plagued by owen carvour disability thoughts again, such as:
owen carvour with a prosthetic leg
owen carvour getting joint replacements
owen carvour being held together with metal rods and pins and plates that constantly make it feel as if he is walking on broken glass
owen carvour in a wheelchair
owen carvour pushing himself past breaking point over and over and over again because he sees his injured body as broken and pathetic and disgusting. A constant reminder of the man he once was. The man he will never be again.
owen carvour wearing a lift in one of his shoes because he didn't get proper medical care until Chimera rescued him, and his broken limbs healed incorrectly, making one leg a bit shorter than the other
owen carvour with burns so deep that the nerve endings died. Sometimes he puts out his cigarette on his own shoulder because he's already ruined and he can't feel anything anyway. Part of him keeps hoping that someday it will hurt again
owen carvour, who only uses his cane when he absolutely has to and refuses to let anyone else see it
owen carvour left with hearing damage from the exploding silo. constant ringing in his ears. sudden bouts of vertigo from the head injury
owen carvour with aphasia post-fall, being interrogated by the Russians and being incapable of stringing words together well enough to tell them what they want to know
owen carvour who is afraid to fall asleep because he knows what he'll see
owen carvour with memory issues, whole parts of his life he can barely remember (and parts he can't forget no matter how hard he tries)
owen carvour who was young and attractive and at the top of his game physically and mentally, and all of it shatters when his body breaks against the barricade and he watches Curt run away
owen carvour who refuses pain medication even once he is safe with Chimera, but who starts drinking more and more to numb himself
owen carvour who used to be patient and rational and meticulous, but after the head injury he is impulsive, irrational, explosive
owen carvour who can never get any kind of mental distance from the fall or from the man he blames for it. Who is reminded with every swell of pain, every time his body gives out on him. Who sees his scarred and burned body and imagines Curt being repulsed by it (because who wouldn't be repulsed by it)
owen carvour who finds it easier to live as a man without a history or name, because all the things that once made up his identity are broken and twisted and painful to him now
