St. Jimmy's Fix

Dear Tumblr users: Testicles. That is all.

[k1tk4ttt]

Me trying to choose one of my fictional crushes for my fake scenarios before falling asleep

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[sporeblossom]

“the millenium falcon would wipe out the enterprise in seconds” lmao the enterprise is just an innocent science class floating thru space…. all they wanna do is look at some rocks… kiss an alien…. find some space plants….. why would you fight that its not a battleship theyre just nerds…… leave them olone 

[berniesanderssaggyleftnut-deact]

[lystheni]

A friend of mine saw this and brought up some interesting arguments

so, in other words,

[professor-maple-mod]

Pretty much.

[jaegerdelta]

here have some size comparison

[two-punch-man]

Who wins in a fight, a fully staffed Navy research vessel or your local weed man and his best friend in their souped up VW Bus?

[lesbian-archives]

Garden Variety Dykes: Lesbian Traditions in Gardening, 1994

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

OH it's a lesbian and her enormous sunflower

I thought she had her arm around the shoulders of her wife, who was dressed as a plant monster for some reason

[scientia-rex]

I am so glad you clarified. I was like “I’m glad that woman supports her wife in making increasingly weird ghilli suits”

[nudityandnerdery]

Many of us saw the picture, thought it was two women, one in a weird costume, and thought, "Hey, good for them."

[headspace-hotel]

Maybe the sunflower is also a lesbian. We don't know.

[watcherglowcloud0]

i watched the Calliope episode of The Sandman for the first time since all the shit about neil gaiman came out and it was genuinely so fucking disturbing with that context

neil gaiman wrote an episode about a writer who abused a woman behind closed doors while maintaining a woke and feminist facade for his fans. he wrote his villain play by play from his own life. horrific

[life-is-molasses]

[theabigailthorn]

House of the Dragon S3 Hype Post

i did the press junket for House of the Dragon Season 3 yesterday, and it was a WILD time. kinda like getting married: there's lots of running around and putting on clothes and hair and makeup and people asking fun questions, and then big emotions and crowds

favourite question was the reporter who asked me what kind of dragon I would want and I got to gush about the Eragon series for like 5 minutes. She said my answer was very detailed and I was like "i'm a lesbian and a tumblr girlie, if you ask me what kind of dragon I want I'm like "Do you want to see drawings?""

I got Brian and Nicki, the glam team from Philosophy Tube, to style me for the day, which was an awesome time. If I'm coming up my whole team is coming up

yummmmmmm

met these two on my way out of a photoshoot; can confirm tumblr, both lovely and nice in real life

tylarako 5eva

anyway, what a crazy weird day

monday is the world premiere. I have a devastated 10/10 cunt scale motherquake outfit planned

wild to think that i'm blorbo now, I started out a tumblr girlie hustling stolen shoelaces and now my shoelaces are the fanciest, so fancy in fact that I don't even have shoelaces

[thefuzzydave]

[drinkyourjuiceshelby]

[stupidbeecandle]

I lived and worked in a lighthouse at a previous job.  There was a thick line painted in a circle around the shack where the fog signal was kept.  The line represented how close you could get to the fog signal without experiencing physical harm in the form of eardrums shattering or worse.

Even in the house it was LOUD.  Probably the loudest thing I have ever experienced but at a normal, predictable interval.  You would begin to time your sentences with little pauses with the rest of the lighthouse crew so you would talk like this while making your………..HORN…………. tea and then carry on talking because you knew when it would go off.  It rattled the walls and the dishes in our cabinet.

At least one girl had died there. They kept photos of her everywhere “in honor of her sacrifice” because she had decided to take the winter watch alone and died in a storm where bounders the size of mini vans had been lifted out of the ocean and left scattered across the island, to say nothing of the ice chunks.  People weren’t allowed to be alone on the watch after that.

One day a dead moose washed up on shore and it took my entire crew all day but we managed to rig up a line to hang it up to dry because we thought having a moose skeleton in the house would really spice the living room up a bit.  It did.  Weird shit happens when six of you are left alone, like ALONE ALONE, no cell reception, no wifi, just a radio to contact the real world and not a lot of reason to do that.  People don’t go on lighthouse jobs if they want to stay connected, I’ve found.

That said Id do it all again, I really do treasure those days

[glowingghosty]

[mcnerds]

you know you could’ve just said “no they don’t have wifi” and that would’ve answered the question

[stupidbeecandle]

But then you wouldnt have known about the moose

[dankmemeuniversity]

[xelayxes]

[xelayxes]

@matzahball

[dracophile]

For a second I didn’t realize it meant “high” as in a stoner–I thought “High Geologist” was like a rank of geologist or something and he was insulted you would challenge him to naming stones

[hamptercatapult]

great poast every one👍

[shirecorn]

I have drawn him…. The High Geologist

[syberfire117]

Can’t believe he’s ace

[shirecorn]

He is now And here’s the photo evidence:

[aphorisnt]

hey guys…https://twitter.com/MatthewLillard/status/1322648148364324864 so does this make it canon?

[shirecorn]

the high geologist has ascended

[ethanrayne]

every time i see this post it gets…. better? but also weirder.

[venusrrvelez]

I always gotta reblog the High Geologist once in a while.

[sapphireclawe]

I love this too much.

[cryptidwithaninternetconnection]

Reblog to get to look at a cool rock from the High Geologist

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

This is all part of The Tumblr Experience

[rarespawns]

the high geologist

advocating for ace people

[ash-the-tiefling]

IT IS HE THE HIGH GEOLOGIST APPEARING ON YOUR DASH YET AGAIN

[somanyfandomsomfg]

Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame: Never judge people for how they look! It's not their appearance that matters, it's what's in their hearts!

Victor Hugo: Every man ever is an evil sex pervert. You understand me? Are you hearing me? All of them. Every single man. The bell freak? Evil pervert. The archdeacon? Evil pervert. That random guy you thought was hot? Yeah. You guessed it. Evil pervert.

[oscar-isaac]

RYAN GOSLING "I'm Just Ken" wins Best Original Song at the 29th Annual Critics' Choice Awards (January 14, 2024)

[forsovngarde]

[stillmuseum]

[marvelladiesdaily]

She ignores reason because this is her preferred outcome, and she will fight for it against her own rational mind. Liff isn’t dead. She got there in time. Somehow it’s going to be okay. - Adrian Tchaikovsky, Children of Memory

[shardlily]

Big thank you to all the creators out there ❤️

[sheislucifer]

let me make myself very clear, on this blog its:

fuck donald trump

fuck ICE

immigrants are not illegal

free palestine

black lives have and will always matter

trans rights forever and always

pro choice

healthcare should be free

house the homeless

keep religion out of schools

LGBTQ+ rights

fuck the tories

if you dont agree, fuck off.

[idontwanttoboldlygo]

To me this is the difference between the triumvirates

[nandomando]

[friendshapedhole]

Story is wild

Little girl was part of a county fair agro-educational program where they raise an animal for a few months and at the end it’s slaughtered. Supposed to teach them about the economics of farming and stuff.

But the little girl loved her goat so much she was crying on the day her goat was supposed to be taken away, so her mom sent the county fair people an email saying “I’ll pay for the goat and any expenses. We’ve had several deaths in the family in the past year, I don’t wanna take away one more thing my little girl loves.” Technically the goat had already been sold at auction, so the mom was on the hook for about $1000, only about $70 of which would have been profit for the county fair.

The county fair people were irate and got law enforcement involved, over this “breach of contract”. They literally got a fucking judge to sign a search warrant, authorizing them to go to this little girl’s house and search every room and every cabinet or box “large enough to contain a small goat”. The sheriff’s deputies seized the goat, and whoever they gave it to immediately slaughtered it, though they were supposed to wait until some kind of agreement had been worked out.

In the county fair’s initial email correspondence with the girl’s mother, they made it clear that they were pissed off because the story of the little girl who loved her goat was circulating on social media making them look bad, and they felt the girl needed to be taught a lesson about keeping your promises or whatever. So they refused the mother’s offer to pay for it, and insisted they get the goat. Even if it meant sending the fucking cops into her house lmao.

[birdblogwhichisforbirds-deactiv]

https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-03-30/goat-slaughter-shasta-county-fair

[kunosoura]

the congressman who bought the goat didn’t have any objections to the family saving the goat from slaughter either! it’s fucking insane that the cops were so eager to play act their swat commando fantasies that they played stooge to the benefit of no one except some self important local organizers!

Alternate link, LAtimes locks their stuff behind paywalls sometimes

[theelectricfrog]

Don’t forget the part where the goat wasn’t where they had a warrant to search, so they drove 500 miles, leaving the area they have legal jurisdiction in, then searched a farm they didn’t have a warrant for ans seized the goat. The fair then had the goat slaughtered, even though a court had ordered them to keep it alive until ownership was resolved and despite the fact that both potential owners of the goat had decided to keep it alive.

They broke multiple laws in order to “teach” a little girl the “lesson” that “everybody has to follow the rules”.

I sure hope all of the complaints sent to Shasta District Fair CEO Melanie Silva, whose decisions these were and continues to defend her actions, are polite and don’t waste too much ink. I’m certain nobody would take advantage of the fact that the Sasha District Fair and Event Center’s contact page lists their phone and fax numbers, not to mention the email form below that.

[shi1498912]

Would be a shame if that information was to circulate far an wide, and ruin that despicable woman's easter holidays

[ralfmaximus]

I found the lawsuit filing. It is a work of art, brief and to the point. If you read nothing else, check out page 2, the section headed Nature of the Action. Magnificent.

[bisquid]

One of the things that bugs me in the notes is a bunch of people being like 'it's a livestock animal, it's her fault for getting attached' and.

My dudes, I cannot emphasize enough that the little girl's emotional attachment to the goat is in fact the least of the issues with this story. The main issue in this story is the fact that a bunch of cops broke multiple laws, including the unlawful entry to the property the goat was being held, the unlawful seizure and destruction of said goat, and the unlawful use of a criminal search warrant in a civil dispute case, just to start with.

The little girl owned the goat. At no point in the proceedings - and indeed at no point in the proceedings in the course of the normal auction-purchase-slaughter of a livestock animal in this program - did the fair own the goat. At no point in the proceedings did the person who successfully bid on the goat actually own it - he had made the winning bid to purchase rights to the meat. He hadn't even done that yet! The goat legally and incontrovertibly belonged to the little girl. The very worst that should have happened in this story is a brief property ownership dispute in a civil court.

The fair CEO decided to unlawfully force the auction of the goat, and, when the girl's mother began to dispute her actions, to make a false claim of theft, with precisely ZERO legal basis, calling the cops on an already emotionally fragile child, and then had the temerity to be angry with the child's mother because the story was making them look bad on social media.

Regardless of your opinion on the meat industry, livestock slaughter, or 4H, 'cops drive 500 miles, perform an illegal search, seizure and destruction of an American citizen's property, on the word of a biased 3rd party with zero legal rights to the property in question' should make you angry. Because it is a violation of civil rights, and also had no motive besides needless cruelty to an already grieving child.

[jazzybot4]

News to know: The next court update on this is sometime in October 2024. I'm watching this case because it covers a lot of different facets of how contracts work, minors rights, property rights in the face of law enforcement seizures and searches, and how does one county fair have so much brutality to wield against a then-nine-year-old. I would not be surprised if this gets bogged down again with more counter-suits. It's absolutely ghoulish that they're doing all this over less than 1000$ of goat and one little girls grief. I hope that the judge who sees this case knows just how dangerous it is to dismiss, since this is a matter of third-party property rights infringement using law enforcement agents as bludgeons. The Sheriffs *cannot* be allowed to maintain extrajudicial authority.

[listen-to-the-trees]

UPDATE:

GIRL WINS $300,000

After deputies took her pet goat to be butchered, girl wins $300,000 from Shasta County

Shasta County agreed to pay $300,000 to settle a lawsuit over a decision to use deputies to seize a girl's pet goat to be slaughtered. It's

[wizardshark]

A HAPPY ENDING

[ferrousferrule]

Ifyou read the legal filing, the county fair that initiated this whole thing was only entitled to $63 worth of the goats' sale price.

They paid over 4700x the money they would have made if the sale had gone through.

EDIT: I'm wrong. The COUNTY paid $300,000 for their overexuberant sheriffs.

The family still has a case out against the fair, who STILL HASNT TOLD THE COURT WHO CALLED THE SHERIFF.

[wetwareproblem]

There was a summary judgment in favor of the fair, which they are appealing.

Based on the timeline the family's attorneys put together in defense of a subpoena for his phone records, the person who actually called the cops was almost certainly Michael Flores, the Deputy Secretary for the California Dept of Agriculture. I base this on the fact that police involvement started after a call between Ms. Silva, the head of the fair, and Mr. Flores, and the fact that there's no entry in the timeline for a call to the police despite them having Ms. Silva's records at that time.

Either way, they know, as they have Mr. Flores's records now.

So yeah, people at every conceivable level conspired to fuck this girl up for daring to want to keep her goat as a pet.

[medusas-daughter]

The Creature calling itself Viktor and following Viktor around is so much more tragic when you know how babies develop and how newborns don't yet realise they and their mothers are two separate people. And one of the first things babies realise about themselves is that they're a whole separate person. And one of the first things they do when they start developing as a person is find out they have hands and play with them and with textures and start exploring. And when they want to start talking, they put their hands and fingers on their parents lips and throats to figure out how that sound is coming out of there and then they start imitating. Guillermo Del Toro nailed every single step of human development in such a beautiful celebration of life.

And Viktor abused the crap out of the poor creature for not being smart enough when it was only following natural developmental milestones. Because, like most men, like his own father, he wanted to create life but he wasn't interested in raising it beyond that and instead wanted it to be born a doctor ready to show the world how smart Viktor is for creating a carbon copy of his brain except in a stronger immortal body. Elizabeth gave him five minutes of love and let him explore how sounds come out of her mouth and he started talking.

Idk why some people are complaining about the movie being different from the book when the essence is literally the same, Viktor created life as if it were a godly feat and not something women have been doing since the dawn of humanity, and then he abandoned that life as deadbeat dads do. And that abandonment is what created a monster out of an innocent souls who could have become a beautiful being had it been nurtured. That's literally what Mary Shelley wrote. She would have been proud of this story. On top of being an incredibly gorgeous visual story, the narrative is very loyal to the point Shelley wanted to make.

[tokoyamisstuff]