#incorrect dick grayson

[ramen8008]

Dick: you're late

Jason: my bad. I got kidnapped

Dick: what masochist kidnapped you?

Jason: the police

Dick: ...you were fucking arrested?

[thebat-musicman]

Dick: Does anyone have any suggestions?

Jason: Why dont we shoot the Joker?

Dick: How will that help us in an alien invasion?

Jason: It would be really funny

Dick:

Dick: Works for me, add it to the list!

[timmydraker]

Dick: okay, now make sure you keep the wound dry-

Tim: I know.

Dick: -because you have a high risk of infection-

Tim: I’m aware.

Dick: -because of your missing spleen-

Tim: you don’t say.

Dick: -and with how many energy drinks you consume-

Tim: Dad, I know, you don’t need to-

Tim: …

Dick: did… did you just…?

Tim: no. I didn’t.

Dick: Tim…

Tim: I’m going to put water on my wound now.

Dick: Tim, it’s okay! I won’t make a big deal out of it- wait no! Bad, Tim! No water!

Tim, actively speed walking away: what I can’t hear you

Dick, also speed walking: listen to your father!

Tim, now full sprinting: SHUT UP

Dick, also sprinting: DONT RUN WITH YOU STOMACH INJURY!

~later~

Damian: how come he gets to call Dick dad…

Alfred: pardon, Master Damian?

Damian: Dick and Tim were running in the cave even though there wasn’t an emergency.

Alfred: I see. I shall have to speak with them.

[cardinalcheerio]

Tim: Hey dick?

Dick: yeah?

Tim: Sooo... if someone were to hypothetically steal a sculpture called "The Hand". Would they call the heist, "The Hand Job"?

Dick *grinning and searching sculptures*: be a worse crime not to name it that

[sodamnbored]

New parent Bruce at two in the morning: Why aren’t you in bed?

9-year-old Dick, sitting at the table eating ice cream: Because I’m in the kitchen.

Bruce tiredly, digging out some coffee: And why are you in the kitchen?

Dick: Because it’s where the ice cream is.

[arkangelo-7]

Bruce, high on pain meds: one time I wiped your memory and returned you to the orphanage because you had tried to convince me that Superman didn’t murder my parents.

Dick, also high on pain meds: we listen and we don’t judge

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

*batkids going out in gotham for the night*

Bruce: And what do you do if you get stopped by the cops?

All of the kids: let Tim or Jason deal with it as the two white passing ones.

Bruce: Good, now go have fun.

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Dick: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Tim: My life is a little too much fall out and not enough boy.

Jason: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance

Damian: My life is a little too much imagination and not enough dragons.

Bruce: *Facepalmin* All I asked was how your weekend was.