#happy

Cheer-up blog filled with the most stupid and hilarious posts I find

[suckmyballshoney-main]

If you see me booping you don’t be scared you probably know me from @suckmyballshoney 💚

[suckmyballshoney-main]

gif anon here :)) thank you so much for your help !! that explains a lot and makes sense, so thank you for taking the time to send that and i hope you have a lovely day/night <33

Wish you a lovely day/night too anon 💙💙💙

[benevolentgentleman]

[leahstuff]

As a former band nerd, I can tell you that this instrument is finally being used as it should be :D

Also here’s a link to the entire song if you want it - there’s more silliness!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6vBezPo3T0

[viterbofangirl]

The slapstick guy is named Grant and according to a YouTube comment:

[calder]

vegans make peace with honey

no shut up do it

[calder]

vegans will pretend not to hear when natives tell them their agave products are unsustainable because they have whimsical feelings about, and i cannot stress this enough, the freedom of hive insects

Honey is literally murder but go off

[kasaron]

Prove it.

They literally puke their guts up to make your honey

[kasaron]

I have not seen any evidence tonsugges they are harmed or die in the process of production. They do regurgitate the nectar as part of the process to concentrate it into honey (an interesting process) but they do not suffer any injury during this process. If they did, the cost to produce honey, which is done naturally as a measure to survive over winter and through times of lower availability, would outweigh the benefits. If you kill several bees to produce enough honey to make one more bee, It makes no sense. Any animal that did that would die, even with human intervention.

Do you have any sources which suggest otherwise? I’d be interested to hear of this (relatively publicly available) information was false or misunderstood.

Bee farmers use whats called a honey maker. It’s a crude devices. It similar to a meat grinder. They force the bees in and grind them up. What comes out is a paste. That paste is later filtered into what we know as honey

[hematite2]

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read

[leonardo-nierman]

@zoologicallyobsessed please show us pics of your bee grinder

[gemstone-gynoid]

they might be falsely thinking about a honey extractor machine. but all these do is you place the beehive frames inside and a motor rotates it at a speed that removes the honey, which is then tapped through a tap at the bottom. 

[darkenedyeastextract]

…do they think they put bees in that and spin them around until they vomit…?

[demonius-darkblade]

bee carnival

[yeah-yeah-beebiss-1]

bad and naughty bees get put into the b e e c e n t r i f u g e to extract their honey

[bastlynn]

Vegans coming after beekeepers is one of my major teeth grinding annoyances. For many reasons, because there’s so many lies. And to go one step further because it’s such a waste. You see, the strongest vegan argument is that they don’t want to exploit animals or take from them without their consent.

… but… Bees consent. NO. I’M NOT KIDDING.

How? Bee hives aren’t kept on leashes. They’re outside, the bees can travel miles every day. They follow their queen. Who is also outside, not on a leash, and can travel miles every day. If she doesn’t like the hive for any reason - for example: it got too hot, too cold, too messy, too filled with sugary stuff and they need more space… then the queen leaves. And with her the hive.

The queen stays in the hive because the hive is the best place to live. Period. Done. End of. If the hive is staying with the beekeeper it’s because the keeper is doing their job correctly and keeping them happy because the bees can, and do, leave bad beekeepers.

Of all the animals we have domesticated as livestock, bees are the ones you can most easily argue are consenting participants in their keeping.

[alicentsgf]

[mystical-mew]

Here it is. The bee post is back

[ronniebunnie]

Hunny is good 4 u

[arcticfoxbear]

Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving. 

[arafaelkestra]

To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.

[radioactivepeasant]

Earth being Space Australia Words cannot express how much I love these posts

[crazy-pages]

Alien: “I’m sorry, what did you just say your comfortable temperature range is?”

Human: “Honestly we can tolerate anywhere from -40 to 50 Celcius, but we prefer the 0 to 30 range.”

Alien: “……. I’m sorry, did you just list temperatures below freezing?”

Human: “Yeah, but most of us prefer to throw on scarves or jackets at those temperatures it can be a bit nippy.” 

Other human: “Nah mate, I knew this guy in college who refused to wear anything past his knees and elbows until it was -20 at least.”

Human: “Heh. Yeah everybody knows someone like that.”

Alien: “……. And did you also say 50 Celcius? As in, half way to boiling?”

Human: “Eugh. Yes. It sucks, we sweat everywhere, and god help you if you touch a seatbelt buckle, but yes.” 

Alien: “……. We’ve got like 50 uninhabitable planets we think you might enjoy.” 

[val-ritz]

“You’re telling me that you have… settlements. On islands with active volcanism?” “Well, yeah. I’m not about to tell Iceland and Hawaii how to live their lives. Actually, it’s kind of a tourist attraction.” “What, the molten rock?” “Well, yeah! It’s not every day you see a mountain spew out liquid rocks! The best one is Yellowstone, though. All these hot springs and geysers from the supervolcano–” “You ACTIVELY SEEK OUT ACTIVE SUPERVOLCANOES?” “Shit, man, we swim in the groundwater near them.”

[wuestenratte]

Sounds like the “Damned” trilogy by Alan Dean Foster.

[networkentertainment-offici-blog]

“And you say the poles of your world would get as low as negative one hundred with wind chill?” 

“Yup, with blizzards you cant see through every other day just about.”

“Amazing! when did you manage to send drones that could survive such temperatures?”

“… well, actually…”

“… what?”

“…we kinda……. sent……….. people…..”

“…”

“…”

“…what?”

“we sent-”

“no yeah I heard you I just- what? You sent… HUMANS… to a place one hundred degrees below freezing?”

“y-yeah”

“and they didn’t… die?”

“Well the first few did”

“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?”

[arcticfoxbear]

My new favorite Humans are Weird quote

“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE?”

aka The History of Russia

aka Arctic Exploration

aka The History of Alaska

[unicornempire]

Being from Alaska, this was sort of how I felt going to college in the lower 48′s and learned that no one else had been put through a literal survival camp as a regular part of their school curriculum, including but not limited to:

1. Learning to recognize all forms of animal tracks in the wild so you can avoid bears and moose and search out rabbits and other small animals to eat.

2. Extensive swimming and climbing on glacial pieces with competitions to see who could last the longest, followed by a group sit in the sauna so we wouldn’t get hypothermia (no, not kidding, I really did this many times as a kid!)

3. How to navigate using the stars to get back to civilization.

4. How to select the right type of moss from the trees to start a fire with damp wood (because, y’know, you’re in a field of snow. Nothing is dry.)

5. How to carve out a small igloo-like space to sleep in the snow to preserve body heat and reduce the windchill so you won’t freeze to death in the arctic.

[reformed-roark]

“I’m telling you, I don’t think we need to worry about territory conflicts with the humans. You know all those deathtrap hell-worlds in the Argoth Cluster?” “Those worthless rocks? Yeah.” “80% of them are considered ‘resort destinations’ by those freaky little primates.”

[down-sizing-deactivated20180211]

“I’m telling you, they terraform for fun!” “Don’t be ridiculous” “No, seriously. Some of their most celebrated cultural loci are built on swamps. They have an entire city that is literally in a body of water. Not, like, an artificial pontoon city, they literally sunk the foundations into water. For Grilp’s sake, they build elaborate structures out of frozen water AND THEN SLEEP IN THEM.” “Dear Thilak. Think we could get them to terraform our moons?” “Psh, they’d probably pay for the privilege.”

[galaxystew]

Eventually, it occurs to someone that humans are the perfect terraforming shock troops, as it were. They think it’s fun to be sent to horrible planets! They’re really good at surviving and then taming them! All you have to do is sit back and wait until the planet is habitable, and then move there yourself! It’s genius.

It only takes one try before the reality of the situation sets in: human definitions of ‘taming’ and ‘habitable’ are woefully incomplete.

“Why did you not eliminate the venomous plant life?” Grahssk’ti moans, clutching one limb.

“Those?” The human laughs. “Why bother? They’re not that bad. And they eat the mosquitoes.”

Grahssk’ti shudders. The ‘mosquitoes’ are… not to be mentioned. Just one swarm of them caused a landing shuttle to crash three planetary daylights ago.

“And the acid storms? Why did you not warn us of them?”

“I mean, they’re annoying,” the human says, shrugging, “but we figured the cool sunsets made up for it.”

Grahssk’ti flails helplessly. “What about the ten-meter tall Fanged Death Bringers? They can eliminate an entire settlement in under an hour!”

“They’re so cute!” the human says, brightening. “Have you met mine? Her name is Spot!”

[exvind]

Humans are told of some planet or region of space that is considered “completely and utterly inhospitable - it would be folly to try and settle there.”

Without fail, a decent number make it a point to settle there because “Fuck You That’s Why.” It doesn’t matter how uneconomical it is, how difficult the conditions are, how utterly ridiculous it may seem, there will be at least one human who will attempt to do it only because someone else regardless of species says it is improbable or WORSE impossible. 

“This moon is still forming as such it is primarily soft - by that I mean most of the magma is close to the surface and-” ‘OH BADASS you mean its like Mustafar right!?!?!?! I’m totally going to build a castle there.’ “What. I mean. There is NO fertile ground there whatsoever. No ecosystem. It is molten rock and minerals only.” ‘Which will make my castle there look METAL AS FUCK am I RIGHT!?!??! Come on. COME ON. I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO FISTBUMP COME ON.’ “….you….you are going to die, you know this right?” ‘I’m getting the feeling you don’t want to come to Lava Castle for some reason?’

[strangenewclassrooms]

“Listen, lad. I’ve built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was molten magma. All those aliens said I was daft to build a castle on a molten planet, but I built it all the same, just to show ‘em. It sank into the magma. So, I built a second one. That sank into the magma. So I built a third one. That spontaneously combusted, turned to ash, then sank into the magma. But the fourth one stayed up. An’ that’s what your gonna get, lad – the strongest castle in this solar system.”

[lochtayboatsong]

“I’m gonna need for you to explain ‘hurricane parties’ to me again.  You humans have the technology to track these apocalyptic storms of wind and rain and predict where on the landmass they’ll hit up to a week in advance.  And you…have social gatherings during them?”

“Well yeah, but only up to about Category 3 strength.  Then it’s time to pack the car and head inland for most people, although a few hardy souls stick around and ride them out.”

“Oh good.  Category 3 is what again?  Winds up to 75 kilometers per hour?”

“No no, Category 3 starts at 175 kilometers per hour.  You left off the one.”

[onnastik]

I’m sure I’ve reblogged some version of this before, but I needed the STRONGEST CASTLE IN THIS SOLAR SYSTEM on my blog.

[antigonesghosts]

“This planet is so cool!”

“It’s a planet completely made of ice.”

“Yeah! Let’s send some scientists! Or I could be the youngest person there!”

“You’d die, it’s below freezing level!”

“But the blizzards are so pretty!”

“The storms of dEATH ARE NOT PRETTY!”

[darker-than-darkstorm]

“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?”

“No, of course not.  Nobody ‘sent’ anyone, they just went up there on their own.”

“They WHAT?”

[human-portalz]

Oh my fuck nuggets, the actual thread

[thesaltofcarthage]

these are absolutely some of my favorite threads on tumblr.

[daisy-rivers]

“And these spiral wind funnels are so powerful, they can move large objects around?”

“Oh, hell, yeah, I saw one toss railroad boxcars right into a cornfield.”

“Cornfield? This occurs in areas where there is agriculture?”

“Sure, it’s good farmland. Of course, there are towns and cities there too …”

“Wait, your people build their residences in the spiral-wind-funnel area of the planet?”

“Yup, we call it Tornado Alley.”

“Mm, right, good to know. Gorkle, one to beam up.”

[authorbettyadams]

“Humans are Weird: I Have the Data”

Book 1

Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08RSVHL81

Lees verder

[huggiebird]

Something people forget to add is this:

Aliens: this planet has a lot of water. You can’t live here. Therevis no land.

The Dutch: Psss- Don’t worry. We know how to fix this.

Aliens: ??

The Dutch: *create land from the sea.* Tada! Habitable land~ :)

[marlynnofmany]

To add to the book above, which is one author’s bits and snippets on the subject, there’s the Humans Wanted anthology (with Jody Lynn Nye!):

And we can’t forget the one I put together, along with the internet’s best and brightest!  We’re the Weird Aliens

Keep on rockin’, you glorious space orcs. We’re getting some fantastic stories from it all.

[stepfordgoth]

GREETINGS FELLOW NOSTALGIA MEME ENTHUSIAST!

YOU HAVE NOW SCROLLED DOWN FAR ENOUGH OVER THE YEARS TO FIND THE LUCKY LAZER OF GOOD LUCK

LIKE to CHARGE MAH LAZER

REBLOG to FIRE MAH LAZER

IGNORE to LE EPIC FAIL

[maximumsunshine]

Let me get this straight because I've only seen memes and am piecing this together as i go, but i think i figured out what's happening.

Tumblr is advertising the tumblr app, on the tumblr app, using a photo of a guy in a Pikachu cosplay, because that's what they think it will take to successfully sell this app, to people whom already use it?

But now the ball shaving ad is gone? Or is that one still in the mix?

[makoredeyes]

[makoredeyes]

It’s real and your timing was uncanny

[maximumsunshine]

Ok. Why is tumblr advertising tumblr on tumblr though? What happens when you click the ad?

[maximumsunshine]

*sigh*

I suppose shit like this is why tumblr gave us the option to turn ads back on. Hold on. I'll be back after i experiment.

[maximumsunshine]

I'm getting plenty of ads. Real actual ads. Mattress firm. Burger King. Walmart. Actual ads. No weird Pikachu man. What is even going on here? Is he just a very infrequent ad? Is he a tumblr ploy by @staff to get those of us whom pay to be ads free to turn on ads so we can see him? Is he am actual facts ad for ads free tumblr and already being ads free means you don't get the ads free tumblr ad? I have more questions, not fewer!

[makoredeyes]

I CLICKED THE LINK And

I’m

[desasterdan]

The weirdest part is, when you click on the ad from someone who reblogged it, it sends you to a blog with just the word 'help' on it

[maximumsunshine]

What?!? No. What??!

[ewaneneollav]

somebody once trolled me, successfully rickroll’d me

[inc4rn4t]

im not the sharpest n00b in the thread…

[petitescarlette]

I was typing kind of dumb WITH THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON ON.

[crearuru]

i bet u thought this post was finally dead

[adrithegreat]

well the memes start coming, and they dont stop coming

[ginandmisadventures]

grabbing all the breadsticks, I’ll leave the shop running

[skeletonwheel-deactivated201910]

didn’t make sense not to live for

gun

[phoenixflorid]

your left side’s beef but your pizza none

[lordsherlokimort]

So much to post so much to see so much John Cena on my live feed

[odditycollector]

very meme, such impress. how u learn these knows. so amaze. wow.

[autisticvimes-deactivated201612]

HEY NOW

[nickyofthestars]

YOU’RE A MEME STAR

Get the rarest. PEPE!

[one-in-lemillion]

HEY NOW

HERE COME DAT BOI

O shit. Waddup.

[riddle-me-bitch]

And that dress was white and gooold

[ericvilas]

Everybody craves those mineralllllls.

[letteredlettered]

[bakabun-deactivated20230829]

this is it. this is the best post on this hell site.

[stellarsappho]

I sang the whole thing

[smooththegoofyshark]

It’s the post

[insubstantialsherbert]

i thought this was just a myth

[isa-ghost]

I sang it and I hate my life

[graffiticraft-junk]

I sang it oh fuck

[that-ghost-in-the-corner]

GRAB THE BREADSTICKS AND RUN

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

[bogleech]

This is a lupin III episode whose English dub title was “but your brother was such a nice guy”

[unclerippuascension]

let’s go back to the vampire twin sister of jesus christ for a second i havent fully processed that part yet

[thememedaddy]

me irl

[thevioletcaptain]

if i can just add–

[everythingfox]

Whisking whisker

(via)

[beardedmrbean]

[catchymemes]

[veter-dan]

This is the content that keeps me on this site 24/7

[kingscrown666]

Table tennis

[randombubblegum]

i think ive accidentally joined a volcano rp group where we rp as volcanoes on tumblr. im having beef with vesuvius. do you have any advice

can you believe this website is free to use

[fullhalalalchemist]

giving ur tumblr out to ur real life friends is something wild like facebook and twitter and snapchat is pretty neutral but once they see your posts about how much u want to suck werewolf dick on tumblr.com they look at u in a different light like wow #judgemental much??

[saltierthanpearl]

You want to do what now?

[fullhalalalchemist]

wow #judgemental much???

[xanthicantag]

@kidzbopdeathgrips

[everythingbutlarry-deactivated2]

AU: President Obama falls for part white house intern part rockstar Harry Styles. Obama surprises Harry in the audience of one of his shows and the affair blossoms from there.

[tsarcasm-deactivated20180922]

Please get this off my dashboard right now immediately

[airframeextender]

this is the best post on this website

[delphinidin4]

[a-game-is-the-foot]

[crystal-leopards]

these are still the most hilarious

[thecoolradcoffin]

hope this explains it

[invaderxan]

it does and I hate it, thank you