Warnings: toxic relationship, mentions of sex, swear words, fire, self harm, mentions of women getting used by men
Summary: after getting into an argument with your boyfriend, you decide to make up with him which leads you to regret every second you've spent with him. PART TWOOOOO
Word count: 2.9 almost 3k (unedited)
A/n: IM SORRYYYY I GOT SOOO SOO SOO BUSY I WASN'T EXPECTING TO GET BUSY FOR THAT LONG OMG
PART ONE
You reach your apartment, tears streaming down your face. Taking all your clothes off and throwing them on the ground until you reach your bedroom. You stand in front of the huge mirror. Looking at your reflection, your once used to be beautiful body, is looking so ugly right now. You look at the white lingerie embracing your body and curves. You scream and take it off aggressively. You start stretching the material as hard as you could, failing to tear it. You throw it on the ground, step on it and yell
"fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! I hate you! I hate you! I wish i never met you!"
You go and bring an empty metallic trash can, put the lingerie in it and bring all the polaroid pictures of you and H/n, set them on fire and throw them in the can. They burn along with the lingerie. You watch all your memories with him burn. You go and look for everything H/n has bought you; jewelry, clothes, accessories. You put them all in the fire. Burning everything that reminded you of him. All the memories. As if he was never in your life. You delete all the pictures that include him on your phone, block his number and delete all the messages. It's over. It's done. And there's no going back.
Nothing, NOTHING excuses him nor his actions and words. Your eyes go back to the mirror. Your naked body on the bed. The body you've worked for. The body everyone envied you for. The body you took care of in every way to keep it clean and pure. You didn't oet anyone touch you. You knew your worth. You weren't someone who'd just give herself to anyone. Until you met H/n. You trusted him and loved him so purely, you were ready to give him your heart, and your body. You were all his. You gave him your precious virginity. The virginity everyone was trying to get. He got it. Now..... Your pure clean body only feels... Disgusting.. You feel disgusting. It has been getting used as a toy. As an object. You want to peel your skin off. You want to get rid of your body. You can't bear having your disgusting body. It's like you want to tear it off you and burn it. You felt dirty, disgusting, humiliated, angry, sad.
Screaming, you throw the closest thing to you, the trashcan with the burnt stuff in it, which has now turned into ashes, on the mirror breaking it. You rush to the shower, turning flaming hot water on, and use soap, trying to wash your body. Your body turns red from the aggressive rubbing and scratching. Feeling so disgusted of it. You've been used. Your body was being used as a toy. You were just an object to him.
----------3 weeks later----------
"Y/n.... So have you moved on?" Mey, your childhood best friend asks you as she takes a bite of her lemon flavoured ice cream
"moved on from what?" you ask after drinking a sip of your iced coffee
".. H/n.." she hesitates
"who's that?" you ask, your eyes showing confusion
"no one" she chuckles shaking her head and continuing to eat her ice cream
"Y/n!! Mey!!" you hear someone calling your names and turn around.
"Jay! What's up?" you say. It's Jay, your friend of couple years, actually one of your best friends. Your friendship started normally, then he confessed his feelings to you but you didn't feel the same. He was very understanding with your response and accepted it wholeheartedly. You continued being friends and slowly your bond got stronger and became best friends, or even more. He's always told you that he's always going to be there for you and he's ready to do anything for you.
"I'm having my birthday party this weekend at my house! You guys are coming right??" he says taking a chair and sitting with you around the round table of the cafeteria.
"I'm not sure if I can make it but at what time is it??" you ask
"y/n... You can NOT skip MY birthday party like that! In fact, you should be the one bringing the most expensive gift" he says rolling his eyes playfully making you and Mey chuckle
"also it's starting at 8pm and continuing till..... I don't know...... OH! maaaany people are coming too, even my friends invited THEIR friends, its gonna be a big party" he says
"okay I'm coming!!" Mey says then looks at you
"um.... Okayyyyyy I'm coming too" you roll your eyes
"Jay lets go!!" you hear Jay's friends calling him from outside.
"okay guys i gotta go, see y'all on Saturday!! DRESS NICELY! " he gets up and leaves as he waves a bye to you.
------- Saturday 7pm -------
You step out of the shower, checking your phone
"I'll pick you up at 8:30pm!"
You read the message Mey sent you and chuckle. She can never be on time.
You start putting make up. Not too heavy nor too light. Just perfect. Red lipstick, smokey eyes. You put your mini red satin dress and high heels. You make your hair wavy. Adding some last touches, jewelry. A diamond necklace around your neck and diamond earrings. You get up and look in the mirror. Oh how beautiful you look. Your phone rings.
"Y/n I'm here!!!" Mey says on the phone and you tell her your coming. You didn't notice how long you took to get ready.
You hop in the car "Y/n holy fuck..... You're glowing" Mey says checking you up. You smile and thank her, telling her how beautiful she looks too.
After 15 minutes you arrive at Jay's house. You can already hear the music and see the amount of cars parked around his big house. You get in and see the bunch of people in the garden around the pool. Some you know and some you don't. Jay sees you and comes to greet you.
"Y/n, Mey! What took y'all so long to arrive?" he asks. "you know Mey loves being late to everything as if she's cinderella or something.." Mey slaps your arm playfully.
"anyways..... Here's your gift" you give him a small box which he opens immediately. He looks at the beautiful gold watch im awe. "i didn't really MEAN it when I said you should bring an expensive gift Y/n!" he says and hugs you.
"come in" he leads the way for you and Mey into his house. You see eyes landing on you. Checking you up and whispering to each other. You reach the kitchen. Jay offers you and Mey couple shots and you take them.
"what's up" some random boy wraps his arm around Jay and raises his eyebrow at you. "who's this cutie Jay?" he asks him, still looking at you. "someone you don't need to know, now go away" he pushes him off and tells him to go do something else. You chuckle and turn around. Looking at the people. Some are drinking, some making out, some dancing, some just chatting, some looking at you. Girls look at you rudely and boys admire you in lust.
"well, I'm going to look for my next heartbreak!" Mey takes another shot and disappears into the crowd.
"by the way.... Y/n" Jay says
"yeah?" you turn your attention to him.
"you look really beautiful" he says scratching the back of his head.
"aww thank you!" you say hitting his chest playfully making him chuckle.
"you're looking handsome too-" you go silent. Your attention goes to the sound of a loud laughter. You look at the girl and it takes you couple seconds before you recognise her.
Its her....the girl who had left those love bites on your ex... Well apparently you weren't even in a relationship so he isn't your ex even.
"Y/n?" Jay says interrupting your thoughts "oh! I zoned out sorry.. Yeah you look handsome too Jay" you laugh awkwardly playing it off.
"so.... You know everyone in this party?" you ask
"nope! Many people are my friends' friends. So i don't really know them nor haven't even talked to most of them... At least yet"
You nod your head "ooh okay i get it" you look at the girl again, she's taking shots with her loud friends. "oh that girl?" Jay asks, startling you.
"what?"
"the one you keep looking at.... She's my friend's girl... I guess... At least that's how it looks" he says taking a sip of his drink
"what... do you mean??" you ask
"i mean they're been fucking on and off, sometimes they're fucking and acting like lovebirds and sometimes they're acting like enemies. Honestly no one knows what the fuck is going on betwee-"
"no..... I mean, what do you mean she's your friend's girl? Whose girl?" you ask in a confused and serious note
"oh, she's H- oh HIS girl" he points with his head at the boy walking towards y'all with his friends. You look at him and see the person who you didn't really miss nor wanted to see, ever. H/n.
He was walking with his friends and chatting with them, he didn't notice you until he heard Jay calling him.
"Yo H/n! What's up my g" Jay says walking towards him a little, covering you behind him. "happy birthday bro" H/n says and they half hug.
"How's your girl bro?" Jay asks
"oh she's fine, we're fine" he laughs
"are you guys even dating? You've been fucking around with her for couple months now" one of H/n's friends ask him
"yeah we're dating, been doing it for half a year, but you know every relationship has its ups and downs.." he chuckles awkwardly.
"Half a year? We ended things only couple weeks ago.... " you thought to yourself.
"anyways! How about you bro, you found a girl yet?" H/n asks Jay laughing
"ohh no, not yet, oh by the way i forgot to introduce you to-" Jay turns around showing you behind him.
Your eyes meet. Your eyes meet his eyes. H/n's eyes. You both freeze. Well to be fair, he froze harder. His eyes literally lost the shine in them. Its like he saw a ghost.
" Y/n this is H/n, H/n this is Y/n, my best friend" Jay introduces you to each other.
"Hey! I'm Mark" one of H/n's friends says, giving his hand for a handshake. You move your attention to him and shake his hand "hey" you say giving him a sweet smile.
Jay stands between you and H/n awkwardly, looking at you both, confused why you didn't greet each other. "guys are you okay.." he says
"yeah" you say
"Hi I'm Y/n" you say, offering your hand for a handshake
H/n stands there looking at you up and down. The treasure he let go of. He couldn't believe it. He was not expecting to see you at all, in a situation like this.
"H/n!" Jay puts his hand on his shoulder and H/n finally focuses again and looks at Jay. "her hand is waiting" Jay says and H/n realizes
"oh... Hi I-I'm H/n" his hands reach to yours and shakes it.
"nice to meet you" you say smirking at him and letting go of his hand.
"H/n you're here!" Again, you hear that annoying voice, you roll your eyes. The girl comes to H/n and kisses his lips and hugs him. He pushes her away slowly "don't do this now"
"well...... Let's cut the cake i guess" Jay says, trying to break the awkward atmosphere.
Jay heads outside to the big garden and to the cake on the big table near the pool. Soon the garden becomes crowded with almost everyone, leaving the house kind of empty
You've excused yourself earlier to go to the bathroom. You look in the mirror and stare at yourself in silence. After some time to break down laughing. "fucking idiot" you laugh again hysterically as you remember H/n's face when he saw you. You literally saw how shocked he was. Everyone notices the tension between you two in that moment. But the attention mostly went to him because you played it off very well.
You put lipstick and put some little touches on your hair making sure it's nice then you exit the bathroom. As you walk down the hallway, you get pulled by someone and dragged into a dark room
"what the fuc-" you get interrupted when you see H/n's face. It was a dark room but had some light coming from the light decoration put outside, and you hear the music mixed with the crowd voices. "what do you want?" you ask pushing him away, acting like you don't really recognise him.
H/n grabs your shoulders tightly so he doesn't get pushed back. "Y/n.. I wasn't expecting to see you here-"
"and why would you expect me to be anywhere anyway? Can you let go of me now? I don't want your dirty hands on me... Fucking disgusting" you say moving your arms and pushing him away harshly
"Y/n please..." he comes back and holds you against the wall again "you're fucking gorgeous....... I can't stop myself—" he grabs your jaw and presses his lips onto yours. He slightly moans into your mouth when he feels your lips kissing him back. You grab his neck and deepen the kiss. H/n grabs your hair into a ponytail and slides his tongue into your mouth, feeling it and tasting the flavour he's been missing for so long. You move your hand from his neck to his hair and grab it breaking the kiss. It was a heated make out session. You both pant and try to catch air.
"Y/n.... I missed you... I'm so sorry i should've never done that nor said that to you-" he inhales, trying to calm his panting, "i love you Y/n please forgive me...... I've made a mistake.... Please... I regret everything, I love you" he says, his eyes full of sorrow... And lust.
You look at him with sad eyes. "H/n...." you smile "do you remember when i said that you're my biggest mistake?" he nods sadly.
"i really..... I really meant it and still do" his face impressions changes to confusion and you smirk with devil eyes. "all those nights and days, all those hours and minutes, all that TIME i spent with you.... Fuck! How much i regret it. If i could, I'd go back in time and never meet you. I'd UNspend all the time i spent with you.... What a shame i can't" you start laughing.
H/n's jaw drops in confusion. He doesn't understand what's happening. You were just... Kissing...??? What are you saying now?
"you missed my lips didn't you" you lean closer, making him feel your breath against his lips "you missed my body didn't you" you look at him... "you missed being loved... By me...." you stare at him. He stares back at you in silence. Not knowing what to say.
You let your grip go of his hair. You slide both of your hands from his shoulders to his chest. You push him away from you. "H/n you're a piece of shit. You will always be a piece of shit. For everything you've done to me and probably other girls too, your life punishment will be this..... You'll never get anyone to love you.... Not the same way i did.... Nor any better.... You'll be miserable and you'll live in regret. Goodbye " you walk away.
H/n grabs your arm "wait Y/n plea—" you push his hand away. "fuck you H/n! I never want to see you ever again. For me, you're fucking dead. You don't exist anymore in my world!" you walk out of the room.
H/n watches as the person that loved him for who he is, who always tried to give him the best, who truly sincerely cared for him, walk away and out of his life. He has lost you for ever, and he'll never be happy again.
You walk away and laugh to yourself as you wipe your mouth with your hand. "fucking stupid" you let him kiss you, to make him suffer more. You gave him hope and then turned him down hard. He's stupid for thinking that you'd ever forgive someone like him. He's disrespected you enough. It's enough. You're focusing on your life and future. You've started not only a new chapter, but a whole new book.
H/n punches the wall, tears dropping on the floor, his heart and mind aching. You were like a drug to H/n. He was addicted to you and your body, then got clean from you. But you came back and gave him a taste, and now he's craving you again, like crazy. Now you're gone, you've left him to suffer alone. That's karma after all.
You go to the garden, Jay has already cut the cake and shared it with the others. You walk towards him and he grabs a plate and hands it to you "your piece" he says smiling. You look at him and at the plate. You take the plate and put it on the near table. "Jay, you've told me you can do anything for me?". He nods. You grab him by his jaw and kiss him. Jay grabs your waist and kisses you back. I mean, you had to change the taste of your mouth. You share this beautiful moment as H/n watches from the crowd. His eyes boiling in anger and jealousy. You're not his anymore.
Warnings: toxic relationship, mentions of sex, swear words
Summary: after getting into an argument with your boyfriend, you decide to make up with him which leads you to regret every second you've spent with him
A/n: part 2 dropping very soon
PART 2
You've been seeing H/n for couple months now. You both met on a game online and things got serious quickly. You texted everyday, stayed up late at nights texting each other, woke up with "goodmorning" messages and so on. Within couple weeks you fell for each other and after heated up late night conversations and lovey-dovey messages you finally decided to meet up. Meeting each other in 'real life' made you fall deeper for each other. You kiss, have sex, share sweet and bitter moments together, cuddle... Everything couples do. Calling eachother names like "my girl", "my baby", "my man".
You were automatically dating. It's not like you officially asked each other to start dating, but it was obvious. You both were in a relationship. Or was it just you who thought that way?
Honestly your relationship wasn't perfect. He was kind of..... Toxic? No, toxic is a big word. Let's say he's got problems, yeah. You know the whole "i can fix him" thing. You did it without realizing.
He has issues but you ignored them. His anger issues, his rudeness. He took his anger on you everytime. One day he'd fuck you till you're crying and the other day he'd tell you to leave him alone and the other day he'd start arguments with you about stupid things, just wanting to get his anger out. You never have vanilla sex.
He'd make you upset with his attitude and rudeness towards you, then the next day he'd fuck you mercilessly. You thought it was his way to show you he loved you. But it was his way to let his anger and stress out. In other words, he was using you. Your body was a toy to him. But you never realized it. You were too blinded by love, you didn't see yourself drowning into his poisonous lake.
Couple days ago, as usual you had a small argument. It was one of those days where he looked sad or mad so you decided to show him a funny video, he hit your hand off his face "get that unfunny shit off my face Y/n". (when i said stupid arguments, i really meant it) you got mad at him for doing that and started arguing. "you're such a disrespectful piece of shit H/n!"
"you either shut your mouth or leave my apartment". You got up immediately "I'm leaving either way" you took your stuff and left, heading back to your own apartment.
"fucking idiot i hate him" you throw your phone and purse on your bed and lay on your back. "I'm never talking to him again". You turn to your side and close your eyes.
Waking up the next morning, you check your phone, no calls nor messages from him. You insult him under your breath and get up, doing your morning routine.
Eating the breakfast you think about the argument.
"maybe i did wrong.... He was clearly not in the mood for jokes ... I shouldn't have done that.."
You go shopping, buy a new set of silky white lingerie, his favourite colour. You try them on, them hugging your beautiful curves, white reflecting on your body making you glow in beauty. You imagine H/n's reaction to seeing you in them and your heart starts beating faster. You go back home, take a hot shower, exfoliate and do an "all" body routine. You apply lotion and go sleep.
Waking up, still zero messages and calls from him, you assume he's still mad. You do your morning routine and eat breakfast.
By afternoon you start doing your hair, light makeup and wear your new lingerie set, wearing a hoodie and pants on top of them. You put his favourite perfume on and leave your apartment, heading to his apartment.
You type in the security password to enter his apartment. He's always told you that you can enter his place whenever you want and you don't have to knock or anything.
You open the door and enter his apartment. You hear some noises coming from the dark living room, entering it you see H/n with two male friends of his and two female friends watching a movie. You look further, and see H/n in the corner of the sofa, having one of his arms wrapped around a girl as she kisses his neck.
You step back, still staring. H/n somehow looks at the direction of the door and sees you, he gasps quietly, but not quiet enough, leading others' attention towards you. They get startled.
"H/n who's this?" one of the boys ask.
"she's just someone i k-know" he says getting up from the sofa and hurrying towards you. "you guys continue the movie I'll be right back"
He grabs your arm and drags you away from the living room. Ending up at the front door. He pins you on the wall. "what the fuck are you doing here?" he says through gritted teeth
"is visiting my boyfriend a sin now?!" you say, your eyes switch from looking into his eyes to his neck, you see two hickeys.
"boyfriend? Since when are we dating?"
Your eyes switch back to his "what?"
"Y/n" he chuckles rudely "looks like you've got the wrong idea"
"H/n is that a hickey? You've been fucking hoes behind my back?" you say in disgust.
"behind your back? Who are you even?" he leans closer making you smell his breath, full of alcohol "you're nothing more than a slut I've been using" he whispers. Leaning away and chuckling in bitterly.
"can you fuck off my apartment now Y/n?"
You hear one of the girls - most likely the bitch who was sucking on him earlier- calling his name to go continue the movie with them.
You chuckle "im not fucking off this easily H/n, not after what I've seen" you try to move and go to the living room but he holds your shoulders and pins you back on the wall hurting you.
"can you like..... Can you leave me alone for once??!" he hits the wall right next to your head with his fist, startling you.
"i will.... Not for once but forever" you say, eyes red in anger and disappointment, you push him away from you. Wear your shoes and head towards the door. You look back at him "you're my biggest mistake H/n" and leave.
A/n: i have like 3 different oneshots for this song im working on them
Song: Arcade by Duncan Laurence
You lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling above you
"I should stop this.... It's wrong..." your phone's ringtone interrupted your thoughts.
You took the phone and looked at the caller
~My Man~
You pickup the call, smiling
"Hey baby how are you??"
Your heart -as always- melts at his voice and pet name
"Heyy I'm better now hearing your voice, how's my man doing?" you asked, rolling to lay on your stomach, swaying your legs in the air
"if my girl is doing good then I'm good too"
You both chuckle before he continues; "umm do you want to go on a date tonight? If you're free" he hesitates
"yeah I'm down!" you say in excitement before asking "so where are we going?"
"how about the arcade? I feel energetic today"
"sounds amazing! I've always wanted to go to the arcade with you im so excited!"
you both giggle and continue planning the time he should pick you up at.
Finishing your natural-look makeup and wearing your favourite jeans with a white t-shirt you look at the time
- 18:54 -
" he's supposed to be here in couple minutes" you think before rushing to the front door to put your shoes on and saying goodbye to your parents.
"send greetings to Sarah" your mom yells from the living room. You told your parents that you're going out with your best friend, Sarah.
Your family is very well known in your city. Its known for its high social status, you're like the perfect family that everyone wants to have. Your parents want the best for their kids -including you-.
Growing up in such a family, you also wanted to have as bright future and you had goals, that are very high, but you've planned your life perfectly, you know what you have to do and who you need to reach those goals. Your parents raised you with the idea in your head that your success comes first. You want to succeed in life.
You leave the house and walk until you turn around the corner to see his car. You smile and run to it, jumping onto the passenger seat you hug H/n and he starts driving to your destination.
You reach the arcade hall. You play couple games. You look at him playing the shooting game. How he's focusing on his target. His arms flexing, body still and shooting. He was dreamy. You could stare at him for hours even days. Your thoughts got interrupted when you heard H/n cheering, you look at him and see he won the game. You both jump hugging each other. He tried to let go of you but you hugged him tighter "just a little bit more" you say and he chuckles, hugging you again.
"please God, don't ever let me forget this peaceful loved feeling"
The night continued with you playing games, winning and losing. But most importantly making memories with each other. You took mental pictures of him, observed every move and expression he made. Catching yourself smiling at him every time.
His family wasn't the same level as yours. They more belonged to the "poor" side of the society. Not only financially but also with statuses. You know your family would never accept someone like him to their family and daughter. Not in a million years. And to be honest, you've admitted to yourself that he's not the man of your dreams. He's not the one whom you've been looking for. He's not the one whom you've imagined you future with. He's not whom you NEEDED in life to reach your goals and to build the life you've always dreamed of.
It all started as a friendship, then attraction, which turned into love. And now you're stuck in it. You loved him. But he wasn't THE one for you. And knowing that he purely loved everything about you, broke you. You knew that loving him was a losing game, yet you continued it. You knew you were driving yourself to the breaking point when you were loving him more and more everyday, and feeling guilty about it. It was either him or........ your future. And you had to choose one.
You arrived at the park where you had your first kiss at. Walking holding hands, the moon lighting up your way. You turned to face him.
Looking inti his shiny eyes, he saw his future in your eyes. You were his everything and it showed.
"H/n..." you hesitated
"yes baby?"
Not the petname, not now. Your heart started beating faster, your legs felt numb.
"w-we have to" you stuttered
"to..... What?" he looked at you anticipating
"end....... our relationship"
Your heart literally shattered at how his eyes changed.
"w-what do you mean?... Why!?" he was confused
"H/n you're just... You deserve someone better" your eyed tear up, still trying your best to keep them in.
"you're perfect for me Y/n, but if you think that then YOU change yourself to the better for me!" he held your hands
"H/n our love was always a losing game.... Our love is a mistake and it should end now, before we fall deeper-"
"Y/n im already so deep into it! You can't just end it here like this" he holds your hands tighter, pulling you closer into him
"we have different lives H/n.... We're just like the sun and the moon. We can't be in the same sky, unless we break the rules..... And my rules are unbreakable" you say in a calm voice trying your best to not break down.
"I'll be the star then, the start that shines next to the moon, in the same sky" he begs
"y-you can't. Don't! Don't ruin your future and life for me please, it'll only break me more"
You pull your hands out of his grip and hold his face in your arms. Leaning in, you give him a deep warm kiss on his lips, letting your tears fall down, mixing up with his. Feeling his soft warm sweet lips for the last time. It made it so bitter.
You break the kiss, both look into each other's broken teary eyes. Connecting your foreheads. "i had a lot of fun today H/n" "me too Y/n". "i hope you have a fun and a successful life Y/n, and reach all of your goals". "i hope you have a beautiful life and reach your goals too H/n".
You walk away. Away from him. When you reach a point where he can't see you anymore, you break down onto your knees. Crying. Hitting your chest. Numbing the pain. It hurted so much. You both were the right people, but met at the wrong time. Because of that, now you're both left brokenhearted. You're both shattered.
Little did you know, that you were H/n's one and only goal. And now he had to watch his goal walk away and disappear into the darkness of this cold night.
2020 was honestly full of sad and happy surprises and incidents. Some of us might have experienced very bad things this year, and some might be thankful to this year and the surprises it had. For me this year had and did positive and negative consequences for my future, but i definitely, DEFINITELY learnt a LOT from it. I mostly learnt how people change no matter who they are and how close they are and i found positive in negative. I lost many friends and broke many relationships and disappointed and got disappointed in people.
But most importantly, i gained many new friends, whom i love and who love me back as much. Those people, precious people were my reason to keep going. Even when i once disbelieved in friendships, they made me believe that not all bones break. I learnt that only fake bones break, whether it will be now or later.
I'm very thankful for my friends and family and everyone who supported me through the good and the bad this year, and i hope they stay in my life for the many next years too❤️
Oh my god i literally remember typing this couple days ago????????? That's so crazy, the years are flying. Can't believe how fast the days go by, only makes us realize that life really IS short. So try to make the MOST of it while you can. Happy New Year❤️
Summary: you thought you were perfect together. You thought you were each other's missing puzzle piece. But were you right tho?
A/n: this is actually an angst of LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP/FRIENDSHIP. You can consider it a friend or boyfriend. It also can be read as a real life relationship. i thought about making a LDR angst since they're rare
Your eyes tear up looking at your messages on "Read" after being on "Delivered" for the past five hours. You close your phone and lay on your back on your soft bed, letting your tears run down, wetting your ears. You hate that but you're too numb to dry them.
A month ago you met a guy. First you were just texting and talking, nothing serious. You didn't even call each other friends, it wasn't even that serious. Day by day you got to know each other more, you found out that you both have the same interests, you clicked. You were each other's ideal types. Or at least, that's what you thought. You texted everyday, got more interested in each other. Gave attention to each other. You've told yourself to never fall in love with anyone because of past traumas. This time, it was different. It was difficult. He was everything you've wished for. His personality, his mind, his affection, honesty... You can't describe it all but he was perfect, for you. You secretly started growing feelings for him. Even if you didn't even admit it to yourself, but your heart, deep down, knew it.
After small confessions and attractions, you were unofficially together. It's like an open relationship, that's how you'd name it. You both like each other and you both know it.... Or... Do you? Does he know you like him?
"I mean.... Its obvious, isn't it?" that's what you thought, at least.
Day by day, week by week, you started imagining your life with him, you were happy. You opened your heart to the right person. Finally you can be loved now. He showed you love and support, that no one else ever did. For the first time; you felt loved, truly.
You loved his attention and love. You lived for it. It was your new motivation. It was the reason you'd wake up in the morning to see his "goodmorning" message, and oh, how your heart would melt. Knowing you're someone's priority. You wanted to be in each other's arms. Feel safe and warm in them. But it was nearly impossible. Especially in your young age. You lived far from each other. That's where you spent the day talking with each other, and the night dreaming of each other. You didn't complain. It was painful, but hey, you both are on the same planet at least.
It's been a month or so. you say "goodnight" to each other and go to sleep, dreaming of each other. The next day you wake up, as usually, take your phone to read your favourite message. But there wasn't any messages. You get confused, "did he oversleep? He has school so no. Why didn't he text me?"
You thought he had something going on and that he had a good reason why he didn't text you. So you gave him time. Maybe he's busy and can't text now. You waited for his text. An hour, another, another, but no texts. You decided to text him and he answered. You asked whether he's okay and he said he's perfect. Which confused you more, what's the reason then?
You continue texting him, but you notice how cold he is with you. As if the flame shut down. You feel so confused. You ask him whether there's something wrong but he denies it. You think to yourself that maybe he doesn't want to talk about it. You somehow end the day and say goodnight to each other. The next day the same thing happens, but you decide to text him a goodmorning message. He replies, coldly. You feel your heart ache. That day your conversation was just as dry, the conversation ended with him going to sleep without a goodnight message. You were so sad, you spent the night crying, wondering what did you do wrong.
The next morning he had only answered your previous messages of last night. You felt so broken. Your day was awful. You were so sensitive. You finally decided to break the silence.
"I don't know whether you're going through something or if I've done something wrong but you can tell me, i don't want to force anything" you press "send"
He tells you there's nothing wrong, but adds
"probably there is, but in your head"
You read it over and over again. "Something wrong in... My head?" you stare at the message. After a while you send him: "i won't annoy you anymore...".
Left on seen
Your eyes tear up looking at your messages on "Read" after being on "Delivered" for the past five hours. You close your phone and lay on your back on your soft bed, letting your tears run down, wetting your ears. You hate that but you're too numb to dry them. Wondering, thinking again and again, where did you go wrong. Where did everything go wrong? Did he get bored of you? Did he find someone new? Is he still into his ex?
After sobbing for some time, you get up and sit on your bed. Looking from your big window, at the beautiful night sky with the small lights, called stars and a big light, moon, filling it up.
"maybe he's right... Maybe it's all in my head....there's definitely something wrong in my head, for thinking we ever had something between us. Everything we had was all just in my head"
You felt so stupid, for thinking that you'd be able to replace his ex girlfriend he's told you about. You felt so stupid for thinking that you'd win over someone who he sees in PERSON, in REAL life. Not in a virtual one. You were just fucking... Stupid. It was all in your head.
You take your phone, delete everything about him. Block him. And forget him. This taught you a lesson. Never give a chance to something impossible. Never try to make something impossible turn possible. It's called impossible for a reason. You both knew you wouldn't be able to be together. But you both ignored that fact, you were blinded by the attention you gave each other. And that hurted the both of you.
That night, you also remembered why you never opened your heart to anyone for the past decade. Because in the end, your heart will only ache, think you're the problem and you're just a piece of shit. This was your last straw. Your heart now turned into a rock. Your brain wants nothing to do with your stupid naive heart . You're abandoning your heart, letting your common sense and brain control you. No more pain. That's it. You've cried enough. You knew that softening your heart would be such a mistake, yet you did it. It's time to lock your heart and burn its key. You're never opening it ever again.
Confess all your sins, desires and fantasies to me. I'll listen to you. And keep them a secret. U can confess anonymously or publicly. Your choice. Just get it off your chest💫
Characters: Jaemin x Y/n , Chenle, Jeno, Haechan, Renjun
Genre: angst, fluff
Warnings: alcohol (?) UNEDITED SORRY
Song: Why don’t you kiss her - Jesse McCartney
Requested
Words: 2.5K+
"I'll be there soon"
"alright! Be careful in the traffic"
Jaemin ends the call, smiling at his best friend's name (Y/n) feeling excited to finally meet you after coming back from their world tour. It's been months since he's seen you and he missed you a lot.
Jaemin prepares popcorn and some drinks along with a good movie of your favourite genre. As soon as he put the cola cans on the table, he heard the doorbell and ran towards the dorm's door. Opening the door to reveal you.
You jumped into his arms as he hugged you back. You both giggled as you broke your hug, looking at each other, staring. Until someone interrupted your staring contest.
"Y/n! You're here"
You saw Jeno standing behind Jaemin, the happy smile on his face warming your heart. You went and hugged him too and the others who came one after one to greet you.
You sat down, putting the expensive wine bottle you've brought with you on the table in the living room, congratulating the dreamies on their first world tour as you opened the bottle, pouring some of it in each one's glass. After doing a short funny and supportive speech you clicked the glasses and drank it.
Then you all sat down in front of the tv and started watching a movie. You were very focused on the movie, that you didn't notice how your best friend, Jaemin was staring at you, as if you were his personal favourite movie, a movie he never got tired of.
Haechan notices him staring at you and kickes his legs, causing Jaemin to turn his head towards him, with a frown on his face. Haechan wiggles his eyebrows as he mouths a "look at me" and moves to sit next to you.
"Y/n" Haechan whispers and you turn your gaze on him raising your eyebrows in anticipation waiting for him to continue talking "give me your hand" You looked at him confused before reaching your hand out to his. He held it and put a 20 dollar cash on it staring at your palms lines.
"do you think you're a fortune teller or what?" Chenle teases making Haechan sigh and look at him "shut up let me concentrate" "come on man, if you were a fortune teller you would've known that you'll drop your precious wallet in the plane's toilet, soaking all of the money in it"
You were shocked at what you heard, feeling disgusted. "WHAT? REALLY??? EWW HAECHAN YOU PUT THAT NASTY MONEY ON MY HAND?!" you threw the cash that was on your hand and smacked Haechan, making the others laugh at the scene. Haechan attacked Chenle and they started fighting jokingly. You laughed along with the others, until you had a quick eye contact with Jaemin. You had multiple eye contacts that night, and you caught him couple times staring at you. But all he did was smile at you and look back at the screen.
Finally as the movie ended you stretched you muscles and neck, drinking some cold water and getting ready to leave back to your apartment.
You said goodbyes to the boys and let Jaemin walk you to your car. As you reached to your car you turned to face him. You stared at each other again, as if your eyes had a conversation between them. After some silence Jaemin spoke
"d-drive safely y/n"
You nodded
"and call me when you get home, okay?"
You nod again, reaching out to give him a goodbye hug. The hug lasted longer than it was supposed to, as Jaemin didn't let go of you.
"Y/n" He speaks, seriously.
"hm?" You look at him
"I..." he looks away
"you... what?"
His serious voice gave you high hopes
"I.... Lik" he chokes on his words
Your eyes lit up, keeping silent, waiting for him to continue.
"I um... Liked the m-movie tonight! Let's watch the second season next time you come" he stutters.
You give him a visible disappointed expression, your shoulders lowering. You nod quickly agreeing with him.
"y-yeah.. I'll be going now, see you"
You enter your car and drive away after waving at him. As soon as your car disappeared from his view he hit the wall next to him so hard, swearing at himself for being too coward to tell you that he likes you instead of talking some useless stuff about the movie, that he didn't even watch, because he was watching you instead.
"Jaemin is a cooowaaard, Jaemin is a coooowaaaaard"
Haechan and Chenle were singing and running around the dorm, pissing Jaemin off, more than he already was.
"shut up guys" Jeno fails to be serious as he couldn't hide his giggle.
"anyway, why didn't you just confess, Jaemin?" Renjun cleared his throat and asked seriously
"Yeah Jaemin, what are you so afraid of?? Just GO for it" Haechan tried to act serious too.
"You don't get it guys" Jaemin huffs "what if my confession messes up everything? What if she doesn't like me back! I can't and don't want to ruin our friendship..." he slids off the sofa and lays down on the floor, sighing.
"at this point you're just blind. Y/n likes you too, we all see it except you!" Chenle says and throws a pillow at Jaemin.
"now thinking about it, you two are blind. Everyone can see you like each other, except you two!" Jeno says and Haechan agrees.
They all sigh and try to encourage Jaemin to confess already.
"how am I supposed to confess? I just can't think of a way, whenever i try to confess i end up saying something else and changing the topi-"
"WHY DONT YOU JUST KISS HER?" Chenle screams, making them throw pillows at him for being so loud. But then they all started thinking about it.
"yeah, just kiss her!" Haechan says
"YEAH JUST KISS HER? ARE YOU GUYS STUPID? IF CONFESSING WOULD MESS THE FRIENDSHIP THEN WHAT THE KISS WOULD DO??? Y/n probably wouldn't want to see my face ever again.." he huffs loudly, squirming on the floor.
"Man, at this point you'll be single for ever. Take risks" Haechan sighs.
***after couple days***
"Y/n!" Haechan yells purposely, to make Jaemin, who's in his room, hear.
"Heyyyy!!!" you hug him.
Haechan called you earlier today and invited you to their dorm to hang out with them. And he definitely didn't tell Jaemin.
"Y/n" you look behind haechan and see Jaemin. You smile at him and reach for a hug. After you exchange hugs with the two boys you go to the living room to greet the others.
"sooo what are we gonna do tonight?" you ask as you sit down on the floor with the others.
Renjun comes from the kitchen holding a bottle, he puts it in the middle after sitting next to you "truth or dare".
You slightly smiled in return and looked at the other boys, wondering why they're smirking as they gathered to sit in a circle around the bottle on the floor.
Jaemin looked at the boys and their excitement, furrowing his eyebrows realizing their plan.
"okaayyy!!! You know the rules right!?? Shall we start?" Jeno looked at the boys and then you
You all nodded a yes and Jeno spun the bottle. It stopped pointing at Renjun, and him being confident, he chose dare.
Chenle yelled "I'll give the dare!!!! I dare you to kiss the next chosen person on the cheek" they all started laughing and oooo-ing
"isn't it too early to laugh??" Renjun said "one of y'all will be kissed by my precious lips" he said and the rest eww-ed.
Renjun spun the bottle and it landed on Chenle. "NOOOO I WANT CHANGE THE DARE—"
you all started laughing at the fact that chenle -who gave the dare- fell a victim to it. Renjun held Chenle's face forcefully and kissed his cheek, making the "muah" sound, making everyone in the room "eww" in disgust.
"I'm never choosing dare again" Renjun said and Chenle agreed.
"Okay next" Jeno said and spun the bottle. It stopped and your heart skipped a beat too. It was - finally- pointing at you. The boys shared eye-contacts with each other and Haechan finally asked "truth or dare?".
After you saw what the earlier dare was, you were definitely not ready to choose dare. "Truth". They smirked. Even if you chose dare, they would've smirked too. They had it all planned for every circumstances.
Haechan looked at you, licking his lips before asking "okay well..... If..... We're talking as in IF okay?" Haechan was trying to make you feel safe enough to answer the question thoughtfully and honestly.
He repeated "if" word enough for you to understand that it's not like it'll REALLY happen. "yeah IF what?" you asked impatiently.
Jeno and Renjun holding their palms over their mouths hiding their smiles and excitement. Jaemin on the other half was lowkey sweating, also impatiently waiting for him to ask the question, he wasn't sure about what is it but he was sure enough that it'll definitely be about himself. He knows his friends enough.
Chenle huffed "just ask the damn question already".
Haechan chuckled and continued "IF....."
"YEAH IF WHAT?" you threw a pillow at him.
"Jaemin gets dared to kiss you, would you kiss him back?". You went silent.
Trying to process what he just asked and if you really heard it right.
Chenle joined Jeno and Renjun with holding their fits on their mouths, not knowing what's going to happen, either you'll get mad or you'll be chill. It's a 50/50 chance. They either will succeed in making you confess to each other or ruin your friendship completely. Jaemin looked at the ceiling, rubbing his neck and stretching it, not knowing what he's supposed to do nor where he's supposed to look at.
You glanced at Jaemin quickly and then back at Haechan who was waiting for your amswer.
"w-well" your face turned red, you were so embarrassed about the whole situation, not knowing what to say nor what consequences either of your answers will have.
"let me repeat the question, IF Jaemin gets dared to kiss you, i mean on the lips of course, will you kiss back, like kiss hi-"
"OKAY HAECHAN WE DONT REALLY NEED YOU TO TELL US THE DETAILS" Renjun yelled.
"yes"
They all, including Jaemin turned their gazes at you, then they looked at Haechan wondering if they heard wrong.
"wha-" Haechan got interrupted by you
"yes i w-would" you said feeling shy and turning your gaze down.
They looked at each other happily and looked at Jaemin and winked. Jaemin was speechless, but the he thought to himself "it was IF, it won't happen anyway".
They all got excited and got ready to spin the bottle again. It stopped, pointing at Jeno.
Chenle huffed "ya!! You didn't spin it hard, do it again" Haechan agreed and spun it again.
They all had their fingers crossed, wishing for it to point at the one and only, Jaemin. And it did.
Everyone's hearts skipped a beat, or two. As the boys tried to hide their smiles, Jaemin was nervous, same as you. "he wouldn't choose dare, wouldn't he" you thought to yourself.
"Jaemin" Haechan continued chuckling: "Dare or dare?".
Jaemin's eyes widened, now their whole plan is crystal clear to his eyes. He wanted to complain about it, but it had to be done. It was now or never. It was just the perfect time to really take a step forward.
"dare"
You looked at him, choking silently on your saliva.
The boys were confused with how he just accepted it and went with the flow but Haechan took his chance quickly before Jaemin could change his mind.
"i dare you to kiss Y/n"
If getting more red than you already were is possible then it was happening now. You got so nervous. Jaemin looked at you, and couldn't hold eye-contact longer than a second. The boys held pillows as they watched their plan go perfectly. Only the last step. One step and it'll all end how they planned, well they hoped it'll end how they really planned.
Jaemin slowly walked to sit next to you. He held you chin, as you hesitated to look at him first. His eyes switched to look at your lips. He started leaning in, making you close your eyes automatically. Finally you felt his soft warm lips on yours. Your lips hugged his back. They were in sync. Like a lock.
Your's a lock and his the keys. Fits perfectly. Unlocking a new feeling in your hearts. The kiss lasted for about 10 seconds. It was slow. Your hearts were going to explode. You both were caught in the moment forgetting the other boys who were silently hitting each other with happy faces, knowing that their plan worked perfectly.
You both parted your lips. Both red. Held eye-contact until you remembered the other boys and Jaemin went back to his seat. It was an awkward silence in the room. Until Renjun broke it. "oh it's getting late, I'll go get ready for bed" chenle and haechan agreed and they stood up leaving to their rooms. You Jeno and Jaemin stayed cleaning up the living room. After you were done, Jeno said goodnight and left to his room too. You told Jaemin that it's getting late and you should go too.
You wore your clothes and said goodbye to him. You left their apartment and went to the elevator, going to the park. You walked towards your car. As soon as you opened the door, you heard your name.
"Y/n! Wait" you turned around and saw Jaemin running towards you.
"Jaemin? Why you're here i literally just left—"
"Y/n listen I-" he took a breath in
You looked at him in anticipation.
*Jaemin got a flashback *
"I um... Liked the m-movie tonight! Let's watch the second season next time you come"
He's not going to repeat the same mistake, will he????
"Jaemin you what??" he furrow your eyebrows
"Y/n.... I really lik— no.." he stopped, your heart dropped. "He doesn't like me?? Did i do something wrong" You thought to yourself.
"I really love you, if y-you don't feel the same way or feel uncomfortable we can't act like i never said thi—" he was talking so fast, you wanted to shut him up with his nonsense. You kissed him.
This time it was a long kiss, almost a make out.
"I love you too Jaemin" you smiled at him in relief and he did the same.
You both hugged.
"will you be my girlfriend Y/n?" he asked.
You giggled and hit his chest "of course, Jaemin".
"WHAT?????? WHAT ARE THEY TALKING?!!! "
"SHHHHHHH CHENLE YOU'RE SO LOUD THEY'RE GOING TO HEAR YOU"
"Poor Jeno missed this beautiful scene" Renjun said shaking his head.
"he prefers sleeping over everything" Haechan says as they watch you two from behind the corner.
"well, our plan worked" They clicked fists and smiled.
Hello~ I love your idea to request for a bias + song. Could I please request Jaemin x reader with the song 'Why Don't You Kiss Her?' by Jesse McCartney? I'm thinking at first angst; Jaemin and reader are best friends, Jaemin is secretly in love with her, but fears she doesn't feel the same. The other Dreamies know how he feels and encourage him to make a move ("song title"), then eventual fluff because when he confesses, reader feels the same. They kiss & hug and get together? Thank you! Ily!
SO I WAS GOING THROUGH MY DRAFTS AND I FOUND SOME FF ABOUT JEAMIN AND STARTED THINKING WHAT REQUEST IT WAS AND I FINALLY FOUND U
I'll post the first part very soon, I'll edit it first.
Healing people when you're broken yourself is like taking your bandage off your bleeding leg and putting it on their bleeding leg. You smile at them proudly from the ground, seeing them stand up and take the next step. While your own leg continues bleeding, leaving you in the same spot.
same anon with the johnny ask but I legit woke up winded,, I was like 😀 wtf was that. but at the same time I was like, thank you brain,, that was v nice of you,, to have my bias absolutely rail me 💀💀
Hiii~ I saw your post about messaging what we're feeling, im glad you said horny feels too cause ive been simping so hard for yuta lately, I need to get if off my chest haha. His face and arms, i wish he'd just have his way with me, completely dom me and wreck me till i can't walk. Ive got so many stage gifs of him dancing sexy and aggressvely snarling. Istg he's like the sexiest man on the planet. Kay simp time over. Thanks for listening. Ilysm xx
AAAAAAAAINEXINRCOCNFKFLD YESSSS YUTA IS SO H.O.T AND DADDY he'd be such a tease In bed SKDSLDLDL AND YES EDGING OR OVERSTIMULATING WHILE GIVING YOU THAT DAMN SMIRK AAAAAA nights are definitely long with him damn😳😳💦
2020 was honestly full of sad and happy surprises and incidents. Some of us might have experienced very bad things this year, and some might be thankful to this year and the surprises it had. For me this year had and did positive and negative consequences for my future, but i definitely, DEFINITELY learnt a LOT from it. I mostly learnt how people change no matter who they are and how close they are and i found positive in negative. I lost many friends and broke many relationships and disappointed and got disappointed in people.
But most importantly, i gained many new friends, whom i love and who love me back as much. Those people, precious people were my reason to keep going. Even when i once disbelieved in friendships, they made me believe that not all bones break. I learnt that only fake bones break, whether it will be now or later.
I'm very thankful for my friends and family and everyone who supported me through the good and the bad this year, and i hope they stay in my life for the many next years too❤️
