. Still laying in bed, I shift my gaze around the great sunlit expanse, but only to find the same uninteresting view that I wake up to every day. Having to face the same quandary daily, I decided to pause and ponder for a while. I’ve found that quite often, there are things around us that we barely pay attention to. We might have gotten so used to having them around that it’s so easy to just take them for granted. I began to spend some time to really look through and beyond my walls. Seeing how these slabs of concrete meet at the right angles to form the four corners of a room, it suddenly felt odd to have seen them as if I were trying to measure them. For the record, I've never really enjoyed mathematics and I normally would’ve never attempted to look at a wall from that perspective. Yet somehow, I've found comfort in knowing how every inch of these walls was processed to perfectly serve their purpose. I then realised how I should be grateful to be surrounded by something that could make me feel safe— how something so sturdy could serve as my shed where I could hide and be protected from the heat of the sun. As I ran my fingers through my walls, I was struck with bafflement. I started to wonder if Socrates loved summer. Was he insane for wanting to put up walls, only to allow others to knock them down? If it were up to me, I don’t think I'd want my walls to tumble down just like that. If having my walls teared down meant that I would have to be left exposed, naked, vulnerable, and burning under the sun; then I never want my walls to be broken down.

[maiqueencesstales]

Well, it’s not only A SANITARY PAD

Module 1: Introduction to Tangible Things Section 1.3: Thinking About Thinking About Things Discussion Exercise: This is Not a Chair

In "This is Not a Chair," students noted that, based on their academic discipline, different people might view a single object in many different ways. Make a list of a few tangible things in your immediate environment; then, select one and consider how this object might be viewed differently by people from various backgrounds or professions. Share your thinking in a 200-300 word response below. Be sure to answer the following questions in your response: • Which tangible thing did you select? • From which backgrounds or professions did you consider your tangible thing? • How could a person belonging to each of these backgrounds or professions view your tangible thing differently than the others? After you have posted, be sure to read and reply to responses from at least two of your peers.

/ˈsænəteri pæd/ Noun a thick piece of soft material that a woman wears between her legs to hold blood during her period. According to sociology, this is not a sanitary pad; it’s a societal reinforcement. Menarche can be dreadful and not all females would have the privilege and knowledge of being taught about how using a sanitary pad can be one of the ways to help manage their menstruation. For the fortunate ones, they most likely would have learned about menstrual hygiene from school; their families; friends; and the society. According to anthropology, this is not a sanitary pad; it’s a social stigma. Contrary to menstrual support that some women receive, there are times when females would still feel the need to keep others from noticing their periods. Women tend to be embarrassed because of discrimination and restriction from unsupportive social environments and beliefs on menstruation (UNICEF, 2019). Even activities which would have something to do with women’s menses such as purchasing, wearing, or carrying a sanitary pad could be something that would gross out some members of the society which causes females to feel ashamed. According to history, this is not a sanitary pad; it’s a modern technology to manage menstruation. In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, the rise of technology enabled mass production of menstrual hygiene products. During World War II, women were encouraged by their managers to depend on menstrual hygiene technologies and products so that they would pay less attention to menstrual debility and conform to industrial work schedules (Vostral, 2011). According to medicine, this is not a sanitary pad; it’s a means to keep track of women’s health. As discussed previously, sanitary pads have contributed to women’s mobility and maintenance of their bodies (Vostral, 2011). Disposable sanitary pads are attached to the underwear to be worn externally and absorb menstrual flow. They come in various forms and are made of special materials to ensure reliability, hygiene, comfort, and usability (UNICEF, 2019).

*References: “Napkin.” Napkin Noun - Definition, Pictures, Pronunciation and Usage Notes | Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary at OxfordLearnersDictionaries.com, www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/napkin?q=sanitary+pad. “Guide to Menstrual Hygiene Materials.” Unicef for Every Child, UNICEF, May 2019, www.unicef.org/wash/files/UNICEF-Guide-menstrual-hygiene-materials-2019.pdf. Vostral, Sharra Louise. Under Wraps: a History of Menstrual Hygiene Technology. Lexington Books, 2011.

[maiqueencesstales]

03.31.17

It always amuses me how sudden things can change in such a short span of time. Just like everything else in this world, people can be so quick to change. I, for one, can go all 0-100 or 100-0 real quick without seeing the need to explain myself to people. I would often do things just because I want to. Selfish? Insensitive? Probably. You could say that's one of my countless flaws, and I'm completely aware of it. However, I thought I'd just share a few things which are worse than that, and some which everyone could probably work on or hopefully benefit from-- things that I came to realise in the past few months... Also: A list of a few of my current favourite songs that probably complements this list I , II , III 1. Some people will choose to believe in a lie that they created just to make themselves look as if they're a "good" person. People will try to rate you, label you, shake you, or hurt you. Let them assume, believe, and talk all they want. As long as your heart and intentions are pure, and you stand with what’s true, the truth will always, ALWAYS prevail. 2. Be so content and genuinely joyful with your life, that people's words won't even get to you-- that you would be so busy with all the blessings in your life to still notice the things that don't matter. Garbage in, garbage out. After all, those are just words crafted from thin air, coming from lowlives who have nothing better to do with their time. They can keep insinuating and talking 💩 behind your back all they want, but if it doesn't reach you, like if you don't even get to read/know about it, then do their pathetic actions still make any sense? Did they achieve their petty goal to dishearten you? Don't give them the power to affect you. Unfriend/Unfollow them-- both in the virtual world and in the real world. If they keep doing it for their own amusement, let them do it anyway-- if that's what makes them happy and if that's their definition of "happiness", so be it. It's sad, really, but just think of it as charity. Go ahead and give them something interesting to talk about. 3. There are "friends" who would only be as good as the "good times". Truth be told, these are the leechers who would suck all that they can from you until they drain you out. They would pretend to be "concerned" about you or that they "care" about you, but only because they're curious or they need something from you. Lmao they can't even mind their own lives, what makes them think they could "help" or "fix" you up? Be wary about some people's intentions. This is why I would rather limit my people to a small mature circle, than have "fun" in a large "cult" that thinks SO highly of themselves. I would rather say that I can only count on my fingers those whom I could phone at 3am with a shivering voice, and not feel ashamed about having to do so. I would rather be with a few people who would feel like "home", where I could be completely naked and not be judged for who I am. I would rather surround myself with people who would humbly inspire me and others, than be with people who do nothing but gossip and bring others down (AS IF their opinions were called for and as if they matter in the first place). I would even rather isolate myself than find myself in the company of pretentious people, because I hate the unnecessary attention. I usually just don't mind people because I don't want them to mind me too. And surprisingly, this usually doesn't work the way that I want to, and I just seem to fail to get the message across 🙃 But oh well, I guess people would just really keep talking no matter what you do (Quick side-track question: FFS, why can't people just help it? Why can't they just be so busy focussing on their own lives?? ?? ????) 4. Don't take 💩 from anyone. I'm at the age and point in my life where I'm learning to ruthlessly cut people off because I can’t afford to be stuck in toxic relationships with unedifying people. Yes, I would just casually completely cut them all off without any mercy and hesitation. I don't want to be like those who have already reached a certain age at their life where you'd think they should already be mature about things right about now, but aren't. You think I can't and I won't? Watch me not give a rat's 🍑 about you, as if I've never met you or as if you don't exist in my world. Nobody needs to season their lives with unnecessary drama. As the saying goes, "The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs." Not everyone deserves to know you and experience you in your fullness, and with all the beauty that you have to offer. 5. Don't allow cruel people to cripple you from your ability to love and be loved. Hate is too strong a word and a burden too great to bear. Don't allow yourself to live in that. Focus on the good things in your life. Always take time to be grateful and appreciate the few ones who never left your side. In a world so selfish and insincere, these people are your real gems. Never let them go and never betray them at all costs. Make time for them, stand up for them, and never forget to make them feel how much they mean to you whenever you have the chance to do so. 6. There's always someone who's going to be "better". You'd think someone is just better-looking, better than you at this, better than you at that, had a better past, has a better present, or might even have a better future ahead of them. It's difficult, I know. It's hard to want to be and have the best of everything, and it just never gets easier for me too. Nevertheless, I always try to keep in mind that we shouldn't compare our journey with other people. Each one of us has a different story. It's pointless and exhausting to compare yourself with others because we don't always see the complete story or the full picture. Always go back to working on yourself and competing only with yourself. Focus on God and on your goals-- not on other people! 7. Step out of your comfort zone. Do something that scares you. Try new things. Never stop exploring all the possibilities and opportunities that the Lord has laid out to you and for you. Do all of these for His glory and for yourself, and not because you want to prove anything to anyone. You don't need to do that. You don't need to seek validation from other people, especially if they are irrelevant. 8. Do not limit yourself. You are not defined by your gender, age, looks, job, possessions, or anything else that the society gives a 💩load about. It doesn't matter if you believe you're in the highest or the lowest spectrum when it comes to these aspects, in the end, your real identity is found in Christ and your relationship with Him. He has the best plans for you; you only have to seek Him, obey, and have faith. 9. Experience, appreciate, and adapt various cultures. Educate yourself, never stop learning, and always mind your manners. All of these will craft you as a person and make up who you are. These are the things that other people won't be able to "leech" from you or take credit for. At the end of the day, I'd like to believe that there is beauty still left in the world. We only need to look around us and change our perspective.

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

01.14.17: Straight Up Saturday

1. I want to be more. I don't want to be just that face that you see across a crowded room. I don't want to be limited to the things that I can do now. I don't want to be just myself anymore. I'm craving to do more; to be more-- but all these without having to live up to people's expectations. I want to be able to do things for myself. I want to make mistakes and find that it's okay to fail without people having to judge me. 2. I don't want people to put me on a pedestal. I don't want people to think so highly of me. I don't want people to fall in love and stick around only with my Sunday best. I don't want people to expect too much from me and just end up being disappointed. I don't deem it necessary for me to explain myself to people and I would never want to have to do such. I want them to understand that I am just as flawed and as imperfect as everyone. And if they really want me in their lives, they would choose to love me when I am most unloveable. 3. I want to go to a place where no one knows my name. I guess the problem with me is when I get too attached, I seem to let go. Perhaps, it is because I realise how easy it is to lose yourself when you depend too much on other people. I like my space, my own place, and going through life on my own pace. (similar here) 4. I'm tired of opening myself up to people. It's draining. It's exhausting. They would make you believe that you mean something to them and that they would never ever want to hurt you. In the end, however, they will always find something to do to break your trust. Well they can pretend all they want but I won't even care anymore. And this is how I learned to push people away. (similar here)

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

11.04.16

I admit that I can be the most irrational person that you would ever have to deal with. One second it's all good, the next thing you know, you're left to wonder how everything's suddenly all messed up. The thing with me is that you'll never really know what you're in for with each passing moment. A colourful chaos is what I feel like. It's like going on a roller coaster ride with a blindfold on. Unsteady. Unstable. And yet it's surely one heck of a ride. I don't always speak of the things that I despise but if you could see right through my eyes, you would easily know when something is ticking me off. I am not one to show all my raw emotions but I am also not one to conceal dismay. I am as real as it can get because over time, I have learned to speak my mind at the right place and at the right time. Knowing my worth and place in this world, I have learned to set boundaries without having to feel guilty about it. Yet some people would use this against me. As if it were to be considered as a flaw, as if it were my weakness. I'm a bitch because I keep my walls up and I find it rather difficult to open up. I'm a bitch because I know how to have fun without needing the company of several people. I'm a bitch because I wisely choose to be selective with my friends. I'm a bitch because I'm overprotective and I try to defend my (real) friends. I'm a bitch because I don't try to pretend that I like someone. I'm a bitch because I don't often say enough; and when I do, I don't usually say the words that people want to hear. I'm a bitch because after being indecisive and after careful consideration, I make my own decisions and stand by them. I'm a bitch because I thoroughly think through what I want and when I finally know it, I make sure that I stick with it. Disgusting isn't it? It disgusts me how some people pretend to know you when they haven't even experienced you in your full glory. It disgusts me how people are too quick to judge without even having to know your side of the story. It disgusts me how they pretend to be looking after you when all they do is keep an eye on your mistakes. It's disgusting how they can put up a lie and believe what they want to. It's disgusting how they try to come clean. People are rather disappointing. Not everyone likes me, but not everyone matters. I know that I can't please everyone and I'm not trying to. We all have our choices and I don't want to have to force anything to anyone. Nevertheless, if you ever choose to experience this hurricane of crazy chaos that I am, I want you to love the darkness within me. I don't want you to love me because you think that you wouldn't freeze with a little bit of rain. I don't want you to love me with the idea that you can handle me. I don't want you to love me so that you could change me. Instead, I want you to believe in every inch of cornucopia that I have to offer. If there's anyone in this world who would probably understand me in my seemingly sheer fatuousness and obscurity, it would be the same person who has seen me most both at my best and at my worst. But I know that you have your own issues and I don't want to have to bother you with your life. I know that I can be so unnecessary at times and you don't need that at the moment. As I think of all the other people who could possibly comprehend and allow me to feel this way, I realise how I can never fully open up to people and disclose the deepest parts of my soul. And that doesn't seem to surprise me anymore. It's amusing how people find the right circumstances to stop me from tearing my walls down, but then again I thank the heavens that I won't have to regret anything. So this is why I guess no one would ever really get to know who I am at all. I know it may not matter for most people, because so what? So what if they won't get to know me? True enough, it shouldn't really concern them because the only person who I'm trying to do a favour is myself. But at least I know who I am and what I want. I won't let anything nor anyone faze me. The only thing that scares me is making the mistake of having to compromise who I am, just to fit into this society's flawed standards in this equally imperfect world that we live in.

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

05.09.16: She Used to be the Sweetest Girl

People would often ask me “Do you ever take anything or anyone seriously?” To them, that’s just the way I am– pompous, sarcastic, carefree.

But I was the sweetest girl…

I was the girl who tried to be nice even if she knew that she could not please everyone. I was the girl who used to invite as much people into her life– wanting to build relationships and hoping to make them last. I was the girl who would not let a day pass by without talking to the people she cared about just to see how their day turned up. I was the girl who wrote of mushy literary pieces. I was the girl who, behind all the the “I-miss-yous”, gave all the effort to make every meet-up possible. I was the girl who tried to stick everyone together like a glue. I was the girl who would make sure you felt the best during the important days of your life. I was the girl who would talk to people about how she actually felt. I used to be naive.

But I grew up and I grew weary…

I became the girl who had her own world and learned to be contented with that. I became the girl who pushed people away and was contented with those who manage to stay. I became the girl who seldom initiated conversations. I became the girl who wrote about the reality. I became the girl who would rather get all the space that she needs and in return, give you yours. I became the girl who understood that she cannot fix everyone nor everything. I became the girl who quietly listens during the worst days of your life. I became the girl who stayed silent and kept her feelings to herself.

The world is cold and temporary people are everywhere.

It’s not that I do not care.

I do. I care a lot actually.

I care about not having my heart broken. I care about saving my energy. I care about sparing all of me. I care about putting myself first because I know that I cannot truly give something that I do not have. I care about not being drained and empty to the point that I can no longer have anything to offer– especially to the people who matter.

I could be wrong.

I could be selfish.

I could have changed to someone who is far from what others would believe to be the better person who I used to be.

And this is why I’m not everyone’s favourite kind of girl. This is why I’m not the kind of girl whom you would easily miss. This is why I’m not the kind of girl whom you would bother to ask if she’s genuinely okay. This is why I’m not the kind of girl whom you would help even if she was clearly in need. This is why I’m not the kind of girl whom you would want to save from herself.

But I hope you know that underneath all these, I am the kind of girl who feels everything.

xxxx ON THOUGHT CATALOG: http://thoughtcatalog.com/mai-arcano/2016/06/underneath-it-all-im-the-kind-of-girl-who-feels-everything/

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

05.03.16

There are days when I exist but feel as if I'm not alive.

And today I was longing to talk to you about it,

but there's just a myriad of 'buts'...

but you're not here

but even if you were, would you even care?

but how could I think of you when you probably don't even think of me?

but maybe it's just not meant to be

maybe it'll all go away

maybe it's just one of those days

It's just one of those days when it gets completely impossible to love me. Those days when even I can't understand my own self. I make mistakes. I create my own problems. I get drained. To the core. Every single bit of me just dissipates into cold thin air like the dead floating stars across the universe.

I wonder if you have those days too

I wonder what you would have to say

I wonder...

All that I'm left to do right now is to wonder.

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

01.04.16

2015 started out as a year full of uncertainties and constant goodbyes.

I was rather afraid to come back to the place I call home as I had never felt more iffy in my life.

I admit I'm probably the most indecisive person you will ever meet. I don't usually know what I want but I make sure that when I finally do, I've thought about it a lot and I would stick to it for as long as I could.

After a few months of feeling as if my life was completely in shambles, I returned home. Few days later, I've found a temporary relief to my dilemma. Few weeks later, I received another opportunity. I felt so undeserving that I thought to myself "Why me?"

Still, there are days when I feel as if it does not get better. I hate afternoons because they make me feel alone, sad, and anxious. I hate that time after my classes (including weekends) because I know I still have to work from home. I hate Saturdays because all I do is work and that would mean classes on the next day.

A bit weird, a bit sad. That's probably how things are for me most of the time. Looking back, I would have never imagined that things would be as they are right now. I can only wonder if my younger self would be proud if she saw me at this very moment. I've always thought to myself that adults must've figured everything out and that someday it would be the same for me. I wish I knew what I was talking about then. Silly me.

It wasn't an easy decision to make but I realised that several opportunities must have landed at God's perfect time in my life (as how it has always been). I decided that I needed this change. I also told myself that I had nothing to lose anyway. I'm still relatively new to this "adult-ing" thing and I'm still attempting to find some kind of stability and juggle all that is life. I'm learning at my own pace but I'm certain that with the Lord Almighty as my guide, I'll reach a good balance in no time. (Matthew 6:34 ♥)

I know my mind will still be as ever-changing as it has always been. Nonetheless, my only prayer is that I fall deeper into His love further than my restless thoughts could ever wander.

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

09.09.15

It’s past 3am.

It’s past 3am and I somehow find myself in solace– the only time and place that I feel safe. There is nothing more that I yearn for all throughout the day than to just be with myself, far from everything that is in existence; far away from my reality. I would rather be lost in this moment than find my way into reality. I would rather just stay this way than be in a state where I feel like it is easy for everyone to pay unnecessary attention to me. I would rather live and wallow at this point in time because I know that the world would not mind. I would rather revel in this silence than hear what everyone has to say when all I ever really need right now are the words: “It’s okay. Everything will be okay.” I would rather be alone than find myself in juxtaposition. I would rather be by myself than have someone who cannot be with me. I would rather keep these thoughts to myself because I know no one would ever truly understand even if they try and tell me that they do. I would rather lie to myself than face the world that is so insincere.

I just want to be with me.

I just want to be here.

It’s past 3am, but only for now.

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

03.22.15: Struggle Sunday

I don't want to have to compete with anyone or anything for your attention Because I don't want to. I know that I don't have to. I know that I shouldn't. Because it doesn't make sense Because it doesn't seem right Because I don't want you to come around just because I'm the one who's here. Just because I'm the one who's available. Just because it's convenient. I wish you could see me as more than just that I wish you would see me differently from the way you see others And not because I'm telling you this right now Because I don't want to have to force things I don't want to have to compete with anyone or anything for your attention Because I have to think of myself. I have to do it for myself. Because every time I feel like I'm on a solid stable ground, you just find a way to ruin the moment as you let me slip back down. And you don't know how hard it is to feel that way... And it feels so bad I wish I didn't have to feel it. I wish I could tell how you really feel I wish I could figure everything out. But even if everything was perspicuous, there's one thing that I can never discern... I don't know if I would ever find myself secured in your presence.

Lost Stars by Kiera Knightley on Grooveshark

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

11.28.14: Thankful Thursday

Swear my mood can go from 0-100 real quick like Blair!

My last entry ended quite ironically so here's a post to brighten things up! Going to make this as quick and simple as I can. Here are a few things I'm grateful for today: ■ Really thankful that I've finally and genuinely felt better again last night! I've been meaning to blog about how I've been experiencing a spiritual high around the same time last month but I got quite preoccupied to copy what I've been jotting down on my hardbound journal. Until PMS came and tried to mess up everything again [thus, my previous post haha]. It's such a struggle how it's so easy to be all lopsided once you neglect your Quiet Time for even just a tiny weenie while and how it's so hard to get back on track again :( ■ Waking up on the right side of the bed AND really early in the morning! ■ Hassle-freeee traffic ■ Handling 2-3 y/os for today's BSF class like super cutesicles how there's this boy, Basti, who was super shy at first-- burying his face into his nanny's tummy-- but eventually warmed up to me when I played "bump trucks" with him! Forgot the last time I had to literally crawl on the floor and play with toy cars! :)) And then there's this girl, Zoey, who was having tantrums when her nanny left. She didn't talk too much but she was really pretty smart and it was such an "aww" moment when she trusted me quite easily and held my hand. So glad to know that I'm still a kid magnet after all! HAHA. ■ Lunch c/o my BSF leader and conversations about how amazing God truly is! ■ Favorite weather for most of the day + A little bit of rain ■ Nappies and quality time w/ the little one!! ■ Getting tha chance to play my uke again ■ Being able to defend my village/win attacks even if I haven't checked my Clash of Clans for the entire day! ■ Capping off my night w/ a cuppa purple potato latte while watching ALL the Gossip Girl Thanksgiving eps!! [Where in my list, the order goes: S1, S3, S6, S4, S2. My criteria was based on Blair's feelings, ChAir's condition, how they celebrated as families/friends, how much pie/food was consumed, how much drama was involved, how the conflicts were resolved, and how the episode ended.] This was the last time I did a similar post and I think I should probably do this more often. Isn't it thrilling that some of the happiest moments are yet to happen in our lives? I know it's so easy to overlook the little things that bring us simple joys but at the end of the day, there's always something to be grateful about :)

Reasons to Sing by The Crash on Grooveshark

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

11.22.14: Slipping Saturday

I wish life has a restart button. I feel like I just wanna run away and never come back. I wanna be somewhere new. I wanna meet new people yet remain a stranger to them. Maybe a simple "Hi" or asking for directions would suffice. But I just don't want to have anything to do with anyone. I don't want any life story telling or opening up. At this point, maybe I even want to just un-know everyone I've ever met. I just wish I were a star, or a cloud, or the sun, or the moon. Something that's constantly there yet can exist without having a lot to do with people. Because so what if I'm gone. I know. So what? I know it's difficult to deal with me. I know I'm all sorts of insane and I'll give you all the reasons to let go of me so easily. I know I'm impossible for saying all these things when there are people who try their best to stay in my life but I make it seem as if there's nothing they can do to prove to me that they really want to be there. And trust me, I appreciate all the effort but even I could not figure out what has to be done to make me realize just how serious and sincere people are when they say that they want to be in my life. All I sense is that it takes a certain kind of strength and consistency to set me in-- and maybe their "best" isn't just enough. And that's okay. I understand if they have to leave. I know the universe does not revolve around me, my issues are too measly, and everyone has a life of their own. So I guess all I'm holding on to is knowing that what's meant to stay will always find its way anyway-- no matter what it takes, no matter how hard it is. But you know what's even more difficult? It's hard when you have to pretend that everything's okay. I hate it when I'm not feeling pretty swell and I have to explain to people why I feel that way. Like, idek why I'm not okay, okay? And this is why I feel like it's so much better to just tell everyone that I'm doing fine. Because eventually, maybe I will be anyway. It's hard when you have to be strong for the people around you. It's like I want to push people away not only because I just want my space, but also because I don't want wanna be a Debbie Downer. I intend to inspire people and I want for them to be happy always. I never want to ruin their happiness and that's why I don't want to involve them in my feeling of being in the dumps. I don't wanna be the kind who would infect them with sadness. I don't want them to see me like this. At the same time, however, it feels as if I just want people to see right through me and idk maybe say and do something that they would actually mean or maybe just find a way to genuinely be there like even without saying anything. But I just really don't want for people to have to worry about me. I don't want them to spend too much time and energy on me. I don't ask them to be there always but I just want them to remember me. And it's hard when you want to be remembered as the girl who always smiled even if that's not how she really felt inside.

Yellow Flicker Beat by Lorde on Grooveshark

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

10.06.14: Meek Monday

I just can't seem to comprehend and it angers me quite immensely when people question whether I am strong enough. As profound as it may seem, it also baffles me as to whether they mean it literally or figuratively. Either way, it irks me. I've had my share of hospital trips but I'm not the most sickly person I know of. I'm not aware of being allergic to anything nor do I experience being frequently ill with the common types of sickness. And this is why I don't get what people mean by not being "strong enough". Still, I've been trying to engage in a few physical activities to prove otherwise and to somehow muster a sense of strength. I've been attempting to do things I've never imagined myself doing, to expand my borders, to push my limits, and to take risks. I wonder if the toughest people have to work as much as I have to. I wonder if they feel pain the way I do. Truth be told, I sometimes wish I were as resilient as other people seemed. I hate it when I'm physically incapable. I hate being fragile. I hate being frail. I hate delicate. I hate feeling feeble, helpless, weak, and all that. I just don't want to have anything to do with all those words. But lately it appears as if I'm being reminded that I'm not invincible. Apparently, I have a mortal skin which can be so easily pierced by a can; by a puppy's tooth; or even by a measly edge of a paper. I realized that accidents happen and we can only do so much to prevent them from happening. Furthermore, it also occurs to me again that this Earth is not our home and that my life is not my own. Everything I am, everything I have is just borrowed. And this is why I can possibly say that I'm not so much afraid of death as I am terrified of getting hurt. Nevertheless, I don't regret the risks that I've taken and I would still most likely take a massive gamble in this life once in a while. So okay, maybe I bruise easily. Maybe I'm fragile, maybe I'm frail. But at least I don't sit around waiting for another mortal soul to save me or to fight my own battles for me. And although the thought of getting hurt already instills agony in me, it amazes me how I am also just as excited to slay my own dragons and/or sometimes have tea parties with them. This I know and I am confident about because I acknowledge Who my real Strength is-- that whenever I'm weak, He is strong. He's my Hero, my Deliverer, my ever present Help, and my Fortress. He keeps me going, breathing, and fighting. I think it is important to have a kind of mindset where you believe that you can do all things, but only through Christ who strengthens you. As for me, I know that He has already won every war before I even encounter them. And this whole thing which comes into view like an allegory? It's all part of life. It's rather humbling, really.

Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily by Natasha Bedingfield on Grooveshark

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

09.14.14: [If I] Stay Sunday

One of the best scenes bc it was intensely bittersweet!

Before anything else, I shall warn you that this post contains some spoilers so if you haven't seen the movie yet, you should go see it first and thennn let me know what you think about it!! I'm not quite certain if the trailers just gave away too much, whether I just expected a lot, if my standards are just a bit high, or whether the weather was just as cold as my heart. Sure, there were times when I almost started to tear up but it wasn't difficult for me to hold the tears back. Tbh, I haven't read the book [even if I really wanted to] because everyone else started reading it soon as they learned that the movie was coming out. So I was just like meh, whatever I'm just gonna wait for the movie then. I believe that it's unfair to compare art forms but I do have a feeling that the book is better than the film-- just like what most critics say about novels being turned into movie adaptations. If it weren't for Chloë, it is unlikely that I would have watched it on the big screen as well. But since we're at it, let me lay down a few thoughts I have in relation to the movie. Well if I were Mia, I probably wouldn't have wanted to still wake up upon learning that I would no longer be with my family. I kind of tried to picture myself in the scene where Kim was talking to Mia. And although I'm somehow confident that it could be the same for me-- like people who aren't biologically related to me would actually come to visit and ask me to consider staying-- I'm still quite skeptical about the entire thought of having to live. It's like, okay, you say all these mushy things right now but you're gonna be just fine without me [or in that case, Mia]. I mean, people will get over it eventually. They'll have to move along and go on with their lives. No self-pitying or fishing here, but isn't that the reality? And what if love wasn't just enough reason for Mia to stay as well? I mean, idk but I felt like it's as if the love that she and Adam had was not skin-deep and all-consuming to conquer death or make life worth living. But then again, who am I to judge and what do I even know about love anyway? So is it going to be worth it to stay? I ask this because I, too, was once confronted with a choice that was to change my life. And I made a decision to stay in a different way just because I thought it was going to be worth it-- just because I was assured that it would be and I believed so easily. Most likely, it would always appear to me that I've made a mistake but it also occurs to me that if I chose a different path, I wouldn't have met some people who might actually make me think twice should there come a point when I get to have a say on whether I have to stay.

✿✿✿

I wanted to do this little thing over the New Year's or during my birthday but I thought maybe I could just repeat it or do it all again anyway. And I figured why not today? Why not now while we're all still here? While I can still express it and while there's still a chance for the people concerned to listen to what I have to say. Besides, it's already the "ber months" and we've gone through more than halfway this year-- you've actually gone through more than halfway of keeping up with me, wow! Congratulations! *throws confetti* So here it goes...mm well I know it's really tough to put up with me, so I just want to sincerely thank each and every single soul who still manages to stay in my life. I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with because almost everything depends upon my mood. And if you have been bearing with me for quite a while now, you won't be surprised about how my mood can so easily switch from A-Z before you can even say "mood swings". I know I don't always say the right words and I've done some things that I may not be conscious about or things that I may not be entirely proud of. Just recently, some of my friends told me how it seems like I've been MIA or like something's up with me. But I swear there's nothing to worry about :)) Perhaps it's just my hypersomniac phase, in which I also naturally space out or zone out again. Idk it just feels like I'm freely floating on thin air. *u* croo croo... Hello, Earth to Mai!! :)) And maybe these are the times when I could be a massive pain in the @$$ but I want you to know that I try-- I really try hard enough to make it easy for all those who surround me. I must say, you're a tough cookie yourself for having so much patience to deal with all the insanity that I have to offer. For that, I thank you. Thank you for accepting my typical weird self. Thank you for understanding me despite my bitch fits. Thank you for laughing at my lame jokes. Thank you for looking out for me no matter how stubborn I can get. Thank you for knowing how to keep the right distance. Thank you for sticking around even if I have the tendency to push people away. Thank you for initiating conversations and catch ups regardless of our busy conflicting schedules. Thank you for seeing and bringing out the best in me when I feel like I'm at my worst. Thank you for checking up on me even when I don't reply and even when I neglect to charge my phone all the freaking time. Thank you for patiently listening to my pathetic whines and all that gibberish. Thank you for everything else that I might have forgotten to thank you for. Ty ty ty. Just please stay with me A little longer perhaps? I want you to stay.

Stay With Me by FKA twigs on Grooveshark

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

9.9.14: Teeming Tuesday

You could probably say that this post is still somehow similar or related to my previous post. It's quite amusing how things are turning out that way-- like scattered constellations finding their way to one another-- or at least that's the way I see it. Mm so I got a number of calls and private messages yesterday because I guess I could presume that I've made quite a buzz on my social media networks?? :)) [omg lol conceited sarreh huhu :( :))] Tbh, it's not the first time that I almost unabashedly tried to seek some sort of what I would call reassurance, just to see who would care enough and just to give me an idea on whether I've made the right decision to lay out a space for them in my life. I even recall a particular moment when one of my friends went missing and in the middle of our serene search, I just had to blurt out something like "if I were the one who went missing, would you look for me as well?" and my other friends just had to laugh at me initially as I inquired with tears forming in my eyes. :)) Ridic, I know. But I felt their sincere response and up until today, I could say that I am blessed to still have these people in my life. You must know, however, that yesterday's [and perhaps all my attempts to cause a] hullabaloo was slightly unintended. And if you know me too well, you would be aware that I just usually do what I want and that's about it. Although I'd be a hypocrite if I'd say that the whole ballyhoo didn't put a smile on my face and made my heart flutter. So if you're one of those who went out of their way just to find out what's up with my little act and if you're reading this right now, well hello thereee!! :) I hope you know how much I appreciate what others may consider to be a shallow gesture. Maybe I'm silly like that. Maybe we're silly like that. But whatever, I don't even care half as much as I care about the relationships that I've built with the people who prove to be worthy of being in my life. Someone once asked me how I'd feel if there would come a time when people wouldn't pay attention to me anymore. But I'm like, that's impossible, right? Lol I'm kidding :(( :)) With all honesty though, I admit that I'd probably be a tad sad since there are unfortunate circumstances when I quite frankly tend to be a homo agnitio agnitius. On the contrary, there are also times when I just cringe once people start to give me too much attention [whether it be in a good or bad way]. It's all confusing, really. I guess it's safe to say that I like getting attention from the people who matter. But even if I didn't, I'm perfectly secured that I'd do just fine. Maybe I really am usually just too self-absorbed to even think about what others think. Others may view me as "the girl who cried wolf". I may have "cried" but I don't think I ever cried out about a "wolf"? In my defense, I never lied; denied; nor confirmed anything. It's really all in the head and I'm pretty sure that it's no longer my fault if people start to assume. I can only take responsibility for stirring minds but I don't think that's necessarily something bad?? I know I always try to come up with something to make things interesting. And well maybe that's because I like making people guess and think. I'm fond of posing challenges and keeping them interested. Idk but I guess that's just my way of making people stick around so I could at least say that I want them in my life and that I've exerted effort to make them stay. I guess I just genuinely value relationships because it's not easy for me to let people into my life. Some people might find it immensely difficult to understand all these and that's okay. I don't live to please everyone anyway. I just sincerely hope that the people in your life are as awesome as those who are in mine :)

Long Way Off by Gungor on Grooveshark

xoxo, Mai♥

[maiqueencesstales]

07.24.14: Turtle Thursday

Have you ever felt so tired that you just wanted to run away? You're tired of nothing in particular but you just feel like running away to see how far you could go. You just want to be somewhere else, someplace new, probably surrounded by different faces of people who barely know you. You want to find out who would sense your absence-- or if there's anyone who would really miss you and would be willing to go after you or look for you. You suddenly feel like withdrawing from the world and this symbiosis just because it seems as if you've had a sufficient dose of it for the time being. And you know that you would spend time with your favorite people as much as you could because you like and enjoy being with them or conversing with them, but you're also afraid that it might become a routine and that everything would soon become a cliché. You just don't want your relationship to become mundane because you know that what you have is worth more than that. So this is where you start to just stare at your phone as it rings or blinks and you almost intentionally neglect to plug it in once the battery runs low. You also cease or take your time to reply to people's messages because it's as if you're running out of words and you know that could be excruciating for you to bear the thought of ending a conversation without sounding so bland. On a different note, this is also where you try to reevaluate if you have the tendency to become too clingy to the point of being annoying. You just don't want to come off as too dependent on people. You don't intend to over-think but you just want to warrant that you can maintain a balanced relationship. You do somehow like clingy too...but it only applies to certain people and at a particular frequency. In this case, you prefer consistency over clingy. Consistency makes you feel secured because you know that the trouble with this entire cycle is that it is full of risks and you're just scared that once you're gone for too long, people might actually stop missing you and start forgetting about you. And so, once you recover, you know your favorite type of people are the ones who can catch the drift of all these things. They are the ones who would always be there when you need to reverse the process and recharge from the time that you hibernate into sublime solitude. You just really need a day or two to recuperate from all the energy spent on interacting with people because you feel like being social has drained every single fiber of your being. But you know you'll eventually come out from retreating into your shell long before you even know it.

Recover by CHVRCHES on Grooveshark

xoxo, Mai♥