NASA
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
art blog(derogatory)
Three Goblin Art
Kiana Khansmith
DEAR READER
wallacepolsom
Kaledo Art
RMH
almost home
occasionally subtle
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
No title available
Monterey Bay Aquarium
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
ellievsbear
YOU ARE THE REASON
Product Placement
Peter Solarz
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Ukraine
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
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@mossiscrying
since the old version of this post was flagged for 'adult content'...
reblog this post if your account is a trans safe space or owned by a trans person!
along with that, reblog if your account is a trans non-binary spectrum safe space or owned by someone on the trans enby spectrum!
(x)
I can't stand Child free people, as a child free person.
Like I have a legit trigger based in children screaming. That is a PTSD thing from years of abuse when I was a child. So I can't hardly deal with children in public but guess what!!! That's a personal problem! I deal with that by not going at times when kids are there! Or by putting in headphones!
But demanding the world become more hostile to children than it already is is just the peak of fucking entitlement.
"Oh but my wonderful anniversary dinner shouldn't be ruined by the sound of a baby screaming"
Go to a restaurant that doesn't allow children. They do exist! They tend to be more expensive but they exist! Or! Or! Better yet! Don't eat out! Rent out somewhere for the night and cook your own damn food!
"I shouldn't have to listen to a baby screaming on a plane"
That baby is far more uncomfortable than you are. It's literally in pain because of pressure changes in the cabin. Parents hate it too! There is no good answer for this so suck it up! Get noise canceling headphones and listen to a podcast or a book or music.
Children are human beings. They're not annoying pets that people happen to create. They have a right to be in public, to exist just like anyone else.
If you want eternal calm and quiet move out to the country and become a fucking hermit.
Children are human beings. They're not annoying pets that people happen to create. They have a right to be in public, to exist just like anyone else.
seduce me with ur history knowledge
vikings made their woman handle the finances because they thought math is witchcraft
During a military campaign, Vlad the Impaler, the basis for Dracula, once pulled his troops out of a major engagement in a valley at dusk so that the sun was in their enemies’ eyes. Once they were over the hill, they set loose a bunch of rabid bats who flew away from the sun (towards the enemy) and attacked them, leading to significant infection in their ranks, and Vlad’s eventual victory. Because of how the bats appeared from where Vlad’s soldiers appeared to be at dusk, myth stated that the soldiers turned into bats at night, which is where the “Dracula can change into a bat” thing came from.
raphael, the renaissance painter, literally fucked himself to death
during the Ottoman Empire, the Sultan Ibrahim I had 280 of his concubines drowned in the ocean after ONE of them slept with another man.
The earths carbon levels fell by 700 million tons because Genghis Khan killed so many people
King James (the one known for revising the Bible) liked to watch women give birth. That’s where the “tradition” of women laying on their backs to give birth comes from.
Previous to that it was common for women to have chairs with holes in them and straw underneath, so they could sit on this special chair and let gravity help with the birthing process.
Spicy foods were thought to increase libido and cause children to masturbate. To prevent kids from touching themselves at night, a man named Kellogg invented the blandest combination of cereals, marketed it at kids, and called it Corn Flakes
At the Battle of Gettysburg during the American Civil War, a small group of Union soldiers had run out of ammo against a large group of the Confederate Army. In a panic, the Union soldiers sprinted at them, screaming, with only bayonets drawn. The entire Confederate Army that was present turned and ran away in fear, not knowing that they had literally no ammunition.
When the Roman Emperor Caligula went to invade Britain he stood on the coast of Gaul with his army and suddenly declared war on Neptune, God of the Sea. He had his men collect sea shells from the shore as “spoils from the Ocean”.
Oh and he appointed his horse to the senate.
During the Austro-Prussian war of 1868, Liechtenstein sent over an army of 80 people, but ended up coming back with 81 people because they befriended a guy on the other side.
People refused to send art and sculptures to be displayed at the Chicago World’s Fair because of Chicago’s history with fire. They had to fireproof the Fine Arts building to get people to agree to loan them their art. A year after the fair closed most of the grounds were destroyed by fire but the Fine Arts building survived. It’s now the Museum of Science and Industry.
The carbon emissions thing from Ghenghis Khan is not the whole story. He also planted trees wherever he conquered land because he liked trees and thought they were important. He conquered enough to make an impact on the global climate.
Radu III, brother of Vlad III( Vlad the Impaler) nearly killed Mehmed II, the future Sultan of the Ottoman’s, after Mehmed invited him up to his chambers. Radu, seemingly unaware that the offer was sexual in nature, was startled when Mehmed embraced and then tried to kiss him. Radu stabbed the prince in the leg, then ran and hid in a tree. They later became lovers, and maintained a relationship for the rest of their lives
The Tumblr Twitter account is literally the only good thing about Twitter lately (or maybe ever)
I'm like 65% sure that's the fucking crab from Moana. Why is Tumblr so obsessed with crabs.
I DIDNT REALIZE THATS WHAT IT WAS WHAT.
Hey hey hey
Did anyone else notice that the logo (without crab) is the color of the sky :^)
Short DPXDC Prompts #468
Danny is a Chemistry teacher at Gotham Academy. His favorite student is Tim. He shocks the students by teaching and creating a Fear Antitoxin for the kids to learn as part of their curriculum.
“I promise you this is easy.”
‘You just have to put this in here and that in there, wait a few seconds. And BAM you got your homemade Fear Anititoxin ready’
‘Proffesor Fenton you are a genius!’
‘Ah well i wouldn’t go that far’
Tim, staring in horror: wait til my father hears about this
Danny thinking: …Did Tim just made a Harry Potter reference?
Danny saying: I shall await for him Malfoy~
Tim: ‘o’
Danny is just regarded as the fuckin strange occult wizard man of chemistry. The best (and worst) part is that he’s so damn used to the way his parents taught him how to do chemistry that he doesn’t give instructions with proper measurements when demonstrating the lab in class. Like, what are the moles? What are the measurements that are needed for this? What materials will you need? Nah.
Danny opens the demonstration with, “Just a warning, half of the steps I will be showing you in this demonstration will not actually be featured in the lab. I didn’t have [chemical], [chemical], or [chemical] but I did purchase some household cleaning and beauty products from dollar tree that I finished isolating them out of 30 minutes before class.“
“And for [chemical], you can make it out of these two, so that’s taken care of.”
“I made sure to order more but it won’t come in until next Wednesday. So don’t worry, when you do this lab yourself, you will not need to do these steps, but I figured it would be a good learning experience.”
“I only had the time to dilute the chemicals before this period, so I apologize.”
“Dr. Fenton?
“You want me to buy water? No. I’ll dilute the chemicals myself. I don’t really have proper PPE besides gloves and safety goggles, so I’ll just have to make do.”
But it’s just something he’s done so much before the verbal instructions are like, “Put enough in until it looks like there’s enough”
For the lab instructions for the students, he has a worksheet with the the actual recipe in standard measurements but when he’s showing the class how it’s done? Rough measurements BABEY
The way he’s doing it, there should be a massive fucking margin of error and he should absolutely not be getting the product he wants because that’s not how chemistry should Work. The lab required a micropipette and he’s doing it by eye.
Like, maybe people who have 30+ years working in their field with something they have done a bajillion times. But absolutely not a 25 year old who has a degree in Mechanical Engineering and got his PhD last year! And even then, doing it by eye is just asking for you to fuck up and waste your materials.
Why does Danny work as a chemistry teacher when he has a degree in Mechanical Engineering? Well, Danny got an emergency teaching certificate because he took a lot of chem classes in college and Gotham Academy was desperate. The chem teachers in Gotham have had a trend of getting themselves in deep shit from criminal organizations threatening them to order chemicals needed to manufacture [x] toxin or drug. And they’d agree because it was for a ridiculous price, but if the chem teachers weren’t able to supply them enough or the criminals couldn’t get what they got the chemicals for to work, they’d blame it on the chem teacher and not their shitty chemistry practices or storing, and they’d get killed. So, Gotham is running short on demand for chemistry teachers. It’s also how Danny found out what was in the fear toxins. Small criminal organizations didn’t have big reach to other means to get chemicals in bulk so they’d go to where they know chemicals can be ordered: schools for chem. And the small criminal organizations try to replicate the toxins based off what they’ve heard is in them. Based off the previous Chemistry teacher’s ordering history, Danny was able to get a fairly good guess to what’s in it. And if Danny was Really good at chem (like fictional mad scientist level good), then through tinkering around, he was able to find out what was missing. Tim is now baffled.
How the fuck this guy who teaches the shop classes also know enough about chemistry that he can make a fear toxin antivenom without ridiculously high-tech equipment with stupid levels of precision measuring????
Danny just shrugs if he’s asked. He’s used to helping his parents in the lab. I mean, do you think the Drs Fenton actually praticed good sterile technique? Or proper lab safety? Or actually measured or recorded their experiments by moles or standard measurements or anything? Or isolate chemicals from cheap household cleaners? Or ordered at anything less than the highest concentration they could and diluted it themselves because they weren’t going to pay for water. Fuck no. They learned how to adapt based on what they had and learned how to do it based on sight, smell, heat, color, taste, etc. (Yes, taste. There’s a reason ectoplasm is stored in the fridge and it’s because they think it’s safe for human consumption. It’s one of the reasons the Drs. Fenton were dismissed by the scientific community. Their experiments didn’t have precise measurements and had a very low chance of the results being replicated because of how they did it. The biggest challenge Danny had in chem classes in college was writing lab reports.
He almost always got his results right but couldn’t explain it, because it was just “I did it until it felt right” and the profs did Not accept that so he had to get used to actually using standard measurements. And now here we are in the aftermath of Danny’s lab for fear antitoxin in Gotham Academy. He was trying to be relatable with these Gotham kids and give them a lab that would be practical and something that they’d actually use to get on the kid’s good graces.
And now he’s being investigated by Batman.
… Fuck.
Okay…
Pls tell me more so I cam write a fic in, hopefully, 6 days…
I always wanted to write a scientific-ish fic, and you’re giving me the excuse!!
@plotwholls AHAHAHA
@transsunmoonwizzard AAAAAAAAA
Okay, but listen, they’re all concerned about Danny and Jazz being potential super villains based on observed behavior in Gotham. But then they dig into the Fenton Siblings and pull up multiple articles about Danny Fenton in Amity Park, ranging from Danny discovering Their Purple Back Gorilla was a Female to Leading his classmates (several times) against attacking Ghosts Metas. He’s close friends with Red Huntress who is well on her way to being a Jr Leaguer in good standing with the Hero Community. He also has close ties to a particularly promising WE Programming Intern.
I would put good money on Jazz having multiple research papers and joint(with Sam’s help, who is likely a rising star in the environmentalist circles)protest/projects for reforming how voluntary and involuntary hospitalizations are handled. Her thesis paper on Mind Control can cause PTSD on the same level as a kidnapping or any situation a person experiences any range in loss of control over themselves or their lives.
Batman has a choice to make here. This is clearly a tight-knit group of Young Adults, several of whom are clearly Metas of some kind. That all have backgrounds and skills to be dangerous individuals, but past documented history shows they are Good People.
He could just, close the file and let it go until they show actual activity of crime. Or keep digging.
All interactions with Danny and Jazz are pleasant and friendly. Jazz is the most subtly hostile of the two in these instances, but only when a question is over-friendly or invasive. She’s very obviously protective of her Brother who they can see, outside a school setting he wears t-shirts, has several concerning scars visible on his arms and peeking over the neckline of his shirt. (Bonus for attractive facial scars he covers for classes, but not in his free time.)
They are viciously protective of their privacy. Which, while annoying for Batman’s need to KNOW about potential threats, is not actually out of the ordinary or people or for a Gothamite. Investigations that include interviewing people from Amity Park or Red Huntress show this isn’t a unique trait of the Fenton siblings. Nightwing got whiplash when the professional, polite AP Hero snapped out “What are you a cop?” when he asked about Danny.
NW: uh… no? Valerie, who’s had it up to Mars with people harassing them: Sure pretty boy, but here’s what I’ll tell you about Fenton and his sister. NW perking up at potential information: ??? Valerie: You and your team will leave them alone if you know what’s good for you. NW: is… are they dangerous? Valerie: The Fentons can take care of themselves, but they aren’t who you gotta worry about if something happens to them, or they feel unsafe because of some loser furry who can’t mind his god-damn business. NW, trying his best not to laugh at loser furry: You, you know that doesn’t help, right? Look, Gotham has a high turn over rate of Chemists and Psychologists becoming villains. We just- Valerie: First of all, pretty boy, the fastest way for someone to turn to being a bad guy is to treat them like a bad guy. You’re lucky Fenton is a bleeding heart with iron clad morals, or we’d have been fucked a decade ago. Secondly, it’s ME and his Friends who will come for your asses if you hurt them. You do anything that puts him in danger because you won’t drop it when they’ve done nothing but their jobs, and we’ll hit you so hard and fast the Flash won’t even be able to save you. NW: okay, okay, got it. Loud and clear! Valerie: Good. Y'all leave that embodiment of chaos and sunshine alone. Unless you need help, I guess you can ask him for assistance, but he’s retired from the Hero Game and none of us will forgive you if you try to drag him back into it.
They get similar threats when questioning Sam and Tucker. Sam: The hell I unleash will make Dr Pam’s worst rampage look like a child throwing grass if you don’t leave them alone. Tucker: Look, I have a good job right now, and I don’t want to fuck that up because every other tech company has some villainous Billionaire attached. But if I find out you ran off my baby boy when he’s finally in a good place and happy, I WILL find out what happens when an ancient virus is unleashed on the modern internet.
Bruce Wayne gets an untraceable Email from The Modern Cassandra, that is a detailed list of every Gotham Vigilante and their potential as a villain.
It concludes with a “Don’t start none, won’t be none.”
Okay i know we’ve moved on to other parts of this au but danny mixing chemicals the same way people bake is SENDING me. Time to recall the two chemistry classes i took in high school that i have little to no recollection of, here we go.
Keep reading
Check out this absolute unit of a post. I love this fandom so much yall yake up so much space in my brain I love yall
Now imagine Danny bringing ectoplasm into this. We all know Maddie and Jack used ectoplasm powered weapons and other such ecto contraptions (is that canon??) And I’m not saying that Danny would endanger a bunch if kids by bringing ectoplasm to school like some fucked up show and tell BUT
Ectoplasm has been a huge part of Danny’s life. His parents kept ectoplasm in the same fridge they kept food in. They had a lab for a basement. Ecto contraptions and weapons were lying around in the home and nobody thought anything was wrong with that. It was just the norm. Hell,,,,,Danny himself is an ecto entity. Amity Park itself was brimming with ambient ectoplasm.
You can’t expect all that to just go away when he moves to Gotham.
Give me Danny who makes absentminded remarks while looking at a random students experiment like “Wow this could be thicker than ectoplasm”, “How did you manage to fuck this up so bad it looks like ectoplasm how”
Give me weird chem teach Danny who brings exactly two thermoses wherever he goes. He’s only even seen drinking out of one of them. And whatevers in there, it definitely isn’t soup or hot water. And what is in the second thermos, you ask? D o n t. D o n t a s k
Danny, overworked and underpaid like every teacher: god I wish the portal had killed me
Tim, who spent the last week trying in vain to dig up something about him : crying screaming throwing up WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
Danny: takes a swig of what looks like liquid radiation from The Thermos
A new AP Chemistry teacher in the middle of the semester would usually be pretty weird. Not at Gotham Academy, and, more importantly, not in Gotham. Even applying for the Chemistry teacher position in Gotham would get you put on a watch list somewhere. Usually for when you suddenly, inevitably, wound up missing. Or dead.
So none of the students in 1st period AP Chemistry at Gotham Academy were surprised when they walked into class to see a new teacher. They were surprised to see it was the Metalshop teacher, Dr. “Plesse call me Danny or Mr. Fenton, my parents were the Dr. Fentons” Fenton. None of the students called him Mr. Fenton of course. Gotham Academy is a very prestigious school with many very rich parents and with that came a certain respect for titles. So Dr. Fenton it was, no matter how much he complained about it.
Dr. Fenton was busily setting out what the students presumed to be the required lab equipment for their newest lab. Honestly, Dr. Heidel had chosen a great time to go missing (or dead). They’d just finished their most recent lab and unit, so Dr. Fenton wouldn’t be coming in the middle of some lab he probably only knew the basics of. His doctorate was in Mechanical Engineering after all, not Chemistry.
The students were a little confused and concerned though on why the Academy had not been able to find a substitute that didn’t already work there as a full time teacher. Usually there were plenty of substitutes to choose from, at least there were for the amount of money that the Academy could throw around from their parents’ generous donations.
So, with just a few whispered theories on what happened to the last teacher (some as mundane as a brief sickness, and others as ostentatious as them becoming a new Rogue), they settled down at their assigned seats to wait for the bell to start class.
As the last students trickled in with seconds to spare, Dr. Fenton turned towards the class, wide grin and excited eyes fixed on them. The students who were not in Metalshop were unnerved by this, the smile seeming just a bit too big, with just a few too many teeth, and the eyes shining a bit too brightly to just be the fluorescent lights reflecting off of them.
The students who took Metalshop were also unnerved, but for different reasons. They knew that that expression could only mean that they were going to be learning something that would make them feel like their brain had been turned to putty and their perspective was going to be flipped inside out and sideways. It was always an interesting, if slightly horrifying, feeling.
As the bell rang, Dr. Fenton clapped his hands. “Hello class! As you can see Dr. Heidel isn’t here today. They will not be returning unfortunately, they got a sudden offer they couldn’t refuse and left immediately for Metropolis. I will be filling in today while Principal Ramirez looks for a new Chemistry teacher and so I figured we could all do a more fun and practical lab today!”
Most of the class relaxed a bit at this. Dr. Heidel wasn’t dead at least, even if they were likely on the run from one of the Rogues. And they had a substitute who was just gonna give them a fun do nothing lab.
The Metalshop students only became more tense. They had a much better idea of what Dr. Fenton considered fun, and it was usually a lot more difficult (though very rewarding) than the standard lessons. Being practical as well just made it more concerning honestly.
“As you all know, the Rogues in the city use a lot of chemical based weaponry. Scarecrow’s Fear Toxin, the Joker’s Laughing Gas, Poison Ivy’s…well everything, to name a few. So I thought it would be best if I taught you how make at least 1 cure. Today we will be making the cure for Scarecrow’s Fear Toxin AND making it into an easy to carry injectable form, similar in design and function to an EpiPen! I-”
The class erupted into noise.
“What do you mean -”
“Cure for Fear Toxin?! How-”
“No way you can -”
“No way WE can-”
“This won’t work-”
“How would you even know-”
“But you’re not a REAL Chemistry-”
Dr. Fenton clapped his hands once, the sound seeming louder than it should be, silencing everyone.
“Now as I was saying, first I will show you how to make it and insert it into the No-Fear Pen, then I will hand you the instructions and help you to do it. Is that clear?”
Seeing a fewrl reluctant nods, Dr. Fenton smiled a little wider and almost seemed to vibrate a bit as he moved towards the beakers and chemicals on the desk in front of him.
“First we will take just a drop of ethylene, a dash of sodium pentothal-,” Dr. Fenton stopped, about to pour the sodium pentothal into the mixing beaker, as he saw a hand shoot into the air and many surprised faces.
“Yes, uh, Tim, right?” He asked.
“Right. Aren’t you going to measure the sodium pentothal, Dr. Fenton? And how did you get that?” Tim Drake asked, voice seeming very strained. Most of the class nodded, a few whispering about it to their lab partner.
“I am measuring it, Tim. No need to worry. I’m using what feels right. And of course I made all the more complicated chemicals you’ll be using for this lab. It would have taken much too long to walk through the whole process to every chemical we are using today, but I appreciate the commitment to Chemistry!” Dr. Fenton’s hands steadily poured “a dash” of sodium pentothal into the beaker, barely looking at it while he answered the question.
“Sir! I don’t think that’s safe! You’re not even looking at it and you’re not measuring it. What even is ‘a dash’ supposed to mean? This is Chemistry, not cooking!” Tim nearly shouted.
“Nonsense! All cooking is Chemistry! And just like with cooking, you measure with your heart. But, since you’re still learning, I’ve written up comprehensive directions and measurements for you. And I’ll be walking around the class so I can spot anyone who looks like they need help. Wouldn’t want to add to much salt to your recipe right? Speaking of salt, that’s the next ingredient! Specifically Sodium Borate, otherwise known as Borax! We’ll be adding a pinch of that.” Dr. Fenton said, a nearly manic grin on his face.
The class collectively decided that Dr. Fenton was definitely not completely (or at all) sane, and was probably the most likely teacher to become a Rogue that they’ve yet seen. In the interest of not being what tips him over the edge, they all quietly (slightly fearfully) focus on the lab and the instructions given to them.
“…And then you just slide this tube into the No-Fear Pen and you’re done! One Fear Toxin cure…antivenom? Eh whatever, one cure ready to go! And what practical lab would be complete without a practical demonstration!”
Everyone’s eyes widened at that, several of them nearly falling out of their chairs to get away as they saw Dr. Fenton pull out a small capsule, easy grin seeming again, just a little too wide, teeth a little too sharp to be human.
“To show that this cure works I’ll just breathe in a little of my home made Fear Toxin then inject myself, don’t worry, you’ll have the opportunity to test it as well, but only after I demonstrate it’s safety,” Dr. Fenton said, completely miss reading the emotions of his students. Nearly all of students started scrambling back, except Tim Drake who sprang forward, chair toppling as he vaulted over the table, desperately trying to grab the capsule. But with a slight squeeze of Dr. Fenton’s fingers, the small capsule broke and a comparatively large puff of gas escaped, immediately breathed in by Dr. Fenton.
“Please everyone remain in your seats, even you Mr. Drake. The Fear Toxin should start to take effect in 3…2…1!” Dr. Fenton said calmly. Far too calmly for such an insane act as to deliberately breathe in Fear Toxin. As he finished sp3aking they all saw him visibly go pale, eyes dilating and almost seeming to reflect more of the overhead lights, before his arm suddenly sprung up, No-Fear Pen in hand, and slammed down into his own thigh. Exactly like administering an epipen.
The class collectively held their breath as the fearful, nearly crazed look, went out of Dr. Fentons eyes and his skin went back to his normal healthy tan, though sweat still beaded his brow. Tim Drake, previously frozen from the sheer absurdity of the situation, slowly untensed his body and walked back to his table, barely remembering to pick his chair up before he sat in it.
“And there you have it! One functioning No-Fear…Anti-Fear? I like Anti-Fear, let’s go with that! One Anti-Fear, ready to be administered just like an epipen! Just jam it into you thigh with all your strength and you should be fine! Now who’s ready for the lab?” Dr. Fenton exclaimed, throwing his hands up in excitement, grin fixed on his face.
Slowly, like their teacher was a tiger rather than a man, they nodded, none of them daring to blink or break eye contact from their Definitely-Going-to-be-a-Rogue teacher. Several of them readied their phones under the table, unsure if they should call 911 now, or wait until things actually devolved in the classroom.
“Excellent! Let me just get these instructions handed out to you. Oh! And of you like this lab, then you’ll love it next week when I’m subbing for Mr. Takahashi, the Home Ec teacher! I’m going to teach you how to make a cure for the Joker’s Laughing Gas as little hard candies. They’re Blue Raspberry flavor!”
None of the class knew quite how to respond to that, but, well, if their teacher was insane, at least they were getting something useful out if him before he went off the deep end and became a Rogue, right?
Tim walking into the batcave after school
Bruce: hey champ, how was school?
Tim: I… I don’t even know how to explain this
When Danny finds out he’s considered a guaranteed future rogue he tries to reassure his students except that his perspective on the world is so foreign that it doesn’t quite work.
“So long as the government doesn’t illegalize my existence again, I not going to become a criminal promise!”
“Of course I’m not going to become a Rogue! Do you have any idea how much effort that would take? There are plenty of other easier ways to become famous or infamous than that!”
“I might be retired from the limelight but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go in the opposite direction!”
Other Ideas for advanced demonstrations (these don’t work if they’re not biocoded to the student.):
My-Portal-Home (MHP): A one time use get out of emergency device! It’ll teleport you to wherever you mentally associate with safety. (For his mechanics class, doesn’t work if they’re in jail or teleport then to a place that they’re not welcome.) (Looks like a joke toy, but it works.)
Revival: I know that the death rate is ridiculously high in this city, so here’s an energy drink to undo that! (For Biochem, uses ectoplasm.) (Is that a class that regular high schools have? Because mine did, but mine was weird.) (Doesn’t work on death by natural old age.)
Considering his hero background, Danny could become Gotham Academy’s go-to substitute for any subject. Every student leaves his lesson with a new way to stay safe in Gotham. He substitutes for a P.E. teacher and all students know how to defend against 4 assailants without causing permanent damage. He covers for a Geometry teacher and teaches them how to calculate the trajectory of a brick being thrown at Man-Bat on the fly. He even fills in for a single Psych class and has a very passionate lecture about parasocial that actually makes quite a few students re-think how they view their own interactions with the local Bats. No one can deny that Danny is a brilliant teacher, his methods just leave so many questions. However, he also straight up bit a goon who tried to recruit him so, that’s positive?
Now I need Danny making comments on how to change the agenda of the classes so that the students can survive in the city…
Random teacher: and how do you think of teaching all this?
Danny: I’m using my school’s syllabus as a base, of course adapted to Ghotam
2nd Random Teacher: your school?
Danny: yep, Casper High, you’d walk in as a wimpy tween, and walk out as a young adult ready for college and riot squad support, or surviving an apocalyptic situation, whichever would come first…
1st and 2nd Random Teachers:…
Danny: I still remember the first rescue raid when I was around 15 years old, they had kidnapped all the adults, I had to direct all my classmates, both in the assault and in the use of the emergency airship… ah What a good times.
1st and 2nd Random Teachers:…
Except one of those teachers is the Gym teacher, so Danny eventually asks them:
“Hey, do you ever do DodgeShot in gym here?” (One thing that you have to keep in mind is that if you go to a word school, you don’t really know what goes on at regular schools.)
“Dodge… Shot?” The gym teacher replies.
“Yeah, like Dodgeball but it trains your marksmanship as welll rather than just your evasive skills. Casper High had it as a mandatory activity for Juniors and Seniors. (So that if a Ghost attacks them they can defend themselves or avoid getting hit by Ectobeams by the GIW.)”
3rd teacher: “Danny, you know that none of these ‘school activities’ are normal right? Not even for a place as dangerous as Gotham.”
They eventually find a replacement for the gym teacher… in one Dash Baxter.
There’s two of them now
Initially, no none knows how Mr. Fenton and Mr. Baxter know each other. They tease and joke and have one of those “bullying to show affection” type of relationships. (Not like actual bullying but like bickering and throwing lighthearted verbal barbs back and forth at each other.)
Then Mr. Baxter introduces the kids to DodgeShot… oh god there’s two of them.
Tim doesn’t know what’s harder: Training with Bruce or Gym period.
There’s so much good always popping up in this au. This is great because often the P.E. Teacher is the Health Class Teacher too so Not only do they learn fun new activities like DodgeShot (for the upperclassmen, but they also learn exciting new things like how to effectively pack a mini med kit, for everyday carrying, and how to be an on the spot field medic with what’s on hand!
Mr. Baxter: This is why we went over what are the bare basics and how to pack them, so you have them with you. Cutting a strip from a shirt is much quicker and more efficient than tearing.
Mr. Baxter: Since Home Ec hasn’t agreed to adding hidden pockets to their sewing section, we’ll cover that next week!
During the Summer, they have open classes at multiple Recreation Centers to teach what they know to kids from other schools like in Burnley, Crime Alley, Bowery, ect.
Some kid asks about if they have some special tricks for disarming a Bomb and Danny and Dash just look at each other before nodding as if they had a wise and serious silent conversation before saying in unison.
“Book it.”
Before launching into a lecture on what Bomb Disposal entails and why it’s a better idea to leave the area as quickly and as far as physically possible and to report sightings ASAP.
Lmao
The kid who asked about bomb stuff isn’t from school they work for (most of their students avoid them outside of school hours re the whole ‘unhinged, probably rogues in the making’ thing
So anyway, Danny & Dash go ‘that’s a great lesson idea’ and coordinate to have a ‘bomb day’
They bring in bombs (they just puff glitter everywhere, but they look legit)
Danny is in his usual Metalshop class and just “today’s practical lesson is to learn how to disarm a bomb” *whips out a bomb with a timer set for the end of the class period visibly ticking down and starts lecturing about the ‘more common setup, which is what we’re using for practice today.’
Dash’s class is part evaluation, part situational awareness, & part reflexes.
he has two types of bombs - ones that are stable enough to chuck into the distance and ones that can’t be moved. They’re sprinkled around an obstacle course he puts them through (before explaining beyond ‘do not turn around or leave the course until you reach the end, super ominously’)
He waits at the end while the rest of the class lines up to go through one at a time every few minutes
The first person out is like “Dr. Baxter holy shit there are bombs in there!”
Holds up clipboard, “how many did you spot and where?”
“How- that doesn’t matter we have to warn the others and get out of here!”
“Not to worry [student], those are good instincts to have but this is all part of the exercise. I’ll give the full debrief when everyone is through, for now just tell me how many you spotted and how many different kinds.”
“…s…seven…? But Dr. Baxter-”
next student interrupts by barreling out screaming “Dr. Baxter holy shit there are bombs in there!”
At the end he’s like “Most of you failed to note all of the bomb’s locations and only 4 of you noticed there was more than one kind. Those of you with run times above three minutes will be doing runs tomorrow. I notice only three of you exited the course entirely - likely because the sides were lined with bombs and wire. Good job on finding an exit, Tim. While flexibility wasn’t the point of this lesson it’s an advantageous skill to have in many situations! Mara, Davis,” he addresses the glitter-covered students, whose shrieks of terror everyone could still recall. “I would advise you to consider how affecting your environment might trigger the dangers around you the next time you find yourselves surrounded by bombs.”
“But now,” he claps his hands, “Let’s talk about id'ing which bombs are throw-able to determine how everyone could have exited the maze early on.”
When Danny’s morning students get to the maze, they’re resigned.
Miraculously, no one called the cops. In part bc Danny had never gotten in trouble for having stuff like Joker Gas or Fear Toxin so why would a bomb be different? In part bc people don’t carry their phones in gym (they have to leave them in a tray at the door) or Tim would’ve had the bats in there.
—–
Imagine Tim coming home with a small bruise and Bruce is like ‘What happened? At school?? That wasn’t there this morning????’
’…I lost.’
‘Lost what???’
‘Dodgeshot’
’?????????’
—–
…consider. Wes has not let the Phantom thing go. Maybe he doesn’t try to tell people anymore (bc he’s realized that ‘the light of truth is not enough to break through your foul sway on the innocent masses minds’) but he just. Follows Danny around.
The Fentons won’t sell him stuff bc he literally said he wanted to use it on Danny (& then bc they realized Danny was Phantom and wow, good thing they said no)
The GIW won’t sell to him bc he made them look like even bigger idiots, publically, by trying to do the Phantom=Fenton thing and then everyone mocks them and shows them the memes. They got a lot of shit for thinking Gregor was a ghost disguised as a human. The mockery for thinking an alive-person with a pulse is Phantom? ridiculous.
(They actually don’t care about being mocked or they wouldn’t be GIW, but it was so vicious & public that they lost funding for ‘poor resource management’ or something)
So since he can’t expose/fight him Wes ‘detailed corkboard on Fenton=Phantom theory’ Weston just decides to follow Danny around to keep an eye on him.
Danny thinks it’s hilarious
They’re kinda moving into frenemy-territory slowly but surely, so it could be worse.
I could totally see him as a history (look at how it all connects) teacher.
Or a cop.
he’d be perfect as a cop omg
First time Danny brings in Joker gas someone 911’s and Wes is one of the responding cops.
The demonstration is over by the time the police show up (the kid texted them and is trying to text to cancel but now the cops are there so no one was expecting them).
The principal gets contacted and is like ‘not to worry the exercise is approved.’ but the cops insist on talking to the person.
“Fenton,” the first cop in the room greets, ignoring his partner behind him saying ‘let me- dangit.’
“Wes,” Danny grins. “I’m surprised to see you in Gotham.”
“I have my eyes on you, Fenton,” he hisses. “Tell me how you got your hands on Joker Gas?”
“Alright, that’s enough,” his partner grabs Wes’ shoulder and drags him back. “I’m sorry for him, he’s new Dr….Fenton? Was it. But we do need to know how you got your hands on the Joker Gas.”
“Oh, it’s no trouble officer. I just vacuumed some up during the last attack.” Danny smiles.
“…Vacuumed.”
“Yep! The Fenton Weasel 2.7, for all your sample collection needs! I’d been thinking of doing this lesson for a while, so when the gas popped up on my doorstep and I needed to either wait for it to dissipate or clean it up I figured two birds, one stone. You know?”
“…Right. Well. Have a nice d-”
“No! There is no way we’re just letting this go! He brought Joker Gas into a school! We can’t just-”
Danny cuts off Wes with a cough.
“My lesson was pre-approved, Wes,” his grin is just as wide and off-putting as the day he dosed himself with Fear Gas. “The only reason you’re here at all is because my explanations were inadequate to soothe my students’ nerves.”
Officer Weston ground his teeth before snarling out, “My. Eye. On You,” pointing to his eyes then to Danny, and whirling to leave - once again abandoning his visibly exasperated partner.
1) Wes identifies Batman within a week and is soon after officially banned from responding to incidents at Wayne Enterprises because he keeps running off to try and report Danny Fenton to Bruce Wayne for being a ghost
2) Wes is almost always tackled or prevented by the new former Amity Parker intern Tucker, so Bruce never gets any useful information but Wes INSISTS LOUDLY that he needs to “tell Batman” so he’s gotta triple investigate Wes and stay far away
3) all the Amity Parkers therefore hear about Bruce being Batman from Wes and either disregard it or take it as gospel truth, with no way to identify why each thinks the way they do
4) the reason there are so many Amity Parkers in Gotham is because it is the only other city in America the Justice League never fucking go to, either because
a) they assume the residents will get it if they bitch about the Justice League being useless
b) they don’t wanna run into the league personally for fear of what they will say or do
Or c) they assume Batman is a ghost and the rogues have the kind of wacky antics they’re used to. When someone asks Dash why the hell he would willingly move to Gotham, he explains offhandedly
“Oh, I tried Chicago and Detroit, but it was just too quiet for me. I can’t settle down without at least a little excitement y’know.”
None of the Amity Parkers are ever asked that question again for fear of their answers.
5) Scarecrow and Joker are FUCKING LIVID that some goddamn school teacher is giving out cures for their secret weapons, and even fucking sharing the recipe
The fucking GIRL GUIDES have a badge now for making your own batch of anti-Joker sweets and selling them around town
But only one of them attacks the Gotham Academy
Only once
And sadly for Joker, it’s the day after the first gym class bomb run
Some of the kids are almost relieved they won’t have to do it again but also terrified because what the fuck is Professor Baxter going to do???
Professor Baxter is going to loudly and cheerfully declare “alright kids, we’ll pick this up another day but it looks like there’s some trouble so let’s all go to the bomb shelter!”
And all the kids just. Stare at him. Because yeah the American education system is A Trip but what fucking school has a bomb shelter?? (More than half the students realising yeah this is Gotham we fucking need one)
When someone hesitantly reminds Dash there is no bomb shelter, he sighs heartily, shakes his head, and scoops up an armful of bombs
“Yeah, alright, I forgot. We’ll just go to Fenton’s class, raid the sports equipment first for weapons and Tim, Louis, Cassidy, you guys pick up some of the throwable bombs, you did best on your tests”
And I mean the kids aren’t gonna argue against being armed it’s a fucking Joker attack, some grab spares for the other kids in Danny’s class and Dash nods approvingly and gives them extra credit
They get to class and the gym kids are fucking VIBRATING what the shit are these two gonna do together are they gonna action man out and take the Joker down themselves???? Tim is freaking out is this Danny’s villain arc he can’t get away Dash gave him A BOMB
But when they get there Dash and Danny share looks (and Danny hastily removes something above the door before Dash opens it, this is normal) and Dash nods to the kids
“Alright Fenton, you keep an eye on the kids and set these up” *delivers an armload of bombs* “and I’ll be back soon”
Dr Fenton nods like this is somehow normal and off Dash goes.
10 seconds later, Danny is grinning at the class again
“Alright everyone from Shop class, this is gonna be worth… let’s say 20 percent of your final grade, if I can get back into this room WITHOUT being covered in glitter you’ll all have to do an extra project to make it back up. Set up your bombs, I see you have weapons, well done, share those out and everyone else… do you all have your Joker candies? There’s an extra bag in my desk, stay quiet, stay low, and no one tell Dash I left.”
And then he climbs out the fucking window with a fucking scifi looking ray gun
Tim is fucking TORN on the one hand he NEEDS to get out there and coordinate with B and get this under control, on the other hand these kids are now fucking undefended and also he does not have time for an extra project in shop class
No one ever finds out exactly what happened but by the time the Bats hit the scene Joker is concussed, covered in glitter, and sobbing quietly
Danny gets back in unscathed (dammit) about 20 seconds before Dash runs back in and triggers the bombs
Tim successfully argues that Danny can’t prove he was unscathed in the next shop class and they could just tell Dash he left, so they all get that free 20%
6) if Dick EVER complains about his time at school again Tim just stares at him dead eyed like a war vet
7) despite Danny’s known penchant for biting goons, Red Hood approaches him personally to ask him to run extra safety classes in Crime Alley, under his personal protection
Danny agrees and it’s so weird, Jason’s had some seriously accelerated healing ever since coming back but he has this weird bite shaped bruise on his ribs for 2 weeks after that he will not talk about
Why can’t I see Danny in anything else besides a white lab coat, and science goggles for the entirety of this?? Like he’d look like that one prompt where he was a ‘villain’ to destress! And I love it!
And honestly? I’m liking the Danny x Dash possibilities in here! With shortking!Danny it just makes it cuter when Fenton has to stand on his toes to wrap his arms around Dash’s neck and Dash LET’S HIM!!
Holy shit. I love how this has become a whole ass fic. XXXDDD I would put in my two cents but it’s far too early/late in the morning and I should probably sleep. -w-
But like if there’s this one incident where something more ghostly happens and Tim is the only one to witness it. Idk what it would be but I think it would be funny. Like if an Observant comes to Danny in the break room to talk about ghostly/kingly stuff but ends up getting souped instead cause that is something that he doesn’t want to deal with, now or ever.
There’s a week where Danny subs for the physics teacher. For the entire week they talk about different dimensions and how to get to them. By the end of his subbing period, Danny and his classes have created a working portal to the Infinite Realms. It doesn’t work for long but it’s enough. It burns out one minute and twenty three seconds after being activated and stable. Luckily with his personal experience and his parents notes, no one becomes a halfa or comes down with a nasty case of ecto acne.
This au is just so much fun. If anyone writes an actual fic about this, please tag me! ^w^
@mrowsters you. I like your thoughts.
So… I have ruminated on these thoughts and have come up with some more ideas.
Imagine Dash and Danny taking separate groups of students through a Metropolis Museum of some sort. Big villain chum attacks near Dash’s group; hence the students getting extra points for evacuating civilians and doing first aid. Dash distracts the big chum and kicks their ass.
BUT.
Dannys group was farther in and got stuck in the villains trap. Now locked in, the villain (stupidly) declares (declared is a strong word theyre really wheezing after Dash is done with them) that they have planted a bomb in the museum and unless the hero bows to their demands the kids inside will die.
Hero comes a bit late and gets held up trying to get the villains detonator. They storm in, ready to help the kids only to see Danny and Co. calmly walking out with (diffused bomb) carefully packaged and ready for disposal.
Some quotes I thought of:
*trap goes off, everyone is freaking out a bit. Tim knows he’ll live this down.*
Danny notices the bomb. And gets them to a safe (as safe as they can be) distance before realizing what kind of bomb it is and approaching it. “Oh Kids! This is a great learning opportunity! Watch closely. Now, before we start, what are the steps to safely take care of a bomb?”
Kids, behind tables and shelves: “Determine. Defuse. Dispose.”
“ That’s right! Now is this a bomb we can throw? Kevin?”
Kevin: “No, it doesn’t have (bomb part? Idk the difference sorry)”
“ Good! We have determined what kind of bomb it is. This is where it gets fun! See this cylinder here? This is a chemical that reacts violently to ignition! Diffusing this bomb will need to be done with a steady hand….”
The look on everyone’s face as the group waltzes out of the museum, diffused bomb in hand to give to the authorities/hero(es) is something Tim will never forget. (Tim took notes the entire time and definitely plans on using this knowledge in the future)
By the end of the ordeal, both classes have learned something new, Dash and Danny are new internet celebrities and Kon will never again doubt anything Tim says about his Chemistry teacher.
All this to say that Danny is a different flavor of Ms. Frizzle. Especially with the “Bomb threat is a great learning opportunity.”
This is my favorite DP x DC post.
Kwan needs to also get a job at Gotham Academy or nearby just for that Dash Kwan meet up and all of their students assuming that Kwan might be the only normal Amity Parker.
He can be a literature teacher, specializing in poems. He keeps a Fenton Anti-Creep Stick under his desk.
I’d say that maybe Kwan is a lit teacher in Metropolis? Not a lot of schools have teachers all from the same hometown. During some school field trips or Highschool football games could cause them to travel and meet each other?
Additionally: Kwan is the coach for the Metropolis High football team.
What if while Kwan and Dash meet at like a school sports game they trade ideas for PE? “I’ve been teaching them DodgeShot, can’t believe somewhere like GOTHAM doesn’t teach this.” “Really? I wanted to try one of Our Games but in Metropolis I’ll probably get in trouble, so I just double the amount of dodgeball and baseball”
Kon, very far away and overhearing: “what’s DodgeShot?” Tim, unfased with a dead fish stare: “pain”
The idea that Lex has legally gone through the judicial system as a billionaire and only got partial custody is so fucking funny to me
After that school trip Danny probably becomes somewhat of a public figure in Gotham, occasionally people stop him on the street. If they ask for pictures or autographs he’ll indulge them of course, if he’s not busy.
If it’s the less friendly kind of stopping in the street, where a car pulls up and points a gun at him to get in? Let’s just say once and never again.
He got into the car of course, when a Gotham rogue points a gun at you, you damn well play along lest you lose your life, or well, your half life but they don’t know that.
When they stopped at a random rundown warehouse, Danny got shoved inside, and they demanded he make some new chemical weapon for them that there isn’t an antidote for. Danny, of course, had been expecting this since he got asked to become the chemistry substitute three months ago. They never found someone else to fill the vacancy and he was doing just fine so they let him stay.
By the time the bats arrives all the goons were covered in glitter and coughing up smoke but otherwise unharmed. A note was left behind telling the bats to get there sooner next time, this was sloppy. And for red robin to please see him after class.
The bats can’t tell how Danny figured it out, with how much Tim has seen in his class, he’s not surprised Danny could.
LOL PTA MEETINGS WOULD BE WILD
Dick (you think Bruce actually goes to these?) wants to know why Tim is coming back with bruises every now and then,
and why he finds baby bird at 2am, with a haunted look as he whispers, “a dash of sodium peroxide…if the bomb doesn’t have a cylindrical tube, book it…a sprinkle…a sprinkle of copper powder…” as he sips coffee from what Tim insists is The ThermosTM
The ThermosTM is incredibly ugly.
But he’s also concerned about Tim’s chemistry class lab safety, or lack of.
Dani goes to Gotham Academy to have Danny help her and Vlad put together a case to sue Lex Luther for copyright. And somehow lands a job as the new language teacher.
Danny retired from the whole hero thing, but Dani spent time travelling the world. Finding herself.
The first time Vlad tried to apologize she’d run, not ready to here him out. That he’d let her go is what makes up her mind about hearing him out the next time they cross paths.
Dani still explores the world, but she does it on Vlad’s dime. She visits on holidays and sometimes at random.
She does heroing on her travels, just here and there in between pickpocketing and getting the necessities.
With Vlad’s money meeting her survival needs she fills the extra time with more heroing, and occasionally with tailing heroes.
Some might call it stalking, but she prefers to call it job shadowing.
And okay, maybe some of it is personal curiosity.
Like when she follows Superman after a fight, eager to see if he really spends all of his spare time brooding in a frozen castle.
Finding out he daylights as just some news guy is interesting - and funny, given the ‘harmless giant’ persona he has going for him. So maybe she extends her…'job shadowing’ just a bit.
She wants to see a day in the life. So sue her.
The Very Normal Apartment is pretty far from what she expected.
When he swaps back to Superman and leaps from his balcony again not long after, and instead of going to a fight in the city he flies up? She keeps on following, invisible and intangible all the while as an extra precaution.
She follows his to a space station that appears to have been made as a base for the JL - judging by the presence of various other members.
It doesn’t take long for the last of the JL to arrive and the meeting to start; she expected it to be boring, intended to just spend the time getting a closer look at costumes and weapons.
Until Batman announces that the meeting is about ‘the clone.’
Superman’s clone. That Superman refers to as an it, that he speaks with hatred and vitriol in his voice.
Dani is just in time for the first debrief on the topic. The full debrief. Which means she has all the information she needs about who made him, what he looks like.
Where he is.
Who has physical versus technical custody.
Where to look for evidence.
Lex Luthor is a Known Bastard and Superman clearly has no intention to play caring parent for the kid that was wrenched into existence - through no fault of his own - with no support structure to fall back on and no real identity in the world.
Dani knew what that was like. Dani had spent years of her life as a ghost in both senses of the word.
Vlad coming around to being non-fruitloopy had tethered her. She’d rejected his offer for an official legal identity before, but he’d made her a few fakes with which to pursue an education.
She’d avoided the sciences at first just to differentiate herself from the Danny she was created to be. But eventually she fell in love with learning about different languages, different cultures. It was an extension of her obsession, in a way, and she latched on with fervor.
Vlad had tricked her into giving math and the sciences a go by offering her books about the evolution of numbers as a part of language and the history of the use of Greek and Latin in the sciences. She’d learned enough to graduate high school, if she wanted.
Now? She wants.
She goes to Vlad with what she has on the clone - ‘Connor’ - and asks him to find a way to help.
Copyright is a fascinating thing.
Once someone is proven to have broken a copyright, they must cease and desist from further breakage and either destroy the existing works that breach the copyright or give the works over to the copyright owner.
Even as a clone, Connor was a person. “Destroying’ him would be entirely off the table, making it a matter of custody.
Custody that would rightfully go to Vlad.
If the courts declared Connor’s personhood, Superman may try to claim custody. They would be sure to have all the evidence they needed that he was an unfit guardian - and that Vlad was a perfect one - by then.
Dani was all the evidence they needed that Vlad had the rights to that copyright - in addition to a paper copy he would have backlogged by several years. A hand from Technus and Tucker made the thing - and Danielle’s own legal identity backlogged to the time of her creation - airtight.
She asks Tucker not to mention it to Danny, she wants to explain the situation in person.
Danny, being her original, needs to be on board if they’re going through with this - as both a witness to the fact that she is a clone and because he will be one of the people in spotlight, since he is the original.
Vlad Masters is the most reclusive billionaire in the US, suddenly going public with an adopted daughter that he cloned himself from the DNA of his best friends’ son? And then suing Lex Luthor for breaking his copyright on cloning? By cloning Superman? And then serving him a cease & desist and demanding custody of the clone??? It’s gonna be a media circus.
Danny needs forewarning (they already know he’ll approve, but they need to make sure all of their stories are consistent).
Vlad is the one to talk to Jack & Maddie - they’ve long since been brought up to speed on all of his bullshit. He’s been making strides in apologizing, making it up to them. Danny’s willingness to give him a second chance is the only reason they allow themselves to do the same. Dani visits sometimes.
To avoid Vlad being arrested and unable to help Connor bc of the very illegal way he made Danielle, they plan to explain her as a consensual copy - that Vlad always wanted a child but never really fell in love (maybe he was aroace but just really stuck on the life script of grow up-graduate-get married & got stuck on ‘Maddie’ as the perfect wife, but like, in a feng shui kinda way? Then chilled out when he realized there’s actually nothing wrong with being single? idk).
Except he has Jack & Maddie as his platonic besties & asked if he could clone one of their kids. And Danny was like “oh cool a clone” and they decided his clone would be less likely to have an existential crisis about their clone-ness. And voila.
Danielle.
So yeah Jack, Maddie, Jazz, & Danny all really need to be on board with that or they need to find a better story.
Which is how she finds herself in Gotham, spilling the story to him and brainstorming public, normal, non-suspicious activities she can do while she’s in the spotlight.
He tells her the Spanish teacher at his school is retiring soon. What better way to be visible and non-suspicious than to do what Danny does at his Totally Normal Job ™.
Dani is has a shiny new high school diploma officially under her belt, and years of her life will be explained away as travel. She spent a total of a year and a half in either Mexico or Spain; she knows the language.
Gotham Academy isn’t sure how to feel about a teacher that comes at Danny’s recommendation, but Vlad & Technus’ quickly forged teaching certificate mean she meets the qualifications.
They let her teach for a day as a test, having the old Spanish teacher shadow. Her lessons are a bit more practical, a bit more slang is included, but more than acceptable for the Academy.
She’s surprisingly normal for a teacher that comes at Danny’s recommendation (especially given how similar they look - siblings, perhaps?)
They hire her.
By the third lesson the students think she’s normal.
The beginning of week two is when her…eccentricities start to show.
In the first week she’d learned the chronic texters - there was always one or two, no matter how prestigious the institution.
Mid-lesson one student pats himself down in a panic before raising his hand.
“Yes, Mr. Jeremiah?”
“I’m really sorry Ms. Masters, I think I left my phone in the locker room can I please run and grab it? I promise I’ll be quick!”
“Nope!”
“But-!”
“No need, your phone is right here,” she chirps, pulling it out of a pocket somewhere inside her jacket.
“Wh-what…?”
“I caught you texting during class three times last week, Mr. Jeremiah. I have a three strikes system; after that, I confiscate your phone until classes are over. If you want to reset your count - which I will only allow once - you can write me a three page paper, en Español - on why texting should not be happening during class. Double-space, Times New Roman, 12pt font. A few of you are at a two already, keep it in mind.”
“But- you- how???”
Dani only smiles.
(She spent a fear years on her own. As a halfa she got by pretty well, after she was stabilized. But she had to learn pickpocketing before that, and she learned it well. Powers just made it all the smoother.)
She never gets caught confiscating a phone, and when she gives them back at the end of class the students are always a mix of relieved and shocked.
After a computer lab quite a few students have snacks they didn’t know were missing returned to them.
Someone notices Ms Masters seems to store everything she confiscates in the same pocket, but some of the things shouldn’t fit - even some single item shouldn’t have. Not without at least being noticeable.
(Dani was a ghost in both senses of the word for a long time. She moved around alot. She did have a bag or two she would phase into walls/the ground, but she stored a lot of things just in herself. Perks of being a halfa: free real estate storage space)
She’s sneaky - she even manages to spook Tim once. Someone notices her footsteps don’t make noise.
Just. Little things.
Subtle things.
Then Dash gets her to help him with a ‘coordinated combat’ (ie how not to do friendly fire/get in each others way when fighting one enemy) lesson and they realize exactly how unhinged she is.
30 people work together to shoot her and she doesn’t take a single hit, making expert use of the dodgeshot shields (random items that people can hide behind from ‘large’ to ‘must be small or a contortionist).
Every time she passes from one shield to the next she takes out three people. A few manage to get in close.
She isn’t where they expect her to be.
She lets out a gentle ‘boo.’
She’s right behind them. The two shriek and whirl around, before they go down in a tangle of limbs when one trips.
She taps her faux-bayonette to either of their throats and says “you’re out.”
The fight is over inside of two minutes.
Dash deems their performance to be 'worse than Fenturd in freshman year’ and says if they can’t aim they better know how to ambush.
They have to hide throughout The Obstacle Course and try to hit her before she can see them. Bonus points if she doesn’t see them.
She practically hunts them for sport.
Her evil cackling the whole time sees her moved up to 'most likely to go rogue,’ with Danny a modest second.
A week later when it comes out she’s Mr. Fenton’s clone made by reclusive billionaire Vlad Masters they’re like 'yeah that tracks.’
This post just keeps getting better and better
How do you DARE to leave this hidden??!?!!! This is the kind of chaos that we eat
The last straw for Tim is when the Justice League are sumonning this ghost king with appearences all throught history and unthinkable power, and his fvcking chem teacher steps out of the portal, but with some jewels and a cape.
I mean, everyone knew he was a meta of some sort. He floated around the class room, took the hit if anthing they made exploded, had pointed ears and sharp teeth, had snow white hair and glowing green eyes, knows things he shouldn’t, and one time he took of his gloves and one of his hand was CHARRED.
Okay but he normally hides it and just slips up sometimes.
It got to the point that Tim begged the Justice Leageus founding members to look into hsi teacher. Superman reluctantly agreed when Batman started asking as well, because how bad could his teacher be? and so they send out the email and the Justice League waits for the easiest thing they’ve had to do in a while.
Then suddenly a portal appears at the rooms entrance, a royal figure who was defintely something not human stepped out “-Will See To It PERSONALLY That You Regret it.” he says, he transforms into a normal (if strong) looking guy holding a thermos with something screaming inside of it “Sorry about that, kingly troubles and all.”
They were in over their heads
Unless you were a tech at NASA back in the day, when one time some hydrogen a) escaped in a particular building, and b) caught on fire. This was extremely difficult because hydrogen does NOT burn on the visible spectrum humans evolved to see (and flee). Rather, it technically does, but it’s so pale that in practice, no one could see it. Additionally, pure hydrogen burns without smoke and with so little ambient heat that you can’t really sense it till you walk into it. So, per the lore, for a few days all the techs in that building just walked around brandishing brooms in front of them like lances. If your broom lit on fire, congrats! You have located more burning hydrogen! Do not proceed!
oh my god it's real and it was LITERALLY called "the broom method" holy shit
[Batfam member finds out Tim Drake figured out Bruce Wayne was Batman because Dick Grayson Robin did a quadruple somersault]
Batfam: lol Dick only did that because he is so extra
Me [vibrating]: trapeze artists tried unsuccessfully to nail the quadruple for 70 years because the flyer picks up enough velocity on the spins that they reach 80 miles an hour and hit with so much force it can dislocate the shoulders of the person trying to catch him and rip the skin off their hands in big flaps
the flyer would hit so hard the people attempting it would box and slap their hands against wooden blocks to toughen their skin and hitting a quadruple in the air magnified the power behind tiny nine-year-old Dick’s strikes to the point where it could have probably stunned a metahuman and this was probably a large reason behind his ability to be a crimefighter at an earlier age than any other person in the DC universe and in this essay I will
How dare you leave the emoji somersaults of doom in the tags
Let young Dick somersault into his parents killers
I’m just thinking that if he did this as nightwing he would probably look like sonic when he turns into a ball
Pov: you’re fighting dick grayson
DP x DC Crossover where Danny gets de-aged more towards his ghost-age and got adopted.
But he didn't exactly get adopted by a batfamily member, or even any hero, or a villain.
Honestly this Talon who just found a literal toddler that surfaced in a runoff of the Lazarus Pit is rather confused. Like on one hand should they be killing it?? But the idea of killing the strange tiny talon-sibling seems so viscerally wrong???
Welcome to having the first mental breakdown of many funky golden-eyed man that Danny thinks might be more feral than he is. Oh well, at least this person isn't a fruitloop and speaks in sort-of ghost speak? And sometimes more gold-eyed people appear to help care for him? Like they obviously don't know how to do so, but they're trying their best and honestly he's pretty self-sufficient. Ish.
The Court of Owls have no fuckin' clue where a good third of their Talons have disappeared to or why they can't call them back.
The Court of Owls: our Talon's have been disappearing, we must be compromised! Their must be a leak or a spy somewhere, find it! We must know how they keep disappearing!
---
Meanwhile, Papa Talon meeting with sibling Talons
Papa Talon: Is baby supposed to fly?
Sibling Talon 1: The ones brought into the court never flew, but they were mostly older.
Sibling Talon 2: Perhaps baby is too young to stick to the ground.
Papa Talon: Do we give it sticky shoes so it may stay on the ground? Little baby, would you like sticky shoes?
Baby Danny: mmhhhbm ughuhbh (translation: dude I can't even walk).
Papa Talon: it seems as though we have failed to learn the language of the young.
Sibling Talon: Are we supposed to name the baby?
Papa Talon: Names? The ones we come across do have names.
Sibling Talon: How does one name?
Sibling Talon: We're supposed to name things after what we like right....?
Sibling Talon: I like Katanas. Maybe we can name it sword?
Baby Danny: ghgg hbuubub (cool, but no)
Sibling Talon: I like Rocks. Perhaps rock?
Baby Danny: fueuuu buebaa (are you serious?)
Papa Talon: I like running. Perhaps Dash?
Baby Danny: ABbUbB (HELL NO..) (frustrated in ghost speak) N̴͙̙͐͘͝ö̸̼̫̻́̔͘ ń̵͉̺̪̈́͝o̴̦̫̙͋̕͠ n̴̟̠̽͐͛o̸̞̘̞͋͒͝ n̴̝̝͊͑͠o̴͕̺̝͊̓̾ Ǹ̵̙͇̫̈́͋O̵͖̻̫̓͐̓!̵̢̟͚̀͛̐ M̸͇͚͎͋͆͝y̴̢̝̟̾̓͝ N̴̢͚̫͊͛͑a̵̞̝̝̐̓͠ḿ̴̡̪̓̾͜e̴͎̪͎̐́̔ i̵͎̪̽́͜͝s̸̠͑̈́͜ D̵̢͓͐͆̓͜A̵̢͓͍̒̈́N̸͚̪̦̔͝Ǹ̴̪͍̟̽͘Ý̸̞͙̘́͐!̴͇̙͛͐̚͜!̴̫̪̓͐͠!̵͓̟͍͛͌̈́
Papa Talon: ...
Sibling Talon: oh?
Sibling Talon: huh?
Baby Danny: .... C̵͙̼̘͛̀͝o̸̝̠̻̓̾͠ǘ̴̞͔́͋l̸̪͖̦͒́͝d̴̡͓̿̽͠ y̵͍͕̺̒͛̕ö̸̦́̒͜͜u̴̻͚͖̐̚͝.̵̦̦̘̾͒͝.̸̢̻̦͊̽͠.̵͕̻͑̾͜͝ U̵̢̞̠̒̀n̵̙̪̺̐̈́͠d̸͓͔̼͛̀͝e̴͕͉͎̒͌͠r̵͕̦̙̽͋͝s̴̞͔̠͋̒̕t̴͔̘͕͐͋a̸̦̐͑͘͜n̴͇͍͎̓͝d̵̡͚͚̿͐̽ t̵̠̙͛̕̚h̵̟̠̽̓͘a̴͇̝̽͌͝ẗ̵̡͕̟́̈́͝?̸͍͙͕͑̈́̕
Papa Talon: So babies can talk! What an odd way to speak.
Sibling Talon: Danny? That's not a favorite thing?
Sibling Talon: Perhaps is good name to people?
Sibling Talon: Yes true, Danny then shall stay!
Baby Danny: (well, at least they think that's normal... Wait, what are they???)
Ghost Speak:
No no no no NO! My name is Danny!
... could you understand that?
Pfft. Danny is bemused and might not even know he's no longer in his own world anymore.
These people are a little strange, yeah, but not any stranger than any other liminal or ghost Danny has encountered. Honestly he's just relieved they're not questioning any of the ghost things he's accidentall doing and isn't reporting him to the GIW or something.
Then again he's like 60% sure that the golden-eyed masked people are something closer to him than a liminal... They're definitly contaminated by ecto and death-touched enough to understand ghost speak and even speak it themselves...
Completely obsessed with this idea, will never recover.
It would also be so funny if the batfam didn't even find out about this? They'd only know the court is panicking and so they would stalk them and one day, they'd accidentally come across this weird as fuck family. I imagine it'd go like this
(btw I tried to make their speech not quite right, the reason why they don't use they/she/he pronounce is bc no one ever refered to them w them, it was always it so they think it's normal. Same thing w the thing where they put the in front of a name, since it was always refered to them as the talon. Not sure if this is canon, or if it's correct, but if I'm wrong pls do correct me and imma change it)
*batfam comes into their hide out, the (undead) fam is abt to throw hands*
Danny: (oh shit that's not good what to do)
Danny: (oh!) *Starts crying*
Cue to undead fam dropping their weapons and just going to check on the Baby. Like full on
Blade: what's going on with the Danny?
Papa talon: we let the Danny fly this afternoon right?
Sky: yes, I made sure the Danny flied enough. Did we forgot to give him food?
Wolf: no, no. We did give the Danny the food. Maybe it's green water time? (On unrelated note, the idea of talons stealing from Lazarus pit and Ras loosing his mind over it is very funny to me)
Buddy: ...maybe the big bat is bothering the Danny.
*cue to weapons being prepared to get rid of the batfam*
Stone: wait! The big bat has the Danny of its own!
*all the talons looks at batman and red hood specifically*
Buddy: ....the big bat's baby is not crying
In the end, batman ends up surrounded with the undead fam, Danny in his arms, finally not crying bc this is the best way to end conflict right? Also the talons may try to feed Damian and Jason the pit water
The fact that they can recognize that Damian and Jason are like Danny enough to try and feed them the green liquid because obviously they're unhealthy compared to little Danny is so fucking great
The batclan have no idea what to do now. Somehow an eldritch baby? Has sort of reprogrammed some talons. Which is great! The baby even seems capable of controlling them. Less great.
Jason and Damian being accepted by them as something similar? Even less fantastic. However, they now have a host of Talons that they can test. This way they can see if they can fully get rid of the brain washing. Tim is in and science heaven!
Honestly Bruce is bemused as to how this happened and is more than little concerned for the... two... maybe three year old now in his arms. And the fact that even more of the talons are starting to emerge. Also the fact that the Talons think at least two of his kids are like them is... troubling...
And yes, Tim is in heaven. Even before they convince the pack... flock... group of Talons to follow them, he's taking notes. The younger, or at least smaller, ones seem to keep getting half herded towards one of the ones with painted masks?
Several are also... communicating with honestly horrifying rasps and almost wailing noises. Alongside noises he gets a headache trying to understand. Something he's going to investigate later...
Honestly the Talons think they're doing great! The Danny seems to be happy in the Big Bat's arms as long as they're also there. Now if only the two sick bat-talon-babies would eat...
Hm, if we go with them feeding lil Danny lazarus water, I don't think it's corrupted. I feel like it's similar to salt vs freshwater, with undead being similar to things like salmon where they can get used to either but if you just throw one in either environment it'll end badly. (Hence why Jason had issues such as pit rage. Mans was used to the giant ocean of the infinite realms even if he doesn't remember and then got thrown into a small pond and expected to be fine)
Alfred takes one look at the gathering and sighs.
Alfred: I suppose it is a good thing we live in a manor Master Bruce. Else we would not have the space.
Bruce just kinda shrugs. Look, they brought him a baby. What was he meant to do?
Lol, Bruce is pointing at the few dozen Talons like, new children. Then holds up Danny like, look a grandbaby!
The batkids are laughing at him because he just brought home so many people ranging from 14 to 20-something. And yet he claims not to have an adoption problem.
Danny is lookin very done because really, another rich dude?! Okay this one doesn't seem as bad as Vlad thank fuck, but still. He's a little suspicious of the batcave...
Alfred is okay though.
The Talon-siblings don't quite understand what's happening. But their baby Talon seems pleased? And the elder is very skilled in child care. They can help protect the sick Talon-siblings and their pack mates.
Especially as the elder is so useful. If only they could rescue their other Talon-siblings!
What about Dick? Would he be able to understand? Would the Talons recognize him as a missing Talon?
Depends I guess? Is this a universe where Dick was a Talon? Do they recognise him as a target for being a Talon? Tiny bit more likely.
Either way Bruce now has a group of feral undead to try and deprogram with a baby to look after... This may be difficult.
I feel like if they're paying attention they, the batfam, can get a sense of what the Talons mean. Most of them have had encounters with death or a lazarus pit.
Danny is happy to not be stuck outside- not that the Talons haven't been doing their best! They're just a lil more feral and steal their supplies.
That being said, Bruce does look over more than once from the Batcomputer to see the Talons in a cuddle pile around the baby. Dick drags the others over to join in because cuddles make his brain happy-mushy
Superman: Is this an invasion? Is Batman being mind controlled?
Batman, holding a sleeping Danny: If you wake Danny up, I can not guarantee your safety. Only half of them are understanding that murder is not the only option. Only a fourth of those understand that murder is not the first option as well.
Bruce: No killing
Talons: *Upset undead noises*
The Justice League: *concerned hero noises*
The JL think that Batman has an adoption problem. A very big one 50 or so strong.
I wonder what the League of Assassins will do once they find out about the more balanced yet potent Lazarus Watered individual. Like Do they just bounce one day leaving Ra’s Al Ghul alone in an empty cave? Only to pop out of the shadows in the Batcave like a bunch of mass murdering orphans hoping to be led by their new chosen one?
I mean... His whole thing hinged on him being the only one worthy of the pits... That there is another more worthy? They might... I would at least cause a schism. Like, they would try to steal the child. And Danny? Would just phase through their hands and glare. How dare they try.
That would be where the true believers would flock to him. Because he has chosen his family. And if they are true believers? Well, he must have chosen correctly.
Now Bruce has even more assassins he has to deprogram and home. How is this his life?
Honestly the Talons have to be getting the Lazarus water from somewhere (though there is a pit under Gotham as well) and while at first it's through stealing it, their actions are definitely noticed.
The league would definitely have a bit of a divide, those that follow Ras and those that leave for the divine child and the protectors the child has chosen. Not to mention that some still remember when Ras tried to get the Bat, how the dark knight rejected him. Yet here is The Child happily curled in shadowed arms, surrounded by those blessed by the Waters.
Talia would absolutely take the chance to overthrow her Father. Her beloved has taken in the blessed child! It is a sign! And he is being raised alongside her Damian! How wonderful!
Bruce is so so tired. He has so many undead assassins to try and help. As well as a ghost child. And some LoA defectors. As well as growing evidence that his family might be slightly less alive/baseline human than he suspected.... At least he can sort of understand the Talons now?
The batkids have videoed him gently scolding a Talon without realizing he's not speaking a human language and is practically chirping. Thankfully the league members arriving can sort-of also understand? Most are liminal enough and those that don't understand the others explain words to. Bruce is carefully holding the baby and trying to catalog the differences he (and the kids) have noticed and tries to figure out when it started. But he keeps getting distracted. His kids (even if a good chunk are adults) are the only things that can distract him from a case or mystery lol
(The picture of baby Danny is so cute it's criminal!)
Yeah... J'onn isn't worried. He can understand the emotional element at least. None of the League would be liminal enough to understand it. Except maybe Constantine. So they are just big confused. It's clearly a language... But what the fuck?!
But imagine, after being half erased from the timeline a dozen different times, and their various other brushes with death, the flash family is liminal, and part of speedster speech is actually ghost speech at supersonic speeds. So they're wondering why the ever-expanding batfam are suddenly speaking slowed down speedster talk
Having it be explained, that no no. You guys just talk our language real fast.
Lets go back to the fact that, despite decades of rejecting people trying to groom him for that role, Batman accidentally ends up a cult leader.
It's going to take him a few months to even notice because he's focused on all the serotonin from his New Babies while trying to get everyone involved settled down, but one morning he is going to wake-up, wander down to the makeshift mess hall filled with all his vigilante children and their new assassin siblings and realize he's doing Ra's job with more efficiency.
The man, without even trying, stole half the Talons and caused a third of the League of Shadows to defect. While he is trying to deprogram the lot of them, he has several dozen fanatics willing to commit murder on his behalf in the meantime.
They are very willing to commit murder.
Please stop.
No Talon Wolf, just because I'm frustrated with the board of directors does not mean I want them dead.
Not even a little stabbing "as a treat." Where did you even learn that from, and why is it the only part of your speech that was in English?
Danny and Tim have been teaching them internet culture. And that requires English. So they can now speak boys and pieces. Even if ghost is still easier. But it is mostly meme references and slang. Damian despairs over it. Why do they speak fluent meme, but not fluent English!
Danny is having a fantastic time showing them the wonders of the internet. The Talons enjoy it too. Very useful.
Bruce when he realised he essentially has a cult he is de-programming? Has to sit down and scream a little.
Bravo Bruce, you created the best non cult / cult anti cult / tluc? of the world.
You deprogrammed them, you refuse murder favour, you're the one who paid for everything and you're the one who loves them too much to stop it or really regret it.
GG, it's a performance, clap clap
The Talons will start going back to the court of owls base and stealing back their siblings as well. Bruce is SO glad he has a mansion with all the space... He might be running out at this rate.
Love how Bruce has accidentally formed a cult via his adoption problem lol.
He has to explain to them he is not in pain or scared, he is screaming from pure emotion in the safety of his room- Wait there's more babies? Where, he must go to them and hold them gently-
Justice league are just amused by this point. They made the joke... And then this happened.
this is how the show went right
If you fall for a social media prank, do you reblog/pass it on to your followers?
DPxDC Tech Convention
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Summary:
Tim Drake meets an unusual teen at a Tech Convention the company is hosting. Him and Danny hit it off right away. Unfortunately their time was cut short as the Convention was attacked, leaving Tim with a lot of questions .. but one clear answer.
Danny Fenton was dead. Based of a comic I drew like FOREVER Ago. The one where Tim is walking under a portal and Danny telling him not too, unless he wants to become a ghost.
This sleuthery was possible because that ad ran for months after it was pertinent.
What DPXDC Trope are You? Uquiz
I'm back at it again boys.
Welcome to my twisted mind. This one is less chaotic but still wild. Choose an unhinged trope
Take a gander at what trope you are so i can inspect you like a bug.
[texting]
Bruce: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste.
Damian: We got spring water.
Bruce: NO.
Jason: With EXTRA minerals.
Dick: It's like licking a stalagmite.
Bruce: DON'T COME HOME.
Tim: Mmm cave water.
Listen, if you’re craving sugar to the point where it feels like a “drug addiction” (and even drug addiction is complex & widely misunderstood), then you’re too hungry. You’re too hungry!
The pleasurability of sugar and the reward that sugar creates in the brain is much more pronounced in what the literature calls “restrained eaters” than it is in intuitive eaters. Sugar is usually pleasurable for most people, but in non-restrained eaters its appeal will be highest at our hungriest and decrease significantly with satiety. Restrictive eaters don’t experience satiety, because they constantly maintain an energy deficit, and that’s why sugar feels like a “drug.” Dietary sugar is fast, efficient energy for a deprived body, and our smart bodies drive us to it powerfully for that reason, to rectify the energy deficit.
Dietary sugar is great. It’s not a threat. It doesn’t cause disease. It’s not a drug. It’s a healthy part of a pleasurable diet. But if it feels to you like you’re completely out of control around it because of the intensity of its pleasurability, you need to be eating more calories, period.
this is also why stress makes you crave sugar—when you're in Survival Mode your body is like "we need the energy to fight off lions NOW, not later!"
Can confirm. I stopped craving sugar nearly as much when I was finally in a less stressful living situation, where I had could afford regular, unhindered access to good food* and got into the habit of eating regular meals and paying better attention to how my body felt. *As in “a reasonable balance of macronutrients prepared in ways I enjoy eating”, not as in “this food is more “clean” or “pure” or morally superior in some way to that other food”. It’s still nice, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t usually get that really insistent NEED SUGAR RIGHT THE FUCK NOW feeling.
Oh damn stress makes u crave sugar??? I've always wondered why I only want sweet things during finals season and no other times
