Hello

👁️👅👁️

[thefriendlyneighborhoodqueer]

sometimes i think about how funny it would be if bruce had a slight english accent as a result of alfred being the only adult in his life for most of his formative years. that or he just says british slang instead of english.

this either drives his children insane, or they think it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

__________________________

Bruce: Can you pass the chips?

Dick: Sure, B. *passes over the potato chips*

Bruce: No, the chips.

Dick: ???? … yeah? here?

Bruce: NO! THE CHIPS! *gesturing wildly for the french fries*

Damian: Father, are you having a stroke?

———

Batman: Alright, this mission is very important. It is imperative that everything goes to schedule. (shh-edule)

*red robin and red hood snicker*

Batman: *glare* As I was saying, it all must go to shh-edule…

RR & RH : *uproariously laughter *

Batman: *harsher glare* Is something funny?

RR: Oh nothing, B, don’t worry.

RH: Absolutely nothing wrong, “left-tenant”

RR & RH: *dying of laughter *

———

Bruce: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Duke: … You sound like Alfred…

Bruce: *horrified look over coming him* … what

Cass: *furious nodding*

*Some time later, after B has been fished out of Gotham Harbor, which he jumped into after declaring that he “couldn’t turn into his father”*

Alfred: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Bruce: *white as a sheet* … Sorry Alfie…

*Steph is heard furiously cackling in the background*

_______________________

anyways i just thought this was fun

[only-alter-idem]

guy who does not understand how gay relationships work: so wait which one of you is a bisexual magician and which one of you would start fires and burn cities for that true smile, elastic and amiable?? don’t be shy now.

[infertilityidol]

[nicolegendary]

i knowwwwww in my heart ilya would love taking shanes last name and after they have kids referring to their family unit as hollanders. ilya turning around to the backseat like okey hollanders here is plan. we are going to be in and out of costco in thirty minutes. you may choose ONE item each. if we get separated we meet at optometrist. we will get ice creams on way out as long as everyone is cool and nobody tells dad. hollanders on three.

[sentimentalslut]

trying to explain to tumblr that the Middle Class in not their enemy

[sentimentalslut]

saw someone say that someone complaining about only having 7k in savings makes them contemplate “doing something bad”

you know that 7k covers like. one hospital visit WITH insurance, right?

[sentimentalslut]

“people who make six figures shouldn’t be allowed to complain —“ most people who make six figures are, these days, solidly middle class. where i live, a combined household income of $110k is *lower middle class*.

“people who can afford homes —“ are typically 400-600k in debt for them. also if “can own your own home” is your threshold for the rich you are contemplating eating, i think you are genuinely stupid

“boohoo your investments dropped, stop complaining rich boy” idk how to tell you this but. most of us have a retirement account. you should probably open one

[dirt-mann]

[owlsinleatherjackets]

adam: how did you know you were in love with blue?

gansey, gently, thinking that perhaps adam wants to have a long-overdue conversation about moving on from blue and the fact that gansey is dating her now: why do you ask?

adam: because ronan is gay and in love with me and I’ve known for ages and we just made out upstairs because I’m bi and definitely into him but I need to figure out if I’m actually in love with him too before I proceed any further because I don’t want to hurt him irreparably because it’s ronan

gansey:

[homunculus-argument]

The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.

And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and

[thekijs]

His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.

However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.

That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.

[weaselle]

yuh i was there, that's how it happened

[as-asya-talks]

What a way to start

[thethirdromana]

Putting the term "Catholic guilt" on a high shelf where fandom can't reach it until everyone learns how to identify characters who are very very clearly coded as Protestant.

[vampfuneralpyre]

[pumpkinspice-prouvaire]

Enjolras has been permitting it for 191 slutty, slutty years

[pumpkinspice-prouvaire]

Update: Enjolras has been getting shot eight times to represent each member of Les Amis for 192 slutty, slutty years

[pumpkinspice-prouvaire]

Update: Enjolras has been dying with a smile that was not ended when the report was heard for 193 slutty, slutty years

[pumpkinspice-prouvaire]

Update: Enjolras has been pressing Grantaire's hand with a smile for 194 slutty, slutty years

[sailermoon]

this is how new yorkers @ mamdani

[adamprrishcycle]

Thinking about older blue and adam doing the watch at the graveyard on st mark’s eve. adam freezes up and stops giving blue names and she’s like ??? adam finally finds his voice and tells her. my— stops. tries again. robert parrish. He stares for a long time watching someone unseen to blue move across the graveyard. and then he bounces back like nothing happened. He won’t talk about it after

[obsessing-over-fictionn]

i always forget that adam read ronan so bad after he gave him the dreamt hand cream he was like oh yea this guy wants me so bad its embarrassing

[beepathan]

hey everyone its april fools. but dont worry i dont have anything planned. just going to sit here and...

I LIED !!!! GET PRANKED

POST BELOW ME GET FUCKING WET

[tahthetrickster]

[feluka]

guy with depression: idk stories about time loops just kinda really resonate with me haha idk why

[eternalspine]

when mj said peter was a friendly neighbor she 100% said that to fuck with him and see his reaction. that girl has a spiderman evidence wall in her apartment she is so dedicated to figuring it out.

i bet she already has suspicions. her and ned have been tracking spiderman locations and narrowed his base of operations to a ten block radius. they know he’s young, white, medium height, trim build.

i bet they figure out they knew him in the course of their investigations into spiderman. they know they went on a school trip to dc, and despite being an exclusively new york superhero spiderman was inexplicably in dc at the same time they were. and then again when they went to europe. both times spiderman just so happened to be back in new york after the trip ended. so spiderman is someone they went to high school with who was on both trips. mj has a necklace of her favorite flower and doesn’t know where she got it from or who gave it to her but knows this person gave it to her in europe. so spiderman was on the trip and was probably the one to give her the necklace. so he was close enough to mj to know her favorite flower and presumably had romantic feelings for her prompting him to give her the necklace. and she presumably had feelings for him in return, since she kept the necklace even though its broken

maybe they figure out that their mutual friend spiderman was how the two of them got to be friends in the first place, considering neither of them remember how they became friends. they remember before they were friends and after becoming friends but the actual beginning of the friendship is a blank. so therefore spiderman has to have been involved. which leads to the question of why they can’t remember him at all. spiderman is routinely involved in wizard shit, them being friends with spiderman means they were also most likely in proximity to wizard shit. so therefore some wizard shit has to have happened that they were involved in leading to all their memories of spiderman being erased.

they have the power of soulmatism (platonic and romantic) on their side. they’re going to figure it out. and then they’ll kick his ass for not telling them and then they’ll all live happily ever after the end