Reveal Rectum

My name is Mallory and I very much enjoy the company of reptiles.

[bunjywunjy]

I was walking through the toy aisle at Target when I found this thing and had a VIOLENT AND IMMEDIATE FLASHBACK to when JP first came out and they had a bunch of REALLY COOL T Rex toys that I would have sold one of my scrawny small-child limbs for but my mother wouldn’t get me one because they were “too violent and also ate people” :(

[bunjywunjy]

hnn I WANT IT SO BAD

[bunjywunjy]

on closer inspection, it makes a lot of really obnoxious noises and is also Too Expensive. BUT FEAR NOT I found this slightly smaller dude wedged in the back!

IT HAS BITE ACTION, AND THAT’S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS

[bunjywunjy]

now we enter the testing phase

yup. looks good.

[bunjywunjy]

Extreme Chompin T-Rex says IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS

[digitaldiscipline]

Can we take a moment to appreciate that we can use this as a rosetta stone to say “EXTREME CHOMPIN’ “ in four languages?

[bunjywunjy]

OH SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT, let me check the garbage to see if it’s still there! hopefully I didn’t destroy it in my excitement

[bunjywunjy]

*roar sound effect*

[bunjywunjy]

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

[bunjywunjy]

update update: I re-sized her collar and found a bag of toy bones at the craft store. I haven’t put this much effort into a non-school thing since my last job search, help

(secret bonus: the other side of her tag)

[crochetninja]

There’s more!

[nuggsmum]

I love.

[bunjywunjy]

I saw that people are reblogging the thread again, so I thought I’d give you all an update on how Wexter is doing!

(just fine)

[bunjywunjy]

Wexter And The Case Of Her Continuing Marvelously Naughty Garden Adventures

OP and Wexter can break all my toes and I would still send a thank you card

[bunjywunjy]

Wexter says SHE WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING (but she might chew your ankles a little bit maybe)

[bunjywunjy]

so it’s come to my attention that at some point this weekend Wexter blew past 100,000 notes, and I for one think that’s very cash money of her.

[bunjywunjy]

it’s been a few weeks, I suppose we should check up on the AHSGSHGAFB?!

ajdhf.

well that’s just,,,

REXCELLENT

[bunjywunjy]

two hundred THOUSAND notes???!?!

[bunjywunjy]

HELL

YES

HELL

FUCKING

YES.

Nearing on 375K Notes!!! What in the Paleolithic are y'all gonna do when they top 400K?!

[bunjywunjy]

cry, probably

[splendentgoddess]

Reblogging to get you one note closer to crossing the 400k mark!

[subbyboymax]

IT’S TIME

[bunjywunjy]

YOU MANIACS. okay, here we go!

HAIL TO THE QUEEN

LONG MAY SHE REIGN!

(she was a skater Rex, she said see you later Rex, she’s finally hit 400k!)

[bunjywunjy]

we’re coming to you live from Halloween 2022, where Wexter continues to be ridiculously jawsome!

this year we’re doing a much-beloved character from classic literature, “Dracula with inappropriate straw hat”

thanks everyone, may your weens be hollow and your candy be many!

[bunjywunjy]

hey! HEY. it’s Halloween 2023! AND YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT WEXTER IS DRESSED UP AS THIS YEAR.

she’s… (WEXTER! here girl!) she’s a… a…..

she’s a T. Rex.

GOTTEM!

[bunjywunjy]

Halloween 2024.

ERASERHEAD BABY.

ohshit

[bunjywunjy]

hello from Halloween 2025! it’s been a hell of a year, but it’s okay.

everything will be fine.

[cuteautumn]

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!

[tomatoreddsworld-deactivated201]

WHAT THE FUCK IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE WHY DID SOMEONE REBLOG THIS

[derranger-deactivated20220102]

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!

[imokube-deactivated20240203]

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!

[mr-freezo-42069-inactive]

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

[hallowed-be-thy-ween]

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN

[ct-5757]

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

TOMMORROW IS HALLOWEEN

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

[thanook]

ITS THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF SEPTEMBER

[wizardchicken]

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN

[dragonbleps]

survived checking my bank account. i deserve a little treat

[dragonbleps]

this had better not alter the Numbers in my bank account

[dragonbleps]

by Talos this can't be happening

[televisionenjoyer]

i respect people who want to keep their menstruation to themselves but i have to make it everyone's problem. Literally if it was socially acceptable to lead every conversation with "I'm menstruating" i would.

[televisionenjoyer]

that's exactly how it feels. say it

[sunshinerotting]

house and wilson decide the only thing stopping them from dating is that neither of them is a woman so they start secretly dosing each other with estrogen and slipping in she/hers in regards to each other until one of them notices and then it’s a race to see who can forcefem the other one the fastest and the winner gets to be the man

[tgirlmagicthegathering]

I feel like tumblr is giving me a very skewed idea of what House M.D is about.

[queselevaaser]

I'm scared to ask

[anti0ch]

in a swamp

[anti0ch]

or in a bog

[anti0ch]

there’s nothing finer

[anti0ch]

than a frog 🐸

[frogginbloggin]

in the mud

[frogginbloggin]

or by the road

[frogginbloggin]

there’s nothing slicker

[frogginbloggin]

than a toad!!

[nyanymous-deactivated20190713]

in a shoe

[nyanymous-deactivated20190713]

or in a boot

[nyanymous-deactivated20190713]

there’s nothing neater

[nyanymous-deactivated20190713]

than a newt!

[thresher-sharks]

in the moss

[thresher-sharks]

or in a pail

[thresher-sharks]

there’s nothing dearer

[thresher-sharks]

than a snail 🐌

[smeliot-deactivated20220528]

By the lamp

[smeliot-deactivated20220528]

Or on a cloth

[smeliot-deactivated20220528]

There’s nothing sweeter

[smeliot-deactivated20220528]

than a Moth!

[flappy-derkins]

In the grass

[flappy-derkins]

By the lake

[flappy-derkins]

There is nothing sneakier

[flappy-derkins]

Than a snake 🐍

[mango-dolphin]

when you

[mango-dolphin]

hrngh

[mango-dolphin]

you

[mango-dolphin]

BEE

[sarcasticmudkip]

[powerburial]

$1,000,000 deposited into your bank account every day for the rest of your life or sex with Jafar?

[kevinmm6]

does jafar love me

[powerburial]

hell no bitch

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was at a ren faire with my mom and I saw a belt with cool leather pouches on it for $3759 and I whispered to her, “You know, if it weren’t for the price tag I’d totally get that,” and she was like “Go for it! It’s only $3000! That’s nothing!” And I was like *surprised pikachu face*.

[ferret-on-pancakes]

When you’re at a ren fair but you forget it’s Argentina

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[molabuddy]

i accidentally clicked onto and off of the "explore" page very quickly, and in the second or so that the explore page was onscreen i saw a beautiful photoshopped image that may infact be nothing like how i saw it due to the speed at which it appeared and disappeared.... but still. what i saw was beautiful

it looked like this

[saltedsour]

dw i got u i am obsessed.with this image

[molabuddy]

OGH MY GOD. YES THANK YOU THATS HIM

[d4rkerthanbl4ck-deactivated2025]

This will never not be funny to me.

[bloodied-dagger]

[letitrainathousandflames]

Peer reviewed tags by @dark-whimsy

[sniperct]

If true we HAVE to make this the biggest flop in gaming history, as in 'destroys the company' levels of gaming flop as in a 'lesson must be taught' gaming flop, as in 'E.T. destroyed atari' gaming flop

[the-x-button]

reminder

[joltick-archive]

reblogging your own selfie

[hyperaije]

why is his name white he’s purple

[joltick-archive]

his name is redd white and he runs a company named bluecorp we dont ask questions here

[archivedbarfblog]

if you mix redd white and bluecorp together like paint you’d get a light purple or pink depending on ratios. we’re just not on his level. we never will be.

[charlesoberonn]

His hair is purple which is red and blue

His suit is pink which is red and white

And his jewels are light blue which is blue and white.

[dwagom]

his shirt is beige there’s something going on

[aliiiiiiice]

he’s a murderer also I think that’s worth mentioning

[insomniacflaaffy-official-deact]

This needs to be added though this post is so damn old

[sixthrock]

his friends call him WHITE BOY

[gaynfl-moved]

what's your "if I won the lottery I wouldn't tell anyone but there would be signs" thing? mine is getting a fully green kitchen

[gaynfl-moved]

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[inbabylontheywept]

daily reminder that i am a person with poor impulse control and not a demon piloting a skinsuit to punish the damned before they die. i cannot eat eggshells. sorry to dissapoint.

[wanderer-chronicles]

[feyosha]

tough audience

[dippingbirdfursona]

Is anyone else getting ads on..... How to kill the monkey King?

[dippingbirdfursona]

[onemillionwordsofcrap]

Oh this is delightful

[girlmostlikely]

This is insane

[the-prophesied-disco-gay]

[mildlyautisticsuperdetective]

the podcast ‘endless thread’ did an episode on this called ‘catfish for dinner’ where they investigated the origin of the story! tl;dr a tiktoker who posts fake drama stories made it up for clout and it’s based on nothing.

[gorefudge]

[beaft]

face of a man who has known sorrow

[beaft]

had to google this as i wasn't familiar with the name. incredibly specific and accurate reference. please don't compare my cat-in-law to a homestuck character again