#incorrect batman

[incorrect-waynemanor]

bruce: damn it, jason!

tim: jason’s not home

bruce: force of habit. damn it, tim!

tim: nice try, but it wasn’t me either

bruce: what? then who left the warehouse door unlocked?

cass, halting outside the kitchen:

[lex-luther-baldy-boi]

Bruce: Stop looking at your phone so much. You know they program those apps to capture your attention by giving you rapid fire hits of dopamine, right?

Clark: *Is posting homemade memes of Krypto to his IG story* Huh - what?

Bruce: The phone. It's bad for your brain.

Clark: But everyone needs to see this picture of Krypto in his Halloween costume!!! I can't log off now...

Bruce:

Bruce: Okay, show me the picture.

Clark: *Grinning like an idiot as he passes Bruce his phone*

Bruce: ...Yeah, spread that shit like wildfire on the internet.

[bookspined-batman]

Bruce: Alfred, am I a bad person?

Alfred, mishearing “BAT” person: Why, yes, Master Bruce. I assumed you’d pieced two and two together.

Bruce, in shock and contemplation: Do you think I’m capable of change?

Alfred, mishearing “do you think I’m cape-able and strange”: I mean, I suppose so.

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Jason: Fight me, you nerd ass punk!

Bruce: At least TRY to sound sophisticated, when you threaten someone.

Jason: Dost thou wish to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Bruce: Somehow, that was WORSE.

[jubileesstuff]

Clark: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look?

Bruce: Like its slips on and off really easily.

Clark:

Bruce: No, I didn't mean it like that-

Diana: We know what you meant.

[acryingspider]

Peter Parker: "If I had a nickel, for everytime a billionaire playboy, who is also a superhero specialising in tech, wanted to adopt me, I would have 2 nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."

Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne: *Discussing custody in the background*

Alfred staring into the camera The Office Style: "When is it gonna end?"

[goomseontheloomse]

Jervis: [fiddling around with an invention, using a soldering iron]

Crane: [enters]

Jervis: [sets iron down in just the wrong position]

Crane: this time, it was not my intention to disturb you.

Jervis: nonsense. the March Hare is always welcome to my domain.

Crane: [looking wistfully at the workbench]

Jervis: Apologies for the mess. Had I known you'd be around for tea, I would have cleaned.

Crane: oh, no, it's not that. it's just. your bench is on fire.

Jervis: [nods sagely] my bench is on fire.

Jervis: [realizes, turns around].

Jervis: MY BENCH. IS ON FIRE!!!

[tmnt-queen-og]

Batman: Violence isn't the answer.

Hood: You're right.

Batman: *sighs in relief*

Hood: Violence is the question.

Batman: What?

Hood, bolting away: And the answer is yes.

Batman, running after him: NO-