Reporter, approaches Bruce: Looking handsome as ever, Mr. Wayne. Do you have a date tonight?
Bruce, smiles: Yes, indeed I do. The most beautiful dates.
Reporter shrugs it off because that's the usual for Bruce Wayne, right?
and it's Lian and Steph and Cass' adopted daughter coming out of the car wearing sparkling red and purple dresses.
Bruce, grins: My granddaughters.
Bruce holds both of their hands and they enter the area together, both girls giggling and smiling for the cameras.
Reporters and paparazzi are left in awe.
2.
Bruce, exiting the Manor, rubs his temples: Great. I forgot my glasses. Again.
Timkon's son, suddenly flying beside Bruce: I'll get it, Grandpa!
Jondami's son, also flying beside Bruce's other side: No, l shall do it, Grandfather!
Timkon's son: I was here first!
Jondami's son, rolls his eyes: You're slow for a Kryptonian.
Bruce: Boys, no need to-
then they both fly around the house to find Bruce's glasses.
Bruce, sighs and smiles: What am I but an old man.
3.
Bruce is currently (trying) to make some pancakes, and the kitchen is a huge mess.
Birdflash's son: Uh. I take it back, Grandpa, two pancakes are enough for me, not ten.
Dukeizzy's daughter: We could have helped you, Grandpa. Now, Great Grandpa Alfie will not be happy.
Bruce, turns to his grandkids who are by the door: He's going to kick our butts, huh?
both of the kids nod.
Bruce: Well, how about some pizza?
Birdflash's son: I'll buy, I'll buy!
Dukeizzy's daughter: Take me, please.
Bruce, hands them money: Be careful, okay?
but they're gone already by the time Bruce blinks.
Bruce, shakes his head fondly: Speedsters, am I right?
bonus:
Gotham newspaper headlines goes: "Batman seen with young heroes on rooftop. Is Batman leading the group? Young Justice League or Kids Titans?"
it's basically just Batman with a young speester wearing a Kid Flash suit but with Nightwing's domino mask, Lian in a Speedy suit, Tim and Kon's son in a Superboy suit, Steph and Cass' daughter in a Batgirl suit, Duke and Izzy's daughter and Damian and Jon's son in Robin suits.
and it's just all of them enjoying some Batburgers while their parents are lurking behind the shadows to witness the scene.
So this is Batcow fan account, and I shall starting earning that title now.
Batcow is the greatest matchmaker to ever live. She is the reason for the batfamilys continuing sanity and relationship status. The Manor functions because of Alfred and Batcow.
How, you ask? How does a bovine save superhero and vigilante love lives? Why does a cow hold that much power? Dear sweet child, Batcow Is, that is how. But some quick examples of her her brilliance follow:
Dickory
Batcow is how Dick wins Kory back after a spectacular fight that almost breaks them up. Dick is upset and takes it out by arguing with Bruce and then walking around the Manor Gardens to cool off where he notices Batcow has somehow inexplicably ended up on the roof of the Manor. She looks unharmed, but there is no way for her to get down.
Dick panics because if anything happens to that cow, Damian will murder everyone in the house and fight Ras himself to get her to a Lazarus Pit. So after a moment or two of trying to think of a way out of this. He does what he usually does when his back is against the wall, and his life is on the line. He calls Kory.
After listening to him explain, she flies over and air-lifts Batcow off the roof. Where Dick promptly falls to his knees in front of this literal Queen and apologies for being a stubborn ass. Kory laughs and kisses him. Dick brings Bat Cow treats for weeks after.
JayRoy
Jason has been pining after Roy for months, possibly years, but can't find the right way to see if they could be anything more than friends. If they get together, he is in this for the long haul, not just for Roy but Lian too. So, instead of communicating like a normal person, he starts a silent campaign of proving he is Step Dad Material.
All of his attempts somehow backfire. Lian loves him, but Roy has no kitchen left and thought they both died twice. (He still lets Jason watch her, though. JASON IS OBLIVIOUS) So he is looking for child safe activities that don't involve bedtime stories(Lian prefers his over Roy's already), and then Damian remarks how friendly his pets are with civilians in his never ending pursuit of getting Bruce to allow him to patrol with his pets. And Jason knows exactly what to do. Why go to a petting zoo when he has one in the Manors backyard?
(They are still banned from the actual zoo. That penguin was fine. Eventually.)
So he brings Roy and Lian over to the Manor, and Alfred sets up lunch on the grass. Lian loves batcow and the rest of Damians' menagerie. She is so happy that after hours of cuddling and feeding the animals that she throws herself into Jason's arms and says, "Thank you, Pops! Can we come back tomorrow? Pretty please?" Jason tears up, and Roy smiles. He also asks him on a date so he can make it official. (Roy isn't as happy when he finds out about the Dragons on their next visit.)
Jason gives Lian a Batcow plushie when he adopts her a few years later.
TimBer/ Timbernkon
Tim hesitates to kiss Bernard and later Kon for so long that Batcow steps up to help him.
Tim after hours of too little sleep and too much angst . He goes to vent to the cow because she's good company and won't spill his secrets to anyone. One of these chats was interrupted by a worried Bernard looking for this boyfriend after he disappeared from his office.
Bernard loves Batcow, and seeing him act so adoring to her makes any doubt he had fly away. Because Bernard looks at him in almost the same way so he leans in and finally kisses him properly. They end up making out a little and get caught by Alfred, who came to feed Batcow her dinner.
When Tim and Bernard introduce Kon to Batcow, after a few weeks of trying to convince him to date them, Batcow full on body checks him into Bernard, and they accidentally kiss as Kon avoids crushing him. Tim pouts until Kon kisses him, too.
Bernard now visits Batcow at least once a week and bonds with Damian over her.
BatCat
They didn't know Batcow was pregnant or how she even got pregnant, until one day she went into Labour.
Damian is a mess and enlists Selinas' help because she has been around so many cat births. She tries to tell him a cow is completely different, but Damian is desperate and won't take no for an answer. Silena and Damian stay with Batcow, brushing and encouraging her until Batcalf is born.
Damian falls in love at first sight, and Silena has a realisation and suddenly blurts out that she thinks she might be pregnant while looking over the newborn. Damian doesn't react for a moment, and Silena fears the worst until he starts tearing up a little and asks rather shakily, "Does that mean I'll be a big brother?" Silena hugs him and tells him he will be the best big brother and doesn't comment on the tears that soak her shirt.
They tell Bruce together, first about Batcalf and then about the baby. (He is stunned, and Damian tells him off for his response because his silence is upsetting Silena and "She needs little to no stress in her condition, Father!")
Damian and the Cows follow Silena like shadows during her pregnancy (she doesn't ask how Batcow gets into the house and Bruce is too upset about how his son and his pets are doing a better job than him at being supportive to notice how Bat Calf sleeps on Damians bed.)
Damian is the first, after her parents, to hold Helena Wayne. He gives her two Cow plushies she carries everywhere for years.
StephCass
Batcow goes missing while Damian is on a mission, Stephanie is meant to be watching her, as Alfred is away as well. AND SHE LOST THE COW. Damian is going to kill her. Not even Cass could save her.
Then she realises, Cass! Cass will find Batcow, if anyone can, Cass, the most competent person ever, will.
So Cass and Steph spend hours searching everywhere they can think of until it starts to rain. And Cass looks so good with wet hair and rain drops sticking to her lashes that she can't help just kiss her. (They might die tomorrow if they don't find the cow anyway, so YOLO). Cass kisses back and asks, 'What took her so long?'
Batcow is on the roof on the Manor. They call Kara to come get her. No one knows how she ended up there, but they all agree never to tell Damian.
Duke/Izzy
Apparently, 'Do you want to go see my crazy family's pet cow?' is a ridiculous way to ask a girl out. But it made Izzy laugh so hard she says yes anyway.
Duke gives Batcow extra attention ever since and sends Izzy regular updates on her 'Adventures'.
Jondami
Batcow, like in the supersons movie, is one of the first things Jon and Damian bond over. Jon comes over to help Damian with his pets regularly, and that is how their partnership develops to friendship and then something more.
Then, Batcow gets sick, and Damian panics hard. (He has contingencies in place if she dies, but if he can prevent that, he will.) Damian calls for Jon for the first time ever, and Jon is there in Minutes. Damian is in tears and hugging his cow like a giant teddy bear when he arrives. He's never seen Damian look so....human. They investigate what is hurting Batcow and Jon figures out she's pregnant AGAIN, this time possibly with twins.
Damian is so relieved that he hugs Jon. It's the first time Damian has touched him willingly outside of training and missions. They are both teenagers at this point, and its like Jons whole world tilts on its axis. Righting itself to centre on the boy in his arms, a boy who is so kind and lovely, despite all the reasons he shouldn't be. Damian fits under his chin, and suddenly, Jon knows he would do anything to make him happy, to keep in his arms where Jon can protect him. Jon knows Damian can protect himself and has done so hundreds of times, but Jon wants to be the one he calls when he's scared, and based on tonight, he already is.
Damian pulls back too soon, and Jon, instead of pulling him into another hug, kisses him. Best of all, Damian kisses him back.
Duke catches them, and they swear him to secracy with the agreement that he can bring Izzy over when the new calves are born.
They still don't know how Batcow got pregnant, but they name the calves Supercow and Wondercow because Lian insisted. (Jon and Damian laugh at Bruce's face when they introduce him to the new members of the family.)
Batcow deserves an award for her service. For now, she and her children are spoiled rotten.
That sudden inexplicable urge to write a next gen batfam fic with TimKon clone babies (MULTIPLE), JayRoy babies (Lian + other kids they took in frm the streets), BirdFlash kids (MORE ADOPTION), DukeIzzy's lil baby, StephCass's adopted babies and/or they find Steph’s baby again, and DamiJon asking Tim to help clone them
And Bruce being that awesome grandad who can't help but give in to his kids' every wish. Like literally. You want a candy? Have three. You want an XBOX? Bruce bought the whole company. You want a life-size Barbie dream house? BAM it's yours now and your parents are freaking out
AND to make it even better, TimBerKon. First baby is Tim and Kon's, made during that time when Kon died, second one is Bern and Kon's, made a few years into their relationship. I just think that'd be neat yk
Y'all need to hop the fuck unto this fic y'all it has Duke & Izzy pulling an Avengers Assemble level pull up on Joker, pretty much calling every WAR member in the area to jump the fuck out of him in defence of Barbara. Duke legit beat on him with a crowbar, called Bruce a coward to his face for not letting someone put Joker in the ground & full on told him that if Joker ever escapes again he will most def put him in the ground himself.
It features Duke being allowed to be angry without having to tone it down because Bruce feels bad, Babs getting comfort from the girls (Cass, Steph, Kate) due to getting a panic attack from seeing Joker, Bruce getting verbally reamed & Also there are Dukeizzy crumbs & Jason & Duke brotherism
