#nonbinary struggles

[mybitakes]

as a multigender person I have tapped out out of most binary trans discourse on this app istg. we got people calling others “identifying with their agab” because they either don’t transition or are iding as a woman/man still.

I recently just found out that there’s trans people who genuinely think that bi-gender or multigender trans people should not be calling themselves anything but bi-gender and multigender…because saying you’re a trans man who is also a woman makes them feel bad about themselves (when it has nothing to do with you).

Like what do you even say to these types? yes there are trans men who are also women because genderfluid and multigender people exist. They are calling themselves that because they are not divorced from your assumed binary trans communities! Get over it.

[angelheart-bunny]

the nonbinary trans experience

being nonbinary, whether you identify as trans or not, comes with its own set of specific obstacles that being a trans binary person doesn't come with. this isn't to say that binary trans people struggle less than us, obviously; it just happens that our struggles are different, because we're nonbinary.

here are a few examples on how being nonbinary makes my life difficult:

i can't legally change my gender marker to x or remove the gender marker from my id entirely

many languages (such as portuguese, german, spanish and french) don't officially have gender neutral pronouns, which means that nonbinary speakers have to come up with new terms, which aren't recognized and respected by other speakers 99.999% of the time

it is especially difficult to pass as a nonbinary person because the idea that gender is binary (m/f) is so deeply ingrained in westerners' minds that they wouldn't conceive the possibility of a nonbinary person even when said person is dressed androgynously

and please keep in mind that these are struggles i face as a white able-bodied person who is not an immigrant. other nonbinary people have it much worse than i do based on their circumstances and other axises of oppression.

exorsexism is real. uplift nonbinary voices.

[mangosmangosmango]

For me any time I dress feminine or listen to music that is made to appeal to more feminine people it feels almost like a cosplay. Femininity is a performance. Even when i feel more masculine it’s a performance. 

I have to step into the role of being something that doesn’t feel like me. It’s almost a mask I have to perform something that’s natural to most other people. 

Im not sure if it’s because I’m also autistic but anything I do feels like I’m performing what it’s like to be a normal person. Gender is something i just can’t come to understand fully and when there’s something i don’t understand i choose not to participate in it. I don’t understand why people give up their interests when they age so I embrace them fully no matter how “childish”. I do the same with gender i don’t understand why boys and girls are supposed to act differently so I act however I feel.

[yourfriendlyfayeking]

I intentionally don't refer to myself as transfem or transmasc bc my agab is nobody's business. I'm non-binary and genderfluid and that's all anyone needs to know. It does make it difficult to talk about my experience in a more specific, nuanced way bc I reallllly don't want people to weaponize it against me.

[moonjay-the-forest-spirit]

Sometimes I really hate being nonbinary. I'm never going to be fully seen I'm always going to be shoved in some stupid box and not taken seriously. I can never just be. The world around me seems to only see in binaries, which means they'll never ever see me, not the real me . And I hate it. Oh god I hate it.

[barbed-werecat]

I know we talk about how important it is not to misgender a binary trans person with they/them pronouns.

But I cannot stress this enough, as a person who uses they/them, i am still misgendered even by other trans people. I am misgendered by people irl and online even if they have good intentions.

Being a nonbinary person is agonising when you dont have binary pronouns but look too much like one gender. It's hard to correct people in most situations because my entire existence and identity is outing myself.

A binary trans person still has the privilege of possibly passing as their preferred gender.

I still can't go out in public without someone automatically assuming I am binary. And correcting someone is too dangerous in most situations even though im just correcting my own pronouns.

I wear my enby necklace, paint my nails, have my pronouns on my bag and pink cane at all times and people will still find a way to misgender me, even if they know what nonbinary is.

[go-yakimo-go]

Shout-out to all those under the ace umbrella who just say they're ace when people have a hard time understanding your microlabel(s)

And shout-out to all those under the nonbinary umbrella who just say they're nonbinary when people have a hard time understanding your microlabel(s) too!!

[queer-confessional]

I'm nonbinary and not out to most of the people in my life. I thought I didn't mind feminine terms since I generally dont have much dysphoria, but lately I feel like there's been an increase in people calling me a woman and it's been making me surprisingly uncomfortable. I don't want to have to deal with all the drama and conversations that come from coming out, so I've decided it's fine, it's whatever, but... I'm not a woman. Call me a girl, she/her me, whatever, I don't care. But I'm NOT a woman. It implies a level of both femininity and sexuality that I'm very uncomfortable with. (I'm also aroace and sex-repulsed.)

Anyway. Yeah. I'm just kinda sick of it. At least most of my friends use neutral terms for me.

I'm so glad that you have people in your life supporting you through this transitional period. This stuff is hard, and awkward, and just generally a pain in the ass! Discovering, recognizing, protecting, and allowing your unadulterated self to grow and flourish - these are some of the most precious expressions of individuality we have.

It really sucks that you're going through this. No one deserves to be so invalidated and disrespected, to the out and proud, all the way to the not ready to come out yet. You deserve to find your way through this path without pain. Vent as much as you need to, we'll be here.