#incorrect dcu quotes

[headcanonthings]

Jason: Timbit, are you ok? Are those painkillers I gave you working? Tim, high off the extra strength pills: If I put a milkshake in one yard and cracked open a cold one in another yard, where would the boys go? Jason: Tim, I- Tim: *grabs Jason by the shoulders and shakes them* WHERE WOULD THE BOYS GO?!

[hello-eden]

Favorite

Jason:Everyone knows demon brats favorite sibling is Golden Boy

Tim: it's kind of obvious

Dick: hey Damien who's your favorite

Damian: Stephanie 

Dick:What

Tim: this was unexpected

Jason: why is she your favorite demon brat

Damian: she turns the other way when I get a new animal and sometimes even helps.

Stephanie: I don't live here, I don't have to deal with it.

[ryemiffie]

Y'all know what's up, more quotes from my day as batfam incorrect quotes:

Tim: Ay, I forgot about that.

Dick: That you were a compulsive liar? How do you forget something like that?

Tim: Well I just lied to myself and said I wasn't, and I believed myself.

Dick: bruh..

Tim: I'm really good at this!

Dick: That is not the take-away!

[anothertimdrakestan]

*the bats arguing about the mission*

jason: why are we even listening to Mr. Capitalism over here? *gesturing at tim*

tim: what? that doesn't have anything to do wi-

jason: is it fun Mr. Monopoly? doing back flips over the picket fence line?

tim: there's no strike you buffoon and at least i don't sell DRUGS

jason: i should've known you don't support small businesses you corporate shill

tim: you don't run a small business.

jason: i sell a small amount of drugs to local customers at a fair price

steph: it's important to shop local, you know

tim: CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE MISSION?

[tiredlazyfrog]

Core 4 as conversations had in the car:

Tim: ah yes, tractor supply, with their kayaks

Kon: wtf do you mean kayaks?? At the tractor store?

Cassie: sometimes you gotta take your tractor out on a kayak, Kon. For enrichment.

Bart: never have I emotionally related to a tractor so much in my life.

Cassie: I’m sorry- did that commercial just say “we’ll find another being to bisect”?!

Tim: yep.

Kon: don’t worry it probably won’t be you- Tim’s a lot more fragile

Tim: EXCUSE ME

Bart: HE SAID YOU’RE A LOT MORE FRAGILE

Bart: behold: goth shed.

Kon: y’know, sometimes I worry about the mums on Mother’s Day.

Tim: is it because the crime rate goes down-

Kon: YES!! HOW MANY MOMS WOULD BE OUT THERE ROBBING BANKS IF THEY WERENT BEING WATCHED BY THEIR KIDS??

Cassie: statistically? A few.

[alien-slushie]

Why Constantine is no longer allowed to teach Young Justice anything

Warning: cussing

Constantine: Good morning class.

Young Justice: Good morning.

Constantine: Today we are going to what?

YJ: Watch a movie.

Constantine: And that movie is going to be what?

YJ: Either Atlantis the Lost Empire, Treasure Planet, or The Legend of Sinbad.

Constantine: Because why?

YJ: Because Disney Animation was really cooking with something during the late nineties, early two thousands and then they just kinda gave up for some reason.

Constantine: And I will be where while this is happening?

YJ: In the closet passively listening, but otherwise napping.

Consyantine: Because why?

YJ: Your hoe-ass is tired.

Constantine: You've all come a long way and I'm proud of you. Try not to screw eachother or die while I'm in there.

Kid Flash: Wait that first one was an option?

Constantine: And?

Kid Flash: I should do the second.

Constantine: Good boy.

[super-marvel-dc]

Roy: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

Y/N: No, that's not how you make cookies.

Jason: FLOOR IT!!

Roy: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?

Y/N: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-

Jason: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!

Roy: DO IT!

Y/N: NO-

[incorrect-waynemanor]

jason: oh, you're gonna kill me? REALLY?

jason: i’ve died so many times, my gravestone says BRB instead of RIP