So ummmm sorry this ask is a little bit just me venting. Partially nsft too, so please don't keep reading if that makes you uncomfortable.
I'm intersex and I have a few variations. The thing most important to this ask is that I have a micropenis and a vagina.
I used to think I had a big clitoris since nobody told me I had a penis, and I would often make jokes around friends about masturbating, specifically about stroking my "clit". Everyone was okay with those jokes and thought they were funny, etc etc. As soon as I found out I had a dick, though, everyone's attitude changed. Suddenly I get weird looks from my friends whenever I make jokes about masturbation, or so much as mention being intersex.
It feels specifically anti-masculine because I'm also transmasculine, and I feel like maybe they think transmasc people can't (or shouldn't) be born with penises because that's "too masculine" or whatever. I think they think I'm gross now. And I do feel kinda gross now, so maybe they're right?
I don't know any other intersex people irl with penises that I can talk about this with. I don't know ANYONE, online or irl, with my anatomy and it makes me feel so alone. I want to be okay with having a penis and being masculine, but I'm so scared of being gross. I never felt bad about having a penis until others made me feel bad about it.
This is androqueerphobia.
Perisex people are given much more of an opening to be openly sexually active. But the moment that an intersex person does - especially an intersex person with a masculine gender and/or with androgenized characteristics - they are treated as gross, weird, and sexual predators.
Even if you just had clitoromegaly (a large clitoris) as you'd originally thought, many people with clitoromegaly are given similar treatment. It depends on your peers tolerance of "masculine" traits - in your case, it seemed like they deemed a large clitoris to still be "feminine" enough, but a small penis to be "too far."
Anon, you are not alone. Intersex mascs (and intersex people of other genders) with ambiguous genitalia like yours exist. You are not gross, you should not be ashamed, and your friends are being extremely intersexist with their behavior.