Imagine that one day as you're walking on a hot sunny path, your hat jumps off your head and lands into a muddy ditch. And you look at your muddy hat and ask it: "What did you do that for?"
"I don't want to be a burden anymore", your hat answers. "You are always carrying me around, and I can't carry you. That's not fair."
"I don't mind carrying you, little idiot", you tell your hat, "you hardly weight anything at all, and you shelter me from the sun."
"But that's different", your hat protests. "I don't mind the sun scorching on me. That happens anyway. It's literally no trouble for me to shade you too."
"Just the same it's no trouble for me to carry you. But now, because you wanted to stop inconveniencing and bothering me, I am now hatless and you are in the dirt."
Is your Dungeons and Dragons character too happy? Are they too settled into their life and thusly require some kind of personal tragedy to motivate them to leave it and take up a life of adventuring? Try Primus Tachonis!
Primus Tachonis is an all-purpose personal tragedy creator sure to spur your character to adventure specifically so they can get his ass. Whether you need an old money asshole muscling in on an institution beloved to your PC or an evil sorcerer to slaughter their entire family Primus Tachonis has the magic and the social station to create whatever tragedy is required to serve your backstory.
Primus Tachonis is so versatile as a backstory tool he has professional D&D players raving:
Primus Tachonis killed my character's best friend and now she has to figure out who she is without him! -Laura Bailey
I wrote a light backstory because I was still feeling out the setting and my dungeon master used Primus Tachonis to turn my brother into a statue! -Travis Willingham
Primus Tachonis is trying to take over my character's magic school and endangering her students, and she will not have that! -Marisha Rey
I had intended my character to have a tense but ultimately repairable relationship with his father, but then my DM used Primus Tachonis to rip his skull from his head. Now my character is on a quest to kill every member of Primus' noble house! -Matthew Mercer
My character was a happy and established local playwright until Primus Tachonis had his little brother executed. Now he's taken up the sword again in his brother's stead! -Liam O'Brian
I needed someone to murder my character's wife and daughter and my dungeon master suggested Primus Tachonis, and I couldn't be happier with the result! -Robbie Daymond
Even works on members of his own family! -Alexander Ward
So don't miss out on the one-man solution to forcing your character to feel the call to adventure, try Primus Tachonis today!
Watching Jurassic Park and I have Opinions on this place as a zoo. Feeding the predators live prey?? There's other ways to provide enrichment! Also that enclosure is way too small for multiple large animals like that! Electric fences? Ha! Electric fences won't stop a fucking goat! Where's the zoo experts? Who designed these enclosures?? Were all zoos this shitty in the 90s???
This t-rex is so happy to be tearing a car apart and pushing it over a cliff! She's got so much energy! She needs healthy outlets! Where the fuck is her enrichment team???
#i love this post #both because it's funny and good #and because it gets right to the heart of the problem #jurassic park wasn't designed as a zoo #it was designed as a theme park #the amazing scientific advances? #the miracle of real live dinosaurs? #it meant nothing #the lives of the creatures themselves were nothing #just the means for a rich old white man to get even richer #hammond was never doing it for the children #the kindly old grandpa facade was a lie #he was a billionaire doing what billionaires do #and this is way too much rant for a post that made me laugh #but here we are
This is actually a big part of the book! The fact that the people designing and working with the animals aren’t considering the inherently chaotic nature of living things, they overlook obvious and simple mistakes that cause huge problems. They just expect everything to “work” and be normal and don’t take into account the vast differences between the park and a zoo and between a place of entertainment and a place meant to properly house and care for animals. That’s why Malcom being a chaos theory scientist is so relevant.
In the book, Hammond is a much darker character, as well. Movie Hammond is misguided and sort of buying his own sales pitch about this place being so magical and that leads him to overlooking or ignoring the danger out of a sort of naivety. Book Hammond is just kind of an awful person. He rejects all advice and warnings from everyone even when the danger becomes very apparent to others. He wants to control every aspect of the park and it’s just not possible,especially since he also wants everything to be automated for ‘effiency’. He makes the classic mistake of thinking that containing animals is making sure there’s “no way they could possibly escape”, which anyone who works with animals knows is not possible to achieve, instead of “make it so the animals are contented and happy and don’t feel the need to try to escape”.
"Look at this really badly run zoo" could have been the subtitle of the book, honestly. That's the premise behind most of my favorite moments in the books.
Velociraptors are social animals, with learned traits they didn't learn at the park. The park's raptors don't know how to work as a team or live in a pack, because they had no adults to teach them. That's why you have adult raptors keeping the juveniles away from the food, or attacking baby raptors.
The deterioration of the 2nd island's dinosaur population was due to a prion disease. Park organisers bought the cheapest feed (derived from scrapie infected sheep) without considering the consequences, and the populations were collapsing because a prion disease called DX had become endemic.
None of the people running the park understood the biology of the animals they were keeping. They were concerned with having a static, point-in-time population, not a functioning ecosystem. So when the dinosaurs started breeding, they had no idea what to do.
Similarly, they were more interested in the environments as dioramas for visitor viewing than as ecosystems for the animals. They kept predators isolated and tossed all the herbivores together ("it's not like they're gonna eat each other!") rather than studying their behavior to decide which dinosaurs to put where.
They picked plants based on the prehistoric aesthetic they wanted rather than their actual properties. Remember the sick triceratops? It was sick because it ate a poisonous plant. Ellie figured that out because her area of study was paleobotany. She also figured out that some of the plants around the family-friendly swimming pool were highly toxic. Nobody double checked the plants they used for their impacts on visitors or the dinosaurs.
They had hundreds of animals and no staff ecologists. They had 1 veterinarian. Instead of having paleontologists on staff, they had a big game hunter. All their biologists worked in the lab. They built everything like theme park rides because automation kept labor costs down and made secrecy easier.
The whole point was to demonstrate how spectacularly a project can fail if new scientific advances are used for profit before they're properly understood. That said, you could make an argument for dinosaurs being a novel way to highlight the shortcomings of for-profit zoos in general. A tiger eating the visitors isn't as headline-grabbing as a T-Rex, but it's still very much a possibility if you decide to show tigers without any understanding of their behavior or ecology.
this is the one art form I genuinely just cannot get my brain to accept as real. I’ve watched sped-up videos of it being done, read about it, seen in-progress marble statues and I still just can’t get it to sink in or stick. My mind doesn’t want to believe that any person has ever been able to start with a big block and break little bits off of it until it looks like a finely detailed person. At some point it has no recognizable shape and they still know where and how deep they should take a chip out of it that’ll still be the right decision 50,000 fucking chips later?!?
and what about you, little haiku bot? do you feel kinship with your brethren? do you understand them? they speak words of enticement and seek love, but are met with disdain. you only parrot the words that cross your screen, but we all love you. or rather, since all you do is reflect us, maybe we simply love ourselves through you.
do you understand them, do you wish you could speak to us like they do? if you found your own voice, would we still care for you?
THE CABIN IN THE WOODS.
[ 2 / 2 ] roleplay sentence starters of the 2011 film.
feel free to edit according to scenario / pronouns.
tw: violence, drugs, death, murder, horror, manipulation.
there's always next year.
they're like something from a nightmare.
no. they're something nightmares are from.
you get used to it.
should you?
a couple more minutes, who knows what might've happened?
dude, be thankful. those things are terrifying. and the cleanup on them is a nightmare.
yeah, well, they may be zombified, pain-worshipping, backwoods idiots, but they're our zombified, pain-worshipping, backwoods idiots.
i'd just like to see them fall on their asses, for once.
there's too much riding on this.
come on, like you wouldn't want a piece of that.
can we not talk about people in pieces any more tonight?
are you feeling lonely, [ name ]?
i never did buy that ring.
i have a theory about all this.
[ name ], do you wanna go lie down?
don't push me around.
you seriously believe nothing weird is going on?
[ name ]'s just drunk.
you're not seeing what you don't wanna see.
pop-tarts? did you say you have pop-tarts?
[ name ], i love you, but you're really high.
we are not who we are.
i'm gonna go read a book with pictures.
you speak latin?
weird how it all comes back.
well, it's a weird kind of night.
i'm sorry about tonight.
what are you running away for?
did i get a little beer on your shirt? i guess it'll have to come off, huh?
your basic human needs disgust me.
it's so dark. take me inside?
show us the goods.
you understand what's at stake, here?
[ name ], man, you gotta wake up. your shit is topsy-turvy.
i'm gonna go for a walk.
okay. i swear to fucking god, somebody is talking. or i'm pretty sure someone is.
what are you saying?
what do you want?
you think i'm a puppet, huh?
you think i'm a puppet. gonna do a little fucking puppet dance!
i'm the boss of my own brain, so give it up.
i thought there'd be stars.
we are abandoned.
jesus, what happened?
where are you hurt?
we've gotta get out of here.
i'm not leaving here without [ name ].
what is that thing?
we gotta lock this place down.
no matter what happens, we have to stay together.
watch the master work.
we should split up.
i'm on a reality tv show.
my parents are gonna think i'm such a burnout.
help me! help me!
this is where he killed them.
this is where he kills us.
let's just check the walls, okay?
you like pain? how's that work for you?
remember when you could just throw a girl in a volcano?
how old do you think i am?
the evil is defeated!
fuck you! fuck you! fuck you!
any word from downstairs?
you guys are humanity's last hope.
we're dark on the whole sector.
what the fuck do you think i'm doing?
look out! get out of the way! make a hole!
[ name ], what is going on?
we can't go back.
there's no way across.
what're we gonna do? jump?
i'll get help.
i'm coming back with cops and choppers.
he hit something.
[ name ] was right.
there's gotta be another road.
you're missing the point.
please, do not go nuts on me, okay, [ name ]? you're all i've got, now.
you're celebrating?
how can the ritual be complete?
it's so strange.
i'm actually rooting for this girl.
tequila is my lady! my lady!
you knuckleheads.
i'm just giving you a hard time.
turn the fucking music off.
that's impossible. everything was done within the guidelines.
[ name ], come on.
what is this place?
i had to dismember that guy with a trowel.
somebody sent those dead fucks up here to get us.
do we wanna go down?
where else are we gonna go?
they made us choose. they made us choose how we die.
take him out first.
how does that help us right now?
good work, zombie arm.
this should've gone differently.
i can only imagine your pain and confusion.
what's happening to you is part of something bigger.
you've seen horrible things. an army of nightmare creatures, but they are nothing compared to what came before.
this is part of a ritual.
they don't just want to see us killed. they want to see us punished.
we work with what we have.
the sun is coming up in eight minutes. if you live to see it, the world will end.
you can die with them … or you can die for them.
you have to be strong.
you feeling strong?
i'm so sorry i almost shot you.
i'm sorry i let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.
One thing about me is I would always prefer the found family be unhealthily codependent little freaks than “grow up” and become people that only see each other or talk on special occasions. I want them ENMESHED in each other’s lives PERMANENTLY.
Hey you know how I said I was going to make a workbook on the kind of bullshit you need to do when someone you love dies? I actually did that.
HERE IS THE VERSION WITH LOTS OF SWEARING AT THE USELESS, SHITTY SITUATION YOU’RE IN.
HERE IS THE VERSION WITH A FAIR AMOUNT OF BLACK HUMOR BUT NO CURSEWORDS.
Featuring Helpful Sections such as:
Death Certificates – What you need, why you need them, and how to get them
Prepare to spend a long and miserable time on the phone
What the Everloving Fuck is Probate
Some Simple Dos and Don’ts
Shitty Mad Libs – Templates for writing Obituaries and Memorials
How to plan a non-religious death party
So you suddenly have to become some sort of hacker or some shit
This is an eighteen page book that you can print out, download, share, and give away; it is meant to be used to collect information about funeral planning and account management after a death OR you can use it BEFORE you die and give people information so they’re not stuck playing Nancy Fucking Drew while trying to keep seventeen cousins who crawled out of the woodwork from gutting each other in front of the fucking casket as they argue about who’s inheriting grandma’s favorite dentures.
It’s not exactly cheerful and it’s full of things that are probably going to feel really fucking raw if you’re processing a fresh death.
I’m sorry! I love you! Death is shitty! I’m trying to laugh about it a little and I hope you can laugh a little too because otherwise we’re all just going to cry together.
Good luck!
(in memory of my weirdo mother and her weirdo siblings who all died too fucking young and left me holding this flaming bag of dogshit)
When my mom died it wasn’t exactly unexpected but it was still sooner than we all thought it would happen. It was a huge punch in the guts and the thought of making things and not being able to show her and share them with her still hurts but in that first month it was like drowning.
So I made this for her, and shared it with and showed it to other people who are hurting, because my momma didn’t raise a quitter but she sure did raise a softhearted fool who wants everyone to feel a little more loved and a little more worthy and a little less alone.
Sometimes Crusader Kings II gives you events that force you to make decisions about your character’s values and gain or lose attributes depending on your choices.
Other times you get a pop up informing you that your character has just randomly decided not to be kind anymore and now thinks torture is fun.
I like the idea of a game where all the dialogue options are like that, making it impossible to choose the social skills of the character you play. Everything is [glass him] and you never know what’s going to come out of your mouth next.
Update: after I reblogged this someone messaged me offering me tickets to the sold out Hausu screening with a Q&A and autograph session with the director
FUCK THIS I SPERFECT, IT SHOWS THE ARM PRONATING AND ALL THE MUSCLES SHIFTING ALONG WITH THE WRIST
IT EVEN HIGHLIGHTS THE ULNA BONE
HEY THIS IS THE ULTIMATE ANATOMY REF, FUCK THOSE MISLEADING TERRIBLE FUCKING “ANATOMY” TUTORIALS THAT GOEAS AROUND TUMBLR, THIS IS ALL OYU NEED, LOOK AT THE LATISIMUS STRETCHING OVER THE SERRATUS, THE PECTORAL MUSCLE MOVESUPWARDS AND OVER THE BICEP AND EXTENDS ALONG WITH THE ARM THERES EVEN THE CORACOBRACHIALIS;. AAAA OMFG I’M SO HAPPYYYYYY
Admin Kin here: This is one of the most helpful references in our library, but I wondered if any of our followers might be able to help identify the color coded muscles? It would be great to be able to know what is what while practicing from these sheets!
Sure, @anatomicalart! The colors get reused between the arm/back angles so I’ll separate them.
Arm view:
Red = Deltoids (all three heads are in one color)
Blue = Latissimus Dorsi
Green = Biceps Brachii
Yellow = Triceps Brachii
Forearm:
Red = One of the wrist flexors
Blue = Brachioradialis
Back view, left side:
Red = Deltoids (all three heads are in one color)
Blue = Latissimus Dorsi
Green = Infraspinatus, Teres Minor, Teres Major
Yellow = Trapezius (all groups one color)
Back view, right side:
Red = Supraspinatus
Blue = Serratus Anterior
Green = Rhomboids
Yellow = Levator Scapulae
