On this, the anniversary of the lunar landing, let us also celebrate the greatest post-mission achievement by a crewman.
I refer, of course, to the time Buzz Aldrin (age 72 at the time) cold-cocked a moon landing conspiracy theorist straight in his smug face after being accused of being a coward, liar, and thief.
Yes, someone was indeed dumb enough to tell a man so unafraid of death that he was willing to go into the void on a fragile explosive rocket, a coward.
Said dumbass was filming this confrontation as some sort of proof of moon fraud, but has instead captured this glorious moment of near-cosmic justice for us to loop for all time.
Aldrin was not charged with any crime. He should have been given another medal for public service.
THERE IT IS AGAIN! THERE IT FUCKING IS! i’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS PHOTO FOR YEARS AND NEVER COULD FIND IT!! THE LAN PARTY WITH THE GUY DUCT-TAPED TO THE CEILING!! BACK IN ANCIENT TIMES WHEN PEOPLE STILL USED CATHODE MONITORS AND WHEN COUNTERSTRIKE WAS THE NEW THING. THIS SHIT IS REAL. THIS IS REAL SHIT. SHIT THAT HAPPENED.
Blackundertaker for the link. So kotaku did an interview with a butch of people to track down the people connected with the LAN party.
From the article.
The picture in question originates from Mason, Michigan, where a close group of friends who liked to build personal computers and organize LAN parties grew up. Through Reddit and email, we were able to get in touch with a large portion of the group, as well as obtain verification and additional images…
For the Mason alumni, the night they taped Drew Purvis to the ceiling was just an average day, another LAN party with friends.
“It was still early in the day and the LAN had already become fractured,” said Nick Wellman, another LAN goer. “There were about 10 of us there, and we were already playing three, four different games. Tyler was looking around and said, ‘I think you can duct tape someone to that I-beam.’”
At this point, the teens gathered the necessary supplies, bought duct tape on a friend’s employee discount and had the tallest attendee, Brian, hold the subject, Drew, aloft while the rest taped him up.
What you see in the now-iconic photo is actually the group’s second attempt to suspend their friend from the ceiling with duct tape. After about 10 minutes, the tape digging into his sides, Drew asked to be cut down. They revised their plan, adding pillows, and strapped him back up. Once on the beam, someone else had the idea to stack some tables up so Drew could still play on his computer.
“That is the funniest part about the picture,” Nick told us. “Gaming from the beam was a complete afterthought.”
Drew lasted about two hours suspended above his comrades before retiring to the ground (turns out a duct tape cocoon runs hot).
hate to say it but the key to having things solved by big company customer service is you just gotta stretch the truth with them. or straight up lie. actually. was on the phone for 3 hours because they sent something to the wrong address and spoke to 10 different departments trying to figure out if anyone could go fucking get it and they're like "uhhh but can you go get it" bitch I'm 8 hours away by car, I don't live in the house where you sent it.
took a moment to think, called back and was just like. Hi. My package was stolen off the porch!!! Saw the cunt steal it myself!! Anyway can you please send new things to this other address for free since that's your policy for stolen goods thank you~☆ ! and it was immediately solved.
CHEERS TO GUY WALTON FOR “OUTING” THE FOSSIL FUEL COMPANIES
From the article:
Walton has devised his own criteria for named heatwaves in the US, based on duration and extremity, on a one to five scale similar to hurricanes. Heatwave Chevron is classed as a four and is “historic”, Walton said. The meteorologist said he has a list of 20 oil and gas companies – including Exxon and Shell – for upcoming heatwaves and will turn to coal companies if he runs out of names.
(I have clawed my way through another semester to bring you part four of my hero x villain story! They now have names. There are new characters with actual speaking roles. There is ✨Fashion✨.
beginning, previous chapter)
Phase 3: Walk walk, fashion baby~
"You know, I kind of wish we were the same size right now, because this room calls to my inner child's need to play dress up."
Dawn was bouncing from mannequin to clothing rack, trying to take everything in at once. The nature of my work meant that I needed to have an extensive array of outfits to choose from. Some of these outfits were scattered across different safe houses I own, but most of them could be found in The Closet. I built The Closet to be a costumer's dream.
Three floors. Temperature controlled. Organized by color, style, and event. And of course, there was Deji.
Deji was a tall person, never seen without a fantastic outfit and meticulously decorated afro. The day's look appeared to be small lights, turning their hair into a glorious halo of stars, and a comfortable maxi dress in black and midnight blue. I took a moment to appreciate their artistry.
"Rhe, sweetness, you brought me a new doll to play with!" Deji exclaimed.
Dawn turned to us, concerned. "Uh, doll?"
It was too late for him. Deji pounced, measuring tape in hand. Their rich, low voice filled the room with questions like "Are there any fabrics or textures that you can't stand?" and "Do you know how to walk in heels?", as they gently poked Dawn into optimal measuring stances.
"Deji, this is Dawnstar, as I'm sure you already know. Dawn, this is Deji, expert tailor and fashionista." I sidled over to a lectern on one side of the room. It had a tablet built into it, allowing the user to view a catalogue of every item in The Closet, as well as a detailed archive of fashion history and trends. Directly in front of me was a short pedestal surrounded by mirrors, reminiscent of a high end dressing room in a bridal boutique. I began to scroll through color pallets and fabric types as Deji herded Dawn over to stand on the pedestal.
"What sweetness fails to mention is that I'm her *oldest* and *dearest* friend," Deji playfully intoned, "and I got to bear witness to *all* her awkward stages growing up." I shot them a frosty glower, to which they simply blew a raspberry at me.
How dare they bring up my dark past.
"Rhetoric? Control queen, stone cold poker-face, no hair out of place *Rhetoric* had *awkward phases*? *Plural*?!" Dawnstar seemed to no longer be perturbed by Deji's maneuvering, too delighted at the concept of me having once been... cringe. "I know she can be dramatic, but even when she's going full ham it's in a weirdly graceful way?"
"I too, am human, and have thus have on occasion made questionable decisions. I have since trained myself out of my more... troublesome tendencies or overly emotional reactions." I knew that he was very aware of my levels of self control, having seen me once stare down a Strorix Game-Master during the Deathgame incident, without balking. The Game-Master looked away first.
I smoothly pulled out my phone and pull up the official wedding invitation he received, slaying that conversation before Deji could talk about my version of an emo phase.
"The noise from our confrontation has died down a bit, but there are still a few mentions of it here and there. This is perfect, given that we have only two-and-a-half weeks until the wedding. That should be plenty time for Deji to work their magic on our outfits."
Deji snorted, "*Plenty* she says. Plenty! Two whole outfits in less than two weeks, and for the event of the *year*!" They devolved into aggrieved ranting as they finishing taking measurements.
I began to read the wedding invitation aloud, to drown out their griping.
"Together with their families, Lady Rong Shih and The Rockin' Sorcha Darrow invite Dinari "Dawnstar" Seidu-Tinio, along with a guest, to share in their wedding celebration." A second page lists location, time, and preferred style of dress.
"They seem to be following the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy rather than any real dress code, which leaves us plenty of room for creativity."
I looked back at Dawn to find him staring at me, eyes wide and his lips slightly parted. "You... I don't think I've ever heard you say my actual name before."
Oh, that was interesting. I decided to see what happened when I pushed this particular button.
"Well *Dinari*, you've never used my given name either. I'm starting to wonder if you even know it."
He made an interesting choking sound as I practically purred his name, it was even better than when I used pet names with him.
"W-wha? I mean- of course I know your name! It just- I got so used to calling you Rhetoric, and then Rhe - though that was more to try and mess with you early on and it didn't really work - but I *do* know your name, *Ms. Rhea Rivera*."
That... Alright, maybe I understood his reaction to the use of his name now. It felt... intimate, hearing that from him. Unlike him however, *I* was able to keep from showing much of a reaction. It did take me a half second longer to respond than normal however.
"Good, it would be rather embarrassing if we were to show up to the wedding and you started fumbling when introducing me to your ex. Hmm, the nickname Dawn suits you though... Perhaps Din as another nickname? Darling Din?"
A whirring sound interrupted any response he might have made. While we had been bantering, Deji had been using their portable controller to get clothing and fabric samples delivered to the dressing room. A panel of the wall smoothly opened up to allow a clothing rack to slither its way in. With the bounty of cloth and accessories came an excited giggling sound.
Perched atop the front of the serpentine rack was a 4 year old child, who's appearance could be summed up as Glitter. Glittery beads in her hair, glittery shoes, a slightly less glittery jumpsuit, and a cape decorated with glittery stars and planets.
Inanna was Deji's daughter, and she had made The Closet her playground. With all the poise of a queen, she skillfully kept her balance on the rack-turned-steed as it finished encircling the room. She quickly slid off her mount, little legs kicking in the air briefly before plopping down onto the carpet. I widened my stance and braced for impact.
36 pounds of gleeful child barrelled into me. I used her momentum to spin us both as I lifted her up to rest on my hip.
"*Titi*, I picked my clothes today! Look look look! I'm sparkly! I match Mr. Sparkly. Hi Mr. Sparkly!" She eagerly informed me on the state of her dress before waving her arms at Din. Such a well spoken and *loquacious* child.
"I see sweetheart. You may be the sparkliest child I have *ever* seen." I shot Din a look, and flicked my gaze towards the excitable little disco ball in my arms. He seemed to get the hint, and I could practically see him activate a mental switch labeled Child Mode.
"Hi there! Loving the outfit, I *wish* I had your sense of style when I was your age."
Inanna preened at his complement. "You know," Din tapped his chin, "I think I might just be able to help you add a little more bling to this situation!" With a twist of his fingers some of the light in the room bent around Inanna. Disco ball was an apt assessment, I needed to squint a little as Din's powers caused her outfit to light up in a stunning, multicolored display. Her squeal was precious, and near deafening.
I set her down as she began to wriggle, and she happily began to spin around. Din's face as he watched her toddle about was... soft. How dare he look so sweet?
I turned back to the tablet and started pulling up my dossier on Din's ex, Ezekiel Gray. My dislike for the man predated his relationship with Din, as his nosiness had resulted in unwanted scruitny on a few of my earlier schemes.
"Deji, I'm going to need you to scrap any designs that include bright yellows, beige, or salmon."
They turned their head towards me, owl like, a look of disgust on their face. "I'm insulted that you think that I would ever put you in *beige*."
"Right, right, my apologies for the insinuation. What color pallet would you recommend, oh great sage of fashion?"
Din raised his hand. "I vote watermelon!"
Both Deji and I paused to consider this.
"That..." I squinted, pondering viability of a watermelon color combo.
"...could work." Deji completed the thought.
They immediately start digging through the rack of clothes, quickly gathering items in pinks and greens. "Rhe, be a dear and punch in the codes for black beads, small black buttons, and white shoes please?"
I dutifully typed in the codes before grabbing a pink sleeveless top that had caught my eye. It had a high collar, though with a teardrop cut-out below where the collar bone would be. The color wasn't quite right, but I was sure that was an easy fix.
I sauntered over to where Din watched in fascination as Inanna used her kiddie tablet, creating outfit sets for her stuffed animals. He looked down in curiosity when I held the shirt up against his chest.
"Ooh, that's soft!" He delightedly stroked the top.
"This, with black accessories around the waist. And looser pants to even things out." I didn't need to turn to know that Deji had heard me.
Din seemed amused by my instructions. "At least I know I'm in good hands when you pick my outfits. I'll look good, *and* be comfortable." He was making that soft face again, but at me this time. That odd, warm and gooey feeling appeared in my chest again.
He liked the clothes I pick out for him.
He felt *comfortable* in them, and thus around me when I was taking care of him. And I... I felt more relaxed around him as well...
I'd been silent for 2.73 seconds, it was time to redirect before he noticed the effect that his damned dimples were having on me.
"As if I would be caught dead with my date looking uncomfortable because some scratchy clothes." I sniffed in mock disdain, turning to hand off the shirt to Deji. "We must be the most photogenic and comfortable looking people at this wedding!"
Inanna's head snapped up at my words. "Wedding!?" She looked to be vibrating with sudden excitement, looking like a puppy who just heard the word "treat".
Deji chuckled, "Now you've done it." The child began to emit a sustained, high pitched squeal. It was rather impressive, and I distantly wondered what kind of effect it would have on people with enhanced hearing. Still squealing, she began to flick her gaze between Din and I.
Oh dear. "Not *my* wedding sweetheart. Those heroes, the ah, magic sword lady and rockstar lady are the ones getting married."
One would have thought I had set fire to her plushy collection from the look of devastation on her face. "B-but... Uncle Sparkly...?" Her lip was wobbling. Those were *tears* in my precious niece's eyes. I thought fast, knowing I had a window of mere seconds to prevent the calamity.
"It's not my wedding *this time*. But you know," I rested my cheek on one hand and gazed thoughtfully into the distance, "I *could* bring back pictures for you, so that you can get inspiration for planning a wedding for me one day."
Her eyes widened at the prospect of event planning. She either did not catch, or did not care, that I had not specified a timeline or spouse; the joyous glint was back in her eyes, and she snatched up her tablet once more. "I'ma start now! You gotta have the *best* wedding, and then give me a little cousin as a present so I can dress them up." With that reveal of her plans for my future she bounded off to get a snack.
I was both immensely proud and slightly leery. Proud, because she clearly knew what she wanted and had no qualms about arranging the lives of people around her to fit her vision. Leery, because she was now locked onto the goal of marrying me off and drafting my hypothetical offspring as her dress up dolls.
Ah well, at least she wasn't crying.
Deji cackled from beside me. "HA! You know she's never gonna let that go right?" Still snickering they turned to Din, who was once more sporting an impressive blush. "Sorry hon, looks like you're trapped! Don't worry though, Rhe comes with perks. I'll give you the -*snrk*- the family discount on designs."
Din somehow went even redder at the mention of "perks". How cute.
I smiled a bit as I began to corral Deji back into finalizing our outfit designs. I'd give Din a bit of time to breathe before using this as teasing material. Even as we spent the rest of the day comparing the merits of different fabrics, debating appropriate amounts of glitter, and discussing ideal positioning of hidden pockets, an idle daydream began to take form in my mind. Nothing quite solid yet. Just a faint vision of wedding cakes, quite evenings spent in pleasant companionship, and a sly child with a disarming pair of dimples...
she asked me if i believed in god and i told her that when i was four i almost drowned in a public pool and in my panic mistook a stranger for my father. i clawed my way up his leg. four years later he’d send my parents a picture of the scars alongside a tin of cookies. he said, “i hope she’s still okay. i carry her with me. it isn’t every day you save a life. it isn’t every day you feel like you were here for a reason. when it does happen, you have to cherish that memory. for once, i had a purpose. just being there was enough. she tore me open but she taught me a lot about love.”
Twitter User: I wish I had more followers, then I’d be more likely to get verified.
Facebook User: I wish my posts reached further, then I’d get famous.
Instagram User: I wish I had more followers so I can unlock more basic features for my account.
TikTok User: I wish I had more views then I’d be a real influencer.
Tumbler User: I specifically didn’t tag this so no one would find it why does it have 200k notes? Who the hell are these people following me? All of you need to go away so I can go back to posting incomprehensible garbage and pictures of frogs.
Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.
Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.
As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.
On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”
Claritin makes me weird, but I have allergies so there’s about a month and a half block of time where I’m taking Claritin and am just weird most of the time.
Anyway, my last year of college, I got the flu or something in late March and was also taking Mucinex. I told my professor I couldn’t come to class one day by email except I couldnt think of what to say, so my medicated ass decided to make a Fry meme. I think it said something like “Not sure if I can go to class with a head the size of Texas, bottom text.” I didn’t think until the next day that it probably wasn’t socially-acceptable to tell your philosophy professor you weren’t coming to class via Tumblr style memes. When i got back to class, i found that she’d printed it out and taped it to the classroom bulletin board.
Human: So here's some more info for ya little buddy. This is a good theory I made as to why we are, as you described "Savages"
Alien: All it says is "we are still savanna apes. Now we have bombs and guns". I don't understand
Human: Ok let it break it down. We weren't the only humans. Way before you guys met us we had alot of cousin species and alot of ancestor species before that. All of them centered in Africa. Our species when they started getting upright started spreading outwards across the world even making it to America across the land bridge that was there.
Alien: Ok I think I'm seeing. I'm guessing alot of this was before and during the ice age?
Human: correct. Well despite alot of physical changes we still mentally were a tribal species. We have family groups and competed for locations and resources with other families alot. Sometimes getting very violent. As we started coming together and making civilization we made our family groups into city groups, religion groups, country groups and so on. As we still looked at other groups as if competition or even predators. Sometimes but not all the time said groups were right to do so. However most of the time it was a certain individual in each group they should have challenged or fear or hated.
Alien: so your theory is that despite all this advancement your still tribal and any humans not part of the group is an enemy? But look at all you've done so far!
Human: Ya. Mostly out of competition however. Sometimes friendly competition and sometimes malicious. Despite all our medical works, all our cities and stuff we are still savanna apes. Now we have nuclear bombs, bio weapons and worse. We can do good for sure! However...I don't have alot of hope for it. Maybe it was a virus that infected an ancestor and that screwed up genetic codes and here we are. We could have been visited and changed into this current build. I don't know. Hell maybe the religons are real. I don't know. But I'm so angry with humans most of time. Despite being one. We could have been so much better. And here we are.
Alien:...I think I understand. But I don't know as well.
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