plants are better than humans

I don't know what I'm doing on this site anymore / call me plants / she they

[sisterofiris]

Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.

Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.

[yay855]

I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.

[rox-and-prose]

“Slutantions” has me crying laughing

[watermite]

i once emailed my professor with a migraine. a mistake.

“I amsick will not to choir because i have a heache. i Hope its very and i am so sorry

love,

blue”

the subject line was “OW”

[xakumi]

THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”

[themodernsouthernpolytheist]

As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.

[asortoflight]

On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”

[whisky-gerblin]

Reblogging for the last addition

[badgraph1csghost]

Claritin makes me weird, but I have allergies so there’s about a month and a half block of time where I’m taking Claritin and am just weird most of the time.

Anyway, my last year of college, I got the flu or something in late March and was also taking Mucinex. I told my professor I couldn’t come to class one day by email except I couldnt think of what to say, so my medicated ass decided to make a Fry meme. I think it said something like “Not sure if I can go to class with a head the size of Texas, bottom text.” I didn’t think until the next day that it probably wasn’t socially-acceptable to tell your philosophy professor you weren’t coming to class via Tumblr style memes. When i got back to class, i found that she’d printed it out and taped it to the classroom bulletin board.

[badgraph1csghost]

Oh shit you guys i turned on my WinXP laptop that I used to use back then.

IT WAS ON THE DESKTOP. THIS IS WHAT I SENT.

It’s even worse than i remember it

[omnicat]

I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.

[bucketbunny]

Once emailed a professor from my hospital bed high on painkillers after a really bad car crash which my heart actually stopped the email “Dead cant class sory”

[sarumans]

i was very sick over new years and one day i woke up to find i had emailed my manager in the middle of the night:

she said it was the most beautiful sick email she’s ever gotten

[scorpio-system]

We all got that one homie struggling with traitorous eunuchs, comets of ill omen, and the yangtze river floods

[maxknightley]

why doesn't she simply direct the engineers and laborers to set up dams, levees, etc. is she stupid

[averyterrible]

traitorous eunuchs keep embezzling from the dams, levees, etc. accounts. that's what the comets are about...

[plantsarebetterthanhumans]

we must not forget the droughts up north that are also weakening the borders as they run out of grain to feed the soldiers

[mens-rights-activia]

I miss the world before AI image generation

Secondly, I also miss the world where AI image generation was just incoherent blobs and obvious fakes

Thirdly, I miss when I had a spark in my eye

[ketchup-cat-sub]

Fourthly, I miss when I throw so watch out

[chilewithcarnage]

Five, nothing wrong with me

[firewirecompatible]

Six geese-a-laying

[starphaserdisco]

Seven (often stylized as Se7en) is a 1995 American crime thriller film directed by David Fincher and written by Andrew Kevin Walker. It stars Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman, with Gwyneth Paltrow and John C. McGinley in supporting roles. Set in an unnamed, crime-ridden city, Seven's narrative follows disenchanted, nearly retired Detective Lieutenant William Somerset (Freeman) and his newly transferred partner David Mills (Pitt) as they try to stop a serial killer from committing a series of murders based on the seven deadly sins.

Walker, an aspiring writer, based Seven on his experiences of moving from a suburban setting to New York City during a period of rising crime and drug addiction in the late 1980s. An Italian film company optioned his script, but following financial difficulties, the rights were sold to New Line Cinema. Studio executives were opposed to the script's bleak conclusion, insisting on a more mainstream and optimistic outcome. Fincher, determined to re-establish himself after a career setback with his directorial debut Alien 3 (1992), was mistakenly sent Walker's original script and, convinced of its merit, committed to directing the project if the original ending remained intact. Principal photography took place in Los Angeles between December 1994 and March 1995, on a $33–$34 million budget.

[cool-jpgs-of-wizards-with-swords]

[caninite]

My best friend's favorite number is nine. It's because there isn't a number that's higher. 9. 99. 999. 9999.

If everything gets high enough, you become invincible. Nothing can hurt you anymore. Nothing can hurt anyone anymore.

But isn't it scary, to think that there's a highest number? That if you made 99 good memories, you couldn't hold any more?

So I don't like to keep count. Of the flowers they pick, or how many times we laugh, or how many scary faces they make.

I just hope we'll be friends for 999 more years.

[seven-oh-four]

Ben Ten

[milfannihilator-deactivated2026]

Kevin Eleven

[bunwichhorror]

12 Monkeys is a 1995 American science fiction thriller film directed by Terry Gilliam from a screenplay by David Peoples and Janet Peoples, based on Chris Marker's 1962 short film La Jetée. It stars Bruce Willis, Madeleine Stowe, Brad Pitt, and Christopher Plummer. Set in a post-apocalyptic future devastated by disease, the film follows a convict who is sent back in time to gather information about the man-made virus that wiped out most of the human population on the planet.

[mutantrenegade]

[relevant-wikipedia-articles]

14th Waffen Grenadier Division of the SS (1st Galician) - Wikipedia

[gumi-megpoidd]

number 15. burger king foot lettuce

[stellarflex]

[swan2swan]

A fae being stands before you.

“Every day you will receive one thousand dollars in your bank account. But every time you lift a glass to your lips to take a drink, you will hit your front teeth on the first try. Every. Time. Do you accept this deal?”

[crsinclair]

Yes. Quite easily so. You see, making deals with the Fae is down to very specific word choices. They shot themselves in the foot with their own words here while making this deal, even though they thought their word choice was so very, very clever. The Fae specifically uses the word “glass”. This, in turn, limits the person that agrees to the deal to the “hit your front teeth on the first try every time” to only be hitting their teeth on the first try every time if they drink out of a glass. If the person decides to drink out of a container that isn’t made out of glass, like, say for example… A paper cup. Or a soda can. A plastic bottle. Styrofoam cup. Yeti Tumbler. Their own hand. A bowl. Who knows, a person can get hella creative when they realize there are ways to get around the rules without actually breaking them. So. A Fae being stands before me, and offers me this deal. I smile, wide and unassuming, offer my hand to shake. “I accept this deal and all of it’s terms unconditionally.”

[assassinationtipsforladies]

I was in a swing accident as a child and lost my front teeth, the ones in my head are implants. That glass is gonna WORK to hit some Mound of medical waste in Tacoma, Washington

[randomslasher]

Also like. It says lift a glass. What if you leave it on the table and use a straw? I feel like that’s a work-around if you’re like at a fancier restaurant that only uses glasses too. Which you might be a lot if you’re getting $1000 a day.

[theothin]

[themountainflowers]

Also, like, it says ‘you will hit your front teeth on the first try every time.’ But what if. You’re not trying to hit your front teeth. What if it just means you’ll win any ‘hit your front teeth on the glass first’ competition or whatever.

(I know it probably means ‘the first time you try to drink from it’ but like. The fae in question is also using ‘glass’ to mean ‘dish you drink from’, so I don’t see why we can’t be pedantic abt this too even if it’s less literal.)

[spades-of--ace]

its the fae, being a pedantic little bitch is part of the game :)

[themountainflowers]

yay!!!

[thatsbelievable]

TRUTH. What you need is imagination, and you don’t need to go anywhere to use it.

[caitymschmidt]

Yeah, sure, seeing new things is helpful as a fantasy writer. But. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that exposure to new things is the same as traveling. You know what else exposes you to new things?  The internet. Documentaries. Books. Freaking Youtube. So when you’re bored of cats and cooking tutorials, go on an adventure!

You wanna write create some fantasy creatures but don’t know where to start? Go check out some videos The Weird Creatures Earth has Had.

Want some inspiration for your Super Evil Villain’s Villanous Deeds?

Or maybe you want some weird locations to kick start your Fantasy World Terraforming?

Or maybe you need knowledge of bunches of historical places and cities and cultures?

But maybe you’re basing fantasy on the modern world?

Okay but lets say you want to start from the same inspiration as GRRM? (and part two!)

That’s just the stuff I could quickly grab. Things I’m subscribed to, that I know offhand. There is So. Much. Stuff. Online.

The best thing about the internet is that it means its not just the fortunate sons that get to learn, and explore and imagine and write. We get to see stories from all over the place, from all sorts of people, who bring All Kinds of New Ideas.

[ultimatebottom69]

I like you.

[curlicuecal]

an entomologist rates ant emojis

Beautiful big almond eye, realistic and full of expression as she gazes gently at you. Elbowed antennae and delicately segmented legs and body. Gorgeous pearlescent sheen like she is glowing. This ant moisturizes. This ant is round and huggable. This ant is a star. 11/10.

Beautifully detailed, lifelike pose but with an unexpected neck and odd antennae, perhaps scared straight. Her eyes suggest she has seen things. Her expression confirms she has seen too much. She is haunted and I want to know more. 7/10.

Floppy antenna, pointy muppet face, oddly posed legs. What is she? She has no waist. May be she is some kind of bee in disguise? I find her unsettling. 3/10.

This ant has an unexplained, double-jointed thorax, and no evidence of a waist. Her four-footed pose suggests that she a centaur rather than an ant. Centaur ants would be cool. I’m not sure what was intended here. 2/10.

Good first impression, kind of bland in the details. This ant has no particular waist to speak of, floppy rather than elbowed antennae, and an inexpressive face. Her color scheme is soft and hazy. I like the sharp angles of her stylishly sophisticated legs. This ant may not know quite were she is going, but she knows how she is getting there. 6/10.

Were you even trying. 0/10

Gasp! This ant is elegant. This ant has a beautiful tapered thorax, a segmented abdomen, alert, elbowed antennae, and a light-footed pose. This ant’s face suggests curiosity and a desire to explore the world. This ant inspires me. I want to be like her. 10/10

3-legged, waistless centaur-ant with strange, limp antennae and a beak. I don’t know what this is? It kind of reminds me of a Hork-Bajir. 1/10, not an ant.

This ant… makes me sad. All of her legs are broken. The MS Paint art style and gradient abuse convey distress. She has a duck beak. Despite this, her expression suggests perseverance and determined cheerfulness. I want this ant to have a better life. I am rooting for her. 3/10

This ant is a bold and challenging mixture of photorealism and caricature. She is broad and low-built and seems very sturdy. She looks like she would help you move. This ant is a dependable friend. 9/10

A picture of an ant from a children’s book.  She is wearing little boots.  This ant is wrong in every way, and yet I can’t stay mad at her.  7/10

An interesting, top-down view of an ant; her legs are positioned with slightly jarring symmetry.  Nevertheless, her overall impression is that of a graceful, stylized design, like a pictograph.  She is suitable for adorning fine garments and jewelry or perhaps gracing the walls of a tiny ant church.  I like this minimalist ant.  8/10.

This is a termite. -10/10

[argonianbum]

why are these all marked as “she”? don’t female ants have wings??? why bother adding the pronoun???

[curlicuecal]

Alates (male and female reproductives) have wings. The queens shed their wings after they mate. The males die. The daughter workers do not have wings. If you see an ant without wings, it’s a she.

And honestly—why bother panicking about things being called “she”? It’s not like I need a reason to gender a bug. I do it all the time. It’s fun. It’s humanizing. They don’t care.

I’m calling this spider she right now. 🕷️ her name is delanie. she’s a lesbian.

[kalex-corner]

This post was such a delightful trip from beginning to end.

[thatwasfunnypleaselaugh]

@type-blaze0

[type-blaze0]

BUGS!

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

Watching Home Alone is so funny it’s like

Kevin’s mom: *hyperventilating into a paper bag* I can’t believe I left my son home alone, he has to be so terrified, my poor baby boy all alone I need to go get him-

Kevin: *actively planning to commit war crimes*

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

There are, at every turn, adults trying to help Kevin. He is not trapped in that house, he goes shopping like three times. He convinces the pizza delivery guy that there’s an old guy there trying to murder him. Kevin knows exactly what the fuck he’s doing and what he is doing is psychological warfare

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

Petition to make Home Alone a PG-13 movie at LEAST so the Wet Bandits can call Kevin a little shit on-screen

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

Actually no. Rated R. I want to watch Kevin kill a man

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

It started out as a random burglary but the SECOND Kevin shot that dude in the dick it became personal

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

I just realized that like. Until the end of the movie Kevin never figured out his family straight up forgot him at home. He truly thought he had fucking magicked them away with his wish that night and that he had magic powers. No wonder the kid was so full of hubris with those robbers he had the power of God and Santa on his side

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

Okay movie’s over. I have unironically and genuinely come to the conclusion that Kevin is a child prodigy and will possibly the most intelligent person on the planet once he’s full grown. Not only is he able to outsmart the Wet Bandits (great name), he outmaneuvers the police, shoplifts at least once, and rigs up multiple contraptions including a fake house party, a get-chickened fan+feather combo, and a homemade door-activated flamethrower. He does this all while convincing everybody that he’s just a tiny helpless kid.

In fact, at the beginning of the movie, Kevin has his entire extended family convinced he’s so helpless he can’t even pack a suitcase. I bet him attacking Bud and getting sent to his room early was a ploy to keep from having to share the bed with his bed-wetting cousin. At the end of the movie, one of his cousins says something like “Kevin went shopping? He can’t even tie his shoelaces!” This kid is playing his entire family like puppets and they have no idea

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

Like hell it does, that is reads like a 6k post at best. There’s no bit, no clown to gang up on. This post plays into the website’s deep appreciation of Kevin McAllister and his sadism but that can only take us so far. Study tumblr theory and come back to be the clown this post will ride to 40k if you truly want to bring us to victory. And also me to deep shame for having a viral post about Kevin fucking McAllister

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

Watching you suspiciously. Have I made myself the clown of the post again I cannot be three for three on this dude

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

Hey what are you doing. Hey.

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

Shoutout to @icannotgetoverbirds who I think is singlehandedly driving this post to 40k through dedication alone, you’re doing great I’m applauding you from the sidelines

[cheezitthefuzz]

they removed the notes counter because this site is pure ass but it looks like 80k ish now

[queenofmoons-deactivated2024092]

Do you guys remember when Tesla made a car whose windows wouldn’t be broken by a tow hitch and then they made the claim that it would widthstand a nuclear blast and a jalopnik writer wrote and published a piece that was just like “prove it Elon. Go on. Nuke your car” because I think about it every day

[queenofmoons-deactivated2024092]

This wasn’t a joke btw

[queenofmoons-deactivated2024092]

I almost forgot my favorite part:

[bruisedmooons]

Cool lichen I found

[lichenaday]

Awww he hold a lil raindrop

[evilwizard]

fyi i will be extending some dark tendrils across the sky later today. just a heads up

[darkhexqc]

The Red ones are mine try not to get tangled please

[evilwizard]

i thought we scheduled around this

[obeliskthetormentorsfeetpics]

i know its last second but is it ok if i send green lightening arching into the heavens while all this is going on?

[evilwizard]

for fuck’s sake guys

[technofeudalism]

[pedalszczyzna]

[metalheadsagainstfascism]

For all of the northerners that stood up for Texas during our freeze and said, "Don't make fun of them, they've never dealt with this before. Their infrastructure isn't made for snow and freezing."

This one is for you.

Where I live 108°F with 80% humidity with no wind is normal.

Pacific North West is dealing historic best waves 35-40°C or 95-105°F.

First of all. Don't make fun of them for bitching about the heat. Just like Texas isn't built for a freeze and our pipes burst, Pacific North West isn't built for heat and a lot of their homes don't have AC.

If you live somewhere with a high humidity like 80+ HUMIDITY IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. The "humidity makes it feel cooler" is a lie once it gets beyond a point.

If you live somewhere with a lower humidity, misters are nice to cool off outside.

Once you get over 90°F (32°C) a fan will not help you. It's just pushing around hot air. (I mean if you can't afford a small AC unit because they're expensive as hell, by all means a fan is better than nothing).

If you have pets, those portable AC units aren't safe. If your pets destroy the outtake thing, it'll leak CO2. Window units are safer.

Window AC units will let mosquitoes or other small bugs in. Sucks, but that's life.

Now is not the time to me modest. If you have to cover for religious reasons, by all means. If you don't, I've seen people wear short shorts and a swim top. It's not trashy if it keeps you from getting heat stroke.

If you do have to cover up for religious reasons, look for elephant pants or something similar. They're made with a breathable material.

Shade is better than no shade, but that shit it just diet sun after some point. Don't think shade will save you from heat stroke.

I know the "drink your water" is a fun meme now, but if you're sweating excessively you need electrolytes. Drink Gatorade, Powerade, or Pedialite PLEASE. I don't care if you're fucking sitting in one spot all day. That shit WILL save you from heat stroke.

Most importantly. RESEARCH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEAT STROKE AND HEAT EXHAUSTION PLEASE!

If you're diabetic and can't drink Gatorade, mix water, fruit juice, and either lite salt or pink salt

If you can afford it, cover windows with thick curtains to insulate the house

If you have tile floors, lay on them with skin to tile contact. If you don't, laying your head on cool counters works too.

If the temperature where you're at is hotter than your body temperature, don't wear heat wicking clothing. Moisture wicking is safe though.

Check your medication labels. Many make you more susceptible to sun and heat

-Room temperature water will get into your body faster. This is something I learned doing marching band in high summer in Georgia, and it saved all of our asses. Sip it, don't gulp it, especially if you're getting into the red; same goes for whatever fluid you're drinking. And just in general drink during the day.

-If you are moving from an air conditioned space to an un-air conditioned space, if at all possible try to make the shift gradual. When my dad and I were working outside and in un-ac houses a few years ago, he'd turn the air down to low in the truck about ten-fifteen minutes before we got where we were going. This way your body doesn't go from low low temps to high temps. S'bad for you.

-If you can, keep your lights off during the day. Light bulbs may not generate a lot of heat, but the difference is noticeable when it gets hot enough. I literally only turn my bedroom light on in the evening when it gets too dark.

Don't be afraid to just like... pour water on yourself if you need to. The evaporation will cool you off.

Put your hand to the cement for 15 seconds. If you can't handle the heat, it'll burn your dog's paws. Don't let them walk on it.

Dogs with flat faces are more prone to heat stroke. Don't leave them out unsupervised.

Frozen fruit is delicious in water.

Wet/Cold hat/handkerchief on your head/neck will help you stay cool.

Pickle juice is great for electrolytes! You can even make pickle juice Popsicles!

Heat exhaustion is more, "drink water and get you cooled off." Heat stroke is more "Oh my god call 911."

Image Description provided by @loveize

[Image description: an infographic showing the difference between heat exhaustion and heat stroke. The graphic is labeled "Heat Dangers: First Warning." Signs of heat exhaustion: faint or dizzy, excessive sweating, cool, pale, clammy skin, rapid, weak pulse, muscle cramps. If you think you or someone else may be experiencing heat exhaustion, get to a cool, air-conditioned place, drink water if conscious, and take a cool shower or use cold compress. Signs of heat stroke: throbbing headache, no sweating, red, hot, dry skin, rapid, strong pulse, may lose consciousness. If you think you or someone else may be experiencing heat stroke, call 911. End description]

Be safe.

-fae

[bits-and-pieces-of]

As someone who works outdoors in the summertime: OP is very, very correct and heat is NOT a joke.

I would also like to add that beyond a certain temperature, cold water can genuinely be dangerous as a shock to your system. Roofers especially are often BARRED from drinking cold water, because going from nearly 40°C heat and then drinking something ice-cold can CAUSE ACTUAL SEIZURES.

Your best bet is lukewarm or slightly cool water, combined with wrapping an ice pack in some cloth and putting it on the back of your neck or tucking it into your belt.

And for the love of god if you have to go outside, wear BIG FLOPPY UGLY HATS as well as sunscreen. (Good Sunscreen. 60SPF minimum.) Sunburns retain heat and are Fucking Miserable on top of giving you cancer. Bad ones dry out your skin and can cause infections when you’re still sweating a lot and it gets into blisters.

Heat Stress is cumulative. If you are out trying to do the same thing Monday to Friday, something that you could manage on Monday is probably going to knock you flat on your ass on Friday if you don’t pace yourself.

If you’ve had any sort of heat-stress illness in the past, you are more prone to getting it again and more easily than someone who’s never had it.

[themythicalcodfish]

reblogging bc it’s getting solidly into the Deep Heat where I am.

[bard-llama]

Cooling towels like this can be lifesavers, but you have to be able to wet them regularly to keep them cool. Not sure how well they work in super humid areas, but in the dry heat of AZ, they are great.

[elkian]

Speaking of pets, keep a close eye on your critters! Some can be extremely sensitive to temperature changes, and 'getting uncomfortable' for a human who can go get a popsicle and mess with the A/C can be 'death threshold' for other beasts. I'm not trying to freak you out but it is important to know your pets' limits and make sure they stay in a safe range!

[thwrangis]

sorry the faces of every man ive ever killed just flashed before my eyes was that a yes or a no to butt stuff

[arguablysomaya]

the genius of megamind (beyond the obvious genius ofc) is that it's superman parody actually presents a genuinely unsettling depiction of the "hero" that I like wayyy better than "what if superman was evil" or "what if superman was wrong"... it's "what if superman didn't care"

[jessilynallendilla]

I wouldn’t say he “didn’t care” more like he was burnt out

He played the role since he was a child and now is in his what 30s? 40s?

He knew there was never any real danger with Megamind in charge so decided to pursue something that’s a passion and doesn’t come naturally easy to him

but it was still a dick move

[roughentumble]

(via @uwugenides )

[lydiathespiderqueen]

One of the things that always jumped out to me about this reveal is that it implies that Metro Man was also the very first person to recognize that MegaMind wasn’t really evil. He knew his nemesis wouldn’t actually hurt anyone if he won, he knew that this universally reviled pariah never really had any more choice than he did.

The rest of Metro City treats MegaMind like a real, sincere, serious threat once he’s unopposed, and it takes them a while to learn otherwise. But Metro Man? He’s not surprised to see him and Roxanne working together, he doesn’t act like there’s any kind of threat beyond his cover being blown. He wastes no time in coming clean once the cat’s out of the bag. He’s been working with this guy all his life. Besides his own mental health, I get the impression that he also recognized that this would be good for MegaMind too.

I just really love how in a superhero pastiche that asks “Is the villain really so bad, and the hero really so good?” the answer is “no, but that’s okay”. It’s okay that Metro Man isn’t a paragon. It’s okay that he has to take care of himself. It’s okay for him to step down and live his own life. It wouldn’t be okay for him to leave people in danger, but it’s pretty clear he knew he wasn’t doing that.

And it carries to the end. MegaMind becomes the city’s new protector, but it’s clear that he’s still got some issues to work through, and he’s getting help working through them. He’s got a support network, he’s willing to put in the effort, but he’s not the shining paragon Metro Man was believed to be. And he doesn’t NEED to be that paragon. He’s still good. He’s still protecting people. And he’s not alone in it.

God, there’s just so many shitty “Superheroes would have character flaws too, and that’s why they’d actually suck” deconstructions floating around, it’s nice to see a story that acknowledges that no one can live up to that kind of role, but that’s okay!

[silver-tongues-blog]

megamind once again proving to be the best modern superhero movie

[cannibalcaprine]

i feel like we don't appreciate these days how much the twin towers sucked, like, design-wise

they were contemporarily hated for just being these giant grey monoliths

like there probably could've been an easier way to get rid of them, but they probably needed to go either way

[tgirl-subway-the-dark-ages]

crying at this. the curb is brutalist. the sidewalk is brutalist. house made of concrete bricks is brutalist. lmao??

[cue-jay]

[transwrongs]

[tuulikki]

Which makes the Santorini volcano brutalist architecture, given the sheer amount of Crete it conked.