Slay Boss

My Life Is A Series Of Awkward And Embarrassing Moments Separated By Snacks

[pain-is-too-tired]

Idea of Clark and Lois fully adopting Kon, but so many people kinda assume Kon and Jon are full blooded brothers. Because anytime they're around Kon for long enough they're just like "are you sure he isn't Lois'?"

His more headstrong part of him comes off to people so much more like Lois then like Lex. Especially as he grows older.

Lois lives for it. Both her and Clark do. Like yeah those are their amazing sons. Yep, both got their mother's attitude and their father's heart of gold. Lex? No connection sorry.

Lex is seething. Any attempt to control Kon fails and everytime he tries another article comes out on him.

Lois,immediately after meeting Kon: That's our boy now.

Clark: Ma and Pa already making him a Christmas stocking and teaching him how to make homemade baked mac and cheese.

Lois: I'll get the papers ready-

[armored-clavio]

okay but what if Conner is a secret baby? like the typical baby mama drama who's hiding the kid from the father. And Clark found out about him not even through Lex taunting him or something but just like at random.

Clark flies by this high rise and he always saw this little boy no older than one year old who's often pressed against the wall to wall glass window as if waiting for Superman to pass by. The first time Clark saw the toddler there was a pacifier in his mouth and he was in his lion onesie, chubby cheeks and small hands pressed against the glass to stare at Superman in awe. Clark would have loved to entertain the adorable kid if he wasn't about to respond to an emergency.

Clark would wave at him, seemingly realising that the kid seemed to know when he would fly past his home. Sometimes Clark would see him playing blocks by the window, and sometimes just sitting there on the floor watching the skies. Then the time Clark is finally not in a hurry, he stops by and approaches, sees the gummy smile the kid gives him and his bright eyes in the shade that's in the middle of deep blue and green and he has this dark curls that's not unlike Clark's when he wakes up in the morning. He's so cute that Clark cooed on the glass as he taps it where the boy's open palms are.

The kid babbles and excitedly turns around behind him on occasion as if wanting to show Superman outside his window to someone. Clark idly suspects it's the boy's parent or nanny or a sibling until he faintly hears someone's expensive shoes approaching but can't see past the wall made out of lead (as common to high rises these days).

It's not until he's eye level with Lex Luthor himself that Clark stares unabashedly, his mind helpfully supplying him with his last memory of Lex (One year and three months, not that Clark is studiously counting of course because that's ridiculous) and their time together which isn't exactly appropriate to recall in the presence of a toddler, good golly, that Clark catches himself having what must have been a stupid expression that he's making that has Lex raising a brow, unimpressed as always, before shutting the blinds right at Clark's face like he's a nuisance (which he probably is).

It isn't until later that Clark realizes that the boy is Lex's son, his eyes and frown from his father and if anything it makes him absolutely a lot more adorable because he has Lex's eyes and Clark's hair and... and... isn't that just a pleasant coincidence. hah.

Then a month later he sees the kid actually flies and survives an explosion and Clark's brain short-circuited because apparently he has a secret child.

[okoyestrainee]

Kon somehow manages to convince Clark and Lex to co-parent. Officially, Lex Luthor and Superman have a custody agreement that grants them each equal legal custody of Superboy, with primary physical custody awarded to Superman and Lex given visitation every other weekend, four holidays of his choosing, and every other birthday unless all parties agree to celebrate together. The papers are drawn up by the best lawyers money can buy (on both their parts, since Bruce Wayne bank rolls the Justice League and keeps top law firms on retainer) after weeks of grueling negotiations.

Unofficially, Clark can be a petty bitch, Lex can be a complete asshole, and Kon gets tired of constantly being in the middle. To keep the peace, he establishes 3 simple rules. First, no disparaging the other parent in Kon’s presence. Second, Kon’s best interest always comes first. Third, violation of rules 1 or 2 means Kon calls you Mom in public until the other parent fucks up.

Lex learns very quickly that Kon isn’t joking. He calls Superman a waste of power while watching news reports on the Justice League cleaning up Metropolis after an alien invasion. Kon doesn’t say anything until Lex is on a videoconference with investors.

“Taking off, Mom,” he announces as he hugs Lex from behind. He takes advantage of the shocked silence to kiss Lex’s temple in view of the camera. “Gonna go help Dad with cleanup. Later!”

Kon doesn’t go anywhere. He sits his ass on the couch across the room, grinning smugly as Lex glares at him over his laptop for over an hour.

Luckily for Lex, Clark screws up that very night. Kon got to sit in on the League’s post-invasion debrief and sticks around for dinner after. He mentions his afternoon with Lex and catches Clark rolling his eyes. He could let it go, but enforcing the rule is important.

He waits until Flash, Batman, and Wonder Woman come looking for food to say something. “Mama, didn’t you and Dad promise to get me a new laptop?”

They did not. Clark blushes as red as his cape as Wonder Woman asks Kon what it’s like having a superhero for a mother.

It goes back and forth, and it keeps working. Lex makes an anti-Superman statement that gets quoted in the Daily Planet, so Kon Tweets about how smart his Mom is. Lex retracts his statement the next day. Clark sarcastically comments on the nature of seemingly benign LexCorp acquisitions during a League meeting, so Kon loudly declares that his Mama needs to lead special training sessions for young heroes with super strength. Clark looks into the acquisitions and announces at the next meeting that—surprise!—they’re actually completely legit.

The problem starts when the two men seem to get accustomed to Kon’s nonsense and stop wussing out at the thought of their masculinity or reputations being threatened by a title. Instead, they start competing. It’s a shitshow.

Kon is injured on a mission and calls for his Mama? Lex tries to gain access to the JL med bay, but a smug Superman beats him to it.

“He asked for his Mama,” Clark says as he adjusts sun lamps around Kon’s bed. “Pretty sure that’s me.”

Kon gets exposed to kryptonite and feels too sick to fly? He asks Batman to call his Mom.

“He asked for Mom,” Lex says to a pissed off Superman after Kon’s safely tucked into bed. “That’s me.”

Got the brakes beat off him by somebody strong enough to fuck with (mostly) Kryptonians? Call for Mama, paging Dr. Mama. Lex finds out and is salty Superman was there to proverbially kiss Kon’s boo-boos.

Unsure about his future and nervous about his ability to live a civilian life? Mom, help. Clark hears Lex talking Kon through college options and careers from across town, and he’s so hurt that Kon didn’t come to him first.

Shit. This may have backfired.

[renshengs]

i think parenthood could calm lex down

[jimmyjimsjim]

sadly i have lost some of my very very old lex x clark art, but here are a few of the ones i could find. i like to drop these around every now and then for posterity

some of the real old shit is still up on kisskicker.tumblr.com (i think)

[allien013]

I think about this headcanon and I cannot stop.

I was wondering how funny would be if Kon keeps his civil name Conner Luthor, but for all wrong reasons.

I imagine Clark would let him bc in this au Kal spent so much time with Bruce that B got him hooked on adopting blue-eyed, black-haired children who had experienced traumatic events.

So Clark loves and takes care of Kon. But Kon keeps Luthor's name. Because imagine Lex reaction when he's realizes that HIS kid, using HIS name not only is hero (Superboy), but also have great realtion with Superman. And apparently plans to inherits Lexcorp.

Of course Kon would give Lexcorp to Tim because he's not interested in multi-billion dollar companies and his sweet boy deserves the best gifts.

Also Kon thinks if his civil name be Conner Luthor no one will suspect he is Superboy. Because Superboy is Superman son And Luthor hates him.

But to his surprise Metropolis see this different. People actually thinks that Supes and Lex and divorced parents and Kon is neglected child.

When Clark finds out he had breakdown. Because what the fuck you mean people think HE DATED LEX???!!

Bruce is very amused by the whole situation.

Kon takes advantage of this, and when he's angry with Clark, he threatens to move in with his other dad. (It's very funny because Lex is actually his biological father.)

After these events, Superman and Lex's fights are treated like a divorce gone terribly wrong. People wonder why Luthor can't move on, when his ex clearly did. (Of course, there are photos of SuperBat or fanarts floating around the internet.)

I also imagine that Lex, influenced by, well, everyone, has started spending more time with Kon, teaching him about running a business and taking him to various galas.

Because, damn it, he can't afford to be seen as a father neglecting his own child. (He'll be no worse than fucking Superman.)

[kenconffetti]

hard working papa on house arrest 😌😌😌

[ifanyoneasksyoudontknowme]

Kon: "I stole my dad's credit card."

Tim: "Which one?"

Kon: "I don't know. Visa?"

Tim: "No which dad-"

[jesncin]

Don't Call Me Superboy, a fan webcomic that re-imagines the origin story of Kon El Superboy.

I wanted to group all the pages I have so far again! This project has come a long way from when I started it, and it's still got a ways to go. Thanks for your patience as I casually work on this between my demanding jobs. I hope you're as excited to go on this journey with Kon as I am!

It shouldn't have to be said, but disclaimer: this is a re-imagining of Kon's origin. Not a direct or faithful adaptation of the source material. It is not a retelling either. It pulls influence from much of Kon's classic and modern lore but isn't beholden to canon's narrative. It is a completely new story.

[roodles03]

I'm shocked that I haven't seen anyone point out that Vox can be forcibly silenced against his will and get fully muted, completely losing his voice.

(Ironic since his name means Voice lmfao)

BUT Alastor is unable to be silenced even when his mouth his foribly shut. He can still speak his mind and CANNOT be muted against his will. His voice literally cannot be silenced by others.

Not only is this yet another awesome foil between the two (which is the obvious)

But it also represents that radio is actually STILL most reliable long distance method of communication to this very day (in terms of its failure rate)

For instance, during extreme weather, weather radios are almost always the LAST thing that fails. Typically everything else will fail first. Cell towers can get knocked out easily, especially making phones useless. Power poles and powerlines easily can fail, and when the power goes out it renders most television and desktops useless, and you only have so much battery on your moblie devices.

BUT a weather radio will often STILL be working as normal even after all other methods of communication and warning have been lost. (Not always, but the failure rate during dire times is VERY low compared to literally everything else)

[elsa-fogen]

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i love me some more parallels, and i love that Alastor just Can't Shut Up

for some reason this made me think of an apocalypce AU (humanization) where we see characters sepparated, alone or in small groups, and the only thing that gives them hope and helps them keep going is the same radio host, that keeps broadacting, even now.

And then cut to Alastor, complitely alone, without even knowing if his broadcast going to anyone at all, and if there's anyone alive, or he's literally the last living person on the planet.

Bonus points if he's injuried.

[chyseceik]

origin story of fanboy Vincent lmao

Part 2

[jayeeeelinhiding]

failed plans

[chyseceik]

UHSJSH I LOVE THEMM

[chyseceik]

Get a load of Lucifer being in a state of shock and confusion when his heart skipped a beat from seeing this creepy red guy's genuine smile for the first time. Here's Alastor's experience

Also, I think Alastor woould be cracking up at any mention of Vox's stupid flat head. Definitely not because I personally find his flat head hilarious, too.

[chyseceik]

An extension of my previous comic! The Alastor version. Him having to snap himself out because little by little he's starting to see Lucifer's silliness as endearing rather than stupid or foolish Lucifer's experience

[duhaeriss]

hello im bringing back this au enjoy

DON'T REPOST.

[calladraws101]

Executioner Duties

[drazhaq]

Eldritch deers get nose boops