Give ‘em the old razzle dazzle

She/her | 🏳️‍🌈 | Australia I do some art when I feel up to fighting with my ancient iPad (It hates to see the lasso tool coming) AsterRaeCeae.redbubble.com

[madamoisellemabry]

i do think there’s a world where ilya tells cliff marleau about the friendship plan and cliff is like “well if ur cover story is friendship than we need to make ur reputation with friends super gay king” and ilya is like “bro … you would do that … for us …” and cliff is like “no worries big dawg”. because like, hollander doesn’t do the gay for the homies thing naturally, but if roz has a reputation, it won’t be weird if he does it in public even if hollsy doesn’t reciprocate. cliff is a genius.

anyway, that’s how the internet spends a year speculating that ilya rozanov and cliff marleau have explored each others bodies. they are so all over each other and constantly tweeting gay shit about each other that ilya’s time with shane barely even gets a second glance. the first time ilya drags shane out to meet cliff, a photo gets posted on twitter and everyone is like “poor shane having to third wheel these two #ally”.

obviously shane is gnawing on furniture because he’s so jealous, but the plan does work. and when they get outed, cliff works it into his best man speech.

[robs-your-robins]

Do you think that Bruce sometimes pulls the ‘my parents are dead’ card? Yes, I get that it was a traumatic and formative event for him but it would also sort of be funny, especially if he’s doing it ironically.

Some socialite telling him that he can’t bring his kids to events, asking what his mother would have said and Bruce deadpans and goes, ‘I think she would have liked to have met her grandchildren. But of course, she never did’

His med school lecturers threatening to flunk him if he doesn’t hand in his essay on blood loss, only for Bruce to say ‘it’s just a touchy subject for me’ and the lecturer blue screening because shit

Some rogue tries to kidnap Bruce at some event, holding a gun to his head, just for Bruce to look at the rogue, almost tearfully and be like ‘i always knew I would end up like my dad’ and the rogue just panics because now they are in a room with a bunch of pissed off people because they’ve almost made the Princess Diana of Gotham cry.

Clark gets mad at him over something, yelling at him and of course Bruce is just no listening so Clark just snaps, Ma Kent’s favourite phrase of ‘who raised you???’ Only to completely fucking choke, pray for the ground to swallow him up because Bruce’s expression just slips a little (inside he’s hysterically laughing). Clark comes by again with a batch of cookies.

He can't obviously use it on the kids and they can't use it on him.

[creature-lala]

I finally escaped from the clutches of the rogues long enough to make some batfam doodles

The first drawing was inspired by this panel from fear state I think? Or the cowardly lot not sure

It was so cute I had to draw it hehe

[plagueislost]

happy birthday tim!

[oneswordstyle]

O Romeo, Romeo

[papayafromtv]

ten year old Tim Drake having a minor phase of liking archeology bcs of his parents so he starts digging shit up in his garden, but because he’s Tim Fucking Drake he does it too well and accidentally unearths one of the tunnels that connects to the fucking batcave.

ten year old Tim Drake who already knew who Batman and Robin were, finding out he now has a secret tunnel in his garden connecting his house to their lair, and he’s just like ‘fuck yeah that’s cool.’ and starts exploring.

thirteen year old Jason Todd bored and fucking around alone in the batcave system when he comes across a fucking ten year old who knows his identity, clearly idolises the hell out of him, and is just kinda wandering around the cave system alone and completely chill about it. they see a super dangerous spider and Tim just starts info-dumping on the species. when asked if he has a curfew to go back home by he goes ‘uh, July i guess? that’s when mom and dad get back.’ it is early February.

thirteen year old Jason Todd who takes a minute and then goes ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’

Jason Todd and Tim Drake being secret cave buddies. Jason Todd and Tim Drake hanging out in the tunnels and making fun of Batman and Nightwing from the shadows. Tim Drake who has to buy a whole new set of night-vision camera lenses for his new photo album that’s just photos and selfies of him and his new best friend Robin fucking around in the underground pitch-dark.

Jason Todd who dies, gets revived, is told by Talia that Tim Drake has ‘replaced him’ unknowing they’re already friends, and Jason who all he can think of is that time they played hide and seek in the cave system and Tim clung to the fucking ceiling via a stalactite for 45 minutes straight. Jason Todd who just looks at Talia and goes ‘yeah sounds about right for him.’

Jason Todd being told he has to deliver Damian to Bruce and he decides ‘absolutely the fuck not’ to the idea of even touching the front door. they have a Ring camera he is not getting caught on that bullshit.

Jason Todd who just goes to Drake Manor and uses Tim’s old entrance to get into the tunnels, his home away from home, dragging Damian along, until he gets to a spot where he can secretly signal into the batcave for Tim to sneak the fuck away.

fifteen year old Tim Drake who gets called into the tunnels to find the Red Hood, unmasked as Jason, presenting to him a random child which he declares to be the son of Batman.

fifteen year old Tim Drake who comes full circle and says ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’

the cave boys are reunited. a third is added to the club. a new photo album is filled. when Tim brings Damian up through the tunnels into the cave he looks Bruce dead in the eyes and says fully straight-faced ‘this is your cave son. i found him wandering, he was born from the shadows of the bat.’

eleven year old Damian Al Ghul-Wayne who’s spent the past three and a half years under Jason Todd’s influence and sombrely declares ‘the cave birthed me for you, father. i am darkness. i am your child.’

Bruce Wayne who genuinely is starting to lose it.

[shortbcofkoffee]

Interviewer, catching Damian in costume: Robin! Can you explain the process of picking up Robin or passing on the mantle?

Damian, mildly annoyed at Bruce at the moment: It's quite simple. Batmam steals young children from their bed, usually nine or ten or so. Then he takes you to his lair and give you a deal.

Damian: If you can beat him in a game of your choosing, he will train you to be Robin. If you lose, you are eaten. I beat him in a classic fencing game. He's quite good with swords, but he wasn't very good with the sport itself.

Tim, standing next to him: Yeah, I beat him at a memory card game. I like totally cheated, but I'm too old for him to eat now, so ot doesn't matter.

Damian, nodding: Yes. The worst part of the job is disposing of failed Robins bones. He usually sucks them clean and leaves them all over the floor.

Tim: Yeah, its messy. But after you hit, like 15 he stops trying to eat you, so that's cool.

Damian: I have not yet reached 15. I'm still in danger. If you have more questions, ask Nightwing, as he was the first to avoid being eaten.

-

Same interviewer, at a different date: Mr. Nightwing. Is it true Batman tries to eat potential Robins?

Dick, who has no idea what she's taking about: Yeah, it's really scary. His jaw unhinges like a snake.

[fallen-jpg]

summer rain. redrew parts of an old drawing

BONUS:

he did that on purpose. bonus bonus:

[cyborgsmanifesto]

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

[4velitta4]

I feel like this could be useful in my future

[astrologypixies-deactivated2016]

REBLOG THIS. I CANNOT STRESS HOW IMPORTANT THIS GUIDES ARE, BOOST THIS SHIT

[getupoffyourcassbutt]

If I don’t reblog this one of these things is definitely going to happen to me

[theszandor-deactivated20190509]

I’m gonna reblog for y’all but also for me bc I’m a writer man I need this random info

[obsessivebookwormalert]

indeed, the writing potential

[galacticsabc]

part two of Grace knitting on the Hail Mary. This time, he's crochet his besties.

[lavenderprose]

My Vegas breakdown is making the rounds again and I would like to remind people that DOM DROP is real and also Ilya Rozanov has no idea that it's happening to him. Yes Ilya is a mean dom, especially that night, but the cigarette and vodka conversation was not part of the scene and the reason he's choosing not to communicate in that moment is because he is fully in Dom drop and literally feels like he cannot communicate. Shane, sitting next to him, is fully in sub drop and ALSO feels like if he actually opens his mouth to ask for what he wants (Kisses) then he's going to throw up or ask for something insane. Also they're in love and hiding it badly. Also Ilya is going back to Russia in a matter of days. Also Shane has been feeling some version of chewed up and spat out for over six months at this point. They're not doing WELL. And they're not doing it to each other it's just. Happening.

[niqvassieart]

Sleeping on the dining chair as everyone else gets ready for bed.

[monraggedy]

ehh fantasy karmagisa?

I don't like this at all but oh well I'm learning

[hr-rep]

Shane getting criticized for not using pride tape and he’s caught on a mic later that week saying I didn’t realize it wasn’t the sucking dick that made me gay but the rainbow . Which is how he comes out.

[hr-rep]

@persimmony-snicket EXACTLYYYY

[free-my-mindd]

[kingbedlam]

[cerleansky]

The legacies people leave behind in you.

My handwriting is the same style as the teacher’s who I had when I was nine. I’m now twenty one and he’s been dead eight years but my i’s still curve the same way as his.

I watched the last season of a TV show recently but I started it with my friend in high school. We haven’t spoken in four years.

I make lentil soup through the recipe my gran gave me.

I curl my hair the way my best friend showed me.

I learned to love books because my father loved them first.

How terrifying, how excruciatingly painful to acknowledge this. That I am a jigsaw puzzle of everyone I have briefly known and loved. I carry them on with me even if I don’t know it. How beautiful.

[speaklavenderthoughts-deactivat]

absolutely obsessed with these tags

[ledilettant]

"Fille illégitime d'un important prélat, Iodis a grandi à l'abbaye de Réol aux côtés de jeunes nobles mieux nés. Elle y étudie la Langue, une magie liturgique répondant par des visions aux questions de ceux qui la maîtrisent. Espérant échapper à la vie monastique en étant choisie comme Doctorante, Iodis trouve une rivale déterminée en la personne d'Halcyon de Monterréol, une nouvelle venue à qui tout semble réussir et dont les manières fuyantes lui semblent aussitôt suspectes. Lorsqu'un précieux tableau et le moine qui le peignait disparaissent en laissant derrière eux les traces d'une violente altercation, Iodis n'a plus de doute : Halcyon sait quelque chose et cache un secret qui pourrait compromettre l'abbaye tout entière."

"Illegitimate daughter of an important prelate, Iodis grew up in the abbey of Réol alongside young nobles. There she studies "the language", a liturgical magic that respond with visions to the questions of those who mastered it. Hoping to escape monastic life by being chosen as valedictorian Iodis finds a determined rival in the person of Halcyon de Monterréol, a newcomer who seems to succeed everything and whose evasive manners immediately seem suspicious. When a precious painting and the monk who painted it disappear, leaving behind traces of a violent altercation, Iodis has no doubt: Halcyon knows something and hides a secret that could compromise the entire abbey."