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shane’s joke birthday gift to ilya was one of those massive 2 people shirt as a play about how codependent they are and ilya no joke wants to wear it all the fucking time because if he can’t crawl under shane’s skin and live inside his organs he will settle for merging via couple shirt.

shane then proceeds to gift ilya joint couple shit as joke gifts every single fucking year. couple’s mittens (which actually made ilya wear mittens now! yay!), couple’s pants, couple’s cocoon so on and so forth

parkayquarts

"what if someone regrets transitioning" if you are 18 or over in free country usa you can walk into any tattoo parlor and ask for a tattoo that will be on your body forever and ever and ever and they will give it to you with the understanding that if you dont like the result or you regret it later that's your fucking problem and not theirs

c24c24

Post tlg the Centaurs have two pairs of state of the art noise canceling headphones that get passed around to the players rooming next to Shane and Ilya

tinylilhollander

What they're asked: What's your favorite color?

What Shane thinks: The powdery hue of lines beneath the ice. The steel of the lake on a stormy day. The cracked paint on Dad's old rowboat. The rare frosty patch of sky visible through the clouds in winter. The veins along Ilya's arms that I could spend hours tracing. Ilya's eyes when the sun hits them just right, like the clearest tropical lagoon. I always wish I could dive right into them and hold my breath for as long as possible. The inky sky from the deck of our cottage on a summer's night, after the fire has died down, right before we finally decide to go to bed.

What Ilya thinks: The neon zing of my favorite car. The sunrise above the lake on a crisp morning. The soft golden patches of fur above Anya's ears. The warm crackle of the fire in our fire pit. Shane's skin in the amber glow of the bedside lamp. Shane's eyes when the sun hits them just right, like warm beach sand trying to hold onto the last light of the day. I always wish I could lie back on them, listen to the sound of the waves, and just breathe. The glow of the cottage windows when Shane finally douses the last of the coals and says it's time for bed.

What Shane says: Blue.

What Ilya Says: Orange.

jewelcoatfish

ilya rozanov casually scrolling his ig reels one day and comes across a couple edit of him and shane to honeybee. it’s scenes of them during games, during harris’ videos, the foundation footage, and public sightings. nothing new, really, except the fucking lyrics are like a knife stabbing into his chest and rip out his heart. when it gets to “here’s to hoping” it’s a montage of all their kisses on the ice after a goal and winning a cup.

shane found his husband sobbing holding his phone in his hand and a video playing over and over and rushes over to make sure ilya’s okay and ilya just looks at him and goes “i hope i never see what your face looks like going” and okay now shane wants to cry too ilya’s scaring him what’s going on?? and ilya shows him the video and yeah okay that’s so fucking gut wrenching shane couldn’t do anything but clutch ilya’s in his arms and whispering sweet nothings

amos-burton

Getting emotional thinking about Ilya Rozanov, whose family always took from him and still asked more, being proposed to by a boyfriend hopelessly in love with him, who chose the ring just for him. With parents who welcome him with warmth and board games, and cook for him. They don’t ask for anything in return, they love him.

And I love to imagine Ilya warming up to the idea that he can be loved for himself, a family relationship isn’t supposed to transactional. He doesn’t have to buy the Hollanders’ affection, he can gift his family sweet things just because he wants to, as they do for him.

He loves buying clothes for Shane. Stylish pieces Shane feels confident in, that are also the right materials, without scratchy tags or ill-placed seams. Shane loves wearing these, because they’re gifts from Ilya, but mostly because they’re proof of how well Ilya knows him. He fires his stylist at some point, because he trusts Ilya’s judgement more. Ilya’s heart doubles in size when Shane tells him.

David gets beautiful books full of crosswords, antique editions from when they were created, and puzzles with way too many pieces. His favorite part of the gifts is solving them with his son in law while arguing about what they’ll plant in the garden next spring. And then tending to the garden together, Ilya coming over on days off with seeds of Shane’s favorite veggies. They always try new recipes together after each harvest.

Yuna is hard to shop for. Once, Ilya asked her if there’s a gift that she’d especially like. She smiled and said him being there, making Shane happier she could ever imagine, and making their family whole is the best gift he could ever give her. They might’ve both cried that night. Once the tears had dried out, she laughed and said she had found some of his old sports cars quite awesome, actually. A month later, there’s a pale yellow Lamborghini in the Hollanders’ driveway. Shane is terrified everytime he sees his mom behind the wheel. Ilya and Yuna are delighted.

mutinsfromthemoon

they’re at the gathering of some centaurs teammate’s house and shane feeling a bit overwhelmed with the guys loud and goes inside the house for a little, not leaving before kissing ilya’s head. it took a while and ilya’s feeling antsy, now that they’re married, they spend a lot of time together so when they’re apart it feels kinda hollow. so ilya finally gives in and goes inside after him, and when he gets there he follows the sound of voices toward the tv room and finds the WAGs, harris, troy, and luca all hanging out, and he can only see shane’s back from where he's standing. no one in the room has noticed him yet, and then one of the WAGs asks “what’s the thing you love the most about ilya?” and shane just answers “there’s too many to pick just one” he chuckle “but i love how safe he makes me feel, like i can just be myself around him and also how big his heart is. he just has so much love that sometimes it overflows. he’s the most lovable person in the entire world” everyone in the room is smiling soft at shane, some even says “aww” “you two are so cute” and ilya’s heart is about to combust right there, but then he steps in and goes “and how good at hockey i am” and everyone’s eyes snap to him, and shane’s like “ilya” and ilya explains “i’m sorry sweetheart, but if i don’t joke right now i will cry in front of everyone”

stabthroughme

Shane should get to be unabashedly horny about his husband while Troy and Harris are frequently fucking and/or making out in Harris' offic and it all embarrasses the rookies in the same way kids get embarrassed abt their parents having sex

jewelcoatfish

ilya is extremely tired and didn’t want to move that day but he feels dirty and sweat is clinging onto his shirt and he wants to move but he can’t and he feels awful and he wants to cry. and shane comes in and sees him and quickly goes to run a hot bath before coming back to carry ilya princess style to sit on the toilet lid and slowly undressing ilya.

and he kisses every part of ilya’s skin as he works his clothes off, his neck, his arms, his chest, his stomach etc. and when shane takes off his boxers he places the gentlest kiss on ilya’s dick, then moves on to his thighs and knees. and that kiss undoes ilya more than anything else because shane loves him. shane loves his body regardless of how messy and dirty and gross ilya feels. shane loves him even though his dick is fucking limp. hell, shane loves ilya’s limp fucking dick.

so they take a bath together where shane scrubs every part of ilya clean, exfoliating his skin and putting on body butter that smells so nice and ilya feels like a brand new person after that bath.

pixierainbows

Pixie be AAC device user is not a young child . and . but all AAC device vocabularies exactly same as the for children . no words for relationships and more “adult “ conversations .

have not seen any AAC device vocabulary have words for any “private” body parts . can not tell caregivers about having a problem with some “ private “ body part . no pages for to talk about serious brain “trouble” either .

we people what use AAC devices are very most likely to be hurt by bad people because them people know we can not tell really what happened .

AAC device businesses need to do better. speech pathologists need to do better , and caregivers , and parents , and guardians . all need to do better .

pixierainbows

Pixie HAVE grid from smart box . Is been Pixies primary AAC device for years . Pixies original speech therapist STILL had add genitals to body page AND had find switch , buried in settings , for make grid actually show not - censored symbols . ( And also same same with all not - straight identity words too , because of same same censorship . )

Them words and symbols being available to children and especially intellectual / cognitive disability people , too often make not - disabled people so very uncomfortable , and so get excluded from default vocabularies . THAT is what this post was about , automatic censoring of people what use symbol based AAC devices . Grid not exception to this .

These these absolutely critically needed words need be include in all AAC devices AND make visible *by default* . No needing to dig through settings to find the switch that make these symbols appear . No needing ask for help put in these words .

Pixie not demand perfection , just a end to automatic by default censoring of words from people what depend on symbol based AAC . No more excuses !!

formu1ahollanov

My personal Heated Rivalry headcanon is that David knits and Shane would constantly go around wearing the ugliest coziest Weasley style sweaters when he was younger.

Ilya finds out that David knits and it only adds to his teasing of Shane’s boring genetics and any time he gets to see a picture of toddler Shane in the ugliest sweater known to man he ribs and teases him without fail but makes sure Shane knows just how cute he is wearing them, asking why he doesn’t have any as an adult.

One Christmas Shane gets a knitted jumper (slightly less ugly than the childhood ones but still not the most fashion forward) and Ilya gets so geeked about it bc yay he gets to see his baby look like a baby again!!! Only to then be reduced to absolute body wracking sobs when he opens his present and it’s a matching handknit sweater from David.

vesnuszki

in relation to this post; I think tipsy Shane loooves to ask weird ass unhinged questions that he expects 100% serious and thoughtful answers to. like, he really thinks you should make the effort to actually provide an answer that is precise and evidence based. for the most part they're bizzarely anatomy related:

-how many grams of protein from my cum do you think you have ingested over the years? (ilya pulls out his phone to google average load volume and average load protein. he knows this is a math question. and Ilya is good at math.)

-if you could create one frankencentaur out of the best body parts and skillsets of all MLH players to create one uberplayer, whose parts would you use? (there's 7 seconds of dead silence before the entire team starts screaming over one another. Ilya yells "yes, the dick too, Barret, obviously")

-do you think i could bench press Luca? (they try immediately. turns out just because you can do the weight equivalent on a barbell does not automatically mean you can lift a human body like that. especially when the body in question turns out to be extremely ticklish)

-who do you think is hiding the biggest, most shocking secret? (Ilya leans over, wiggling his eyebrows, to whisper into Shane's year "you know it's you, maya lyubov")

brokentoasterrr

people often forget that characters lie all the time and while the concept of big dick ilya is fun and sexy, it is infinitely funnier to imagine shane, who is intimately familiar with ilya’s respectable six inch cock, pulling out a tape measure when he gets home after the infamous “nine inch dick” text exchange, measuring out nine inches, and just thinking to himself

this fucking guy

itskurwanumber5

As much as I like all the shabortion fics and Shane having body horror attacks and all

Shane gets pregnant early in the situationship era and goes through different reasoning:

He's young and energetic still, it would be easier to have a kid now, not later

He is not yet at the top of his carreer

Hockey players around him have families pretty early and he would like to fit in, as it is difficult for him to as is

He likes babies (toddlers not so much but it's a problem for future Shane)

So let's fucking go!

...

Shane: I'm taking a paternity leave till September, my girlfriend has a difficult pregnancy

GM: Not the best time, boy, but fine.

...

Voyageurs: Why are you always with the kid, where is your Lily?

Shane: She's a deadbeat mom

Voyageurs: Ohhhh that's rough buddy

...

Ilya: CAN YOU PLEASE STOP CALLING ME A DEADBEAT MOM

Shane: Nope :)

I am writing it it's not a drill

Shane is living in Modern Family while Ilya is living in Muneca Brava

Shane: Why are you panicking the kid won't be yours on paper.

Ilya: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY (hyperventilating)

skarchomp

advertising lemonade is pointless. the human body already knows it needs it

lexicanons

Do you remember that old Reddit post where the guy thought he was homophobic but actually he was in love with his bestie?

Well Carter loves Scott and Kip, platonically of course. He loves hanging out with them but when he watches them hug and kiss, he gets this feeling in the pit of his stomach. It irritates and frustrates him, but he can’t figure out why. He’s thinking about it one night and the thought crosses his mind that he might be homophobic and he’s horrified. Scott is his bestie and he’s grown to love Kip just as much as he loves Scott. He always thought he didn’t have any issues with gay people, especially Scott and Kip, but maybe he does. Maybe he just pushed it down since he loves Scott, and didn’t want their friendship to end, but now it’s bubbling up to the surface and he can’t hide it anymore. He has to get a handle on this for the sake of his friendship and team dynamics.

Carter starts researching how not to be a homophobe and how to be more accepting. He creates a burner Reddit account and explains the situation before asking how to be better. Someone responds, “Dude, I don’t think you’re homophobic. I think you’re in love with them.” A bunch of people agree, but Carter thinks that can’t be right because he’s straight. He thinks maybe he didn’t do a good job explaining everything in the Reddit post and tries to correct people, but they double down on him being in love.

Carter thinks they’re wrong but one night he’s hanging out with Scott and Kip. They’re cuddling on the couch and Carter catches himself thinking about how nice it would be to be in between them and Carter is like, “Well, fuck!”

elismor

Let’s be real. His expense reports are widely known to be like this.

elismor

These tags are the best tags ever:

#im pretty sure the op intended ‘jedi accountant’ to mean ‘accountant who does the jedi order’s books’#but im picturing a force-using accountant (who really should have been sent to deal with that naboo business)#suddenly stopping in mid-calculation and looking around like#‘i sense a great disturbance in the force’#pause#‘wait where’s qui-gon what is he doing this time’