Heya! Meg here! Your all-suportive aroace gal! And this is my story!!
I went through the classic transformation:
slightly homophobic → accepter → ally → queer af
I was the "I don't care as long as you don't show that to children" type of h0m0ph0bic
One of the last cases I remember myself posting homophobic comments was when the news of a possible Frozen 2 had started circulating around internet and almost everyone wanted Elsa to be a canon lesbian.
15 year old me was "worried about little kids". I commented something like, 'We can't do that. Kids have always been taught that the prince gets the princess. What if they ask questions?'
Unlike many haters nowadays, I had the good luck of encountering a kind lady, who saw my comment and patiently explained that kids can be taught everything, that diversity is a good thing and all. She didn't critize me, or use harsh words. If she had been rude to me, like allies are often to haters, I might have grown bitter and never discovered my true self. I'll never forget you, nice woman!
But, what truly transformed me into a raging ally was the #loveislove. I had seen the hashtag many times before. But one day, I saw it on a post and just kind of stared at it in awe. I remember thinking, "I'm an idiot. I'm a a-hole. Who do I think I am??? Hating people that are in love? Wanting to stop them from being in love?? Aren't I always going on about how love is the most sublime feeling and everything? How are queer people any different?"
After that, I educated myself. I started reading on LGBTQ+ community, learning things I never knew I never knew (reference intended) and becoming a true ally and supporter.
It didn't take much time after that to learn that I wasn't just an ally. I was part of the community, of this huge family that I had been protecting. My people, where I felt truly accepted and understood.
Finding out I was in the ace and aro spectrum was the biggest step towards accepting and cherishing myself for who I am. And I hope that I can be as much help to questioning kids as I want to be.
So yes, I'm aroace and proud! My pronouns are whatever you guys feel like calling me, even nor/mal. (In your face, haters)
I will not tolerate any type of hate or invalidation towards anyone. My blog is a safe space for everyone, no matter how "convoluted" your gender or orientation might be. Allos are pleaded not to be offended by my often hostile-looking posts. Just because I'm sex-repulsed, doesn't mean you're not valid. I love you all!
At first I was like, "Why is the rainbow our symbol? That sounds stolen, can't the community come up with something original?"
Now it's just, "H̴̟͛e̴͍̽͝h̶̹̺̔é̷̡̳h̷̫̔͝ȇ̷̖̋h̷̖̚e̵̻͑̆ḧ̶̛̻́ê̸̡͈̑h̸̢̙͊̎e̷̛̺h̶͚͒̚ 🌈rainbows are gæ✨💅 die mad haters"
I just went through the most exhausting debate online. It was my fault, I should've just blocked all of them from the beginning.
I swear if I get one more reply, I'm deleting that comment altogether.
Long story short, someone replied to a comment of mine with "maybe they have seggs every night". (You don't need the context, just that.)
To which I replied with, "every night? yikes"
Now a person replied to that with, "why yikes?"
And I said, "well that's gotta hurt, right? give you rashes or smth?"
And they were like, "nope. what kind of seggs have you had that gave you a rash?"
Naturally, I responded with, "oh no, I'm asexual so no smex for me, I was just making an assumption that sounds logical to me"
And this as*hole of a person says, "plenty of asexuals have seggs, don't use that excuse"
Which bewildered me to no bounds. I said, "huh? Yeah I already know that some asexuals have seggs? That's not the point here"
After that, it was basically me and them going back and forth the same bullsh¡t, other people joining in.
That first person kept saying that I shouldn't say "I'm sex-repulsed because I'm ace", when I never said that. And even if I did, so what? I would've probably had seggs if I hadn't found out I'm asexual so there's definitely a correlation there.
Was I in the wrong? Is it illegal for me to say that seggs is overrated and gross to me? Should I just keep my mouth shut and only talk freely in our safe spaces instead?
I was remembering how earlier this year I was using the labels "homoromantic asexual" or "ace lesbian" to describe myself. For a few months, those labels helped me understand the lesbian experience and how I related to it and ultimately to know if I was really a lesbian or not. I knew I was asexual and I was sure of that part of me, but... romantic attraction was always more complicated to understand bc I didn't know if I had felt it or not.
I was sure that I didn't feel attracted to men at all (romantically or sexually) but women... it had me wondering; aesthetic attraction and all haha. Hence, why the lesbian label helped me understand that. I came to understand that I do experience platonic and emotional attraction very strongly towards women/female aligned people but it has never been romantic in nature. Eventually, I learned I'm an aromantic asexual person. I've never experienced romantic attraction and I had mistook it for platonic attraction towards my similar gender all along. I had never desired a romantic partner either, it was more of the idea of one. But I've never felt that desire directed at someone specific, regardless of gender.
I guess I'm writing this for anyone out there that needs it: it's okay to be confused, it's okay to be wrong and think you're x when you're actually z. It's okay to try on different labels and find the ones that describe your experience better, the ones that you're comfortable with. It's okay. I promise 🤍
My crush on that one girl faded over the holidays and when I realized, I was baffled for a moment. That had never happened before.
But looking back at my "feelings", I realized I was right every time I said it wasn't a crush. It truly wasn't.
I just admire that girl A LOT, I still do. But those weren't romantic feelings nor seggsual attraction. It was just me "forcing" myself to put those unnamed emotions into a perfectly labeled box, as per usual.
Plus, I have a history of always having someone to "obsess over" in order to excuse myself for not paying attention in class or to procrastinate stuff I'm supposed to be doing.
Truth is, I'm way happier when I'm "crush-free" and not thinking of someone at all. I wish I could uninstall this need to have "an object of affection" when I just don't want to have it.
OP is right. It's okay to think that you've finally found the labels that suit you and later to realize that they don't fit as well as you thought. It's okay to skim through multiple labels until you find the right one(s). Or not. Deciding to stay sans-label isn't a bad thing either.
Good thing queer exists, I use it for more often than you think 😂
