Woeful Winding Wisdoms

BPD her/she 23 Asks always open Trying my so damn hard to recover For my poems search originalwww

[depression-stays-but-you-dont]

“You’re afraid to tell people how you feel because it will destroy them, so you bury it deep within yourself where it destroys you instead.”

—

[woefulwindingwisdoms]

BPD Relationships

Me to my boyfriend: if you could let me know what you’re up to, home safe and just send little reminders you love me when we’re not together that’d be so helpful

Him: you know I’ll try my best but why exactly?

Me: if you’re not in front of me I think you’re dead/don’t love me almost immediately

[woefulwindingwisdoms]

My love, my love

I’d give you every single part of me

If I thought it’d make you whole

Return back to you what I stole

Because of the unrest in my soul

I couldn’t feel your love anymore

You turned your back

I locked the door

You went from my light, to my nightmare

So I chose to forget you instead

Pretend that I was already dead

That my permanent absence

Wouldn’t register in your head

When I saw my role,

Realized your toll,

My tears started to roll

You’ve been trying to forget me too

A girl won’t work, so you’re close with the brew

The irresistible allure is nothing new

You chose to lose me, what else was there to do?

My love, my love, I manipulated you

I didn’t know then

I’ve just realized now

That what I’ve done in the past has destroyed you somehow

I went from burden to hurricane

And I wish I never made landfall

I love you with every part of me

But you’d be better off if you never knew me at all

We’re here now, looking to the future

And I trust you’re by my side

Still I just can’t help but feel

You deserved a brighter ride

[woefulwindingwisdoms]

Anyone else have that BPD anger that makes you just wanna devolve into Donkey Kong mode and destroy first and ask questions later? Tell me this isn’t bananas

[atomicbubblegum]

1. Yes. DBT helps, but it’s still a thing.

2. Please tell me that pun was deliberate.

[woefulwindingwisdoms]

Let’s just say I would’ve been split up if I’d missed the opportunity

[woefulwindingwisdoms]

Anyone else have that BPD anger that makes you just wanna devolve into Donkey Kong mode and destroy first and ask questions later? Tell me this isn’t bananas

[bpdethos]

Y'ALL

My boyfriend/fp just told me he’d marry me if he could! Because of a joke I told! I am SHOOK. I love him now. Jk. Maybe I do. I don’t know! If he wouldn’t have said that then I wouldn’t be feeling this way because I didn’t feel any sort of “love” feelings til he said that. He makes me so happy, even when I’m upset with him because my disorder makes me split over small things he still makes me happy and thinking about my life without him makes me sad and hurts my heart. We haven’t been together long but from what I’ve heard so far from others it seems like him and I have been together for a long time because of how comfortable we are with one another.

I am so damn blessed and thankful and just overall appreciative for meeting him and having him in my life.

[woefulwindingwisdoms]

What am I supposed to do if I don’t feel real but things are getting real...

[insidemymind237]

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISSORDER PART 1

I apologize in advance for my slowness of posting I’ve been dealing with a lot of mental health issues. I will try to explain this disorder the bests way I can but please understand that it is different for everyone and this diagnosis is quite new.

I recently got diagnosed with BPD, when I got the diagnosis I was terrified all I could think of was what’s wrong with me why can’t I just be “normal”. I thought great I’m just a big bag of mental health issues all piling up. My psychiatrist decided to get me to do my own research and see what I thought and what I found was quite surprising and things I mostly over looked. First was the self mutilation and the attempts of suicide. I was told that that is more of a common identification of BPD. My anger, I could never control it and when I “lost” it I lost it. I’d black out and rage. My relationship problems, the constant fear of abandonment and the self sabotage. Forcing myself to end relationships because I got bored or I knew they would leave. They always leave. My impulse control was quite low as well I felt like I had no control. And many more. But through all of this I’ve learned a lot about myself I’ve learned that my relationships are all me sabotaging them because of fear. I’ve learned that I see things very black and white there is no middle ground. My doctor told me it could be from pst experiences that this has come on, like from my PTSD, my childhood, my abandonment. I remember when I was told all this I told my mother and she told me to keep it a secret as people might think I’m crazy. Or that I hear voices and can’t do the work that I do or live the life that I am living. However yes I hear voices but not in the sense of delusions more to the fact that it’s my own voice trying to convince myself that I should “cut deeper” “no one cares” “you’re useless” and I’ve fought with these my whole life. I know now that I shouldn’t be ashamed for this diagnosis does not define me and make me who I am. I am whoever I want to be. However i wanted to read and learn more and I’m still learning a lot about not only the diagnosis but also myself.

I apologize in advance I will go into more details but for now I would like to leave it at here for today as it was rough and I will talk more about BPD in later posts. Also please do not take this post as a form of self diagnosis please if you feel you fit some or have done more research and believe this is you, then please speak to a doctor and get the proper help and support you need. You are not alone.

[bemylova]

my toxic trait : i hurt in silence and pray that someone loves me enough to notice i’m not being myself

[anxietyproblem]

[caylaxmerie-blog]

my friend: hey u ok

 me, in a depressive episode:

them: hello

 me, 8 days later: ahsjksk my bad yeah im fine!!! how are YOU tho??!!

[womanism]

🌺BPD AWARENESS ASKS🌺

Reblog if you want people to ask you questions about bpd!

peach — do you have an fp

blueberry — on a scale of 1 to 10 how impulsive are you

apple — do you have psychotic symptoms

banana — whats your current mood

strawberry — what age were you diagnosed

honeydew — self dx or pro dxd

cherry — are you currently in therapy

grape — how do you feel about stigma

orange — do you partake in risky behaviors

raspberry — have you ever experienced hallucinations

lemon — do you like your psychiatrist

tangerine — how do you feel about being diagnosed

plum — how do you cope

[bones-are-the-new-sexy]

I think that a lot of people assume that we don’t know the damage we’re causing to our bodies. Yes, we know it’s healthy to eat. Yes, we know that if we carry on, we’ll die. Yes, we know that we are burning more than just fat tissue. It’s just that we don’t care.

Most of us are intelligent, we know what we’re doing. We just don’t care.

[fxt-useless-trxsh]

And some of us really do care we just can’t stop

[plain-flavoured-english]

Your purpose in life is not to love yourself but to love being yourself.

If you goal is to love yourself, then your focus is directed inward toward yourself, and you end up constantly watching yourself from the outside, disconnected, trying to summon the “correct” feelings towards yourself or fashion yourself into something you can approve of.

If your goal is to love being yourself, then your focus is directed outward towards life, on living and making decisions based on what brings you pleasure and fulfillment.

Be the subject, not the object. It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself. You are experiencing life. Life is not experiencing you.

[bpdohwhatajoy]

Me? Staying too up late because I need to have my mind constantly distracted from my shitty thoughts that will inevitably spiral if I try to sleep? It’s more likely than you think

[sleepydemonking-deactivated2018]

I’m here for borderlines who aren’t being abandoned but still act out because they can’t see the signs that their fp is staying.

I’m here for borderlines who were abusive and are trying their hardest to be better, even if they struggle.

I’m here for borderlines who are being abused but can’t see the signs because it’s “all in their head”

I’m here for borderlines that over think as soon as their fp does something that isn’t routine and freak out.

I’m here for borderlines that threaten suicide not because they want to manipulate but because they genuinely believe that they are about to kill themselves,because the oain is too much.

I’m here for borderlines that have psychotic episodes.

I’m here for borderlines that cry because they are expected to become serial killers.

I’m here for borderlines who can’t talk themselves out of thoughts like “my fp,wants me to kill myself” and “my fp pretends to like me so they don’t get blood on their hands.”

I’m here for borderlines with comorbid disorders.

I’m here for borderlines that get horrible dissociation episodes and are called stupid because of it.

I’m here for borderlines that switch on their depressed fp and hate them - but still helo by handing over recourses.

I’m here for borderlines that don’t have the right diagnosis, or aren’t listened to by parents or therapists.

I’m here for borderlines who can’t be diagnosed right because they had to lie about symptoms like self harming and apathy in order to survive.

I’m here for borderlines with rage issues that take it out on themselves instead of hurting anyone.

I’m here for all borderlines, because I am one of you, and you all deserve the support and help some of us can never get. There is hope.

[oddly-romantic]

me: [engages in reckless behavior such as driving too fast, not eating for as long as possible, etc. imagines crashing my car/jumping off the roof at any given moment] [gets the urge to destroy every relationship i have and say awful things i dont mean to loved ones so they’ll leave me] 

me: nah im fine, just tired :)