Kokeilevan keittiön kaaoksesta

Kaikkea opiskelija hintaiseen ruuan laittoon. Jos ette meinaa sietää kirjoituksen virhe tasoa kehotan käymään häiritsevän tekstin kimppuun ja lähettään korjatun version minulle.

[wordfather]

idk if this is an usamerican thing or not but it always blows my mind as a small european country resident that yall have many names and types of apples???? what do you mean its not just red yellow or green??? why is it so complicated??? who is granny smith????

[wordfather]

'whats your favorite apple' 'red' 'no i mean like what type' '??????' actual conversatiom i've had with a mutual from usa

[wordfather]

THIRTY TWO??????

[phillyphillyphilly]

Listen that doesn’t even account for all the weird shit local farmers are getting up to.

May I present the best apple:

[wordfather]

the world is so big and beautiful

[anistarrose]

if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"

[snapcracklepop-myjoints]

making the radical claim "11 year old children should be taught how to make extremely simple food" has resulted in people making arguments like "I wasnt allowed to plug in electronics until I was 16 and I think this is super normal actually" and "children dont know what ratios are so its unfair to expect them to be able to comprehend the idea of adding equal amounts rice and water to a rice cooker" and I gotta say originally I thought maybe I was being too judgy but now I feel very secure in my opinion because what the fuck

[pancakesandfanficforbreakfast]

A five-year-old should be able to make a PB&J. Sometime between 6- and 8-years-old (because kids do mature at different rates), your kid should be able to make soup, just-add-water pancakes, box mac & cheese, etc. With supervision for using the stove, of course, but they should be able to lead the activity. By 11, we better be talking independent use of appliances including ovens to make the above and more. Like, I would expect an 11-year-old to be able to make a box cake mix or a basic chocolate chip cookie with little to no help. Ditto for something like fried rice or spaghetti.

[cats-go-bump-in-the-night]

My parenting group thought it was bizarre that I had my 10 year old train on how to use a fire extinguisher on a campfire (so his first time using the extinguisher wouldn't be during an emergency). Or that we did practice putting out small kitchen fires with a pot lid as part of basic skills.

The kitchen fire training is easy. Cook some fruit and brown sugar. Add cinnamon whiskey. Light on fire. Have your kid put out the fire with a pot lid. Repeat.

At the end you have a nice ice cream topping. Alcohol burns at a low enough temperature that you're unlikely to set anything else on fire. Even the fruit in the pan won't scorch. But.... Alcohol also bursts into flame with some drama.

If a person can put out kitchen fires with a pot or pan lid, they usually don't have to start dinner over. There's no risk of grabbing the wrong canister or causing a flour explosion or grease fire. It's quick. You don't leave the stove to fetch anything, just the lid that you set out before starting the recipe.

Teach kids to cook and to do so safely. Teach kids how to take care of themselves from the beginning.

[schizophrenicarchivist-remade-d]

When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay

Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe

4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger

1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix

1 TBs ketchup

1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,

1 Tbs bbq sauce

1 Tbs steak sauce

1 egg

mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)

You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf

[comfynb]

here's a mashed potato recipe from my homophobic mother that i swore to never share that would pair perfectly!

(6 servings)

-2lbs red potatoes

-1 cup butter (2 sticks)

-1 cup cream cheese (1 pack)

-Chives (optional)

-Salt & Pepper to taste

1. drop those bad boys (potatoes) in a big ol pot. U don't even have to chop them just wash them

2. boil til soft!

3. Drain

4. Mash (usually they're small enough you can use a fork if u don't have one of those squashers) until its a pretty chunky mix

5. add the other stuff. Keep mashing

I like my mashed potato consistancy more lumpy but its all up to you!! Peel the potatoes or keep them on, it literally makes the creamiest fluffiest mashed potatoes which she always served with the nastiest fuckin meatloaf

[tastefullyterrible]

So after spending hours combing through the recipes in the comments of this post I have created a cookbook. Feel free to use it. The link should work for everyone, its the only file on the google drive! I have referenced all of the recipes I used, all of which are from this thread. I made it for myself, but figured after all that work I should probably share. Happy spite cooking! 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WjcDfZrPMr0Pw9f5GfEy0aTs2KEx4Pub/view?usp=sharing

[theatsymbol-deactivated20210220]

Its such a rip off that flowers don’t taste good

Spoken like a woman who’s never used garlic blossom in a stirfry, had an elderflower fritter or used Calendula and Nasturtium in a salad.

I have not but im going to now

Add pics of the tasty flowers plz

garlic blossoms (allium) balls of tiny flowers, may be white to deep purple. literally just the flowering head of the garlic you use in food. it tastes like garlic. but colorful.

elderflower, the blossom of the elderberry bush. can be battered and fried. excellent with elderberry syrup or honey. tastes fruity with a tiny hint of anise. also good in teas and sweets.

Calendula, also known as pot marigold. (please, verify you’re using pot marigold, not regular marigold. calendula is actually a daisy.) tastes similarish to bell pepper, sans crunch. leaves are also edible. should be grown with broadleaf plantain:

as a poultices of calendula and plantain can be used to rapidly heal small cuts and scrapes, and are also helpful for other dermatitis. don’t use it on deep wounds though, as it can and will cause the surface skin to heal before the underlying tissues. all of broadleaf plantain is also edible. if bitter.

Nasturtium ranges in color from bright yellow to deep red. it’s peppery and very slightly spicy.

[glumshoe]

Personally I love squash blossoms stuffed with ricotta and fried in a pan. Not ideal if you also want to harvest squash, though.

Elderflowers also make great wine or cordial! I concur with the squash blossoms, can always just use the male ones so the female flowers can still form fruit.

Finally a thread for the REAL folks: those who eat flowers

[therestlesswitch]

Borage! Looks like blue stars and tastes a like lightly sweet cucumber. The young leaves tase like cucumber too!

The flowers that come from any brassica (cabbage, radishes, broccoli, kale, etc) are all excellent and taste like the rest of the plant.

Queen Anne’s lace blossoms, (daucus carota, just like our domestic carrots) super common wild plant, and the flowers make a jelly that tastes kind of like pink lemonade?? It’s /delicious./ but make 100% sure you have a correct identification as water hemlock and other toxic species look similar.

Rose!!! Rose flavoured things taste exactly as they smell. So scrumptious!

Same with lavender and lilac, and violets! The list goes on! 🤩✨🌱

[heatherwitch]

Here are some of my local (PNW) favorites:

[X] Big leaf maple (Acer macrophyllum) blossoms are excellent in fritters.

[X] Dandelion (Taraxacum offinale) is also excellent in fritters, or my favorite is separating the petals and mixing them into pancake batter.

[X] Miner’s lettuce (Claytonia sibirica) flowers have a delicate, lettuce-like taste.

[X] Oregon grape (Berberis/Mahonia aquafolium) flowers are delightfully sour. I like to pick off a few small flowers from the cluster!

[X] Wood sorrel (Oxalis sp.) also sour (from oxalic acid).

[X] Red clover (Trifolium pratense) is mildly sweet.

When eating wild plants, you should be completely certain in your identification and aware of any lookalikes. Be sure you are allowed to harvest and that the area has not been sprayed by any chemicals. Many of these plants are also medicine, so you should be sure that you can safely ingest them (do your research before putting things in your face pls). This was just intended to get them on your radar!

Resources for plant identification.

[unseelie-witch]

Roses are delicious. Lavender is delicious.

[dinosaurrainbowstarfish]

Chive flowers are also edible, and bonus points because chives can be invasive if they go to seed, so by eating the flowers you contain the plant to only where you want it to grow!

[greater-than-the-sword]

Elder flower has toxic lookalikes, so watch out for that.

[mbilmey]

My favorite flower of all flowers to eat that I eat every spring when I see it. Those weird shapes purple flowers, but the ones with the round leaves. It’s got kind of a walnutty flavor. Look alikes include dead nettle which is also edible and ground ivy which is also edible. I think the only bad look alike is stinging nettle, but it has very different leaves (and is also edible, but you have to process it first not to get stung)….i think these are all mints btws

[greater-than-the-sword]

My friends and I used to eat deadnettle out of the yard! My friends taught me it was edible but my parents always looked askance and my mom was convinced it was making me allergic. I’m convinced it probably had the opposite effect

[langernameohnebedeutung]

before cooking an egg, do you poke a little hole into the shell?

no, why would I?

No. (I know the reason people do it but I don't do it.)

yes, obviously??

Yes (I don't really know why, though)

other/press button!/don't like eggs/vegan/slurp my eggs raw/vanilla extract/tags

Voting ended onJul 23, 2023

[blue-corvid]

Before I… crack them open?

[langernameohnebedeutung]

....before you put them in here:

the water cup even comes with a little needle at the bottom for hole-poking purposes, see:

sorry i meant boil not cook

[blue-corvid]

WHAT IS THAT

[langernameohnebedeutung]

It's an egg cooker!

It's like a toaster and an electric kettle had a baby and ...the baby boils eggs.

[langernameohnebedeutung]

#is this specifically a German thing#because Germans tend to have Opinions about eggs#also the only people I know who actually know how to use an egg cup are German#teach me your ways - I still don’t understand why you’d use an egg cup. and I can’t imagine boiling eggs not in a pot on the stove

no egg cup:

egg cup:

[langernameohnebedeutung]

#why is the wobble an issue you pick them up one at a time shell then and eat them like not whole but just#you hold them and bite them and eat then till there's none left? why does this need extra tools

...at this point i'm sorry to introduce...the egg spoon.

[asparklethatisblue]

Even better news about German egg related gadgets… the Eierköpfer (it also has a super long German name), for when you need a guillotine to open your egg neatly

[bonyassfish]

No offence to Germany but why are you guys so fucking insane

[langernameohnebedeutung]

nothing to see here. Just normal feelings about egg.

[thatswhywelovegermany]

The guillotine device from a couple of reblogs above is der Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher

das Ei (pl. die Eier) = egg

die Schale = shell

sollen = to be supposed to

der Bruch = crack, fracture

die Stelle = site, place, location

die Bruchstelle = site of fracture

die Sollbruchstelle = predetermined breaking point

verursachen = to cause

-er =suffix to turn a verb into a noun (genus m)

der Verursacher = causative agent

der Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher = device to cause a predetermined breaking line around the perimeter at the top of a boiled egg so it can be opened neatly

Also: Eierwärmer, egg warmers to keep the eggs warm during a long Sunday breakfast. They are often handmade and knitted or crocheted in a decorative shape, but they can also be bought. Popular as a gift for Easter.

[praise-suns-and-chill]

...I never considered that we might be the only ones doing this

[dehydratedlydia]

wdym thats only grrman i dont believe this we are not the autistic egg country all yhat is NORMAL and NESSECARY and good brrakfast eggs are DIVINE

[brehaaorgana]

Extremely German egg eating

[ullwinner]

Fallow swedes! ni har väl äggkorpar och äggmössor? right? om inte ni kanske era förälderar eller faster eller nåt, det är normalt right?(I har dem inte i mitt hem men jag gillar inte äggula.)

[svenskjavel]

Har äggkoppar som aldrig används men aldrig ens sett en äggmössa IRL.

Fun fact: När jag knäcker ägg dunkar jag huvudet i ägget. Jag slår inte ägget mot pannan utan pannan mot ägget. Headbangar skiten ur mitt kokta ägg.

[nuuskamuikkusen-hattu]

kuuluuko munkkiin mansikka/vadelma- vai omenahillo?

discuss

[tavataan-muumipapan-hatussa]

Munkkiin kuuluu ananas

[pasuunapaholainen]

Valtion pitäisi joissain tapauksissa rajoittaa oikeutta ajatella

[karu-selli]

Munkkiin kuuluu reikä. Boom.

[bitchboyt]

Eikös siitä tulis silloin donitsi…?

[karu-selli]

Munkki ja donitsihan on periaatteessa sama asia. Erot tässä on reikä/hillo ja kuorrute/sokeri.

Reikä ja kuorrute = donitsi

Reikä ja sokeri = munkkirinkilä

Hillo ja kuorrute = berliininmunkki

Hillo ja sokeri = munkki

[karu-selli]

Tein asiaa havainnollistamaan munkkikaavion

[vilijonne]

En usein puutu tällaisiin asioihin, mutta kuorrutteella tai muodolla ei ole mitään tekemistä sen kanssa, onko joku asia donitsi vai ei. Donitsi (cake doughnut) on tehty soodalla tai leivinjauheella nostatetusta taikinasta, munkki (yeast doughnut) on tehty hiivataikinasta. Eli siis jos se on pahaa se on donitsi ja jos se on hyvää se on munkki.

[memingursa-deactivated20250625]

Italian Nirvana

[dungeonmastersconsortium]

you're so right

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I can’t make pasta any more without mumbling to myself, “wet the drys… then dry the wets…”

[baggytrousers27]

[mumblingsage]

Wait, is this origin behind

[depsidase]

[memorycycle]

[girlmuppet]

Do any of u have decent recipes that are like 5 ingredients (not including spices) and take 45 mins or less to prepare i gotta stop eating sandwiches for dinner

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

yeah hang on

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

ignore the title of this google doc because it's a long story but it's a really solid recipe for southwest chicken alfredo

this is a vegetarian potato curry recipe that's about 75% spices; once you get the potatoes in there you can really do whatever you want with it

this is literally just pasta, broccoli, and cheese babey and you can live off that shit for DAYS it makes such a big portion

bro this spinach/pesto/3 cheese flatbread is so fucking tasty bro

also you can make the flatbread yourself it's super quick!!

oh hey I'm eating this white chickpea chili right now, much like the curry it's mostly spices and you can do p much do whatever you want with it

don't let the name fool you these potatoes are delicious any time. not just breakfast.

this is slightly more than five ingredient when you add them together but if you have time and really wanna fuckin treat yourself I recommend these chicken strips + this cornbread + either these potatoes or these buttered veggies on the side.

[dragonforsale]

These are my two favorite comfort foods. They're very easy to make and dont take long to cook.

Garlic butter rice

Orzo mac and cheese (comes out a little bit soupy)

[shadowblinder]

this recipe for gogumabap (sweet potato and rice) saved my life when i couldn't eat hardly anything for a long time. the recipe itself calls for a heavy bottomed pot but you can absolutely use a rice cooker and put the rice and diced sweet potato in together and just let the machine do its thing

[not-available-for-comment]

Time for me to beat my little clown drum again for Indian-ish by Priya Krishna, aka The Easiest Recipes I Have Ever Fucking Made. Dal that takes 15 minutes. Easy aloo gobhi. Easy saag feta. Buy. Cook. Eat.

[mindflamer]

original by clairetablizo

[darklight-owl]

@sepiamestus is this how it's supposed to be done

[creatorbiaze]

oh. oh dear.

uhm. yeah that.. that explains it.

[orcboxer]

If you've ever been disappointed by dragonfruit, especially if you felt like it tasted like nothing, then I'm like 90% sure you had unripe dragonfruit, which tastes like nothing. There's a small window of time where it tastes amazing. You must have the patience of a hunter. Do not strike until your prey is at its most delicious

[orcboxer]

TIPS FOR DRAGONFRUIT/PITAYA

You want PINK flesh not white flesh. It's sweeter. Pink pitaya never done me wrong.

You want DENSE pitaya. It's like the watermelon rules, heft them and compare weight-to-size ratios.

You want ROUND. I don't really know why but the longer ones ain't usually as sweet.

You want SHORT petal tips not the longer ones, this usually tells you if it's pink on the inside or not.

Once you have caught your sessile prey you will WAIT patiently for the petals dry out, until the TIPS of the petals have started to turn BROWN

FEAST

Be free, I love you

[skajador]

[the-goddess-of-annoying]

Image ID: a screenshot of a tag that says #*eyes only glossing over the pink text* wow a post about Kirby... /end ID

[wizard-email]

hey, don’t cry. one half flour one half yogurt knead into dough and fry for easy flatbread and dip in balsamic vinegar, okay?

[rudjedet]

After three batches, my findings so far:

I use full fat Greek yoghurt and self-rising flour

Ratio by weight

Add a pinch of salt

Knead until no longer sticky, adding more flour if necessary

Roll them with olive oil instead of flour and fry in an otherwise unoiled, preheated pan (medium heat) (trust in the lord; it will seem like it's going to stick to the pan at first but they'll unstick in about 15 seconds)

Roll them thin but not too thin; mine take about 45 seconds on either side

Serving with garlic butter is also a very good option

[strangeducks]

I’m gonna be eating these for a month

[alex51324]

This actually works?? Two-ingredient bread??

I gotta try it.

[bitletsanddrabbles]

That's...naan.

That's naan?

*runs to Google*

HOLY SHIT THAT IS NAAN! HOW DID I NOT KNOW NAAN WAS THAT EASY TO MAKE?

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

this is one of those rare easy bread recipes that also works with gluten free flour! the yoghurt helps with structural integrity. you may want a pinch of xanthan gum if your flour doesn't come with it mixed in. i like to mix some rosemary into the flour to have a herby naan, since i can't have garlic.

[cookingbriethebook]

ADD CUMIN. Holy shit. Add cumin to the flour its so good!

The rosemary one is also fab

[strongermonster]

i taught a baking class for 12 year olds today and we made your garden variety chocolate chip cookies, but i’m a big believer in Questioning Everything and the who/what/where/why/when/how behind things, so the first part of the class was purposely letting the kids do things the wrong way, to show and explain why we do things the way we do.

“why do we bake cookies at 180 for 9 minutes when we could do 400 for 2 minutes?” -enter the godawful lump of coal with a still gross wet and uncooked inside

“why do we have to scoop out little cookies instead of doing the whole tray?” -ok well that one you can technically do if the spread is even. you just end up with one giant, structurally unsound cookie. “PLEASE CAN WE MAKE GIANT COOKIES” (we did make 1 giant tray cookie)

we talked a lot about why consistency is important, but i don’t think it really hammered home until i said “okay everyone gets ONE cookie, that’s fair, right?” and then handed out cookies of hugely varying sizes. + baked one fat lump of a cookie that still wasn’t done at the 9 minutes, vs the regular one i put in that came out charred by the time the first was actually done.

we also made a row of cookies where each one had one single differing ingredient omitted, like a cookie with no flour, or a cookie with no butter, and laid them all out on a single tray to bake together to see how each ingredient affects the outcome.

two of the little girls added cocoa to their cookie doughs until it matched the colour of each others skin to make best friend cookies, and that almost made me tear up a bit 🥺

got briefly distracted (…for over half an hour…) talking about how eggs form when someone cracked an egg and it had 2 yolks

expertly tolerated being asked how old i am (just turned 31 the other day) which was immediately followed by asking if i watched the moon landing live on tv

was so focused on keeping track of all the kids that in the end i forgot to make a cookie for myself, but it’s ok because one of the girls gave me this

tiny……….

[strongermonster]

the class went well and they asked if i wanted to do another one in a couple weeks and i said yeah, and they’re taking uh… fuck, what’s the word for inventory when it’s people?? attendance?? whatever, they’re trying to see who’s interested to get a feel of if it’d be 1 three hour class again or if there’s too many kids so we’d do a couple classes. anyways, i love the emails from Concerned Parents.

“will there be knives involved?” we are baking cookies.

“what temperatures does the oven get to/will it be hot enough to burn?” we are baking cookies.

“will there be [insert ingredient used in cookies]?” we are baking cookies.

“are you using fahrenheit or celsius?” ??????? d-does it matter?? it’s going to get Hot. (also celsius; this is ontario)

“are the ovens childproof?” no?? i’m assuming you’re asking if i’m going to let your kids reach into the ovens while i’m staring out a window in another room. i will not be allowing your children to use the ovens. they will not be left unattended. 

“why is the library baking class taking place at the high school?” the library does not have 10 ovens. the library does not even have 1 oven. the high school has many ovens.

“what if i don’t want my child to have cookies? can you let her make muffins instead?” this is a baking class for cookies. we are baking cookies.

“cookies aren’t healthy. why don’t you make [insert whatever]” do you know how many cookies i can make with a $40 budget and a trip to the bulk store? we are making cookies.

“who needs a class to bake a cookie, why not teach something more valuable?” IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT THE COOKIES, KAREN, IT’S ABOUT FAMILIARIZING CHILDREN WITH THE ART AND SCIENCE OF BAKING/COOKING/FOOD, ABOUT TRYING NEW THINGS, MAKING MISTAKES AND REALIZING THAT THE MISTAKES ARE NOT ONLY OKAY TO MAKE BUT VALUABLE IN AND OF THEMSELVES, FAMILIARIZING THEM WITH INDEPENDENCE, THE UNDERSTANDING OF HOW THINGS CAN COME TOGETHER TO FORM A NEW AND BETTER WHOLE, ALL WHILE HAVING TRYING TO INJECT A MODICUM OF JOY INTO THEIR LITTLE LIVES. SORRY THAT THERE ARE CONCEPTS AT PLAY YOU CAN’T SEEN TO UNDERSTAND HERE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME JOIN AND I’LL LET YOU MAKE A FUCKING COOKIE.

[fitnessadvicethatfitsinyourlife]

Taste is the most important factor in nutrition.

Because you get the most nutrients from the foods you'll actually eat.

So add cheese, oil, spices, vinegar, sauces, etc. Try them roasted or sauteed or pureed, etc.

The actual secret to eating lots of fruits and veggies and other nutrient dense foods is:

Make them taste good. That's literally it.

[fitnessadvicethatfitsinyourlife]

Fun Fact about me: I eat like a toddler. Despite the fact that I know A Lot about nutrition, and I recognize that I literally feel significantly better when there's lots of fruits and veggies in my diet, I will not actually eat these things Just Because They're Good™ For Me.

It literally has to taste good or I will mush it around with my fork and reject it. So I add cheese and roasted nuts and balsamic glaze and oil (and spices of course, but those are insufficient by themselves) to my veggies almost every time. It's the only way I'll actually eat them.

Prioritize taste. Nutrients are so important, but force feeding yourself gruel is miserable and not a long term solution. Make the nutrients Tasty.

Enjoying your food is not a vice. Refusing to eat foods you don't enjoy is actually extremely normal and rational behavior.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[nitocrisss]

dont get me wrong this is #mood but just try eating a piece of bread with salt. please, seriously. ok? at least a tiny bit. salt helps with nausea, bread calms the stomach acid. if you really can’t face eating anything, just lick some salt like a damn elk, then wait and see if you can manage the bread. make some broth if you’re into that kind of thing. no spices, yes salt. if you’re feeling too weak and shaky to do much, just have a cup of tea with sugar (energy) and lemon (again, good against nausea). nibble on the lemon first, it will feel good, but don’t overdo - citric acid on an empty stomach is a majorly bad idea. take care of yourself, you’re the only you we’ve got

[owlinadayswork]

“You’re the only you we’ve got”

[i-say-ok]

ok!!! ♥️

[yeahokayillreblogthat]

Yeah okay ill reblog that!!

[vegetascock]

This is so damn sweet and also good to know. I regularly have this struggle