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JVL
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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
★
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@ms-starflower
Masterlist:
AO3 Account.
Maribat:
Young Survivors *in temporary hiatus* : Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Story on AO3
Maribat Rare Pairs Month: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Day 8 | Day 9 | Day 10 | Day 11 | Day 12 | Series on AO3
Spook-tober Maribat Month: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Day 8 | Day 9 | Day 10 | Day 11 | Day 12 | Series on AO3
“wow you blocked me just cuz i disagreed with you???”
yes. yes, exactly. this is a social media site. i come here to look at pictures of birds and shitpost with my friends. this is not a town hall meeting; i am not your elected official. i do not owe you my energy, my space, or my time. you and i are strangers that use the same website. i can block you for literally any reason and that’s okay. take a deep breath. block me too. you’ll feel better.
normalise low blocking thresholds… blocking someone arguing with you is not weak or over-reacting or whatever.
“The entire British museum is an active crime scene” - John Oliver
Antihero landing
fan art
So, let me guess– you just started a new book, right? And you’re stumped. You have no idea how much an AK47 goes for nowadays. I get ya, cousin. Tough world we live in. A writer’s gotta know, but them NSA hounds are after ya 24/7. I know, cousin, I know. If there was only a way to find out all of this rather edgy information without getting yourself in trouble…
You’re in luck, cousin. I have just the thing for ya.
It’s called Havocscope. It’s got information and prices for all sorts of edgy information. Ever wondered how much cocaine costs by the gram, or how much a kidney sells for, or (worst of all) how much it costs to hire an assassin?
I got your back, cousin. Just head over to Havocscope.
((PS: In case you’re wondering, Havocscope is a database full of information regarding the criminal underworld. The information you will find there has been taken from newspapers and police reports. It’s perfectly legal, no need to worry about the NSA hounds, cousin ;p))
Want more writerly content? Follow maxkirin.tumblr.com!
Assassins
“Below are selected prices that are paid to professional assassins by criminal organizations and drug cartels for a contract hit.
In Australia, the median price to hire a hit man is $13,610 (9,800 Euros), with the price going up to $83,000 (60,000 Euros) based on the task.
In Mexico, the cost for a low level assassin is $208 (150 Euros), and up to $20,832 (15,000 Euros) for a higher profile target like a police chief.
The prices paid in Argentina are between $3,749 (2,700 Euros) to $5,555 (4,000 Euros) per hit.
Government statistics in Spain state that 40 assassinations take place each year, with prices for the hit ranging between $27 (20 Euros) to $69,000 (50,000 Euros).”
So cheap! I always thought things like this would cost more than $1 million…
This is super useful to know!
and not just for writing!!
@katherine-rose
HOLY FUCK
HOW MANY HOURS HAVE I WASTED TRYING TO FIND HEROIN PRICES ON THE INTERNET WHAT A GREAT DATABASE
I needed this
Actually useful. Sometimes incognito isn’t enough.
Today’s my lucky day
Useful 👍🏻
Something I didn’t know I needed
Oh thank god I thought I’d have to actually search up where to slit a throat to kill someone
Heard some important information on Twitter today, and thought I’d post it here for anyone who may not have heard it. This is actually a thing, devised by human rights organisation called Karma Nirvana.
Reblog to save a life?
Reblog to save a life.
Sharing because it’s actually a verified and sourced thing and not one of those dumbass fake tip posts.
Always a re-blog!
Humans Are Weird
So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather?
What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving.
To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.
Earth being Space Australia Words cannot express how much I love these posts
Alien: “I’m sorry, what did you just say your comfortable temperature range is?”
Human: “Honestly we can tolerate anywhere from -40 to 50 Celcius, but we prefer the 0 to 30 range.”
Alien: “……. I’m sorry, did you just list temperatures below freezing?”
Human: “Yeah, but most of us prefer to throw on scarves or jackets at those temperatures it can be a bit nippy.”
Other human: “Nah mate, I knew this guy in college who refused to wear anything past his knees and elbows until it was -20 at least.”
Human: “Heh. Yeah everybody knows someone like that.”
Alien: “……. And did you also say 50 Celcius? As in, half way to boiling?”
Human: “Eugh. Yes. It sucks, we sweat everywhere, and god help you if you touch a seatbelt buckle, but yes.”
Alien: “……. We’ve got like 50 uninhabitable planets we think you might enjoy.”
“You’re telling me that you have… settlements. On islands with active volcanism?” “Well, yeah. I’m not about to tell Iceland and Hawaii how to live their lives. Actually, it’s kind of a tourist attraction.” “What, the molten rock?” “Well, yeah! It’s not every day you see a mountain spew out liquid rocks! The best one is Yellowstone, though. All these hot springs and geysers from the supervolcano–” “You ACTIVELY SEEK OUT ACTIVE SUPERVOLCANOES?” “Shit, man, we swim in the groundwater near them.”
Sounds like the “Damned” trilogy by Alan Dean Foster.
“And you say the poles of your world would get as low as negative one hundred with wind chill?”
“Yup, with blizzards you cant see through every other day just about.”
“Amazing! when did you manage to send drones that could survive such temperatures?”
“… well, actually…”
“… what?”
“…we kinda……. sent……….. people…..”
“…”
“…”
“…what?”
“we sent-”
“no yeah I heard you I just- what? You sent… HUMANS… to a place one hundred degrees below freezing?”
“y-yeah”
“and they didn’t… die?”
“Well the first few did”
“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?”
My new favorite Humans are Weird quote
“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE?”
aka The History of Russia
aka Arctic Exploration
aka The History of Alaska
Being from Alaska, this was sort of how I felt going to college in the lower 48′s and learned that no one else had been put through a literal survival camp as a regular part of their school curriculum, including but not limited to:
1. Learning to recognize all forms of animal tracks in the wild so you can avoid bears and moose and search out rabbits and other small animals to eat.
2. Extensive swimming and climbing on glacial pieces with competitions to see who could last the longest, followed by a group sit in the sauna so we wouldn’t get hypothermia (no, not kidding, I really did this many times as a kid!)
3. How to navigate using the stars to get back to civilization.
4. How to select the right type of moss from the trees to start a fire with damp wood (because, y’know, you’re in a field of snow. Nothing is dry.)
5. How to carve out a small igloo-like space to sleep in the snow to preserve body heat and reduce the windchill so you won’t freeze to death in the arctic.
“I’m telling you, I don’t think we need to worry about territory conflicts with the humans. You know all those deathtrap hell-worlds in the Argoth Cluster?” “Those worthless rocks? Yeah.” “80% of them are considered ‘resort destinations’ by those freaky little primates.”
“I’m telling you, they terraform for fun!” “Don’t be ridiculous” “No, seriously. Some of their most celebrated cultural loci are built on swamps. They have an entire city that is literally in a body of water. Not, like, an artificial pontoon city, they literally sunk the foundations into water. For Grilp’s sake, they build elaborate structures out of frozen water AND THEN SLEEP IN THEM.” “Dear Thilak. Think we could get them to terraform our moons?” “Psh, they’d probably pay for the privilege.”
Eventually, it occurs to someone that humans are the perfect terraforming shock troops, as it were. They think it’s fun to be sent to horrible planets! They’re really good at surviving and then taming them! All you have to do is sit back and wait until the planet is habitable, and then move there yourself! It’s genius.
It only takes one try before the reality of the situation sets in: human definitions of ‘taming’ and ‘habitable’ are woefully incomplete.
“Why did you not eliminate the venomous plant life?” Grahssk’ti moans, clutching one limb.
“Those?” The human laughs. “Why bother? They’re not that bad. And they eat the mosquitoes.”
Grahssk’ti shudders. The ‘mosquitoes’ are… not to be mentioned. Just one swarm of them caused a landing shuttle to crash three planetary daylights ago.
“And the acid storms? Why did you not warn us of them?”
“I mean, they’re annoying,” the human says, shrugging, “but we figured the cool sunsets made up for it.”
Grahssk’ti flails helplessly. “What about the ten-meter tall Fanged Death Bringers? They can eliminate an entire settlement in under an hour!”
“They’re so cute!” the human says, brightening. “Have you met mine? Her name is Spot!”
Humans are told of some planet or region of space that is considered “completely and utterly inhospitable - it would be folly to try and settle there.”
Without fail, a decent number make it a point to settle there because “Fuck You That’s Why.” It doesn’t matter how uneconomical it is, how difficult the conditions are, how utterly ridiculous it may seem, there will be at least one human who will attempt to do it only because someone else regardless of species says it is improbable or WORSE impossible.
“This moon is still forming as such it is primarily soft - by that I mean most of the magma is close to the surface and-” ‘OH BADASS you mean its like Mustafar right!?!?!?! I’m totally going to build a castle there.’ “What. I mean. There is NO fertile ground there whatsoever. No ecosystem. It is molten rock and minerals only.” ‘Which will make my castle there look METAL AS FUCK am I RIGHT!?!??! Come on. COME ON. I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO FISTBUMP COME ON.’ “….you….you are going to die, you know this right?” ‘I’m getting the feeling you don’t want to come to Lava Castle for some reason?’
“Listen, lad. I’ve built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was molten magma. All those aliens said I was daft to build a castle on a molten planet, but I built it all the same, just to show ‘em. It sank into the magma. So, I built a second one. That sank into the magma. So I built a third one. That spontaneously combusted, turned to ash, then sank into the magma. But the fourth one stayed up. An’ that’s what your gonna get, lad – the strongest castle in this solar system.”
“I’m gonna need for you to explain ‘hurricane parties’ to me again. You humans have the technology to track these apocalyptic storms of wind and rain and predict where on the landmass they’ll hit up to a week in advance. And you…have social gatherings during them?”
“Well yeah, but only up to about Category 3 strength. Then it’s time to pack the car and head inland for most people, although a few hardy souls stick around and ride them out.”
“Oh good. Category 3 is what again? Winds up to 75 kilometers per hour?”
“No no, Category 3 starts at 175 kilometers per hour. You left off the one.”
I’m sure I’ve reblogged some version of this before, but I needed the STRONGEST CASTLE IN THIS SOLAR SYSTEM on my blog.
“This planet is so cool!”
“It’s a planet completely made of ice.”
“Yeah! Let’s send some scientists! Or I could be the youngest person there!”
“You’d die, it’s below freezing level!”
“But the blizzards are so pretty!”
“The storms of dEATH ARE NOT PRETTY!”
“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?”
“No, of course not. Nobody ‘sent’ anyone, they just went up there on their own.”
“They WHAT?”
Oh my fuck nuggets, the actual thread
these are absolutely some of my favorite threads on tumblr.
“And these spiral wind funnels are so powerful, they can move large objects around?”
“Oh, hell, yeah, I saw one toss railroad boxcars right into a cornfield.”
“Cornfield? This occurs in areas where there is agriculture?”
“Sure, it’s good farmland. Of course, there are towns and cities there too …”
“Wait, your people build their residences in the spiral-wind-funnel area of the planet?”
“Yup, we call it Tornado Alley.”
“Mm, right, good to know. Gorkle, one to beam up.”
“Humans are Weird: I Have the Data”
Book 1
Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08RSVHL81
Keep reading
wow…ahead of its time (and ahead of its host)
Kermit knew you could pick your own gender, and is now finding out that there are more options in that category than previously suspected
REMEMBER THAT POST WITH CINDERELLA WHERE HER DRESS CHANGES TO THE COLOR OF YOUR BLOG?
THIS ONE DOES IT TOO!!
I found a bunch more!!
x
This. is. so. COOL
If this doesn’t work I’m going to cry.
it’S back!
Just reblogging to see if the last one is true
Wait- what? 🤣
Edit: OH WAIT NO I DIDN’T THINK IT’D GENUINELY WORK OMG- (tap on the images to see it after reblogging 🤪)
i’m only here for the last one-
the last one is the only reason im reblogging
Runt: l-lets see
Hmm
For the funny one.
Someone tell me how this works pleasseeeeee
After reblogging click on the picture, the colour changes
reblogging again cause i changed the colour
wait it works omg!!
Imho the idea of ‘cruelty free’ products or food shouldn’t mean that nothing died to create it, but rather that anything and anyone involved in the creation process hasn’t been exploited or harmed.
Leather is good actually. Veganism isn’t the end all be all to morality and consumption. The issue isn’t that a chicken died for those nuggets, but that while the chicken was alive, it’s life fucking sucked. Vegan chocolate means little if the cocoa that made it was gathered by child slave labor.
Factory farms, abuses of the people who pick the fruit and vegetables we eat, the focus profit and productivity over all else - that’s the fucking issue here. It’s capitalism folks.
Parenting 101 by Battinson Bruce Wayne
Dick: Bruce? I’m hungry.
Bruce, crouched in a corner, shuffling through a case file: where is Alfred
Dick: Remember he went to England last week?? I’m hungry! You have to feed me.
Bruce: *shuffles over to the mini fridge he has in the cave, finds a bag of shredded cheese, sits on the ground with it*
Dick: That’s just cheese tho??
Bruce: yes.
Dick, a ten year old: *shrugs* ok cool!
—
Dick, testing boundaries: I want to watch Jurassic Park.
Bruce: ok
Dick: I-It’s midnight?? I have school tomorrow?
Bruce, wearing a ratty old bathrobe and some flannel pants, eyes glued to the floor and hair falling in his face: caniwatchitwithyou
Dick: yeah?? but it’s really late???
Bruce: do you want popcorn
Dick, a ten year old: *shrugs* ok cool!
—
Dick: B I got into a fight today at school
Bruce: *shines a flashlight at Dick’s face*
Dick: I’m not hurt. They were teasing me for being a circus boy.
Bruce: did you win
Dick: …Sort of? Am I in trouble?
Bruce: *turns flashlight off and goes back to his case file* i can teach you some fighting techniques
Dick, a ten year old: *shrugs* ok cool!
—
Dick: We have parent day at school next week.
Bruce: hn
Dick: Um…the parents have to present what they do as a job. So I guess you can talk about your company. Just a five minute presentation.
Bruce: *vibrating, tearing up* presentation?
Dick: Alyssa’s mom made a PowerPoint.
Bruce: I can call you out and we will go to the zoo.
Dick, a ten year old: *shrugs* ok cool!
—
Dick: Bruce. >:-(
Bruce, hunched over, covered in grime:
Dick: You’re going to take me out on the next case with you.
Bruce:
Dick: *intense eye contact*
Bruce, shriveling up: okay but you need a costume
Dick, a ten year old: *shrugs* ok cool!
I was teaching kids today and they got fixated on the usual ‘are they dead now?’ question when I was talking about historical figures. So I was just like ‘Yes, they’re dead now, everyone who was alive in the 1800s is dead now.’ and then one kid was like ‘Except for you’.
I’m sorry to hear about your scalp.
Okay I must clear this up more concretely since this has gone far beyond my circle of folks who have the context of Why This Is Actually Funny, because there are thousands of people here who are like ‘kids are so rude, kids are so evil, I hate kids’ when…
1) Kids are little humans and they’re learning and they should be treated as little humans who are learning. Don’t be a dick to kids. Adults who are assholes to kids is such a bad look, and kids remember that shit.
2) This particular child was being SO earnest and ‘except for you’ was said not as an insult but like ‘oh…you’re the last one left 😢’.
I dress like this everyone:
[ID: image of a person wearing a puffy 18th century shirt, waistcoat, and cravat.]
Thank u, goodnight.
Awwwww!
the batman was exactly what I was hoping for which was an aesthetically dark film where the unhinged robert pattinson does a brilliant job capturing the essence of a reclusive rich orphaned weirdo who wears a bat suit to fight crime
finding out bruce in The Batman is a zillenial caused me existential dread at first, but actually it's sooo funny. bruce wayne was on youtube watching bring me to life amvs of sasuke and shadow and going "they're just like me fr"
Image description via @t4tchucky
