Can we please talk about Sirius Black, the boy who everyone says is arrogant, selfish, and loud and takes up too much space? The boy who was raised in a house where love was conditional and usually came with a price tag, so he decided that his love would be the quietest thing about him
Sirius, who realized early on that Walburga could only focus her rage on one son at a time, so he purposefully dropped a vase, or scuffed his boots, or spoke out of turn the second he saw his mother’s eyes narrow at Regulus. Sirius, who took the punishments and the confinement and the screaming matches just so his brother could have one silent, peaceful night in his room.
Sirius, who stops wearing his heavy cologne three days before the full moon because he knows Remus gets sensory overload. Sirius, who casts subtle silencing charms on the soles of everyone's shoes so their footsteps don’t pound in Remus’s head, and learns to communicate in looks and gestures so Remus doesn't have to strain to process voices.
Sirius, who wakes up ten minutes before everyone else in the dorms to organize James’s scattered Quidditch gear. Sirius, who checks the tail twigs on James’s broom before every match, not because he thinks James is bad at maintenance, but because he can’t stomach the idea of gravity hurting the one person who makes him feel grounded.
Sirius, who sees Peter getting talked over in group conversations and suddenly goes quiet, staring intensely at him and saying, "Wait, Wormy, say that again? That was wicked." Sirius, who laughs the hardest at Peter’s jokes just to make sure the rest of the Gryffindor common room knows that Peter Pettigrew is worth listening to.
Sirius, who "coincidentally" needs to walk the route past the dungeons every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon because he knows Mary gets anxious walking there after the Mulciber incident. Sirius, who swings his arm around her shoulders, talking loudly about absolute nonsense, making himself a big, threatening shield between her and the Slytherins, daring anyone to look at her while she’s with him.
Sirius, who sees Marlene vibrating with anxiety or rage before a match, so he purposefully pokes and prods and annoys her until she tackles him into the common room rug. Sirius, who lets her wrestle all that nervous energy out on him, letting her pin him down and think she just won a fight, just so she can walk onto the pitch with steady hands.
Because Sirius acts like he loves himself the most, just to hide the terrifying truth: that he loves everyone else infinitely more than he will ever love himself.
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