"There's no way in hell there was an actual supervillain who actually called themselves-"
"No, no, not officially - we came up with the name when we were assigned to find them, and we were kind of taking the piss, but it's still a good name. It was before your time - they had the power to-"
"I don't want to know what their power was."
"No, listen - their power was that they could summon a pie and throw it at someone."
"Oh. Oh, well, okay - that's the greatest supervillain you've ever fought? Doesn't sound like much."
"But that was the thing. They could throw a pie at someone and it would never miss. So long as they could see their target they'd hit them. We eventually found out they could throw a pie at someone who was on live broadcast, miles away."
"Jesus. Okay, I think I see the issue. But it was still, like. Pies, right?"
"Oh, for sure, it was never poison pies, and they could only summon a pie every 15 seconds so they couldn't drown someone in meringue. But - do you remember Murgatroyd Bentley?"
"Sort of, he was president when I was a little kid - something, something superhuman rights, and he was the guy who nuked Saskatchewan, right?"
"That's the guy. We found out about this guy after the Humboldt Crisis, because after that, whenever there was a live broadcast with the president - the state of the union, addressing congress, the Christmas tree lighting - a pie would splatter across his face every fifteen seconds."
"Hon, it was everything. You haven't lived until you've seen the president try to talk about dignity while being smacked in the face with a banana cream. By the end of term, he refused to show his face in public, and he resigned in quiet disgrace. There were a few other pieings for a few years, but nowhere near the amount that took place when Bentley was president, and eventually they stopped. We never found out who or even where this person was.
"And that - more than anything - makes them the greatest supervillain I've ever had to deal with. Because they didn't do much, but they did it loudly, they did it consistently, and we never caught them."
"...How hard were you trying to catch them?"
"And you decided to call them Dr. Creampie?"
"We were young. The president had just bombed Saskatchewan. It was a weird time. Honestly we took what we could get for laughs."
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