fucked-up-mind

she/her, bi. I post about politics and feminism. This blog deals with child abuse and trauma recovery, so everything has trigger warnings in the tags, there are also trigger warnings for posts about mental health, depression, suicidal ideation and social anxiety. I'm a writer so I post a lot (a lot) about that. I WILL bombard this blog with my random obsessions and fandom. I can't write bios. And that's everyone else's problem. You're Amazing. I'm Amazing.

[star-conway]

Hi guy, as I've discussed here and here. I'm brown queer womat in a really bad situation. I don't think I can go details right now as I'm very close to another breakdown. So, I'll recap it and you can read the others.

Alcoholic father.

Psychological abuse- Gaslighting, isolation, exploiting the agoraphobia I got because of isolation.

Emotional abuse- Hours and hours of humiliation and degradation.

Physical abuse- I'm fine now but it had gotten bad enough that I could barely walk for a year.

It's really bad recently and I'm scared for my life almost every other day.

I'm a writer and musician, and am recently learning art.

My goals are

$0 of⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪ $200 monthly. The bare minimum for survival in my country. Here. Is my subscription service details. I'm currently working on an epic fantasy series and a magical realism crime/action trilogy.

And one time, $38 out of $500. For deposit for an apartment and other one-time bills.

My paypal

My education has been stopped and I want to get a GED and go to college but right now that's just a distant dream.

[star-conway]

I wasn't born with my head cut open,

For you to fill with recreations of your own trauma like a tragedy bin.

I won't let you mangle my mind and body till I can't see skin beneath the scars.

I will resist,

Brutally and unattractively,

—With fire and blood.

[star-conway]

I can honestly never get over the fact that Ned found the fucking first sword of braavos for Arya and didn't bother to get a harp teacher for Sansa like she had prayed for since forever, like sir your favouritism is showing.

[star-conway]

I want this entire fandom (mainly gendarya) to know that under absolutely no circumstance is gendry the heir to house baratheon/ iron throne. He may have a claim if you squint (really squint), but no one's gives a shit bout it, we have aegon/ young Griff to compare, he even while having looks( the only way gendry has to to prove his claim) a big friggin army (gendry not so much) and trustworthy sources vying for him(joncon) and still nobody's inviting him to be king. For god's sake he is not even an acknowledged bastard. Even if all existing baratheons die, Edric exists! You know the highborn acknowledged one! Why does everyone forgets about him!

This is not gendry hate, I like him, gendarya is probably the only canon pairing in the book that I ship, it's just gendry is not the heir everyone tries to claim he is. He doesn't even want to be!

[star-conway]

Catlyn really be like -: damn those child bearing hips 🤰🤰🤰!!! And big arms!!!💪💪💪!! Big woman!!

catlyn has a breeding kink, confirmed.

[star-conway]

Catlyn really be like -: damn those child bearing hips 🤰🤰🤰!!! And big arms!!!💪💪💪!! Big woman!!

catlyn has a breeding kink, confirmed.

[star-conway]

I want to be lucky or talented or special

I want to be one of those people who becomes an overnight success. To have this abuse be a just a hurdle in my path to greatness. I want to have this be I over and the good days to come. For once I want to be happy. For once, I want to have it be easy.

But it won't ever be. Not for me.

But I can't loose hope.

The help me get the fuck out of abuse campaign

[star-conway]

Hi, guys I've discussed this before in my pinned post but my situation is really getting worse and I'm in a seriously dangerous position. Please consider signal boosting that pinned post or if you know any ways for a writer to make an honest buck I'm really getting desperate here. My paypal may also be having problems so if you see any please tell me. Seriously even a dollar will help

My paypal

I'm sorry I'm annoying but I'm tagging some blogs I follow if y'all could boost my pinned post I would be so grateful.

[star-conway]

Hey again, I had made a post few weeks earlier about my abuse, here

And it didn't really get any attention, and it is getting worse to the point I'm scared for my life, my depression is also getting worse since everything I do to get out keeps not working. I'm trying to have hope and try this again once.

My paypal

[star-conway]

Something that pushes my buttons like nothing is people acting like what the lord's want for their own gain is actually what the state wants or claiming moral superiority by supporting northern independence like its is a good thing or an independence at all, completely forgetting like 99% of the population who it in no way effects, except negatively. Don't even get me started on dumb and dumber trying to pass that as democracy.

[star-conway]

Ep-13

Me to eros

[star-conway]

I'm only on ep 12 and if anyone thinks these bitches are straight than they are legally insane and that's on facts

[rainbowgazes-archive]

I love how the search function on this site is absolute garbage. I can look up a post word for word and I will NEVER find it

[simons-quest-deactivated2019091]

[strangerdarkerbetter]

Pro tip:

Wanna find a post?

Write out what you remember into a Google search.

After you write that out, end with site:tumblr.com

Google will search for your text on just tumblr

In my experience, it’s way more effective than searching through Tumblr

(you can use site:SITENAME.com to search any site btws)

[rainbowgazes-archive]

This usually works but for some reason a lot of posts get indexed on google from a person’s URL based on the posts that were recently reblogged on page 1, meaning that this is only a tiny bit more reliable.

[archivehead]

I HAVE a solution to this, you have to write down site:tumblr.com/post “ “

and then write a direct quote (could be a fraction of a sentence) into the quotations, I’ve been doing this for years, and it’s so useful, it works like 99% of the time 

(the more popular a post is the more likely you’ll find it)

[rainbowgazes-archive]

you’re a genius holy shit

[krisdoesart]

Just used this to find a post I’ve been desperately searching for, thank you so much

[mistertotality]

I love that this website is such a dumpster fire that we, the users, have to come up with hacks to find our own content.

[the-tired-tenor]

So uh....some dude apparently recreated Adobe Photoshop feature-for-feature, for FREE, and it runs in your browser.

Anyway, fuck Adobe, and enjoy!

[revretch]

Oh damn this is REALLY good for gifs!!!!

[bogleech]

We are really in the future finally

[star-conway]

Now if only I knew how to use literally any of this

[star-conway]

Feeling sucidal, might delete myself later, lol

[star-conway]

Ok but, “the I hate my wife is hetro cringe” and “You're an idiot, I'm your idiot is the best thing in the world” are sentences that can and should exist

[star-conway]

I finally stopped procrastinating on writing the synopsis of my book series. And tell me why it's the most chaotic thing I've read in a hot minute.

Alswar has fallen to rebels. The Suprema has sworn vengeance, her daughters have been separated.

Now all that stands between the war-mongering kings of the Sunset Kingdoms and Remen is the Land of Young Queens.

The SunKing gets sicker, his son schemes. The almost-king-and-queen of Remen have doubts.

A Queen of Peace knows the boys she grew up with want blood. She waits, surrounded in the North and South by people she thought were friends, and in the west by time-old enemies in the water, dreading and hoping for the day the princess takes the throne.

A Princess hears death in her ears.

A ship sails from lands previously thought deserted.

In the distant grasslands, a child raised for revenge finds his true destiny.

Across the ocean, mysterious kingdoms, ancient secrets, and unimportant slavegirls, all get more and more involved in this web of war and magic.

All the while, the Sea-maidens grow more powerful, a hidden guild of scholars and immortals predict the end of the world, the biggest rebellion in centuries takes seed, people do impossible things, and the world dissolves more and more into complete chaos.

Like, this makes no sense, I love it.

Any Ideas what inspired this bullcrap?

Were to read