Too tired for this

A mess of a human being and yet I’m still here

[whitepeopletwitter]

[kalesrebellion]

So funny story actually. One of my friends was hooking up with this girl, they were friends with benefits. She needed a date for some work party so he agreed to go with her. Turns out her dad owns like 3 dental practices and she worked as the business manager for one of them.

Anyway my friend had some not so nice teeth and during dinner the father of his fwb was like “you work where you work, you sleep with him and his teeth look like that? Get him an appointment.”and then bounced. So his fwb made him an appointment at the practice she managed and my friend ended up needing like 3k worth of dental work and his friend with benefits just gave it to him for free.

So that is the story of how my friend not only got sex, but dental out of the friends with benefits deal.

[helloitsbees]

[murderingforafriend]

i have become absorbed by the need for an in-depth knowledge of victorian flower language

if anyone knoiws pls help

i just know basil and yellow tulips </3

[purplepomegranate08]

Highly recommend

It was very interesting

[mx-macintosh]

y'all need to relearn the word erratic and stop using schizophrenic/bipolar/psychotic as a replacement

[mx-macintosh]

y'all need to relearn the word particular and stop using ocd as a replacement

[weresoul]

People need to relearn the word "egocentric" and stop using narcissist/narc as a replacement.

[thatpreciousthing]

People need to relearn the word "impulse" and stop using "intrusive thought" as a replacement

[forcearama]

So did Padme and Anakin have like, an actual legal marriage? So many options to consider:

A) No, they didn’t because Padme’s not an idiot who’s going to leave a paper trail for someone to find and cause a scandal with, but she told Anakin they were legally married because Anakin is a romantic fool who wanted to do the deed of ~lovemaking~ only when they were IN LEGALLY WEDDED BLISS with a fancy ceremony with nice clothes and lace and flowers and a fancy paper that said they were In Love and everything; 

B) Yes, they legit got married with an official piece of paper and all because they are both dramatic, impulsive romantic idiots who Did Not Think This Through; 

C) No, because Padme told Anakin to submit the paperwork but then he forgot to and never told her because he was too embarrassed to admit it and part of his mental breakdown in Revenge of the Sith was due to realizing that his children were going to be born out of wedlock and Padme was gonna find out soon; 

D) Yes, because Anakin stupidly submitted paperwork after their ceremony because he thought he was supposed to and then Padme almost had a heart attack when she found out and has been living in fear of someone going to the Naboo records office ever since; 

E) Yes, because Obi-Wan figured out they were married like 2 weeks after it happened and didn’t want Anakin to have to be living in sin, so HE submitted the paperwork to make an honest man out of him;

F) No, because Anakin accidentally submitted the paperwork and after Padme freaked out about it he had to threaten to murder some poor county clerk to get it back before it got processed; 

G) Yes, Under Fake Hilarious Names

[ladyanidala]

@clawedandcute your fanfic vibes 😂

[clawedandcute]

I do not remember this @ but oh my GOSH yes

[aroacedavestrider]

people will hear you talk about struggling with mental illness and say “you can do anything if you just put your mind to it”. brother what part of the body does the mental illness happen in. what do you think is the problem

[silvergryphonart]

“Lift with your legs you idiot!”

“I have a BROKEN TIBIA! That needs support and time to recover!”

[facets-reblogging]

ADHD, also known as Can't Put Your Mind To Things Disease,

[silvergryphonart]

Don’t leave these in the tags

[in-sufficientdata]

ID: Tags that say:

#Also 'it's all in your head' #Bro that's the worst place for a problem to be #I keep my whole me in there.

end ID.

[thebibliosphere]

The kid next door (talking toddler age) is playing outside and just wiped out in his Fisher Price car, and I just heard the babysitter say, “oh no, your insurance premium is definitely going to go up!” And the kid who had only been mildly sniffling before made the most confused, but startled sound you’ve ever heard.

Just very clearly an attempt at saying, “my what?”

He straight up forgot about his scraped knee and is now worried about whatever the fuck an insurance premium is.

[kiefbowl]

adulthood is really just being responsible for a ton of pieces of paper that you don’t need that often but when you do need them you REALLY need them

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

[whatbigotspost]

Say what you want, the worst part to me is 24 hours in a mall part

[purplepomegranate08]

Seen Hadestown for the first time after wanting to for a while

I’ll never recover

[mens-rights-activia]

So I typed in ‘black history moth’ instead of ‘black history month’ and discovered this gem

Happy Black History Moth everybody

[thepaisleyelf]

There’s a liquor store near my house that seems to be run exclusively by frat boys. They lovingly curate these bags, which I browsed today while “Oops I Did It Again” played through the store speakers. This is art to me, there is beauty everywhere for those with eyes to see it

[transmascmarypoppins]

why is this post completely broken in every way imaginable

[cecilsrandomeverything]

Broken notes… deactivated account… removed image….

Finally, we have them all.

[spacefinch]

In addition: OP’s name is just… gone. No “[insert username]-deactivated[insert a bunch of numbers]” as is the standard for deactivated blogs.

Just the world “deactivated.” Look upon their post, ye mighty, and despair.

[chatblancofficial]

It’ll be almost impossible to find this post unless it wanders across your dash.

[huewrite]

It wandered across mine. I shall help it travel forward.

[gossamermouse]

this is not a place of honor

[pseudoply]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[duality-the-chaos-god]

Go along, you wounded beast

[a-wild-torterra]

@walmart-the-official

[ensti902]

I’m doing my part

@walmart-the-official

[micro-pachy-cephalo-saurus]

@walmart-the-official

[yum-offcal]

Yum. @walmart-the-official have you seen this?

[nyxtral]

broken post :)

[cuchanbutmarried]

@walmart-the-official have you seen this

[moistestbaloney]

@walmart-the-official look at this!

[justalilcrafter]

@walmart-the-official

[several-breathing-eyes]

You know what would make a great villain in the Percy Jackson universe?

The mortal sibling of a demigod who died fighting in Kronos army.

They're not a demigod so they don't know the full story. And their older sibling died before they could finish explaining everything.

All they know is that their older sibling was something more than they seemed and some guy named Percy Jackson rose up an army to kill him.

So they spend years looking for Camp half blood, years looking for Percy Jackson. And they're not a demigod so there's no satyr to lead them there.

But then they finally find it they finally get the face off with Percy Jackson they have been wanting for years. And then they hear the full story.

Could you imagine the heartbreak of tracking down the people who murdered your sibling and the guy who was leading the army that did it, only to realize they had every right to do it?

Or maybe they don't realize, maybe they stubbornly hold on to the idea that this is Percy Jackson's fault. They've spent so long hating his name, they can't stop just cuz now they've met him. So maybe they blame him for their sibling turning in the first place. For the conditions they're poor sibling had to go through.

[fairytalesociology]

They get to camp and see that its *still not good* and ask someone how they live like that. And the year round demigods at leas poijt out its better than it was/is all they have ever known.

They see what their sibling died for and see it was for *nothing*.

And they still hate the people that thought their sibling was on the wrong side of that war.

[cannonball5]

A scene we need in season 3:

Thalia: You’re not the only one here who knows Annabeth.

Percy: You knew her as a 7 year old girl for 2 months. She’s been my best friend for the last 2 years!

Thalia: …

Percy:…

Grover: (starts clapping) oh, golly

Percy & Thalia: Not Now!

[cabin-3-counselor]

perseus "loyalty is my fatal flaw" jackson . . .

YOU MET HER A YEAR AGO SHE GHOSTED YOU DURING THE YEAR SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T LIKE YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS AND YOU PULL THIS:

let me put it on picture too

BRO WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE????!!!!!!! URGH YOU ARE SO IN LOVE AND SO NOT READY TO FACE THAT ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE I LOVE YOU I LOVE ANNABETH I LOVE YOU BOTH NEVER GO TO THERAPY

"I'd burn it all down."

AT AGE 13

[blanketforcas]

whatever i was gonna say can't possibly be funnier than the mere existence of this draft

[fulminata2]

When you pick up a sword for the first time you will be slow and awkward. This is frustrating, but refuse the temptation to try and become a “faster” fencer. Chasing after speed is like trying to catch smoke. If you try and pursue speed, all you will accomplish is haste. Haste is the enemy of 1st class fencing.

Speed is a lie the untrained mind tells itself when it sees an action it cannot follow. The truth is a combination of timing, control, and fluidity. Fluid motion, even done slowly, will always arrive before a hasty strike. Control will allow you to move without wasteful motion that will slow you down. Timing will eliminate the need to move fast almost entirely. There is no need to get somewhere fast so long as you get there at the right time.  

[auckie]

Tip for mymutuals who engage in bladed armed combat

[plasmalogical]

signal boost

[friends-fam-fiends-hellothere]

This is true for plenty of other things too!! When you’re learning anything that involves moving your body, don’t forget that quality of movement is more important than speed!

[reading-by-the-pale-moonlight]

Slow is smooth, smooth is fast

[antiobjecttaskforce]

THEYRE LYING JUMP AT YOUR OPPONENT JUMPSCARE JUMPSCARE BACK FOOT FORWARD AND LEAP AT THEM!!

send them to HELL!!!