So a wizard and an ancient construct walk into a tavern.

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@thedirtside
So a wizard and an ancient construct walk into a tavern.
Don’t mind me just thinking about the hole in the middle of the United States where Chipping sparrows refuse to fuck
I'm just saying, if you're going to worldbuild magic being a "raw, primal force, akin to and interweaving with nature itself" you gotta explain to me why animals don't use it
I know the normal answer is "they just aren't smart enough for it" but idk I've seen enough media where a character uses a spell in a moment of brain-off panic ilI feel like animals could probably stumble into a spell or two like, accidentally
Also how funny would it be to see a completely normal regular bear cast magic missile outta nowhere
Also there is no way ravens wouldn't figure out spells, tbh
They're smart fuckin birds, I believe in them
Either through observing or just figuring shit out ravens could 100% learn how to cast spells I'm sure of it
Dogs can also cast Magic Missile but every time they do the projectile is shaped like a bone or a stick and they chase after it
Fantasy setting where every species of animal has One Fucked Up Trick exactly like in medieval bestiaries (e.g., panthers hypnotising their prey with sweet breath, pelicans reviving the dead with their willingly shed blood, etc.), except these are actually learned magic spells passed down from parent to offspring, so different populations of the same animal in different regions might have a different spell.
(If a species is domesticated you can teach it any spell you want, as long as you start 'em young enough; every breed of dog has a different "standard" spell, and knowing the "wrong" one is considered both a grave departure from breed standards and a potential violation of animal husbandry ethics.)
I love how Zohran Mamdani is wearing a suit everywhere. And if he has anything else he puts it ON TOP of the suit. A basketball jersey. A high-vis vest. All worn over the suit. He’s like the mayor character in a cartoon who’s always dressed as The Mayor. If I didn’t know who he was and he biked past me in NYC I’d be like holy shit was that the mayor
Not to bring the serious to a very fun post, but this reaction is exactly what Mamdani is working for with his image, because in a very real way the most effective way for him to be The Mayor is if he looks like The Mayor.
This is a man who is VIOLENTLY aware that when it comes to conservatives, he is a Muslim first, a Brown Man second, an Immigrant third, a Socialist fourth, and a human a very distant fifth, if considered at all. He was also a young adult during the Obama Years and will have seen Republicans rip Obama to shreds for wearing a tan suit instead of a dark one and use literally ANY excuse they could to try and degrade his image.
Despite the fact that a mayor who wears a T-shirt and jeans might "seem more approachable" in the eyes of the average American, Zohran Mamdani knows that someone with his profile fundamentally cannot get away with that the way his White colleagues can. He has instead put in the effort to look professional and BE approachable, because not only does it make it easier for him to reach and represent his constituents, it forces everyone, including both his opponents and establishment Democrats, to engage with the work he is doing instead of judging his image. The fact that he is always seen in a suit and is recognisably The Mayor is, while also something he has fun with, a deliberate choice to ensure he is as inarguably A Professional Politician To Be Taken Seriously. The added humour of e.g. the hi-vis is a bonus, only achievable because he works so hard to Look Like The Mayor.
Adding these tags from @haunted-stranger-garden bc they illustrate this brilliantly
I love this post especially the rat part
going on me feed
what do you mean there are exactly zero rats i. this post
New message from Lil Nas X!
He reveals that he's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He is getting help through a therapist and a psychologist. He says he suspected he had it for years but was afraid of a diagnosis because he didn't want to take medication and felt life was already hard enough for him being Black and gay.
Anyway, he looks genuinely happy. Most importantly, he looks healthy 🥹
i have a croissant related grievance
the entire appeal of the croissant is that it is a layered pastry item. it has a light flaky texture. the layers are in there specifically to create a fluffy, airy eating experience. that's the intention of the lamination process. having so many layers of butter and thin pastry dough make the croissant puff up when it's baked so that when you bite into it the pastry has a texture similar to puff pastry. the entire point is to fill the pastry with air. therefore any trendy hybrid variant of the croissant such the "cruffin" or the "cronut" or the worst offender of all the "croffle" which involve jamming the unbaked croissant or compressing it into a flat shape completely betray croissant as it was originally intended. they defeat the nature of the croissant by forcing it into something it was never meant to be, removing the unique core of its identity, killing its appeal and thus its entire reason for being. now am i saying you can't enjoy a cronut or croffle? of course i would not say this. you can enjoy any pastry you want to enjoy because it's your time on earth. i want you to enjoy your croffle. you should enjoy your croffle. also, you can commit any sin you like and i can't stop you nor do i want to. i won't hear your arguments because you don't need to convince me. but you must understand, as you eat it, that the croffle should not exist. it is a mistake. it is an insult not only to the croissant but to me as an individual. i am not french
This reads as someone with a strong moral code (people should be free to experience joy without arbitrary regulation, you don’t have to like what other people like but your discomfort is your own problem) trying to maintain their faith in a time of hardship (they keep doing weird shit to croissants)
ill be so honest this read of my character in such a fraught croissanted context has me tearing up with the raw joy of being seen
normally I would not just screenshot myself and post it here but it’s Friday and I’m feeling lazy
basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*
*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god
*thunderous slam dunk noise*
awhile ago a coworker and i were play arguing whether or not the mystery gang were all romantically a thing/polycule or just really good friends (yknow bored at work things) and knowing my bfs interest in scooby doo i texted him asking him to be the tie breaker and he responded “well it depends which canon youre going off of” and just instantly cold sweat knew i was out of my depth
Bringing back the classic:
Honestly bizarre that tomatoes get all the flack for “not being a vegetable” because they're technically a fruit when:
A) There are a ton of fruits that get categorised as vegetables. Like this also applies to pumpkins, squashes and cucumbers.
B) The fucking mushrooms are standing there at the back of the crowd in this witch trial, trying to look inconspicuous because they somehow got into the vegetable club with no fucking controversy despite the fact that they're not even plants.
"technically tomatoes are fruits--" THAT MUSHROOM OVER THERE IS MORE CLOSELY RELATED TO A FUCKING SHIH TZU THAN IT IS TO LITERALLY ANY PLANT
@mortimermcmirestinks
IS THAT FANART?
it’s a warning
the fun guys mafia get us all in the end
not my pic but this is the cleanest Storrowing i've ever seen. hats and roofs off to this unknown rental truck driver for full sending it with 0 hesitation
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DIVA ALERT
quirky fourth wall breaking character but theyre just fucking. wrong about the medium theyre in. they keep making references to cinematic techniques and directorial styles and the other fourth wall breaking character is like "dumbass we're in a fucking comic book" and they are in a video game.
Well currently they’re in a tumblr post but I see your point
we're actually in a youtube video if this turns out to be funny enough
petition to change LGBT to DFTQ (Dykes Faggots Trannies and Queers, naturally)
AMENDED
happy pride everyone
plato's cave: the video game